


Life in Kirkwall

by DietCokeofEvil



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Divorce, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Miscarriage, Post Trespasser, Rape, Smut, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:23:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 122,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DietCokeofEvil/pseuds/DietCokeofEvil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laurel Trevelyan moves to Kirkwall after being left by her husband.  Garrett Hawke came back to Kirkwall after Weisshaupt, only to be abandoned by Isabela when he wants a quieter life and a family.  Laurel is still haunted by her past, her parents, and Warden Surana- can she move on and find love again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> A few quick notes. I had a good portion of this written before I went back and watched Varric's conversation at Halamshiral during Trespasser that Hawke was still at Weisshaupt at the time of the Exalted Council. I didn't want to change everything up, so this has mild canon divergence.  
> I have to point out that I got some of the ideas for this from LackofPatience's fabulous stories about Cullen and Surana- they are very well written and very tough to read (in a good way).

Varric waited as the pale, silent young woman came down the gangplank and stepped onto the dock.  He approached her wordlessly, pulling her into his arms, holding her to him for a long moment.  “Welcome to Kirkwall, Sissy,” he murmured in her ear.  She stood up and looked around her, nodding.  “Come on, let’s get you home.”  Varric had some of his people gather her bags as he took her by the arm and led her to her new home.

“Varric, where’s your crown?” Laurel Trevelyan asked as they walked.  She had wanted to see him in a crown since she had found out he was the Viscount- but he hadn’t brought it to the Winter Palace, much to her disappointment. 

Varric chuckled.  “I only wear it when I need to- it detracts from my chest hair.”  They continued walking arm in arm until they reached a large house in High Town.  “Here you go Comtesse,” Varric said as he opened the door for her.  He took her on a tour of her new home and introduced her to the Elven servant that Hawke’s servant Orana had found.  “Sissy, this is Leena.  She’ll be around to cook and clean amongst other things.  Don’t worry- her salary is taken care of.”  Varric said.  After Leena had left to take care of her duties, Varric and Laurel were left alone.

He smiled at her as Laurel walked around the room, looking at and touching the various items she saw.  “What do you think?” he asked her.  “I know it’s not much compared to Skyhold, but it’s what we have in Kirkwall. And it’s yours as long as you want it. I’ll have the boys bring the bags up to whatever room you pick out.  I thought you would have brought more.”

Laurel stood with her remaining arm clutching her stump as she faced away from Varric.  “It’s lovely, Varric.  Thank you. I can’t tell you what this means...” She stood there dumbly for a few minutes.  Varric just let her take her time.  He knew the last few months had been hard on her, and he wanted to give her what she needed, whether that be space or a friendly ear.  She turned around, tears in her eyes.  “This is real isn’t it?” she asked him. “My marriage is over?”

Varric nodded silently.  “I’m sorry, Sissy.  But I guess it is.”  He walked over to her as she stood numbly staring at nothing.  When he had given her the gift of the title and house in Kirkwall at the Winter Palace, he wasn’t sure she would ever use it.  She had just married Cullen, and Varric knew that Cullen would never step foot in Kirkwall again- but he had still kept it, in case Laurel had ever wanted a quick getaway.

What they hadn’t counted on was Cullen leaving Laurel for his first love, Neria Surana.  About six months after they had married at the Winter Palace, Surana came striding into Skyhold and within a month, Cullen had gone.  A month later, a letter had arrived announcing that Cullen had their marriage annulled.  Shortly after the letter arrived, Josephine wrote to Varric asking for help. They needed to get Laurel away from a place where there were so many memories; she was wasting away from heartbreak.  Bull and his Chargers accompanied a silent Laurel to the ship to Kirkwall, promising to come and see her as soon as they could.

Laurel nodded.  “I guess I should unpack,” she said.  “You don’t need to stay Varric- I’m not very good company right now.”  Varric crossed his arms and stayed put. 

“I cleared my schedule for the day, Sissy.  You know how hard that is?  If anything, you’re doing me a favor by hiding me here.  Come on, let’s get you unpacked and then we’ll take a tour of our fair city.”  He didn’t want to leave her alone yet- she had had way too much of that lately.

“Give me a few hours Varric.  I’ll get unpacked, rest a bit and freshen up, and then you can show me off to the masses.  All right?”  Varric gave her a reproving look before giving in and leaving.

As he left the house, he saw a familiar figure lounging against the wall across the way.  “How is she?” Hawke asked as he stood up to walk next to Varric.  He had returned to Kirkwall about a year after the breach closed after helping the Wardens at Weisshaupt.  Varric had told him that she was moving here, and why. 

“Quiet and miserable,” Varric replied.  “Andraste’s ass- I never would have thought this would happen to her.  I though Curly was an ok guy.”  He had thought they had something special when they were all at Skyhold.  He could see it from the early days at Haven- the way they looked at each other- all the way up until they left Halamshiral after the Exalted Council.  Laurel had taken the loss of her arm hard, but she and Cullen had left still looking very much in love with each other.  He didn’t understand it at all.

“It’s Surana that’s the bitch here.  I remember the stories about her from the Blight that Zevran told me.  She strung along poor Alistair and then went off when he had to leave her to be King.  I don’t know if Cullen realizes what he’s gotten himself into with her- she’ll use him up and leave him dry before long.  Remember when she came to Kirkwall?” Hawke asked.  Varric snorted.  “I came home to find her naked in my bed waiting for me.  Isabela almost gutted her like a fish, and she was into threesomes.  There was something about her that Isabela just didn’t like, though.”

“You can’t blame Surana entirely.  Cullen could have ignored her, turned her away.  Anything.  He chose to leave that sweet girl.” Varric said, shaking his head as he looked back at the house he had just left.  “All she ever wanted was to marry him and move to a cottage somewhere or help him with that Sanctuary he wanted to start and have babies.  I swear if I ever see him…”

Hawke patted Varric on the arm.  “Come on Viscount, let’s go get a drink.  Give her some time to settle in, and then we’ll go be charming and show her a good time.”  They headed off to Hawke’s house to visit a while where people couldn’t bother Varric and talked about Laurel, and what they could do to help her.

In the meantime, Laurel had gotten her things put away and had taken a quick bath, with Leena’s help.  Varric had informed Leena about everything that had happened so that she would avoid asking awkward questions, and Leena found herself tongue-tied- not sure what to ask, in case she asked the wrong thing.  Laurel noticed that Leena was struggling and smiled. “I take it Varric told you everything.”  Leena looked troubled.  “Don’t worry, Leena.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions.  I understand.”

Leena looked at her new employer with surprise.  Most Elven servants were treated poorly and often taken advantage of by their employers.  Orana’s employer, Ser Hawke was one of a kind.  Leena had done occasional work for Hawke when he needed extra people about for something, and she felt honored that he had recommended her to work for the Inquisitor of all people.  “It’s… I never got a chance to say what an honor it is to be working for the Inquisitor, your Worship.”

Laurel shook her head. “I’m not the Inquisitor anymore, Leena.  You don’t need to use those titles on me.” 

Leena looked confused.  “Then how do I address you?  My Lady?  Ma’am?”

Laurel started laughing- a memory overtaking her.  “You could take a page from my friend Sera’s book and call me ‘her Gracious Ladybits,” she said laughing harder.  She didn’t know why that popped into her head, but she remembered when Sera referred to Lady Vivienne as that, Laurel had nearly peed herself.  “Otherwise, what have you called past employers?”  Leena rattled off a list of different titles she had used in the past.  “Well, I guess use what you are most comfortable using.  I’m not much for titles, I suppose.”

“Thank you, my lady,” said Leena.  “Would you like me to comb your hair for you?  I think Viscount Tethras will be returning soon.”  Laurel nodded, and Leena went to work.  Laurel sat with her eyes closed as Leena gently combed her hair, lightly styling the waves as she worked through it.  It felt nice and relaxed her a little.  Even though the circumstances that had brought her here were miserable, Laurel found herself a little excited to be in Kirkwall.  She had never had her own house before or been out on her own before.  She had grown up in the Chantry, from a very young age. After that, she was with the Inquisition, which meant she was rarely alone.  It might be a good place for her to move on and find a new life- the future was hers.  She was still young- she had been the youngest of her Chantry to go to the Conclave, and she had only been nineteen when she sealed the breach. 

She thought through the things she had brought with her from Skyhold.  She had not brought much- some clothes and papers, a wooden doll that Thom Rainier had carved for her, the key to Kirkwall that Varric had given her, Dorian’s sending crystal and her armor and her daggers which were not as useful as they once were.  She had lost a lot when she lost her arm, and she had to find a new way to fight.  She had worked with Thom and Bull and Cullen, but she had never found anything that satisfied her.  Maybe she could find someone to work with here.  Since the Inquisition had disbanded, Josephine had given her a quite hefty amount of gold before she left- saying she had more than earned it.  She promised to arrange to have it sent to the bank at Kirkwall, with the remainder transferring as soon as the Inquisition had cleared taken care of the rest of its business.  She remembered Josephine hesitating before asking if she should send anything to Cullen.  Laurel had thought about it and told her to send him the money. In spite of what had happened, he had earned it.  They would not have been victorious without him.  Shaking her head, Laurel forced herself to stop thinking about it.  It did her no good.

She sat taking stock of what she had.  A home, money, at least one friend here in town.  She just needed to find something to keep her busy- really busy.  She was startled out of her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door downstairs, followed by the door opening and Varric calling out for her.  “Hey Sissy, I’m back.  I’ve brought a friend.”  Laurel looked confused for a moment.  Who else did she know in Kirkwall?  She came down the stairs to find Varric standing with Hawke, who was grinning at her.

“Hawke!” she exclaimed as she went to hug him.  “I thought you went to Weisshaupt.”  He looked good- his black hair recently cut, his beard neatly trimmed.  He was still broad and strong, as evidenced by how well he filled out his white shirt and black breeches. His impossibly blue eyes crinkled a little as he smiled at her.

“I got back about a year ago.  Didn't Varric tell you?  I suppose bigger things were afoot at the time.  So, what do you want to do first?  I’ve heard you control the chains in the harbor- want to go try them out?”  Laurel smiled.  Hawke held his arm out to her.  “Come on- lunch.”  Laurel took his arm, and the three of them went out.

He studied her a little as they walked.  She had been lovely at Skyhold, and she still was now- her unruly auburn hair had grown- she had kept it braided or up during the war, but it was loose and wavy now.  Her gray eyes were tired but sparkled when she gave her rare smile.  He had been drawn to her at Skyhold, even though he had been with Isabela and she had been with Cullen. He would never have acted on it because of Isabela- but it hadn’t hurt to look, he thought.  He used to flirt with her mercilessly just to watch her blush, but he had to be honest that if they hadn’t both been with someone, he would have been very interested.

They had a good time, Varric and Hawke telling stories about when they first met and all the adventures they had.  Laurel sat quietly for most of it, laughing at the good parts of the stories- but only picked at her food. Both Varric and Hawke noticed, but neither said anything.  They didn’t want to start nagging her so soon- she could still just be queasy from the voyage.  After lunch, they took her through High Town and showed her around- the Chantry construction, the Palace, and the marketplace.  When they got to the Gallows, Laurel came to a dead stop, almost panicking.  The statue of Meredith still stood there.  It wasn’t the statue itself that bothered her- it that it was red lyrium.  The cleanup of red lyrium in Southern Thedas was still going on with no end in sight.   No one in Kirkwall, aside from Varric and Hawke understood how quickly it spread and how dangerous it was. 

“Varric.  Why haven’t you gotten rid of that?” she asked shakily.  She still had nightmares about the war, nightmares in which she had seen her friends covered in the stuff, corrupted and evil.  She backed away before turning around and kneeling down, trying to keep her gorge from rising.  Both Varric and Hawke looked at her with concern.  The statue had become a landmark, and even though Varric hated it, and remembered how the red lyrium had spread all over Ferelden, he had learned to ignore it people here seemed to want to keep it, and it hadn’t spread the way it had in Ferelden.

“I’m sorry, Sissy.  I didn’t think about it.  Maybe you’re right.  It’s time to remove that thing.”  Hawke helped Laurel back up and putting his arm around her, led her away from the Gallows.   They walked back and showed Laurel where Hawke’s house was in case she wanted to visit sometime before heading back to her house.  They arrived to find that Leena had prepared a large dinner, anticipating that Varric and Hawke would be staying for a while.  Laurel was a little more subdued after the Gallows, much to Varric’s concern.  He watched her pick at her food again, not eating much, and noticed the shadows growing under her eyes. 

As it grew darker outside, Laurel realized that as nice as a day that she was having, the night was approaching, and that meant nightmares or long thoughts of what used to be.  She wasn’t looking forward to either one. The nightmares had come back more often since Cullen left.  One of the healers at Skyhold had offered her a sleeping draught, but she did not want to resort to those if she could help it.  Sleeping draughts and alcohol were how her parents coped with life, and she didn’t want to resort to that if she could help it.  Now she was in a strange place, and she didn’t know what would happen tonight.   Would the nightmares be worse? 

She looked up as Varric clapped his hands together and stood up.  “Well, Sissy, it’s getting late, and I have Viscountly duties to perform tomorrow.  And you should get some rest- it’s been a long day.”  He pulled her into a hug.  “Come to the palace tomorrow- I’ll show you off.”  He kissed her on the forehead, murmuring in her ear “It will get easier Sissy.  Trust me.”  Laurel nodded and let him go.

After Varric had left, Hawke looked at her uncertainly.  “Are you going to be all right?  I know what it’s like to be alone in a large house, especially after everything you’ve been through.”  He did.  After all the events in Kirkwall, he had been on the run but eventually came back to his home.  Isabela had abandoned him after a while, preferring a life on the seas to life in Kirkwall tied down to a man and a house. 

Laurel didn’t answer.  She didn’t know.  She had been alone for a few months now, but she still had friends at Skyhold when it happened.  Right after Cullen left, Josephine and Leliana had arranged for girl sleepover nights, where they, and Sera if she were around, would stay in Laurel’s room with her. Thom visited her often as well, just to sit with her. She didn’t have that here.  She hadn’t realized that until just now and she was starting to panic.  “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered, feeling ashamed of herself for the weakness she was showing.

Hawke gave her an understanding look.  He stood up.  “Come on.  It’s Wicked Grace night at the Hanged Man.  Why don’t you come with me, meet some new people, and get pickled enough that you’ll sleep through anything?  I can vouch for that from experience.”

Laurel thought about it for a minute.  “I don’t drink,” she said.  “Alcoholism runs in my family- my Father…” she trailed off.  She didn’t want to talk about that.  Hawke nodded.  He got the drift. 

“Fine.  You play cards; I’ll drink,” he said.  He held out his arm for her, which she took and they left for the Hanged Man.  They arrived to find a small group of people gathered at a table, all calling out in greeting to Hawke as he came in.  “Laurel, this is Aveline and her husband Donnic, my sister Bethany, and my friend Fenris.  Everyone, this is Laurel.  She just arrived in town today- a friend of Varric’s.”  Everyone nodded and greeted her, making room at the table for her to sit. 

“A friend of Varric’s huh?” Bethany said.  “Do we need to watch our purses?” she joked.  Laurel laughed along with the rest of them.  “Where is Varric?  Is he coming?” Bethany asked.

Hawke, who had gotten up to get some ale said, “No, not tonight.  He’s got an early morning, the poor bastard.”  He put a tankard in front of Laurel and himself.  He leaned into Laurel and whispered.  “It’s the weakest stuff they got.  Just take a sip now and then- it won’t affect you.” Laurel nodded and waited as Hawke dealt the cards.  She took the cards up and glanced at them, trying to figure out how to arrange them one handed. It had barely been a year since she lost her arm and there were still a few things she just couldn’t master.  She hadn’t thought of it when Hawke invited her- if she had, she would have declined.

Hawke noticed her hesitation and gave her a questioning look.  “I can’t figure out how to arrange my cards one-handed,” she whispered.  “I never mastered that- there weren’t many games of Wicked Grace after the Council.”  She looked down, embarrassed. 

Hawke just smiled.  Whispering back, he said, “Just lay them on the table and arrange them.  The only one here that would cheat and look would be Varric, and he’s not here.  No one will look.”  She followed his advice and arranged her cards, picking them up again before realizing that she needed two hands to play.  She looked around to see the green eyes of the elf on her, studying her as she tried to figure out how to play cards one handed. He nodded at her and his eyes went back to his cards.

After a little while, she managed to play her cards without causing too many problems, even managing to win a few hands- thanks to Josie teaching her to play.  She sipped from the tankard that Hawke had given her and enjoyed the banter between friends who had known each other a long time.  After they finally got kicked out at closing time, Hawke was holding up his sister, who was having trouble standing upright.  “I’ve got my hands full with this one.  Fenris, would you be so kind as to escort Laurel home?”  Fenris nodded.  Everyone wished each other a good night and went their separate ways.

They walked quietly together back towards High Town for a while before Fenris finally spoke.  “I noticed you having trouble.  The missing arm is a recent development; I take it?”  Laurel hesitated for a moment.  Didn't he realize who she was? 

“About nine months.  I’ve learned to manage almost everything but cards and daggers,” she said.  He nodded, not saying anything for a while.  He studied her a little as they walked along.  She was young, but it was evident she carried a heavy burden.  Something about her seemed familiar, but he couldn’t figure out what it was. 

“What do you mean daggers?” he asked her finally. 

“Before I lost my arm, my preferred method of fighting was paired blades.  Now…well…I’ve tried a few other weapons, but nothing seems to be effective.  One dagger doesn’t do the same amount of damage, and anything heavier- well, look at me.  A greatsword is not exactly the ideal choice for me.”

Fenris nodded and looked thoughtful.  They walked in silence until Laurel stopped in front of her house.  “This is me,” she said as she put her hand on the doorknob.  Fenris looked at the house, and then looked at her, realization dawning on his face.

“You’re…” he stopped.  Hawke had told them all about her and what had happened to them- he couldn’t believe he hadn’t put two and two together.

Laurel held up her hand.  “I’m not anyone.  I’m just Laurel here.  I’d prefer it remains that way if it’s all the same to you.”  The more she had thought about it, the more she realized that she didn’t want people knowing who she was.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to cover it up forever, but as long as possible would be nice.  She was even more afraid that people would start asking about Cullen since he had been Knight-Captain there.  Maker, maybe coming here was a mistake.

“I understand.  I won’t say anything.  Trust me; I know how important it is to want to stay hidden.  I’ll say good evening then.”  Fenris nodded towards her again and left her to enter her house.  He roamed for a bit, still surprised by his revelation- and found himself in front of Hawke’s house, where Hawke had just arrived, practically carrying Bethany.

“Fenris?  You ok?” Hawke asked as he tried to open the door.  They all entered the house.  “Hang on,” Hawke said, as he disappeared upstairs to put Bethany to bed.  He came back downstairs and saw Fenris was still there.

“You didn’t say that your friend was the Inquisitor,” Fenris said. He wasn’t angry- he just wanted to know what was going on.  “When did she arrive?”

Hawke looked grim.  “This morning.  Varric told me about it when he got the letter saying she was coming.  He had gifted her a house and title when they were at that Exalted Council.  How did you figure it out?”

“I knew about the house- I remember Varric wheeling and dealing for it.  I didn’t even realize until we stopped there and she said it was hers,” he said.  “Why is she here? Is she all right?  She looks as though she carries a lot of trouble.”

Hawke sighed.  “She does.  Being the Inquisitor, or former Inquisitor is a problem in and of itself.  She gets all the benefits of having been through a war- nightmares, injuries, flashbacks- you know how that is.  Then her husband left her for another woman- remember Neria Surana?”  Fenris flinched.  He certainly did.  That bitch not only tried to drive a wedge in between Hawke and Isabela, but she also tried to seduce every friend Hawke had after he turned her down, just to make him mad.  As far as Fenris knew, no one had gone for her.  He certainly hadn’t.  He never understood how that woman could be the Hero of Ferelden- she certainly didn’t act like a hero.  Hawke continued.  “Her husband was Cullen.”  Fenris could only stare.  He remembered Cullen- a nice sort.  A little bitter from bad experiences- but who was he to judge?

“So she’s here hiding out essentially?” Fenris asked.  “A new life, courtesy of Varric Tethras?”  He nodded.  It made sense.  “It’s a shame; she seems like a sweet girl.”

Hawke nodded.  “That she is.  Brave, loyal, unfailingly kind.  We talked a lot when I was at Skyhold-she had a tough go of it as the Inquisitor, but she did what she could.  Smart as a whip, that one.  And what a fighter.  She moved so quickly, you could barely see her daggers go, and she’d practically disappear and reappear before your eyes.  She had this trick she did where she would throw a dagger, and next thing you know, whoever she threw it at was on the ground- stab wounds all over.  It was a sight to see.”

“She mentioned daggers when we were walking,” Fenris said.  “She’s been looking for a new weapon since she lost her arm.  One dagger doesn’t do enough damage, and she’s having trouble with swords.  Maybe we should put our heads together and see what we can come up with.”  Hawke nodded, looking thoughtful. 

“Look, Fenris, I know you’ll keep this to yourself.  But if you hear Bethany or Aveline or anyone mention anything, can you stop them?  Especially if they start saying anything about Cullen; she doesn’t need people fawning all over her right now- she doesn’t need reminders.  In fact, Varric is removing that eyesore from the Gallows tomorrow.”  Fenris gave him a questioning look.  “It’s made of Red Lyrium, Fenris- the stuff that grew all over Ferelden.  She had a bit of a panic attack when she saw it- I swear she almost vomited.”

“Her secret is safe with me.  I’ll see you later Hawke,” Fenris said as he headed out the door.  He walked back to the mansion in which he was still living.  Over the last several years, he had made enough coin to finally officially purchase the place, much to the amusement of his friends.  He was slowly restoring the home as time and coin permitted.  He thought about Laurel as he slowly walked home.  So young to carry such a burden.  And Neria fucking Surana.  It would give him great pleasure to remove her heart in the way he knew how to. 

He walked past her house on the way to his, pausing for a moment to see if any lights were on.  Hawke had mentioned nightmares and panic attacks- neither of which surprised him.  Hawke had been a mess when he returned from Weisshaupt.  It took him going out with Fenris at night to take out the gangs that had started roaming the streets of Kirkwall again to banish the memories and dreams, and Hawke still hadn’t completely healed.  He studied the house, looking for any weak points or security issues, but didn’t see much- a few windows that should be secured a little better.  He’d mention it to Varric when he saw him next.   With that, he headed home to settle in for the night.


	2. Getting her Bearings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I first started thinking about writing this, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of the Inquisitor moving to Kirkwall and finding romance- I even did a poll on the Cullenites Facebook page. I had already pretty much decided who the LI would be, but I was curious to see what others thought- and I'm leaving myself open for other fics. I have to admit that I am having a little trouble with the storyline beyond the first few chapters- so this may be a little slow going up, but I'll keep at it. Always open to critiques if anyone has any.

               The next morning, Laurel woke up to her sending crystal glowing.  She grabbed it up.  “Dorian?”  He’d been so busy that he had barely had time to talk since the Winter Palace.  Aside from the several hours they had spent right after Cullen left that is.  Dorian had been heartbroken for her, and that he couldn’t get away to be with her.

               “Hello Darling, are you in Kirkwall yet? How are you?”  He kept firing off questions until Laurel’s head started to spin. He finally stopped and waited for a response.

               “I’m in Kirkwall- I arrived yesterday. Varric’s good, and Hawke is in town as well,” she answered.  She avoided questions about how she was, hoping she wouldn’t have to answer- mostly because she didn’t know how to.  No such luck.

               “And?” he questioned.

               “And what Dorian?” she sighed as she put the crystal down and started looking through her dresser for some clothes.  He asked how she was again, his voice very clear that he expected an answer.

               “How do you think I am?  I’m shitty, Dorian.”  There was silence from the crystal.  Laurel didn’t know what else to say.  She had been raised to keep her feelings to herself- dignity and pride were preached daily at the Chantry- a lesson she had absorbed well.

               “I’m sorry Laurel, I shouldn’t have asked.  I know it’s hard, and I won’t bore you with silly platitudes.  But you can talk to me about this.  You need to talk to someone- you need to open up about your feelings,” he pleaded with her.  Laurel sighed.  “I talked with Bull after he dropped you off at the boat you know.  He told me that you’ve barely spoken to anyone in the last few months.  If the girls hadn’t insisted on sleepovers and Thom hadn’t brought you dinner every night, you would have stayed locked up in your room by yourself.  You can’t heal until you let someone in.”

               Laurel felt her eyes tearing.  “I wish you were here Dorian.  I love that I can talk to you with this crystal, but I’d rather you be sitting next to me holding my hand.  Varric has enough on his mind, and well, there is no one else at the moment.”

               “I know,” said Dorian, “but we can still talk.  Please, sweetling.”

               “I just don’t understand,” she cried.  “I ran myself ragged for months.  Always fighting, always scheming, always negotiating.  Someone always needed something and I had to deliver.  Listening to bitching nobles, dealing with politics and the Orlesian game.  I finished off an ancient Tevinter magister, stopped a Qunari uprising and lost my arm, and what do I get for it?  My husband leaves me for another woman.  The only thing I ever had to myself, and it gets taken away from me. Why?”

               Dorian was silent for a moment.  “I don’t know Sweetheart.  I told you that I would avoid the stupid platitudes- so I won’t insult you.  I will say that I think you were meant for something incredible, or maybe someone incredible.  You are strong, and I have no doubt you will survive this.”

               Laurel wiped her eyes.  “I hope you’re right Dorian. I have to stop talking about it- it’s not doing me any good right now.”

               “I understand.  So tell me about your first day in Kirkwall.  Is it everything Varric said?”  Laurel laughed.  She told him about her day- Varric and Hawke showing her around him, and then going to the Hanged Man and meeting Hawke’s friends.

               “Varric wants me to come to the Palace today, so I’ll have to get ready pretty soon.  After that, who knows?”  Laurel was silent for a moment.  “I don’t know if I can do this.  Put on a brave face for everyone.  I’m so tired, Dorian.”

               “I know, Darling, I know.”  He did know.  She had been putting on that brave face since the day she fell out of the fade.  He had become her friend, listening to her doubt herself in private, but showing confidence to everyone else.  The only other person she had shared her fears with had been Cullen.  “I’ll come to see you as soon as I can,” he told her. “Until then, try to have some fun- meet some people.  I know Varric and Hawke will take good care of you.” 

               “I’ll try Dorian.  I need to find something to occupy my time- I’m just not quite sure what that is yet.  I should go.  I have to get ready and meet Varric soon.  Love you.”

               “I love you too Darling.  I’ll talk to you soon.”  The crystal’s light faded away as Laurel watched it sadly.    She needed her friend in the same room with her right now, but she knew that he was doing important work that couldn’t wait.

               She sighed and started to change into the dress she had picked out.  As she was finishing, Leena came in to fuss over her and help her with her hair.  “Do you want some breakfast my lady?” she asked as she artfully arranged Laurel’s long auburn hair.

               “I’m not hungry Leena, thank you,” she said as she brushed over her dress.  She didn’t notice the slight frown on Leena’s face when she said that.  The night before, Varric had slipped Leena a few sovereigns and asked her to let him know how she was eating- even she had noticed she had only pushed her food around on her plate last night.

               After Leena had finished her hair, Laurel headed off to the Palace.  Varric was already sitting on the throne listening to a petitioner when she arrived.  She had to stifle a giggle seeing him up there- it reminded her of how uncomfortable she had been at Skyhold.  She took a seat and watched Varric smoothly handle all the business that was sent his way.  After another hour, his official office hours were over- Varric swept the crown off his head and headed over to where Laurel was standing.  “Come on Sissy, let’s get some air.”

               They walked along for a while, Laurel telling him about meeting Hawke’s friends at the Hanged Man last night.  Varric laughed. “I wondered how long that would take.”  Everyone except Aveline scattered after everything happened, but they’ve slowly been coming back.  Bethany went on the run for a while, but when Hawke came back, she moved in with him since the Circle of Magi was gone.  “I think that’s probably all you’re going to meet, though.  Daisy is with her clan, Rivaini- well, we won’t go there right now.  And Choir-Boy is Prince of Starkhaven now.  I get letters from him every once in a while.  I try to avoid them. 

               “You mean Prince Sebastian?” Laurel asked.  “We had some dealings with him- he seemed pretty nice.” She had never met him face to face- she had been invited to his wedding, but she couldn’t take the time to go- they were at Adamant Fortress at the time. 

               “The very same,” Varric said.  “He was just a Chantry brother when he lived here- excellent archer, but a bit too preachy for my taste.  I just hope you had a good time last night?”

               Laurel nodded.  “I did.  It was nice to meet some new people.  I’m glad Hawke is in town- it’s nice to know someone else here.”

               “Did I hear my name?  I hope you’re saying nice things about me…” they heard from behind them.  Laurel and Varric turned around to find Hawke and Fenris walking behind them.   Hawke looked at Laurel and smiled.  She looked lovely, even with the dark circles under her eyes.  “What brings you out this way?” he asked her.

               “Just walking with Varric- I watched his office hours this morning,” she replied.  “I finally got to see his crown.  It’s very cute.” 

Varric gaped at her.  “Cute?” he asked incredulously.  “You think my crown is cute?”  He swatted at her as she jumped out of his way.  “You’re lucky you’re quick Sissy,” he growled.  “At least I’ve never had a goat thrown at my castle.”

Hawke laughed.  “I remember that.”  He told Fenris about the Avvar chief who had thrown goats against Skyhold to avenge the death of his son.  “Laurel sent him to Tevinter with has many weapons as they could carry as punishment.”  That brought a rare smile to Fenris’ face.  They were walking along the marketplace in Hightown when something caught Laurel’s eye at Korval’s Blades. 

She walked over to his stand and fingered the curvy blade of the sword on the table, lost in thought.  She had never seen anything like it.  “Ah, the lady likes the pretty blade?” Korval asked.  “I just received that in a recent shipment.  Rare find, that.”  Laurel studied the blade closely.  It was double-edged with a wavy section towards the back.  “It’s called a Kalis.”

Hawke took a closer look as well.  “Interesting.  A bit more flexible than a dagger, but not as heavy as a sword.  Why is it wavy like that?”

Korval rubbed his hands together, delighted to be asked.  “I was told that the wavy edge is much easier to pull out of an opponent’s body than a straight edge.”  Laurel frowned in thought as she examined the hilt.  It had a guard on it to protect the user’s hand.  It was different; that was for certain.

“May I?” she asked as she motioned to pick up the blade.  Korval nodded, and she took the sword by the hilt and hefted it in her hand.  It felt good.  She spun the blade in her hand, feeling the balance and liking it.  Hawke held his hand out to her, asking to take it with a questioning glance.  She handed the blade to him, and he examined it as well before handing it off to Fenris.  Both gave approving looks as they balanced the blade and waved it around experimentally. 

               While they were looking at the blade itself, Laurel examined the scabbard that came with it.  When she used daggers, the scabbards were fixed to her back.  She wasn’t sure if she could do that with this one, but the sword was short enough that she might be able to.  If not, she guessed having a scabbard at her side like Thom and Cassandra wouldn’t be so bad- they seemed to manage all right.

               “It needs sharpening,” commented Fenris, looking at the blade.  “But this could be what you are looking for,” he said to Laurel.  “How much?” he asked Korval.

               Varric knew the game well.  Korval pretended to be heartbroken to be parted from such a treasure.  Varric countered with what a piece of junk it was.  They went around and around before Varric pulled out the final “would you deny the lovely lady a way to defend herself?” before the price was settled, well below original asking price. 

Laurel looked at Varric in amazement as she handed over her coin.   “I’m surprised the man still has his pants on, Varric. That was smooth.”  Varric tried to at least look a little humble but failed miserably.  “I should probably invest in a practice dummy too,” she said looking around.  She was going to have to practice a bit, but she was optimistic about it.  The blade felt like it was meant for her.  If she were a believer in that kind of thing, she would have felt it was a good omen- to find the perfect weapon on her second day in Kirkwall. 

               “I have one at my place if you want to use it,” offered Hawke.  “This blade is going to take a little adjustment I think- Fenris and I can help if you like.  We could probably get Aveline to help too.”  Fenris took the blade and scabbard and promised to sharpen the blade for her and let her know when it was ready.  Laurel thought about Hawke’s offer and agreed to the help, but she still planned on getting her own practice dummy.  It seemed to do Cassandra a lot of good- it could be therapeutic.

               They walked around for a while, chatting until they reached Fenris’ house- where he ducked inside to drop off the sword. After that, Varric had to beg off to take care of afternoon correspondence.  “We’d better go get Bethany,” Hawke said.  “She was still asleep when I left earlier, but I’m sure she’s up by now.  They headed over to Hawke’s house where they sat in the library waiting for Bethany.

               “So, what do you do all day?” Laurel asked. “How do you stay busy?”

               “Bored with us already?” Hawke joked.  “Several things actually.  Bethany took over Ander’s clinic after he died.  The service she provides keeps her safe from any circles looking to take her.  I own several businesses- Varric talked me into investing when he became Viscount- so I spend a good part of my day going from place to place. Fenris here, well- he’s a bounty hunter and spends a great deal of time hunting down slavers.  We all stay busy.”

               Laurel nodded. She had to find a way to spend her time and keep her mind occupied.  As she was thinking about her possibilities, Bethany came into the room, looking a little grumpy.  “Garrett, why did you let me drink so much last night?” she asked as she slumped in one of the chairs. “I feel miserable.”

               “Aww...little sister, since when do you ever listen to me?” Hawke asked.  He looked over at Laurel appraisingly.  “I think I’ve found you a clinic helper if she’s willing.”  Bethany sat up and looked over to where Laurel was sitting nervously.  Laurel knew who Anders was, of course-Varric had told her about him, and Hawke had mentioned him too when he was at Skyhold- he was a gifted healer.

               “I’m…not a healer,” Laurel said uncertainly.  “I don’t know if I would be much help.”  What was Hawke thinking?  She knew she needed to find something to keep her busy, but could she be helpful there?  She saw Bethany watching her, studying her.  They had been introduced last night, but they hadn’t talked to each other because of where they were sitting. 

               “What was your name again?” Bethany asked.  When they were re-introduced, Bethany asked, “Are you a mage?” she asked as she looked her over again. 

               Hawke shook his head.  “No, but I think she would be able to help you.  She’s good with people, and she can help you stay organized.  No more staying open until the wee hours because so many are looking for help.  It can be a real clinic for once.  I remember how often Anders would work until he passed out from exhaustion and I see you going the same way.”

               Laurel was surprised at Hawke’s words- but he had spent a bit of time at Skyhold- maybe he had seen more than she thought.  She thought it over with more interest.  She knew the clinic was in Darktown, out of the way so that it wouldn’t draw too much attention to her, and she could help people.  The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea.  She nodded.  “I’d be willing to try it out if you want the help that is.”

               Bethany nodded.  “I certainly need help.  There aren’t a lot of mages and there are not a lot of willing hands in Darktown.  Plenty of people needing help, though.  Why don’t you come here tomorrow morning?   We can go there together.”  Laurel agreed, smiling.  It was a start.

………

               That afternoon, Varric had been handed a bag of correspondence that had been sent by Leliana.  He rifled through the parchments and packets of paper, sorting and organizing everything.  He pulled out a letter from Leliana.

               _Varric,_

_This packet will be the last batch of correspondence to come from Skyhold.  Once Laurel left, the life just went out of the place, and most everyone has left.  It’s very sad that such a beautiful place is going to be abandoned again.  I am going to work with Divine Victoria again, and Josie has gone home to Antiva, and the last of the workers have moved onto other things._

_Josie asked me to forward the last of the Inquisition’s finances to Laurel as she had promised.  We used some of the money to help those Inquisition workers who needed help relocating, but there is quite a bit left.  She felt it only right that Laurel should have it._

_Please write to me soon, and please ask Laurel to as well.  She was a great source of comfort to me after Divine Justinia was killed, and she helped me find my way back to myself, instead of being the cold-hearted spymaster I had turned into, and I can never repay her for that._

_Leliana_

               Varric pulled out a large jingling bag, hefting it in his hands as he shook his head.  There were also a few letters addressed to Laurel as well- one from Thom Rainier, one from King Alistair and one from Mother Giselle.  There was also another one that he did not recognize, but he figured that Leliana or one of her agents had approved it, so he added it to the other letters and put the purse on top of it.  He made a mental note to encourage Laurel to make some investments in Kirkwall- it had worked pretty well for Hawke, it probably would for her too.

               An hour later, Hawke and Laurel came into his office claiming it was quitting time and to coax him to get some dinner.  Varric pushed the pile of letters and the purse in Laurel’s direction and showed her Leliana’s letter.  She smiled as she read it and promised she would write her later that night.  Since Varric had a few things to finish, Laurel grabbed the letters and sorted through them.  She opened the one from Thom Rainier and read it, mentioning to Varric any pertinent news.  Thom had made his atonement to his men and was traveling and visiting local prisons, trying to help the people he found.  Thom had been at Skyhold when everything had happened with Cullen, and he had been a great comfort to Laurel when she allowed people near her.  Thom didn’t say anything about what had happened in his letter, concentrating on other news, for which Laurel was grateful. 

               Laurel also opened the letters from Mother Giselle, which was filled with advice for her heartbreak.  She read it, knowing that she meant well and was just wanting to help in her way.  A song wasn’t going to fix things this time, but Laurel accepted what Mother Giselle could give with gratitude.  Since Varric was still working, and Hawke had pulled a book off of Varric’s bookcase and was lounging in a chair and reading, Laurel opened the letter from Alistair.  They had become friends when the Inquisition had helped Alistair with a few problems in Redcliffe, and they had met face to face a few times since then. 

               Laurel sat up as she read his letter, gasping in surprise.  It turns out that Neria Surana had found a cure for the Calling, but was refusing to give it to Alistair. 

               _If it were just me, I wouldn’t ask.  But my wife and I have finally produced our heir.  It took a long time, and much heartbreak, but our son was born a few months ago.  I want to be there to watch him, and hopefully, our other children grow up. Surana came to see me to tell me she had found the cure, but I could tell that she had no intention of letting me take it.  After all, this time, she still holds a grudge and still tries to lash out in different ways that she thinks will hurt me._

_I am hoping that you may be able to use your influence to help me get this cure.  I would be forever in your debt.  You’ll notice this is important enough that I wrote this letter myself, instead of using one of those smartass scribes._

_Alistair._

Varric and Hawke looked up when Laurel gasped.  She read them the letter, and they all sat digesting this information.  Laurel had been young when the Blight happened- already cloistered in the Chantry and away from news and gossip, so she did not know many stories about the Blight and the Hero of Ferelden.    “I don’t understand-  what grudge?  They are both Grey Wardens; they fought the Archdemon right?”  She looked at Hawke and Varric, confused.           

               Hawke and Varric looked uneasily at each other.  No one talked about Surana, and they had not talked about what they would tell her, considering what had happened.  Laurel had always found it a little odd that there weren’t more stories and songs about Surana, and she had limited contact with her when she had come to Skyhold.  At first, it was because Laurel thought she was a private person- how naïve she had been.

               “Let’s talk about it later, Sissy.  It’s a long story, and I would rather be somewhere more comfortable with a brandy in my hand for that one.” Varric said.  Laurel nodded- she had a feeling she was going to be hearing something interesting, and it scared her.  Why did it scare her?  Was she afraid of hearing something that would make her fear for Cullen’s safety?    She had to stop thinking that way; it was no longer her problem.  Varric and Hawke had gone back to their tasks, so she opened the last envelope.

               Varric had been studying Laurel out of the side of his eye while he worked. Leliana had written a separate letter to Varric begging for him to make sure that Laurel found a way to mourn.  While there had been some tears, Laurel had gone numb for the most part- sitting and staring instead of screaming and crying, like most women would.

               _I know you are going to say that she is not “most women” Varric, but this isn’t about women’s hysteria.  This is about closure and about letting go.  Think back to times of loss during the war.  Laurel had her emotional times, especially Haven, and Redcliffe and when we lost Stroud.  She showed more emotion then than she did over being betrayed by her husband, the love of her life.  Something isn’t right, and I don’t know how to help her._

Varric sighed to himself as he scribbled a quick note to Bran about one of the letters he received.  Maybe Nightingale was right, but he didn’t know what to do about that.  She seemed to be doing all right for now.  Maybe time would help her open up.  As Varric was finishing up, he jumped, as did Hawke when Laurel let out a shriek, flinging a letter away from her.  She fell to the floor from her chair and started sobbing like Varric had never seen.  They both hurried over and knelt down by her, but she didn’t stop. 

               Varric tentatively reached a hand out and put it on her shoulder, but Laurel flinched and turned away.  The men looked at each other, unsure of what to do.  The door opened, and Aveline came running in.  “I heard a scream, what’s going on?”  She looked at the Laurel crying with the two men kneeling next to her, confused looks on both their faces. 

               “I don’t know Red.  She was reading some letters and…” Varric looked around and found the letter that Laurel had thrown.  He stood up smoothing the letter out and started reading as Hawke and Aveline tried to calm Laurel down.  Hawke sat down next to her and put his arm around her, pulling her onto his lap as she cried.  He patted her awkwardly, looking up when he heard Varric sit down hard on his chair, swearing loudly.  “We have to get her home.  And we need Bethany.”  Varric said.  “Now.”  With a look to Hawke and Aveline that said he would tell them later, he grabbed the rest of Laurel’s letters and the purse and stuffed them in his satchel, while Hawke stood up, holding Laurel and started carrying her out the door. 


	3. A Time to Mourn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm starting to get the band back together. I've had a few people comment on infidelity being out of character for Cullen- and I can see their point. However, as I have found out the hard way, you can always have the rug pulled out from under you when you least expect it. I think that the Cullen in my story's reason for what he did is one of the few I could see for him- not that it makes it ok.

 

               Leena jumped in surprise as the front door of Laurel’s home flung open, and Varric came in with Hawke carrying a sobbing Laurel in his arms.  Leena hurried to show Hawke the way to Laurel’s bedroom where he deposited her on her bed.  Laurel rolled over on her side, crying hysterically with Hawke standing helplessly over her, not sure what to do next.  Leena sat down on the bed and patted her employer’s arm, trying to comfort her as best she could when Bethany came bursting into the room.  Bethany pointed at Leena.  “You can stay- the rest of you, get out.”  Bethany had her bag with her and started going through it as Leena tried to comfort the shattered young woman.  Varric and Hawke met Aveline downstairs.

               “What the hell was all that about?” asked Aveline.  She remembered the girl from last night and knew she was a friend of Hawke’s but beyond that, she had no idea who the girl was.  She thought she knew all of Hawke’s friends after all these years, so she wasn’t sure what to think.  Varric motioned them into the library where they all would be able to sit.

               “We should wait for Bethany,” Varric said.  “Get this all out at once.” They sat in silence until Bethany came downstairs about a half hour later.

               “I had to sedate her.  I can’t tell what’s wrong with her- she seems healthy.  I may be able to tell more when she wakes up.” Bethany said.  “What is going on?  Garrett?  Varric?”

               Varric heaved a deep sigh.  “Aside from Donnic, this can’t leave this room.  That’s Laurel Trevelyan, our former Inquisitor.” Ignoring the stares, he continued.  “When I went to the Exalted Council, I gifted her with this house and a title, so she had an option of a place to live if the Inquisition ended.  Right before I gifted this to her, she eloped with Cullen Rutherford.  I’m sure you remember him.”  Aveline and Bethany nodded- Bethany frowning a little.

               Varric noticed the look on Bethany’s face. “He had changed by then Sunshine- he was the Commander of the Inquisition, and he wasn’t as bitter as he was when he lived here.  At the end of the Council, the Inquisition disbanded, Sissy lost her arm when the Anchor was burned off.  She and Cullen and what was left of the group headed back to Skyhold to start the disbanding process- which was pretty lengthy.  There were a lot of soldiers and workers, negotiations, etc., you don’t need to know the details.”’

               He looked up as Hawke handed him a glass of brandy and swallowed it down in one before continuing.  “Six months after the Council, Surana shows up at Skyhold.”  Aveline looked shocked, but Bethany had a blank look on her face- she had been at the Circle when Surana had come through and hadn’t heard about all of Surana’s antics. “I’ll tell you about that later Sunshine,” Varric said.  “Well…Cullen left Sissy, for Surana.  He had the marriage annulled.  That was about two months ago.”

               “That poor girl,” Aveline said sadly.  Bethany shook her head.  She didn’t get the whole story, obviously, but she knew that Varric would fill her in later.  “So what made you swear so loudly, Varric?” Aveline asked.

               “I got a bag of correspondence from Skyhold today- the last; it seems according to Nightingale.  The place is deserted now.  “There were some letters for Sissy from various members of the Inquisition and King Alistair, and there was this.”  He held up the unmarked letter.  “It’s from Surana.”  Hawke inhaled sharply and put his head in his hands. This couldn’t be good.  He reached out a shaking hand for the bottle of Brandy and poured himself a glass.

               “It’s er…very nasty.  Surana is pregnant with Curly’s child, and she proceeded to describe their um…sex life in very gory detail starting from the first time- within a week of when she arrived at Skyhold,” Varric trailed off.  “She taunted Sissy for being a useless cripple who couldn’t hang onto her man and was going to spend the rest of her life shut up in that tomb of a castle. It also gleefully pointed out all of the death and destruction at the hands of the Inquisition, including the death of Stroud- and you know how she is about that. Honestly, even my trashiest writings aren’t this cruel.  I think it pushed her over the edge.”  He explained the letters that he received from Leliana, and her concerns over Laurel’s reaction to the whole thing, and what he had observed about her since she arrived in Kirkwall.  “Aside from a few tears, I haven’t seen her cry like this.  Ever.  We had some emotional times during the war, and she shed her fair share of tears over that time, but I’ve never seen this.”

               Aveline got up and took the letter from Varric and after glancing at it in disgust hurled the letter in the fire. “No one else needs to read that,” she said fiercely.  “And she doesn’t need to see it again either.  Does she have any other friends here? I know we all met the other day, but is there anyone else?”

               Varric shook his head.  “Just you two, Donnic and Fenris.”  He stood up with a sigh.  “I’ve got some letters to write and get out tonight.  Thank goodness I have some ravens, and I keep tabs on people.”  He went upstairs and entered the bedroom to look in on Laurel before he left.  Leena was sitting up on the bed holding Laurel’s hand while she slept.  Varric smoothed Laurel’s hair back before turning around. He saw the sending crystal sitting there and snatched it up, activating it.

               Leena jumped as she heard a voice coming out of the crystal.  “Hello Sweetheart,” Varric heard Dorian’s voice say.  “Is everything all right?”

               “Sparkler.” Varric sighed.

               “Varric, what’s going on?  Where’s Laurel?” Dorian sounded concerned. 

               “You need to get here, Sparkler.  As soon as you can.” Varric said tiredly.  “Tell Tiny. And anyone else you can find.  She needs her friends.”

               The crystal was silent for a moment while Dorian calculated how long it would take to get to Kirkwall. “I’m not far- I was slowly heading in that direction so I could visit.  I can be there in two days.  Bull is somewhere near Starkhaven at the moment.  I’ll contact him.”

               “I’ll take care of the rest.  Thanks, Sparkler.”

               “Varric, what happened?”  Dorian still sounded panicked.  “Is she ill?  Injured?”

               “Heartbroken.  She’s sedated right now, and I don’t know what to expect when she wakes up.  I’ll fill you in when you get here.”  He heard Dorian swear before he said he’d be there, and the crystal’s light faded.  He put the crystal down and left to head to his house to write to Thom and Sera.  He didn’t know if the letters would find them, or if they would even be able to get here, but he hoped they could.

               He arrived back at Laurel’s house a while later- everyone was still there. “I’ve gotten in touch with some of her companions.  Sparkler will be here in two days.  Hawke- you have to warn Broody about that one.  Don’t recall if you met, but Sparkler is a Tevinter Magister.  Tiny and his crew are coming too- he’s a Qunari.  I’ll handle that part myself.”

               He went upstairs to see that Leena was still there.  “Go on to bed, Leena.  I’ll take over for a while.”  Varric pulled up an armchair and made himself comfortable as Leena left.  Hawke came in and sat in another chair- both watching Laurel sleep.

               “What the fuck, Varric?” Hawke said quietly.  “I knew Surana was a heinous bitch, but what does she hope to accomplish with this?  Surana is what, in her early thirties now?  Why can’t she grow up? Kicking her when she’s down.  I just don’t get it.  And how could Cullen allow it?  Did he care for her at all?”

               “You’re telling me.  Sissy shows more maturity in her twenty-one years then Surana ever did in her life.” Varric said as he rubbed his eyes.  “I doubt Curly knows Surana sent this letter.  At least, that is what I’m going to tell myself.  If I ever find out otherwise, I can guarantee there is going to be a discussion with him involving Bianca. “

               Hawke hadn’t realized how young Laurel was.  “So she was only nineteen when she became Inquisitor?”  He whistled under his breath.  “Makes me feel old.”  Varric nodded.  It made him feel old too.  Hawke sighed.  “What a mess.”

               The next morning, Laurel awoke feeling disjointed.  She sat up, looking around trying to remember why she was lying in bed still fully clothed.  Varric was sleeping in an armchair next to her bed, and Bethany was sprawled across the lounge on the other side of the room.  She sat dumbly in her bed, staring at her stump as she slowly remembered what happened the day before, and what she had read in that letter, which started her crying again.  Varric and Bethany awoke when they heard her crying.  Varric got up and moved to the bed, taking Laurel in his arms as she sobbed. 

               Laurel couldn’t seem to stop crying.  Through everything she had dealt with in the last few months- catching Cullen and Surana in his office, watching him pack and leave, leaving his wedding ring on her desk, getting the annulment papers.  She had felt so numb through it all.  She had cried, yes, but mostly, she just sat.  Maybe she had thought it was a dream, or that he would come back begging forgiveness.  But then the letter came.  A letter that reminded her that she had no future- that no one would ever want her- a cripple, a has-been.  She wasn’t the Inquisitor anymore- not that she had cared about that before.  When they first disbanded, she was relieved to lose the title.  She had Cullen, and they had their plan, and that was all she needed. Even now, the loss of the title didn’t bother her- it was easier for her if people didn’t know who she was. 

               She had had a bad feeling about Surana when she first came striding into Skyhold, but she brushed it off as her still trying to adjust to life after the Inquisition. Then the day came when she went running into Cullen’s office to tell him that they had acquired the land they wanted, only to find him fucking Surana as she was bent over the desk.  Their desk.  Surana grinned and waved at her as Cullen tried to cover up.   That night, as she sat on their bed, trying to wrap her head around what happened, he came up the stairs and stood there.

               “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.  “She was my first love.  I never thought I would see her again.”

               “So her being your first love makes it ok?” she said.  “What does that mean for us now?”

               Cullen was quiet for a moment.  “She’s leaving.  And I’m going with her.”  Laurel felt her eyes fill with tears.  “I never got over her,” he continued.  “We have a chance to be together now that I am not a Templar anymore, and she’s not in the Circle. I have to take it.”  He grabbed a bag and packed it with his clothes, getting ready to move into the room they had provided for Surana.  His last act was to remove his wedding ring, which he placed on her desk with a final “I’m so sorry,” before he walked down the stairs.

               And now they were having a baby.  The baby she had wanted.  Cullen had told her the time wasn’t right, so she had continued to take her contraceptive tea- much to her sadness.   She felt Varric’s arms tighten around her as she screamed in anger and despair.  Hawke came running into the room and stood by Bethany, who couldn’t help but cry in sympathy.  She had never seen or felt such pain- it rolled off of her in waves, covering everyone in the room.  Even Varric had tears on his cheeks as he rocked and shushed her, pressing his lips to her forehead from time to time. 

               Hawke was completely lost.  “What do we do?” he asked Bethany.  She shook her head, not knowing as Fenris burst into the room.  He had come to drop off Laurel’s new sword when he heard the screams.

               “What’s happened?  What’s wrong?” he asked.  Hawke took him downstairs and explained what had happened.  Fenris swore when Hawke got to the part about the letter. He watched as Leena bustled around preparing breakfast for everyone.  “So what do we do?”  He was helpless in this kind of situation.

               Hawke sighed.  “Well, first thing, we prepare for guests.  Varric has gotten in touch with her former companions.  One should be arriving sometime tomorrow.  Which reminds me- I’m supposed to warn you.  Her dearest friend is a Tevinter Magister.”  He put his hands up to stop Fenris from bristling too much.  “Before you start going all glowy- he’s a good guy.  He’s not a slave-owner.  I can vouch for him.  Another should be here soon- Iron Bull- he’s a Qunari mercenary- he’ll be here with his Chargers.  Maybe a few more too if the Ravens arrive and they are within a decent traveling distance.”

               As they spoke, they realized that the crying had quieted down.  Bethany came downstairs to see the men waiting for an update.  They didn’t want to go up again, knowing that eventually, as Laurel came to her senses, that she would be embarrassed that she had been seen at such a weak point.  Bethany shook her head.  “She’s not crying anymore, but she’s not well.  Varric just tried to get her to eat, and she refused.  He’s just holding her as she lies there.”

               They all had taken a little time to eat before Bethany went back upstairs to check on Laurel.  She had fallen asleep again- she had slept through the night, but it was a drugged, dreamless sleep that had not provided any real rest.  Bethany nodded to Varric to let him know she was asleep, and he eased himself away so he didn’t wake her.  Bethany sent him to do what he needed to do promising she would not be left alone.

               Varric went downstairs and found Hawke and Fenris sitting at the dining table, waiting for news.  “I don’t know what to tell you.  I just hope that Sparkler gets here fast.  He’ll know what to do.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt this helpless in my life, and I watched her arm burn off.”

               “We’ll do what we can Varric. Aside from you, we’re practically strangers to her.  That can’t make this any easier,” said Hawke.  “She needs people she’s comfortable with.”

               Varric sat for a moment before pounding his hand on the table.  “Why her?” he said fiercely.  “Why the fuck is this happening to her?  She’s never asked for anything in her life.  She didn’t ask to be put in charge of a war.  She didn’t ask to have that mark burned into her arm.  She didn’t ask to lose her arm or be betrayed by Solas.  She certainly didn’t ask to be betrayed by her husband.”  He picked up a glass and threw it against the wall, startling Hawke and Fenris with the suddenness of his action.  He slumped in the chair and put his head in his hands. 

               Hawke hadn’t seen Varric this angry since Bartrand had locked them in the Deep Roads.  He knew from his time at Skyhold that Varric had grown to care for Laurel, counting her as close a friend as he considered Hawke, which was a rare distinction.  Hawke didn’t know who he felt for more- Laurel or Varric. 

               He was startled out of his reverie when a thin young man suddenly appeared on the table.  Fenris jumped back, swearing and drawing his sword to attack the boy when Varric stopped him.  “Stop, it’s ok.  Don’t hurt him.  This is Cole.”

               Cole turned to Varric.  “I felt her pain.  The Iron Bull sent me ahead to help.”

               Varric sighed in relief.  “Go on up Kid.  She’s asleep, but just seeing you when she wakes up may be enough.”  Cole disappeared again, making Hawke and Fenris jump.  Varric saw their discomfort.  “He’s a companion- but you probably don’t remember him, Hawke.  He’s a spirit of compassion.  He senses the hurt in people and helps them, and then makes them forget him.  It’s his thing.”

               Hawke nodded.  “I don’t remember him, but I can feel that he’s good.” They heard a small noise of surprise coming from upstairs.  “Shit- Bethany!” He ran upstairs to explain who the boy was before they woke Laurel up.  Bethany was standing between Laurel and Cole trying to protect her.  Hawke motioned Bethany to come over to him, and he pulled her out of the room and explained who he was.  She looked at the boy in wonder as he climbed onto the bed and put his arms around Laurel, who was still asleep. 

               Bethany went back into the room to sit while Hawke went back downstairs.  “She’s ok.  I guess being a mage makes her a little more understanding of these kinds of things. Varric- I can stay- why don’t you do whatever you need to do.  If anything changes, we’ll let you know.”  Varric nodded and left.

               Laurel slept and cried throughout most of the day.  She refused food and drink from everyone- even Varric and Cole and refused to get out of bed.  She did let Bethany clean her up and changed her clothes, but she remained stone silent through the whole process no matter what Bethany said.  Seneschal Bran showed up a few times with some items of business for Varric to handle, but aside from earlier in the day, Varric never left her house.  Later that evening there was a pounding at the door, and a huge Qunari came striding in.  He clapped Varric on the shoulder, practically knocking him over.  He greeted Hawke and Varric introduced him to Bethany and Fenris.   “What happened? Where’s the Boss?” he asked. Varric told him about the letter that Surana had sent.  Bull didn’t say much, but Varric did not like the look in his eye.  Varric pointed to where Laurel’s bedroom was, and Bull went stomping up the stairs.

               He walked into the room and stopped in his tracks.  In all the time he knew the Boss, he had never seen her this bad.  She was quiet and drawn when they took her to the ship to Kirkwall, but this was different.  She was curled up in bed, Cole sitting next to her petting her hair.  She didn’t look up or acknowledge Bull in any way.  Bull crept quietly alongside the bed and took her small hand in his, his thumb running across her knuckles.  “Boss?” he asked quietly.  “Hey, talk to me.”

               Laurel looked his way, her eyes filling with tears.  She drew a shuddering breath and started crying again. He picked her up and sat down in the chair with her cradled in his arms as she sobbed out her misery.  Bull didn’t say anything, he just held her and let her cry.  He thought about what Varric had told him about the letter.  He hadn’t been at Skyhold when everything had happened- they were out on a job and arrived after Cullen and Surana had left.  He hadn’t seen her much- she had locked herself up in her room, for the most part, only coming down when it was time to leave for Kirkwall, so Bull hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to her.  She didn’t speak on the way to the ship at all and was dry eyed the entire time.  Now she couldn’t stop crying, and Bull was angry that someone hurt his Boss so badly.  The woman who saved his boys from certain death, killed dragons with him, hit him with a stick when he needed a training exercise done.  The woman who saved the world.  He had a feeling that after they were done in Kirkwall, it was time to do some Elven Mage hunting.   He may have to put the hurt on Cullen too.

               Varric came up to check on everyone and found Bull sitting in the armchair with Laurel cradled in his arms, Cole sitting anxiously nearby.  Bull didn’t notice Varric come in; his attention was focused on the sobbing woman in his arms as he talked gently to her, running his large hand up and down her arm, warming her as she trembled.  Nodding to himself he went back downstairs.

               Hawke, Fenris, and Bethany were all sitting around the table talking.  “I don’t understand why someone would do such a hateful thing,” Bethany said.  “What is the story on Surana?” Hawke told her about all the stunts Surana had pulled when she came to Kirkwall- trying to break up Hawke and Isabela and all the other things she did.  “But why would she do these things?” Bethany asked.

Varric took over- Leliana had told him everything a long time ago.  “As you know, Surana was made a Grey Warden, and she and King Alistair fought the Archdemon.  Her master plan all along was to become Queen- so she seduced Alistair and then pulled the puppet strings to have him be named King, and Queen Anora was thrown in the tower.  What she didn’t count on was Alistair breaking it off with her.  She should have known that an Elf mage would never be Queen- but she was so full of herself, and filled with a righteous purpose that she didn’t consider that it would never be allowed.  She lost it, and after the battle was over, she took off in a rage.”

               “So where did she go after that?” Bethany asked.  “Obviously, she came to Kirkwall at some point- where else?”

               “She went here and there, using her Hero of Ferelden title to take advantage of good people and get whatever she could.  All because she couldn’t be Queen.  She treated Alistair horribly- cheating on him- every time they were in Denerim, she would hang out at the Brothel- spending money they needed for the Blight on whores- both male and female.  At least, that’s what Leliana told me,” Varric said.

               “But what does this have to do with Laurel?  Why wait until after the Inquisition was disbanded to do anything?”  Bethany felt ill hearing all of this.  She had met King Alistair once- he was such a nice man.

               “She went on a quest to cure the Calling.  Now that I think of it- I’ll bet she has ulterior motives on that- I’ll have to talk to some contacts about that.  I think the Calling is why she didn’t get there sooner, but she still did the damage, didn’t she?”

               “This Leliana,” said Fenris, “She traveled with Surana and knew how she was.  How could she allow her into Skyhold?”  In his opinion, Leliana should have turned her away, just to avoid an incident.  Some spymaster, Fenris thought.

               “She knew what Surana was, but since there weren’t many people left at Skyhold, she didn’t think there would be any problems to cause.  She never thought Curly would do what he did.  No one did- we were all completely blindsided,” said Varric.   “Believe me; I’ve already taken Nightingale to task on that one.  The question is- was she targeting Curly, or Sissy?”

               There were a lot of confused looks around the table. “Look at Sissy.  Human, not a mage, young, beautiful and in a position of power, and the current object of everyone’s adoration.  You can ask anyone, and you will not find a single person who has a bad thing to say about her. Hell, if circumstances had lined up properly, she could have married Alistair and become queen. She is the complete opposite of everything Surana is.  If Surana had struck when the Inquisition was at full power, she wouldn’t have stood a chance.  A castle full of people, Sissy with that Anchor- nothing ever would have happened.  She waited to kick her when she was down, just because Sissy was everything Surana wasn’t.”

               “So do you think Cullen has been bewitched?  It doesn’t make sense that he would do what he did.  He was bitter when here was here in Kirkwall, but he was loyal and true,” said Bethany, who remembered Cullen- he had come to collect her to take her to the Circle all those years ago.  

               Hawke answered this one.  “No.  She doesn’t work that way.  For her, it’s the thrill of the hunt- the conquest.  There’s no challenge in someone who is drugged or bewitched.   I don’t know if she loves Cullen, or is just using him to pick at Laurel, but I can say he is acting of his accord.” 

               Varric took over.  “And now to make things worse, King Alistair sent a letter saying that Surana is refusing to let him have the Cure.  You know he and his wife had a baby not long ago- so getting the cure has become more of a priority for Alistair- he wants to see his child, or children hopefully, grow up.”  Everyone thought about the implications of Surana being in control of the cure.  She could use that to gain a lot of leverage and power.  We are going to have to deal with this somehow.”

               Everyone around the table was lost in thought.  Hawke stood up. “I’m going to check on Laurel,” he said as he headed upstairs.  He entered her room to find Laurel still curled up on Bull’s lap, fast asleep.  Bull shook his head- she still refused food and drink, and still hadn’t spoken.  Hawke shook his head sadly.  “Do you want me to take over?” he whispered to Bull.  Bull shook his head and indicated he was fine, so Hawke went back downstairs to stretch out on the couch for a few hours.

 


	4. The Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think I mentioned that there was another fiction that inspired this- it's a Mass Effect Fiction called "Love is Blind" by DarkAislinn were FemShep and Kaidan are married, but he cheats and wants a divorce. The story itself is good- but the comments. Dang. Kaidan lovers lose their minds and people get upset over everything from lack of marriage counseling to mischaracterization of both Kaidan and Garrus. 
> 
> When I first thought of this story, I struggled with the concept of Cullen cheating and leaving for a while and I just couldn't bring myself to make him a total asshole- I have to give kudos that can portray him in a way other than what I see in the game- a loyal and steadfast love who is a bit awkward and very endearing. 
> 
> I should also mention that I have a lot of trouble with the Trespasser ending with Solas doing what he says he is going to do. It just seems odd to destroy the world to bring back something that can never be brought back. Don't know if I'm going to address this ending at all in the story- but I just love the idea that Solas is watching out for the Inquisitor when she needs it.

 

               _Nightingale,_

_If you were nearby, I would insist we talk in person, but I’m afraid that is not possible right now.  Sissy is bad.  You mentioned in your letter to me that she had barely cried, choosing instead to shut herself away and keep to herself.  Well, that has changed.  There was a letter from Surana in that packet of correspondence you sent me, and the contents of that letter have pushed Sissy to the edge.  Seriously- it was the most vile and cruel letter I have ever read- just kicking our poor girl while she is down.  She has spent the last three days either crying, screaming or sleeping.  She’s refusing to eat or drink and the only time she has left her bed is when Bull picked her up and sat with her in a chair._

_Bull and Cole are here, and Dorian is supposed to arrive sometime today.  I’ve also sent a note to Thom and Sera- hoping they show up- Sissy needs every friend she can get right now._

_The main reason for this letter is twofold.   First, I need to you send Surana and Cullen a warning.  I am sincerely hoping that Cullen knew nothing of the letter that bitch sent- I’m a pretty reasonable guy, but I can’t say the same for some of the others who love Laurel.  The look on Tiny’s face when I told him about the letter was pretty dark, and I could see him thinking some long thoughts.  Apparently, the bitch is pregnant, which she gladly pointed out to Sissy.  I can’t guarantee that Bull and Sera will not try to take her out, and Cullen as well, regardless of what he knows._

_Second, the bitch currently controls the cure for the Calling.  She has already denied King Alistair the cure- you know why.  I have a bad feeling about this Nightingale.  We need to keep our ears to the ground to see how she plans on using this to her advantage.  We either need to find out what the cure is so we can steal it out from under her, or we need to find a different cure.  Any idea on where Fiona is?_  
  


_Yours,_

_Varric._

It took Varric a while to write that as he sat at Laurel’s dining room table- and he rushed out to send it right away, hoping it would get to her within the week.  There had been no change in Laurel.  She did allow Leena to help her with a bath, but still did not speak, and still refused food.  Varric, Cole, and Bull took turns staying with her while Hawke and Bethany remained downstairs, looking in on her from time to time but trying to respect her privacy.  Fenris and Aveline came in from time to time to check on her as well.

               That evening, an exhausted looking Dorian pushed his way into the house, unbuttoning his traveling cloak as he looked up to where Laurel’s bedroom was.  Without talking to anyone, he ran up the stairs and entered the room.  Bull was in the room, sitting in the chair next to the bed.  He got up and came over to Dorian. “Hey, Kadan.  Glad you made it- safe trip?”

               Dorian nodded and gave Bull a kiss and embraced him.  “Just fine Amatus.  I’ve missed you. Now leave us.”  Bull left the room, closing the door behind him.  Dorian put his cloak on the chair and crawled onto the bed, putting his arms around Laurel and holding her to him.  “Laurel,” he whispered.  She turned towards him, tears in her eyes.

               “Dorian?” she whispered, “Is it really you?”  She reached out to touch him, afraid she was dreaming or hallucinating.  Dorian kissed her on the forehead and tightened his arms around her, trying to prove to her that he was real.  She felt so small in his arms, so frail.  He held her as she cried for a while before sitting up.

               “Now, you’ve cried enough Darling.  It’s time to talk.  You’ve got a houseful of very worried people here, and there are others scattered who think of you often and love you. Tell me what happened.”  Taking a deep breath, Laurel told Dorian about the letter before breaking down again.  Dorian was completely dumbfounded by what she had told him, and he was heartbroken for her.  She let loose with all of the thoughts she had had over the last few months- hurt, anger, fear.  As she talked, Dorian sat and listened quietly, listening to all the fears she had about her future, being alone and unable to trust, never having children, people’s comments on her missing arm.

               When she finally stopped talking, she buried her face in her hands and sobbed again.  Dorian pulled her to rest her head in his lap as he thought.  From when they first met, they had been good friends.  He often forgot how young she was, and he thought that sometimes, she forgot too. 

               Everyone else was sitting downstairs, waiting for news.  Cole looked up towards Laurel’s room.  “She’s talking.” Varric breathed a sigh of relief- it was a start. Hawke stood up and went to go outside to get some air.  Everything that had happened made him think back to when he had come back to an empty house.  He and Isabela had stayed together for a long time but were often separated by their travels.  They stayed in contact using sending crystals, and when he had told her about what had happened in the Fade and that he was going to Weisshaupt, she had lost it, insisting that he come back to Kirkwall as soon as possible. He was thrilled, hoping that maybe they would settle down finally.  They weren’t getting any younger, and Hawke wanted a family.  She arrived in Kirkwall shortly after he did and immediately moved in with him and Bethany.  They spent the first week in bed before Hawke started getting busy with arranging their future- investing in businesses with Varric’s advice to ensure their financial future and settled into a quiet life.

               Six months later, she was gone.  She had packed and left while Hawke was attending to his investments and Bethany was at the clinic.  Orana had watched her throwing her things in a bag and tried to ask her just to wait until Serah Hawke came home.  “I can’t Kitten.  He’ll try to talk me into staying.  I can’t do that, and I can’t face him.”  Hawke remembered the look on Orana’s face when he had gotten home, and she had to stammer out that Isabela had left.  He should have known better- he should have known that she wouldn’t want to stay in one place for the rest of her life, much like he didn’t to travel from place to place for the rest of his.  After everything that happened with the Inquisition, Hawke was beginning to feel his years, and the Fade and Weisshaupt had been the last straw for him. 

               He knew that his experience was nothing like Laurel’s.  She had been completely blindsided by Cullen’s betrayal.  Hawke should have seen Isabela’s coming, but chose not to.  It didn’t mean that he didn’t understand how Laurel felt.  “Thinking long thoughts?” he heard from behind him.  Varric knew what he had been thinking about- how could he not?  Varric had been there after Isabela left, drinking with him, dragging him back home and putting him to bed.  It took some time, but Hawke finally came around.  He wasn’t as sarcastic as he used to be, but he went back to living his life, much to Varric’s relief.  He had even started to spend time with Flora Hariman- going out to dinner a few times, but it was nothing serious.  Just a way to pass the time.

               “I guess,” said Hawke.  “This brings a lot back.  I’ll be fine.”

               A few hours after he arrived, Dorian came downstairs.  “She’s asleep for now.  She talked for a while- I think we’re off to a start.”  He sat at the table and took a little something to eat before heading back upstairs.  He crawled back into bed and curled up beside his friend, putting his arm around her and fell off to sleep.

               Laurel awoke to find herself in a strange yet familiar setting.  She looked around at the trees, touching a flower when she heard someone quietly say her name behind her.  “Solas,” she whispered.  She turned around and saw her friend walking towards her- looking the same as the day they had last spoken.

               “I felt your heartbreak from all this way, Lethallan,” he said as he took her in his arms. “I know our friends have gathered to help you.  Now that Dorian has helped you enter a more restful sleep, I have come offer counsel, and sympathy, if you will have it.”  He sat, bringing her with him.  Laurel knew she would be better off trying to find out more about Solas’ plans, but she didn’t have the energy.  Right now, she would have been fine with the world ending.  “I had been waiting to come to you since I felt your despair, but your troubled sleep would not allow it.”

               Laurel relaxed in Solas’ arms and sighed.  “I have enough sympathy Solas, but I could use some counsel.  But first, I have a question.”  Solas waited for her to continue.  “Why didn’t you just let the Anchor kill me?” 

               Solas brushed her a strand of her hair behind her ear as he considered her question.  “Because you are worth it,” he said quietly.  Laurel closed her eyes.  “You are on the right track, Lethallan.  Moving to a new place, starting over.  You did the right thing.  Now, you need to listen to Dorian.   No more crying.  You must take care of yourself.”

               “Can you help me with the cure for the Calling?” Somehow, she knew that Solas would know what she was talking about, so she didn’t elaborate.

               Solas chuckled. “Even in the midst of your troubles, you think of others.  That is why you are worth it.  I think I can help you, but it will take some time.  For now, I want you to focus on your life and your healing.  I will come to you again when the time is right.”  Laurel looked up in surprise. “Don’t you realize I check in on you from time to time?” Solas smiled.  “You are my dearest, Lethallan.  I will always be there for you.”  He kissed her on the forehead and helped her up.  He took an amulet from around his neck and put it on hers. “This is for you, my dearest friend.  Keep it close.” 

               Laurel bit her lip. “Are you still going to give me a chance to prove this world is worth it?” Solas studied her.  To still want to save the world that had taken so much from her, she was a rare child.  Maybe there was something there after all.

               “Of course, I would still treasure the chance for you to prove me wrong. But that is a discussion for another time.  Now, it is time for you to…wake up.”

               Laurel sat up in bed, remembering the first time this had happened to her.  She smiled a little to herself thinking about the first time she met Solas in her dreams.  She looked down to see Dorian still asleep beside her, so she leaned back and thought about what Solas had said, and started to take stock of her life.  She had a home, some money, and if the offer to help Bethany at the clinic still stood, she had something to do.  She had people to train with and a new weapon.  A new weapon for a new life.  It would be hard, and she knew it would be a long time before she could let her feelings for Cullen go, but she was on her way. 

               Bull walked in to see Laurel awake and smiled.  He sat down in the armchair next to the bed.  “Boss,” he greeted.  “Feeling better?” Dorian awoke as he heard Bull’s voice and sat up, looking at Laurel.  She sat quietly for a moment, thinking about the last few days.

               “I think I am,” she said.  “I think I’m even a little hungry.”   Bull nodded and went downstairs to round up some breakfast and let Bethany know she was up.  Laurel turned back to Dorian. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said.  “I don’t think I could have gotten through this without you.” 

               “You’re not out of the woods yet, Darling,” he said.  “You look like you’d blow away in a stiff wind.”  He looked her over, noticing the amulet around your neck.  “What is that? You weren’t wearing it last night.”  Laurel fingered the amulet, not realizing it was there.

               “Solas” she whispered.  “He came to me in my dream last night.  He said that you had helped me enter a more healing sleep, so he was able to come to me finally.  He told me that I was on the right track and that I should listen to you and take care of myself. He gave me this and told me to keep it close.”

               “Well, I guess he is wiser than I thought.  I never understood your friendship with him, especially given what happened at the Exalted Council, but if he helped, I’ll never say a word against him again,” said Dorian.  “Did he say anything else?”  Laurel told him about Alistair’s letter and how Solas promised to help her.

               “I don’t know quite what it means, but if he helps with a cure, I know I want to give it to Alistair in person.  That means I need to train and get back into fighting shape.  I need to move on.”  Dorian nodded approvingly. 

               “What about the rest?” he asked gently.  “You mention training, and getting the cure.  What about the rest of your life?  Everything you talked about last night.  I know you are afraid, but don’t let it stop you from finding love again.”  Laurel’s stomach churned.  She remembered what she had said.  Dorian put his hand over hers.  “I know that this pain is still fresh and that it may be a long time before you trust someone enough to let them in.  But don’t be afraid to try when you are ready.”

               They were interrupted by Bethany walking into the room to check on Laurel and Leena followed behind with some towels. Dorian went downstairs and found Bull and Varric sitting at the table; Hawke stretched out on the sofa in the other room.  They looked up as Dorian entered.  “I think she’ll be ok.  She’s hungry, anyway. I’ll let her fill in the details when she’s ready.”  Bull covered Dorian’s hand with his own and squeezed it. 

               A little while later, Bethany came downstairs.  “She’s weak, and she needs to rest.  But I don’t want her staying in that room, and I don’t want her to be by herself.  Her attitude seems to be better, but I’m afraid she’ll slip back if she’s left by herself to think.  Leena is helping her bathe and dress now- if someone could help her down the stairs, I think it would be a good idea for her to eat down here.”

               Bull nodded and went upstairs to wait until Laurel was ready.  Varric heaved a deep sigh. “I knew you could get through to her, Sparkler.  I appreciate you getting here so quickly.  It has been a weird couple of days.”

               “I can’t take all the credit.  Apparently, she had a visit from Solas last night.  I’ll let her tell you about it. Now, I didn’t get to hear how this all started.  She told me about the letter- where is it?”

               “Aveline burned it.  She didn’t want it sitting around for her to find later.”  Varric told him about what had happened in his office, and how she had woken up the morning after screaming.  “It was bad, Sparkler.  In all of the weird shit that happened to us with Corypheus, I never saw her lose it as bad as she did that morning.  He told him everything he knew about Surana- the theories they had talked about the other night and how he had hoped that Curly didn’t know about it. Dorian agreed with that.  If Cullen knew, there was nowhere he’d be able to hide.

               They looked up to see Bull helping Laurel down the stairs and into the dining room.  Leena placed a bowl of broth and a cup of tea in front of her, admonishing her to eat slowly or she’d be sick.  While she ate, she told them about Solas.  “I don’t know when it will happen, but I need to be ready,” she said.  It’s time I start training.  Dorian and Solas are right- I can’t let myself waste away.”

               “I’m glad to hear that Sissy.  Now that I know you’re ok, I have to go back to being Viscount.  I think Bran is going to wet himself if I don’t show up soon.” He kissed her on the top of her head and started to walk out. 

               “Varric,” Laurel called after him.  She got up and walked over to him and hugged him.  “Thank you for everything.”  Varric smiled and left.  Laurel sat back down and picked up her spoon again.  “Dorian, why don’t you and Bull go spend some time together.  I’ll be ok here.”

               Dorian frowned.  “Are you sure?” he asked. “I don’t feel right about leaving you here…”

               Laurel gave him a level look.  “Dorian, I know you don’t get to spend any time with Bull.  Go- have some fun.  I need to sort some things out anyway, and Cole is still here if I need anything.  I think Hawke is here too isn’t he?”

               “I am,” Hawke said as he came into the room.  He smiled at Laurel. “I’m glad to see you up and around.  If you like, we can take a short walk when you’re done eating, just to get some fresh air.  I think we both could use it.”  Laurel agreed.  Dorian and Bull both glanced at her before taking off to find the rest of the Chargers.

               A little later, Laurel and Hawke stepped outside her house to feel it was a temperate sunny day.  Hawke had insisted that Laurel wear her cloak.  “If anything, it will be extra to weigh you down in case a strong breeze comes along,” he joked.  It was nice to get outside- the sun felt good on her skin.

               They walked along quietly for a while, each lost in their thoughts before Laurel spoke again.  “I’m sorry you had to see me that way.  Not exactly my finest moment.  Not quite the first impression I wanted to make to you and your friends.”  She was a little embarrassed, acting like a lovesick teenager when she should have been more stoic.

               “You have nothing to worry about,” Hawke said.  “I’ve seen you at your best, Laurel.  At Skyhold, you always seemed unstoppable, and to come out of the Fade again and still close rifts and fight demons, even after losing Stroud.  I think you’re allowed your weak moments.  If you don’t give into them every once in a while, you aren’t a whole person.  Maker knows I’ve had mine.”  Even after a year, Hawke was still bitter about the way Isabela had left him.  Laurel knew a little about it from Varric, but she didn’t pry.  If he wanted to talk about it, he would when he was ready.  He took her arm in his.  “I just wish I knew the right thing to say to make it better.  My situation was different- I should have seen the writing on the wall, but I was too blinded by what I wanted to see.  You, on the other hand, had no warning.” 

               “I don’t think there is a right thing to say, Hawke.  Dorian knows me too well and doesn’t put up with crying.  He’s excellent at giving a gentle kick in the pants when it’s needed.  And…Solas helped too.  I just really appreciate that you were there, even if it is embarrassing.”  Hawke laughed. 

               “Ignore a lady in distress?  Perish the thought,” he said.  “Please don’t be embarrassed.  My friends and I have all had their moments- none of us are in any position to judge, trust me.”  They walked along until they got to the marketplace.  They looked around for a while- Laurel hadn’t brought much with her, and she knew she was going to need a few things eventually.  She glanced at the clothing but didn’t feel like taking it seriously at the moment.  As she walked past the trinket stand, she fingered a bracelet that caught her eye but didn’t purchase.  Hawke smiled to himself as he watched her browsing.  He could tell she was a practical person- which was rare for a noble-born.  He noticed people watching her, looking at her missing arm- a few pointed, but Laurel was used to it.  As she moved from table to table, Hawke noticed her hand start to shake and realized she was probably getting tired.  He came up behind her and took her by the arm, asking if she needed to sit.  She nodded, and he took her over to sit at a small café, ordering some soup for her and tea for them both. 

               “Thank you, Hawke,” she said. “I should have known I would tire out so quickly.”  She watched people as they passed by, her hand wrapped around her mug of tea.  Hawke kept his eyes on her as she people-watched.

               “You can call me Garrett, you know,” he finally said. “Everyone calls me Hawke, except Bethany.  I don’t mind, but since you were kind enough to ask me to call you by your first name, I thought I’d return the favor.”  Laurel blushed. 

               “That was because I hated being called ‘Inquisitor’ or ‘your Worship’ all the time.  You’ll notice that most of my inner circle have different names for me. But if you like, I could call you Garrett.  I think I’d like that,” she said.  They finished up, and Hawke escorted Laurel back to her home so she could get some rest.  “Thank you, Hawke…Garrett,” she said as she entered her home. Hawke smiled at her as he turned and headed back home. 

               As Laurel entered, she saw Dorian sitting in her library reading.  “Dorian, what are you doing here?  I thought you were out with Bull?”

               Dorian closed his book and sat up. “I was- he had to deal with some business with the Chargers in the area.  Where have you been?”

               “I took a walk with Hawke- got some fresh air.  Browsed the marketplace a bit, had a little something to eat.” She sat down in the chair next to him, a little tired.  Dorian took her hand in his as they sat.

               “So we have the place to ourselves at the moment,” Dorian said,” let’s talk about the last few days.”  Laurel was quiet.  “I’m still worried about you, Sweetling.  I can’t stay here forever, even though I will be able to visit more often than I could than if you were still at Skyhold.  So I need to know what you are going to do with yourself.”

               “I have been giving that lots of thought already, Dorian.  In fact, I had already started working some things out before everything went south.  I’m going to help Bethany at her clinic- it’s in Darktown.  I’m not a healer, but I can still assist her.  So many people need help here, Dorian- and I can do that without calling attention to myself.”  She waited for him to say something, but it was obvious he wanted her to continue.  She told him about finding the new weapon at Korval’s Blades and how Hawke, Fenris, and Aveline were going to help her work out her new fighting method.  She showed him the blade she had bought and explained what Korval had told her about its features.

               “Well, it’s no staff, but it will do,” Dorian said.  “It sounds like you have found some worthwhile ways to spend your time.  I knew you would.  But make sure that you make some time for some companionship.  Working with Bethany, and training with the others is not the same as companionship.  I’m glad you got out with Hawke for a little while today. You shouldn’t be afraid to let people in, and you shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love again.”

               Laurel shook her head.  “It’s not that easy, Dorian.  I assumed I would spend my life in the Chantry, so I had never even thought about being in love with anyone, much less spending the rest of my life with someone.  I assumed that I would go back to the Chantry when I was finished with the Inquisition.  Then Cullen came along,” she stopped to wipe a tear. “He was my first everything, and I couldn’t even compare to his first love.  How do I get over that?  Even if I wanted to love again, who would be interested in this?” she asked as she indicated her missing arm.  “It’s not very attractive.”

               “Darling, do you have any idea how many people were in love with you at Skyhold- even after you lost your arm?  I know for a fact that Rylen would have gladly stolen you away from Cullen.  You had a great many admirers at Skyhold.  In fact, if those people knew where you were, they’d be lining up at your door to show you how worthy of love you are.”  He left his chair to kneel in front of her.  “Don’t give up, Laurel.” He looked in her eyes.  “Tell me something and answer honestly.  If Cullen were to arrive tomorrow and ask you to come back, would you say yes?”

               Laurel looked down at the hand Dorian was holding.  “I don’t know.  I still love him so much, but how would I trust him?  And what’s wrong with me?  How can I still love him after what he did?”  She had spent a lot of time thinking about that.  She had been so surprised that he had even wanted to spend time with her.  There were so many women at Haven and Skyhold that tried anything and everything to gain his attention, and he had eyes only for her.  He had a way of looking at her that made her feel like the most valuable person in the world.  And now, he was looking at someone else that way.  She shook her head- she had to stop dwelling on it.

               “Because that is who you are, Laurel.  You are the most loyal person I know.  You stood by my side and encouraged me to reconcile with my father, and you barely knew me at the time.  You didn’t give up on Thom Rainier, even when your advisors wanted you too.  That isn’t something you just let stop being.  I told you that I wouldn’t give you useless platitudes- you are better than that.  Just do this.  Revisit your feelings after you’d had a few months to make some new friends.   Personally, I’ll bet that you’ll find that love has diminished.  You will have to let me know if I am wrong.”


	5. Life Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, I really suck at titles. Hope people are enjoying the story- thanks for the comments and kudos!

                Hawke arrived at his house after escorting Laurel home to find Flora Hariman waiting for him.  “Where have you been lately, Hawke?” she asked him.  “I was hoping we could get some dinner tonight.”  Hawke and Flora had gone out a few times recently, but he didn’t feel any spark, and she had made it clear that she was somewhat disappointed in his lack of noble title, but she wasn’t getting any younger, and she was going to have to make do.  He was a little lonely after Isabela’s leaving, but he wasn’t willing to be someone’s last resort.

               “Sorry Flora, I’ve been pretty busy.  Businesses are booming, and a friend of Varric’s has moved to town, and she’s been having a rough time. I hung out at her place for a while until she was doing better.”  Flora’s eyes narrowed.  Hawke noticed but said nothing. “I don’t think I’d be very good company tonight since I haven’t slept much the last few days.”

               “Who is this friend?” Flora hoped she had adopted a casual tone when she asked.  Maybe he didn’t have a much of a title beyond his Mother’s Amell name, but he was still the Champion of Kirkwall, and the Viscount was his best friend.  He would still be an advantageous match, and she didn’t want any competition for his affection.

               Hawke studied her before answering.  He wasn’t comfortable telling people who Laurel was without asking her about it first.  He knew that Flora would not know who she was unless Hawke specifically said her name because she did not follow current events very closely and knew almost nothing of the war.  “Her name is Laurel. Varric and I met her a few years ago when I was traveling before I went to Weisshaupt.”  Hawke didn’t bother saying what Laurel’s personal issues were since he didn’t feel it was any of Flora’s business.

               “Is she single?” asked Flora.  “You know my brother should be getting married soon.  Maybe we should introduce them.”   She couldn’t tell what Hawke was thinking about the situation, or what he may be feeling about her, and that bothered her.  He was nice when they were out together, and was always polite, and paid attention to her when she was speaking, but he showed no affection, and she found that she was the one to initiate getting together.

               Hawke shook his head.  “She’s not in a place to be seeing someone right now, Flora.  She’s only just arrived in Kirkwall, and she needs to get herself situated and find a purpose.  She’s going to work with Bethany at the Clinic in Darktown, and I’m sure Varric will want her to invest in some business ventures as well.”  He thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea for her to invest and start some businesses and he knew that Varric would be talking to her about it when he felt the time was right.  Varric had tried to approach the Harimans about investing but had not gotten anywhere.

               “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” said Flora.  She approached Hawke trying to get some measure of affection out of him but finding he wasn’t even paying attention.  She left his house and started walking home, thinking. She had first met Hawke when he and Sebastian had come to their house and freed them from the Demon, Allure who had made a deal with her Mother.  She, her brother, Brett and her father Ruxton had all survived but had been under the demon’s spell until both her mother and the demon were defeated.  After everything had happened in Kirkwall and Sebastian had left to claim his throne in Starkhaven, her father had tried to arrange for Flora to marry Sebastian.  His advisors, however, had not thought it wise to have the daughter of the woman who had arranged for the murder of Sebastian’s family marry the last remaining member.  So Flora languished in Kirkwall.  There was no one for her here aside from Hawke himself, except for Viscount Tethras, and she would not stoop to marrying a dwarf, no matter how powerful he was. 

               She had been glad when Hawke moved back to Kirkwall, but he had immediately moved that Isabela into his home and had gone about his life.  She was glad when the pirate wench left and had been biding her time waiting for him to get over her and want to start seeing other women again.  It wasn’t working out the way she wanted, though, and she wasn’t sure how to grab his interest.  She didn’t know who this Laurel person was, but she wanted to find out as soon as possible, wanting to see if she would be a rival for Hawke’s affections or not. Her only measure of comfort right now was that Hawke didn’t seem to be interested in anyone else and that he at least agreed to go out with her.  He hadn’t been seeing anyone else as far as she knew, not that she associated with many people in Kirkwall- not many here were worth her time, and she wanted to keep it that way so she could have time to win him over.

               She went into her house and found her brother at his desk writing a letter.  “Brett,” Flora said to him, “I just heard from Hawke that there’s a new girl in town.  Know anything about her?”   She tried to sound casual like she had with Hawke, but she saw Brett’s eyes furrow when she asked.  Flora sighed inwardly. Brett was her brother, and she loved him, but he was so unlike her in every way.  He didn’t appreciate the station their name gave them, or at least he hadn’t since the whole demon incident.  Her mother had turned everything into a giant cock-up, and Brett remembered the fact that he almost killed one of their servants by pouring molten metal over her and then over himself before Hawke and Sebastian and their friends stopped him.  She didn’t remember much, and her father refused to speak of it, so she had no idea what had happened to him, or if he even remembered.  Brett had changed after that, trying to make up for what he had done, and what his mother had done.  He was the one who agreed with Sebastian’s advisors when they decided that marriage between Flora and Sebastian would have been a poor move, and Flora still hadn’t completely forgiven him for that.

               “I don’t know much about her, I’m afraid.  I know that they hired one of the elven girls from the alienage to work for her,” Brett thought for a moment, “Um…Leena, I think.”  Brett spent a lot of time helping the elves, trying to make up for his actions that horrible day, so he knew quite a few of them by name.  Even though his father refused to invest in Varric’s revitalization program, Brett had been instrumental in finding elves to work in the shops that had opened, and in making sure they received fair treatment. “I’ve not met her yet.  Why?”

               “No real reason,” Flora said nonchalantly.  “He just told me that she had arrived and that she was going to be working with his sister in that dirty clinic of hers, and probably invest in the dwarf’s program too.”  She rolled her eyes. “Sounds right up your alley,”  Brett grunted and returned to his letter writing.  Flora watched him as he wrote.  “Maybe you should try to meet her and chat her up a bit,” she urged.  It’s not like there are a lot of eligible ladies in this town- snatch her up before someone else does.”

               Brett shrugged. “I’ll meet her when I meet her.  If she just moved here, I’m sure she’s busy.”  Flora rolled her eyes again.  “What’s the matter, sister?  Afraid she’ll charm your Hawke and steal him away?”  He knew her too well.  She’d been scheming about Hawke since his lover left, but even he knew she was going about it the wrong way, and he could tell that Hawke wasn’t interested, in her or in anyone it seemed.  He watched her as she flounced off, upset at his question, which just went to prove that he was right.  He sighed to himself and hoped that Flora wouldn’t do something to make an ass of herself.  This new person did sound interesting, especially if she was going to work in the clinic and invest in the town, Kirkwall could always use more service minded people living there.  Maybe he would have to make a point to meet her and find out more about her.

………

Laurel continued to improve and get stronger over the next few days, much to everyone’s relief.  Dorian had to return to his work in Tevinter, but Bull and the Chargers had decided to stay around for a while- Bull and Fenris had hit it off and had agreed to take some contracts together.  Laurel started her first day at the clinic with Bethany and found she loved it.  She stayed busy, and it felt good to be helping people again.  Bethany watched Laurel in amazement- she treated everyone who came in with respect, no matter what the problem was, and she didn’t flinch away from anything Bethany asked her to do.  For the first time, Bethany was able to leave at a normal time thanks to all the help Laurel had given her. 

               After her time at the clinic, Laurel worked with Hawke and Fenris with her new blade.  They figured out the best way to wear the scabbard so she could easily access her blade and then started working on adjusting her fighting style.  When Aveline wasn’t busy, she would help as well.  It kept Laurel busy enough that she fell into bed at night exhausted- but her strength was coming back.

               After a few months, Laurel had settled into a comfortable schedule.  She had made some investments with Varric’s help and had become a business owner.  She had managed to stay un-noticed as the Inquisitor, and she wanted to keep it that way, so Varric had listed the business owner as Laurel Pavus, and Laurel had taken to introducing herself that way since it kept people from recognizing her.   Dorian laughed loudly when she told him about it and said he had always wanted a sister.  She had met more people in town due to being a business owner, but she preferred the companionship of Hawke and his friends.  Bull and the Chargers were still around, having made Kirkwall their new home base- sometimes taking contracts on their own, and sometimes with Fenris. 

               “So, Darling.  It’s been a few months since our…talk.  You’ve kept yourself busy, met new people, and gained a dashing brother.  Has it helped at all?”

               “I don’t dwell on things too much, I guess- I’ve been so busy I haven’t had time to think about it,” she said.  She told Dorian about the bakery and bookstore and the employees she had found to run them.  She stopped in every day to go over the books, but for the most part, the stores ran themselves.

               “Keeping busy is fine for the mind, but it doesn’t do much for the soul.  You need people in your life that give it meaning.  I know it’s only been a few months, so I won’t nag you too much.  So I need to ask the question again.  If Cullen were to arrive tomorrow and ask you to come back, would you say yes?”

               Silence.  “I’d like to say no, but I can’t.  How messed up is that?  Why I am so pathetic?” she asked him quietly.

               “You’re not pathetic, Darling.  It took me a long time to get over my first love, and I still sometimes think about him.  It’s our nature not to give up so lightly.  Bull has told me that you meet up with everyone at the Hanged Man for cards- I’m glad you aren’t completely shutting yourself away. It’s a good start.”

               “It’s nice to have friends here.  Everyone have been great- they don’t let me sit around.  In fact, Garrett should be here in a few minutes- we’re heading over for cards- Varric is going to make it tonight, and I think there are a few new people coming tonight as well.”

               “Garrett?  Since when do you call him Garrett? Do tell…” Dorian sparked up in anticipation.

               “He asked me to call him by his first name a while ago- since he calls me by my first name.  I think he likes it when people use his first name.  Nothing more than that- he’s got his own relationship issues he’s getting over.”  Dorian waited for her to elaborate.  “I don’t know much about it- it’s not my business, so I haven’t pried.  If he wants to open up about it, he will.”

               “He is a very handsome man, Sweetling…”

               Laurel sighed. “If there is one thing I’ve learned- handsome clearly isn’t everything.”

               “Of course it’s not, but it doesn’t hurt.”

               “Really Dorian?  A handsome, older man with ex-girlfriend issues.  Does that sound like a wise move to you? I’ve been down that road and got my heart shattered.”

               Dorian sighed.  “I guess you’re right.  But, don’t let it rule him out either.  I don’t know if you noticed- but he rarely left your house when you were ill.”

               Laurel snorted. “Neither did Varric, Bethany, or you for that matter.  He’s just that type of guy.  I’m just lucky that I’ve surrounded myself with wonderful people.  Don’t read anything into it Dorian.”

               “All right, all right. I should go, Darling.   Have fun on your date.”

               “Dorian!” Laurel exclaimed, but it was too late.  The crystal had already faded.  Shaking her head, Laurel went to finish getting ready.

………

               Laurel and Hawke arrived to find Aveline, Donnic, Varric, Bethany, Fenris and Bull already setting up a table for cards, getting mugs of ale and everything else they usually had when they played.  “Set two more places, Varric.  I have guests,” said Hawke.  When Varric looked at him, he said, “Flora and Brett Hariman.”

               Varric snorted, “She’s coming here?  She must feel like slumming it tonight.”  As Laurel went to help get things set up, Varric pulled Hawke aside. “Has Flora met Laurel yet?” Hawke shook his head.  “Well, that’s going to go well.  Brett’s a nice enough guy, but Flora’s been trying to get her hooks into you for months now.  It’s…not working is it?” he asked, frowning.

               “No, Varric,” said Hawke.  “I tried to go out, just for the sake of getting out of the house, but there’s just nothing there.  I’ve tried to tell her that, but she keeps pushing.  I couldn’t find a reason to say no to them- Brett was with her, and I like him.”  Flora had dragged Brett into Hawke’s tavern earlier in the day when she knew he would be there working on the books, intending on asking Hawke to dinner.  When he mentioned that it was card night, she invited herself and her brother along, much to Brett’s embarrassment.  Brett looked apologetically at him, but Hawke invited them out of politeness. 

               Varric made sure that Laurel was sitting next to Hawke, and he sat on his other side, so when Flora and Brett showed up, Flora was forced to sit between Aveline and Bull.  As Hawke made the introductions, he could feel Brett’s eyes on Laurel in admiration, and Flora’s eyes on her in jealousy.  He could understand why- Laurel looked very lovely that evening.  Her wavy auburn hair was loose and flowing around her shoulders, and she wore a very flattering dark green dress that set off her hair and eyes quite becomingly.  She was starting to gain back the weight she had lost during her move and subsequent breakdown, so she had lost the slightly gaunt haunted look she had when she had first arrived in Kirkwall. Flora looked her over, noting her missing arm and scars, but couldn’t help but be envious of the younger woman.  Brett had ended up sitting across from her, but Flora was down at the other end of the table, between the huge Qunari and the Guard Captain, and she was stuck listening to Bull tease Aveline all evening about how hot redheads were and about tempting her away from her husband.  Laurel had finally become a master at rearranging her cards and playing one handed, grinning as she won the first few hands and Varric good-naturedly accused her of cheating.  It was obvious to Flora that Laurel fit in with this crowd of people.

               When they were done playing cards for the night, and people were drifting off, Flora approached Laurel.  “I’m sorry- I didn’t catch your full name and where you’re from?” Flora asked her.

               Laurel smiled at her.  “Laurel Pavus, most recently of Kirkwall,” she said.  “I understand you are originally from Starkhaven?” she asked Flora. 

               Flora nodded, “But we’ve been living here for years.”  She studied Laurel closer.  “Pavus…Pavus,” she said, trying to place the name.  “That’s Tevinter, isn’t it? Are you originally from Tevinter?”

               Laurel shook her head.  “I guess you could say I was adopted.  It’s a long, complicated story,” she said.  She wouldn’t elaborate further to Flora’s questions except to admit that she was a Comtesse, which took Flora by surprise.  She did carry herself like a noble-born in some ways, but working in that clinic and owning businesses?  Decidedly not a trait that most nobles had. 

               Flora turned her attention to Hawke.  “Hawke, would you walk me home?  I’m not very comfortable walking at night through Lowtown.”  Hawke looked at Laurel since he had planned on walking her home.

               Laurel smiled at Hawke. “I’ll be fine Garrett, go ahead if you like.”  Brett approached Laurel and asked to walk her home.  She looked apprehensive, having just met him, but Hawke nodded, so she agreed.  Brett and Laurel talked about her businesses on the way to her home, but she didn’t volunteer any more personal information, gently changing the subject when Brett got curious.  He kissed her hand when they arrived at her home, and he headed back to his house, thinking about her.  She was very lovely and very kind- he had made a point to chat with Leena and the elves that worked at her businesses that day, and they all spoke highly of her.  He decided he would stop by the clinic to see her soon and ask her to dinner.

               Hawke and Flora’s walk was not as comfortable- she insisted on taking his arm as they walked and begged him to come in and chat for a while when they reached her home.  She brought him a glass of wine, and they chatted for a while before Flora put her glass down and steeled herself.  “Hawke, I was wondering if you wanted to spend the night here. With me.” Hawke looked at her.  “We’ve been out a few times now, and I was hoping we could take our relationship further.”  She looked at him hopefully.

               Hawke shifted uncomfortably.  “I’m sorry, Flora, but I don’t think of you that way.  Our dinners together have been nice, but I don’t think we’ll be any more than friends.”  He stood up awkwardly, but Flora stopped him.

               “You haven’t given me a chance, Hawke,” Flora said pleadingly.  “I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but I swear I would never do that to you.  Let me prove it to you.”  She put her arms around him and tried to kiss him.

               Hawke gently stopped her and pulled her arms from around him.  “Flora, please stop.  If you want me to be honest, I’m not interested because you made it clear that you are only interested in me as a last resort, and that I’m not ‘noble’ enough for you.  I don’t want to be someone that gets settled for- it’s not fair to either of us.”

               Flora shook her head.  “That’s not true, Hawke.  I like you, doesn’t that count for anything?”  She was starting to panic- this was not going at all like she planned.  “Or is this about your new little friend?”  She said that a little more harshly than planned, but she was angry.

               Hawke looked confused.  “Laurel has nothing to do with this.  I told you before; she’s not in the right place for a relationship right now.  We’ve been through a lot together, and she needs me as a friend right now.”  He looked at Flora.  “I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want me to be, but there is no future for us as a relationship.”  She stared after him as he left the house and went home.

………

               Hawke stopped by Laurel to make sure she got home all right and found her sitting at her kitchen table with a cup of tea.  She looked up and smiled when she saw him come in and offered him a cup and a seat at the table.  He accepted both and looked at her.  “Everything go ok with Brett?”

               Laurel blushed a little and toyed with her cup. “I guess.  We mostly talked about the bakery and bookstore.  He seems nice enough.”  Garrett raised his eyebrows and waited.  “I’m just not ready for that kind of thing yet, Garrett.  I’m still getting used to life here, and I have enough on my plate already.  Which reminds me, I wanted to talk to you about the vacant buildings next to the bakery.”

               They spent the next hour talking about their businesses before Hawke called it a night.  He walked home thinking about the events of the evening- Flora’s actions and everything that Laurel had said.  He was relieved that he had finally explained to Flora that he was not interested, and he hoped that she would take the hint and back off, but he had a feeling that she would not give up so easily.  He didn’t understand it, since she had hinted that he was not quite good enough a match for her station, but he never really understood women much anyway.  He had not been happy that Brett Hariman had asked to escort Laurel home, but he had no reason to say no.  He knew Brett was a respectable man and wouldn’t try anything, but he was still unhappy about it nonetheless. 

………

The next afternoon, Hawke walked into Varric’s office, plopped into a chair and put his boots up on Varric’s desk.  “Getting comfy Hawke?” Varric growled as he stared at Hawke’s boots.  It had been a late night, and Varric’s luck had not been that great.

               “You know it. Glad you could make it last night.  Always fun to win money from the Viscount.”

               “So what brings you here?  Come to rub it in?  Kick me when I’m down?”  Varric had a pounding headache that just wouldn’t go away.

               “Nope.  Came to talk about another investment, if you have the time.” 

               Varric looked up. “Well, this is a surprise.  I had to coax you for weeks last time.  You have something specific in mind I take it?”  It was all a part of Varric’s plan to revitalize the city.  Now that the docks were rebuilt, and ships were coming in, a place was needed for the goods to go.  He hoped that by adding several storefronts in Hightown and Lowtown, that they could attract more tourists- very similar to the Summer Bazaar in Orlais.  Sadly, many talented people lacked the finances to open the businesses on their own, so Varric had been working with the wealthier inhabitants of Kirkwall, encouraging them to fund the business for these people, but let them run it with minor oversight on their part.  So far, it had been working well.  Hawke had funded a few storefronts, and Laurel had as well.  A few other residents of Hightown invested as well- some in storefronts, some in warehouses and shipping.  It was slow going, but gradually becoming successful.

               “There’s are two empty buildings next to Laurel’s bookstore and bakery.  We were talking about it last night after cards, and we thought it would be interesting to add a dressmaker/tailor and a cigar shop.  If you want to have a gathering place, you need to have places that appeal to both men and women- and they have to be close together, so men have a place to hide while women shop.”  Varric looked thoughtful for a moment and nodded his head.

               “Doable.  Sissy is taking one; you’re taking the other?”  Hawke nodded.  “Done, then.  I’ll have the papers drawn up.  You and Sissy can come by later in the week to settle up.  So what brought all this on?”

               Hawke shrugged.  “Laurel started the conversation- bemoaning the lack of a decent dressmaker in town.  She’s been trying to find things...um…off the rack- I think she said, and hasn’t had much luck.  Things just developed from there. She’s very astute for someone with no business experience.” Varric looked at him strangely.  “Anyway, Leena’s cousin and her husband are handy with a needle apparently, and the young man that runs Laurel’s bakery has a brother that in interested in the cigar store.  We’ll need to add some importers for tobacco, though.”  Hawke saw Varric looking at him.  “What?  Laurel just wants to help you out more.  And she’s right.  You’ve been a good friend to both of us.  You deserve our support.”

               “You like her,” Varric said simply.

               Hawke looked confused. “Well, yes.  She’s an admirable girl, and she deserves a lot of respect.”

               “No- you like her like her,” said Varric, smiling.  “I can smell it, Hawke.”

               Hawke shifted uncomfortably.  “No Varric.  Even if I did- it’s too soon.  For both of us.” Varric waved him off and laughed.  “Really Varric?  It was only what- four or five months ago that she walked in to see her husband balls deep inside his ex-girlfriend.  You think she’d be interested in someone who could follow the same pattern?  An older man still not over his ex?”

               “How do you know you’re not over her?” asked Varric. “You know, I’ve noticed some changes in you since you started spending time with her.  You’re turning back into the old sarcastic asshole I used to know and love.  And, you haven’t talked about Rivaini at all since Sissy came to town.  It’s been how long now she’s been gone?  Over a year for sure.”  Hawke didn’t say anything.  “Granted, it may be too soon for Sissy.”

               “I’m too old for her,” Hawke argued. 

               “Bullshit,” said Varric.  “She’s an old soul.”  Hawke gave him a look.  “All right, all right, I’ll drop it- after one piece of advice.  Don’t wait too long.  She’s a hell of a catch- I’ve heard people talking.”

               Hawke walked around aimlessly after his conversation with Varric.  Some things Varric had said were true.  He hadn’t thought much about Isabela since Laurel came to town.  Between handling his businesses, helping Bull and his Chargers get situated, helping Laurel with her training and her businesses, he had stopped thinking about Isabela. He missed her late at night, of course, but he had finally accepted that it was over and that she wasn’t coming back.  He had realized long ago that he had been foolish to think of her as the settling down type.  He couldn’t imagine her with children- he didn’t know why he had ever thought she would want them. 

               Varric was also right about people talking about Laurel.  He had heard various gentlemen in the Tavern talking about her- the mysterious new young Comtesse with the missing arm and the strange sword.  She didn’t walk around wearing her sword openly all the time- but she could be seen practicing with it in her courtyard a few times a week.  She had told him that she still wasn’t used to walking around with no weapons- even in Skyhold, she was constantly armed, and it made her uncomfortable not to be.  Hawke could understand that- he carried a dagger in his boot all times- but Laurel didn’t have that option with her skirts getting in the way.  Hawke had worked with Fenris, and they had come up with a blade that attached to her forearm under her sleeve that would release into her hand when she flexed her arm, which had made her feel a lot more comfortable.  He figured the discomfort came from being at war and not feeling safe. 

               As he walked around, he saw that the bracelet she had looked at the last time they had walked together was still there.  She still did not have many possessions of her own; he had noticed when he was at her house.  She wore no jewelry aside from that amulet, took good care of the clothing she had and rarely bought anything for herself.  She would stop over every once in a while, with something she had found for him- a book, or a bottle of brandy, and he knew she did the same for the others, but she never got anything for herself.  He supposed it was the Chantry upbringing- living simply and giving to others, that she still lived by, coupled with a need to budget brought on by trying to support so many people during the war.  He remembered her grumbling about the Winter Palace and all that ostentatious waste when there was a war on. 

               Smiling, he bought the bracelet for her.  He wasn’t sure how he would give it to her yet- but at least it was a step.  She deserved more than she had gotten from this life.  He sighed to himself. He did like her.  He’d just keep this to himself- she needed a chance to work things out.  They had both been damaged by war, and by love.  He knew she still had nightmares- he had overheard Orana and Leena talking about it- he still had them too.  The difference was that it wasn’t too late for her.  She was still young and had her whole life ahead of her.  He knew that he wasn’t ancient, but he was too tired to play the game and find someone remotely interesting enough to start courting.  He learned that from the situation with Flora Hariman.  He looked at the bracelet he had just purchased and put it in his pocket.  He knew he could never give it to her, but he would keep it as a reminder.


	6. A Dream and a Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the point where I started to struggle with the storyline. As much as I love stories that are a "what happened next" type- I'm not very good at imagining what really happened next. I've gone over this several times and I'm relatively happy with it. Hope you like it!

Laurel had been in Kirkwall for a year when Dorian came to visit again.  She had been comforting a young child in the Clinic when she heard the familiar “Hello Darling!” from behind her, and ran to jump into his arms.  He held her at arm’s length, looking her over approvingly.  She had finally had some new clothes made, and she was looking lovelier than ever.  “This new life of yours suits you I think.”

               After telling Bethany that she was leaving, she and Dorian walked arm in arm to Hightown.  Dorian spent some time telling her all of his news and the latest gossip, and Laurel showed him hers and Hawke’s businesses.  She told him about Sera and Dagna coming to see her recently, apologizing for not getting there sooner.  Dagna had been contracted to do some work in Orlais, and they couldn’t get away.  Thom had sent some letters- he had been unable to get away from his work, and he promised to visit very soon, and hopefully stay a while.  Bull and his Chargers were still around, as was Cole.  She occasionally heard from others- Leliana, Josephine, Cassandra and even Lady Vivienne- all sending her encouraging letters.

               They arrived at her house and went to sit in the library.  Laurel knew he was going to want to talk, and decided to get to it and get it out of the way.  “So Darling, I’ve seen your businesses and heard all of your news.  Now tell me the rest.”

               “The rest of what?” she asked.  Dorian just looked at her with a “you know what I mean” look.  Laurel sighed.  “I’m good, Dorian.  Really.  You were right.  It does get easier over time.” She meant what she said.  She had many lonely nights to think, and she found that maybe her world hadn’t ended.  “I’m not seeing anyone- I’m still not ready to trust anyone yet.  But I’m not unwilling to learn to trust either.”

               “That’s wonderful, Laurel,” Dorian said sincerely.  “I’m so proud of you.  I won’t nag you about your love life- I’m sure Hawke is a patient man.”

               Laurel rolled her eyes at Dorian.  “He’s not interested in me that way,” she said.  She didn’t know why Dorian was so convinced Hawke liked her.  He treated her like a little sister- teasing her, helping her with her training, cheating at cards when they played. Maker, could that man cheat at cards.

               Dorian dropped it.  He had discovered that Laurel would start getting upset when he teased her like that, and he just couldn’t bring himself to do that to her.  “So then, I need to ask the question again.  “If Cullen were to arrive tomorrow and ask you to come back, would you say yes?”

               Laurel didn’t say anything right away.  She knew the question was coming, and every time, she struggled with the answer.  It wasn’t that she was still in love with him as deeply as she once was.  Time, distance and circumstances had numbed her feelings for him, but she wondered what would happen if they did end up face to face.  “I think I can finally say no.  But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to move on yet.”

               “Of course it doesn’t Darling.  But it’s a start,” Dorian said. 

………

               A little later, Dorian stopped in to see Varric.  “Sparkler!” Varric said brightly, “good to see you! What brings you to see me?”

               “I just came from seeing Laurel, and I wanted to talk to you.” Varric put his pen down, folded his hands and looked at Dorian.  “She seems to be better, but I wanted to check with you.”

               “She’s doing well,” Varric said.  “She stays busy.  Leena tells me she still has nightmares- bad ones, but she tries to keep that to herself.  Don’t worry Dorian; we’re all watching out for her.”

               “I know Varric,” sighed Dorian.  “I just worry that she’s wasting away out here.  After she got serious with Cullen, she would talk about having children and settling down to a quiet married life.  She hasn’t mentioned children since Cullen left her.  She seems content, but that is not the same as happy.  I’ve tried to encourage her, but she’s just not taking the bait.”  Varric looked confused.  Dorian sighed again.  “Am I the only one thinking proactively here?”  Varric looked even more confused.  “Look, does Hawke like her or not?” Dorian pressed.

               Varric rubbed his eyes wearily.  “He does.”

               “Then why doesn’t he do something about it?” asked Dorian incredulously. 

               “A million reasons, Sparkler,” said Varric.  “We need to let them figure this out on their own.  Pushing it publicly will just make her shut down, and then there will be no chance.  You know that.  She’s had several offers from different men- Brett Hariman being the most persistent, but she has turned them all away.  Subtle is the key here.”

               “I just want her to be happy,” said Dorian sadly.  “I want her nightmares to go away again, and I’d like to see a smile reach her eyes again.”

………

               Dorian started awake in the middle of the night when he heard screaming.  He jumped out of bed and ran to Laurel’s room, waving Thom back downstairs.  Laurel was thrashing in her sleep and screaming in terror.  He frantically tried to wake her up, shaking her until she finally awoke, gasping and shaking.  Dorian lay down next to her and put his arms around her, trying to comfort her as she cried.

               After a while, she finally settled down and fell back to a more peaceful sleep in Dorian’s arms.  She awoke in the strange land again to find Solas before her.  “Solas,” she said emotionally as she hugged him.  “I’ve missed you.”

               “And I you, Lethallan,” Solas said, smiling.  “Come and sit.”  They sat down in the grass and looked at each other.  Solas noticed she was still wearing the amulet he had given her and smiled.  “Your sleep is still troubled Da’len, but your spirit has improved.  I have come back, as promised with a cure for the Calling.”

               “Solas!  How?” She asked.  He smiled but did not explain.  He showed her what he had done and showed her how to make it and administer it.

               “You must use caution, Lethallan.  There is one who will not be happy that you have this, and she can be dangerous.  I know that you will put the needs of others over your safety, but I do not want to see you harmed.”  He took her hand and kissed it. 

               “You know me too well, I guess.  Alistair asked for my help, and I need to help him.  And any others who can’t pay whatever price she is asking,” said Laurel.  “I’ll be careful and quick.  I supposed I have friends that are going to insist on traveling with me, too.

               “Just like old times,” smiled Solas.  “I miss those days, believe it or not.”

               “Then come with me,” pleaded Laurel.  “Solas, I miss your wisdom and friendship.  Come home to me.” A tear ran down her cheek as she looked at their entwined fingers.  He wiped her tear away gently.

               “You know I can’t.  It is too late for me.  But again, that is a discussion for another time, my gentle friend.  You always try to take care of everyone else, even now.  You need to take care of yourself as well.  You deserve a happy life, Lethallan.  You shouldn’t be afraid to love again, especially when one is right in front of you.”

               “What do you mean Solas?” she asked.  He just smiled and told her to wake up.

               Laurel sat up in bed again, looking around her in confusion.  Damn it Solas- way to leave on a cliffhanger. Dorian awoke and found her sitting up.  “Laurel?” he asked “what’s happening? Another bad dream?”

               “A dream, but not a bad one.”  She looked around the room, looking for what Solas had shown her.  She didn’t see it in her room, so she got up and ran downstairs, searching from room to room with Dorian following closely behind.  She saw the box sitting on top of the mantelpiece and snatched it down, opening it up and looking at the contents, laughing in relief.  Dorian looked in the box with her.  “It’s the cure, Dorian.  From Solas.”

………

               The next morning, everyone gathered at Laurel’s house, and she showed them the cure.  Because there were no Grey Wardens in Kirkwall, they had not been able to find out anything about the cure that Surana had found.  “I’m going to Alistair,” Laurel announced.  “I’m going to give him this treatment and find out what he knows, and see if I can get him to help spread this since Surana is holding hers hostage.”

               “But at what danger to you?” Hawke asked.  “If Surana finds out you have this; do you think she’ll just let it go?” Hawke didn’t know if Laurel realized exactly how dangerous Surana could be if you crossed her.

               “This is what I do, Garrett.  I can’t hold on to this out of fear for my safety.  If I had done that before, Corypheus would have won.  Alistair is my friend, and I am going to help him.” 

               “Sissy- you can’t go alone.  I can’t go- people tend to get nervous when their Viscount disappears- I found that out after the Exalted Council.”  Varric stole a glance at Hawke to see if he would take the bait.

               “I’m going with you,” Hawke said.  Laurel shook her head.  She had taken companions with her during the war, but they had the protection of the Inquisition, and soldiers everywhere.  This situation was different, and Laurel felt more discretion was needed.

               “I can’t draw attention to this Garrett.  Solas warned me that this could be dangerous.  If I just travel down there, talk to Alistair and come back, it will be safer for everyone.”

               Garrett stood up and planted himself in front of Laurel.  “I’m going with you.  No arguments,” he said again.  They were too busy glaring at each other to notice the look pass between Varric and Dorian.  Hawke crossed his arms and waited for an argument. 

               “Fine,” Laurel said.  “I’m leaving tomorrow.  That will give time to make arrangements and pack.”

               Dorian said, “I’m coming too, Sweetling,” with a look at Bull.    Bull laughed and slapped his knee and said he was coming too.  Laurel huffed and grumbled about it being impossible to keep a low profile with a Tevinter Magister and a massive Qunari in the group.

………

               Hawke headed back to his house to get packed and heard someone calling to him and turned around to find Flora hurrying towards him, smiling. She had been somewhat persistent in pursuing him in the last year, but Hawke had no interest since he had realized that he had feelings for Laurel.  “I can’t talk right now, Flora.  I’m leaving in the morning, and I have to pack and make some arrangements.” 

               Flora frowned quickly but changed quickly to a mask of interest.  “Where are you headed to?” she asked, trying to sound bright.  “Anyplace interesting?” 

               “Not really,” said Hawke carefully.  “I’m leaving on a trip with Laurel and her friend Dorian and Iron Bull- I’m sure you remember him.”  He didn’t want to tell her where since Laurel seemed to want secrecy about the nature of the trip.  He glanced at Flora as she processed this information. She had been making it painfully obvious to everyone around her that she was still after Hawke, even after several polite refusals and outright declarations of disinterest on his part.  He hadn’t said anything to her about how he felt about Laurel and had no plans to since he was certain that his feelings were unrequited.  He spent a lot of time with Laurel- they sparred a few times a week, and since they owned businesses that were side by side, they often walked together and ate lunch together.  He was always careful around her, not wanting to reveal his feelings and scare her off, reminding himself to be patient and let her live her life.  “We’ll probably be gone a few weeks.”

               Flora tried not to look dismayed.  A few weeks on a trip with Laurel- she didn’t like the sound of that, even if others were going along.  In the last several months, she had found herself watching Hawke carefully when that girl was around.  If he liked her, he didn’t show it, which encouraged her, but Laurel was beautiful and had way more in common with Hawke than she did.  She had eventually found out that she was Laurel Trevelyan, the former Inquisitor, but since Flora had not paid much attention to the events of the war, she didn’t truly understand what Laurel’s role in the war was.  She was also aware of the honorary title that the dwarf had bestowed upon her- a title that put her higher in status than Flora, which did not make her very happy.  Laurel had always been polite to her- she had no reason to dislike her.  She showed no interest in anyone romantically, including her brother, and Hawke, but that could change at any time.  “Oh…well, I hope you have a good trip,” she said lamely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to give kudos to the Grammarly program yet again. It seems I have an absurd fondness for commas, and the words "really" and "actually", and for writing in the passive voice. I sprang for the whole program instead of the free one, and even though it's expensive, I think it's worth it.


	7. On the Boat

               After Laurel and Hawke had made arrangements with Varric to look after their businesses, the four companions boarded a ship and sailed to Highever.  While they were on the ship, they had agreed to travel as quickly and quietly as possible and to try to draw no attention to themselves.  Laurel viewed this trip with a great deal of trepidation- she wanted to help her friend, but she was afraid of running into Cullen.  She stood on the deck, looking out at the water, deep in thought. 

               “Something on your mind?” she heard Hawke ask as he came up behind her.

               “I feel so ridiculous for worrying, Garrett.  It’s a big country- what are the chances of running into them? And why should I care of I do?  Maker, I’m so stupid.”  Garrett didn’t say anything. “This is why I should have come alone.  I could stay hidden in the shadows and been in and out within a few days.”

               “Or you could be caught by bandits and killed. Yep- that’s just as effective as taking a small team with you.” Hawke said sarcastically.  He sobered up.  “Are you really afraid of running into Cullen?” he asked quietly.  “You know that we’d be there if that happened.   We’d have your back.” Maker, she smelled good.  It was getting harder for Hawke to keep his feelings to himself.  He had often relied on teasing and sarcasm to mask that he cared for her, but he couldn’t help but be gentle with her right now.

               “I know Garrett.  I’m just being silly.  It’s not like I’d go back to him if he asked.”

               “You wouldn’t?” Hawke asked a little too quickly. 

               Laurel shook her head.  “You know, every time Dorian and I talk, he asks me the same question.  ‘If Cullen were to turn up tomorrow and ask you to come back, would you say yes?’.  At first, I couldn’t answer.  He asked me again when he arrived the other day.  I told him that I would say no.”  Hawke waited patiently for her to explain.  “I have a life in Kirkwall now- one that I like.  I always thought I would be happy living in a cottage, or on the Sanctuary that Cullen wanted to start, but I like living where I do now.  Never thought I’d say I liked living in a city, but part of it is the company I keep.”  She smiled gratefully at Hawke.

               Hawke smiled back.  “I’m glad you like living in Kirkwall.  It took some getting used to when I first moved here, and I missed it when I was on the run.  I never thought I would end up moving back here, and I almost left again after…”

               Laurel nodded in understanding.  “So why did you stay?”

               “Bethany, Varric, and Fenris, to start.  Bethany needed a place to stay and protection, and Varric needed support- I couldn’t leave him by himself here to be Viscount.  It’s a lonely job. Fenris was still having trouble with slavers and needed help.”

               Laurel looked at the water again.  “I’ve never asked what happened- I know a little, but I never wanted to pry- it’s not my business.  I still won’t ask, but I just want to know how long it took you to get over it. Or if you are over it.”  Hawke was quiet for a long time.      Laurel began to wonder if she asked the wrong thing.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ve made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have asked.”  She started away from the railing to leave before Hawke caught her by the hand.

               “No, wait,” he said. “I’m sorry.  It’s not that I’m uncomfortable.  I just got lost in thought.  Do you really want to hear this?” he asked her.

               “Only if you are ok with it.  You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she responded.  She realized that Hawke was still holding her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles, but she did not pull away.

               Hawke told her briefly about how he and Isabela met, and got together, and how they went on the run after everything went south in Kirkwall.  “We traveled around for a long time before we had to go our separate ways for various reasons- but we kept in contact with sending crystals.  It was hard, and we missed each other, but we managed to make it work somehow.”  He told her about what happened after he returned from Weisshaupt- they moved in together, and her leaving without a word six months later. 

               “After she left, I lost it for a while, drinking a lot, getting into fights, before my friends pulled me back.  They kept me busy- too busy to focus on Isabela leaving.  Sound familiar?”  Laurel laughed- it certainly did.  “But this is where our story differs a bit.  I should have seen it coming.  Isabela was never one to be tamed down- she was never one for living in one place, raising children, wearing pants.  I was too blinded by love to see that she was slowly dying inside- too blinded by the thought of having a family and all the parts that come with it to see that she didn’t want the same.  And I think she thought that I would get bored and we’d go back to traveling again.  We just didn’t talk- we just moved in together and didn’t talk about the future.  That was a mistake.  It took me a long time to get over it still, in spite of knowing how wrong we were for each other.”

               “So you have never wanted to find someone else?” Laurel asked. “Dorian bugs me about it sometimes, but he doesn’t push too hard.  Varric does sometimes too. If they do that to me, Varric must certainly do that to you as well.”

               Hawke chuckled.  “We’re guys, Laurel.  We don’t talk much about stuff like that.  We just pick each other up, dust each other off and carry on.  Bethany has nagged at me here and there, but since she’s not in a relationship either, she doesn’t push too much.  But no.  I’ve stayed busy, and there has not been much opportunity to meet anyone else that I found interesting enough.  I just don’t know if I’m right for anyone anymore.  I got too blinded by what I wanted to notice that the person I wanted it with was miserable.  I don’t know if I want to do that to anyone else.”

               Laurel squeezed his hand but didn’t let go.  “Garrett,” she said softly. “Don’t shut yourself away because of self-doubt.”

               Garrett smiled grimly.  “I could say the same to you, you know.  It’s been over a year.  I know that you have had offers and that you have turned them down.” She looked at him sharply.  “I hear the men complain in the Tavern when I’m doing the books.  I’m not stalking you, honest.  Well- I’ve had Fenris watch you from time to time.” Laurel let go of Garrett’s hand and swatted him.  “OK, OK- no I haven’t. Mercy- don’t hit me anymore…” he laughed as he grabbed her hand and pulled it around back behind her waist, pinning it there.  Laurel laughed as she tried to pull her arm away, but Garrett was too strong.

               “Fine, pin my arm down if you are that afraid of me,” she said.  He let go of her arm, but kept his arm around her waist, letting her lean in against the chill.  “Anyway, I suppose I have turned down the offers I received.”  Hawke waited again, not wanting to interrupt.  “I spent a lot of time thinking about why things went the way they did.  That letter destroyed me, Garrett.   When he first left, I thought it was all about his feelings for her, and he was selfish.  Then that letter came- the letter that taunted me for being a cripple and for being alone and blaming me for all of the death in the war, and I began to wonder if it was right.  Maybe he left not only because of his selfishness but because I’m unlovable- damaged.”

               Hawke stared at her in disbelief.  “You surely can’t mean that…” he started to say. 

               Laurel nodded.  “I do,” she said.  “Do you know how many people I let down as the Inquisitor?  I couldn’t save the Templars; I don’t even know how many died at Haven- too many.  All of the people I had to kill simply because they were caught up in the middle of a battle.  I let Stroud die.  All of those Inquisition soldiers that signed up because of me, and how many of them died?  I couldn’t save Lady Vivienne’s lover or Solas’ spirit friend.  Cassandra’s friend died because we were too late to save him.  Bull was made Tal-Vashoth because of me.  All of those deaths in my name.  Maybe I won the war, but the cost was my soul. How can anyone love me after all that?” 

               Hawke tightened his arm around her waist and shook his head.  “No,” he said simply.  “I will not accept that from you.”  Laurel looked down at the water, but Garrett pulled her chin up so she had to look at him.  “This was a war.  A war that you were thrown in the middle of for no reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  You were forced to make decisions that would make a seasoned military leader cry- and you made them.  You listened to your advisors, weighed your options and made the best decision you could.  For fuck’s sake- you were a teenager. People put way too much pressure on you, and then got angry when you made a decision that they didn’t like.  You can’t spend the rest of your life burdened like this.  You can go and ask Dorian and Bull what they think if you like, but I’ll bet money that they will agree with me.”

               Hawke put his other arm around her waist.  “I can speak from experience.  An ogre killed my little brother in front of me. I almost let the Qunari take over Kirkwall.  My friend fooled me into helping him blow up the Chantry.  I wasn’t quick enough to save my Mother from a demented blood mage. I watched the city burn as the mages and Templars went to war, and I released Corypheus- which started the war that you feel responsible for.  Do I win?”

               Laurel hugged him tightly, not letting go.  “I guess we both do,” she said as they stood with their arms around each other.  Hawke kissed her on the temple before letting go. 

               “Come on, let’s go somewhere warmer,” he said as he started to escort her back to the cabin.  He didn’t feel her eyes on him as she walked behind him.

               While they were talking, Dorian watched them from below deck with shining eyes.  As Hawke put his arms around her, he broke into a grin, only to be disappointed when they broke apart and walked away.  He was about to head up to talk to Laurel when Bull stopped him.  “Kadan- leave them. Let them work out whatever it is they need to on their own.  I know you want her to be happy- but she needs to do it herself.”

               Dorian shook his head sadly.  “You’re right Amatus, as always. I just want her to feel love for someone again before she loses it completely.  Him too.”  Bull put his hands on Dorian’s shoulders and led him away from watching them.

               Later that night, when everyone was asleep, Laurel lay awake thinking about everything she and Garrett had said to each other.  She remembered how his arms felt around her waist, and when he held her hand and began to wonder what it would be like to be with him.  She had been attracted to him for a while but was afraid to admit it out loud to anyone, even Dorian.  Was she finally ready to move on?  He had his arms around her, but was he just being nice, or did he have feelings for her too?

               Hawke lay awake as well, berating himself for showing too much affection. He was so drawn to her that he couldn’t help himself.  At first, he wrote it off as him wanting to protect her, but as they trained and sparred, his feelings had developed more strongly over time.  Just hearing her words tonight had almost killed him-to think that she had lost her soul and was unlovable because of it- she carried that inside her all this time.  He had to find a way to make her understand how worthwhile she was without putting her in a difficult position, but how?

               They finally arrived in Highever and got some horses, ready to start the trip to Denerim.  Dorian watched Hawke and Laurel during the trip- they had been stealing glances at each other but didn’t speak much, much to Dorian’s disappointment.  They rode hard the first day, making it about halfway to Denerim before stopping at an out of the way spot to camp for the night.  Both Bull and Dorian found it funny how easily they slipped back into old roles while traveling- Laurel was no longer the Inquisitor, but she found herself taking charge like nothing had ever changed- getting food and fire set up and deciding if a watch rotation was needed, or if a barrier would be good enough.

               As Hawke and Bull were setting up the tents, Laurel stopped with horror, realizing that there were only two tents.  Since she knew that there was no way Dorian was going to give up his spot with Bull, she knew she was going to have to share with Hawke.  While part of her was feeling her stomach turn excitedly, the other part was frightened beyond belief- but Hawke noticed her hesitation and volunteered to sleep by the fire, much to Dorian’s disappointment. 

               After they ate and talked a while, they turned in for the evening.  Hesitating for a moment, Laurel told Hawke he could share her tent if he wanted- the barrier Dorian had put up offered protection from intruders, but not from the elements.  No one had gotten much sleep on the boat, and she was not going to let him freeze outside because she was being an idiot.  They settled in, Hawke keeping as respectful a distance as he could in the small tent.  Laurel didn’t know why this time should be so different from all of the other times she shared a tent while on the road.  Her companions were not exactly grouped in boy-girl combinations, and she often found herself in a group of three men and her, or sometimes three women and one man- or whatever.  There were many times when companions of the opposite sex shared a tent- they were all used to it- she recalled that Hawke had ended up sharing with Cassandra on the way to Adamant fortress because Laurel had been sharing with Cullen.  OK- enough of that now.

               A few hours later, Hawke was startled awake by Laurel having a nightmare.  He hadn’t had a very pleasant dream himself, but he wasn’t screaming, so that was a success.  Laurel, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.  He rolled over and tried to soothe her before she woke up, wrapping his arm around her and letting her burrow into him, which calmed her down and let her sleep more peacefully.  He lay awake watching her for a little while before falling asleep himself. 

               Laurel was surprised to wake up in Hawke’s arms the next morning, and he seemed to have forgotten himself as he jumped up apologizing to her before exiting the tent quickly.  She didn’t know how she felt about it.  On the one hand, she felt safe and warm waking up in his arms, but on the other hand, this was Hawke- her friend.  She didn’t know what was happening between them, and she was afraid of losing his friendship. 

               That day as they rode, she found herself thinking about what was happening with Hawke- the hand holding, how he had put his arms around her waist, waking up in his arms.  Remembering the last time someone had paid attention to her like that made her heart hurt, and she wanted to run and hide from it before it was too late, but she had known she was attracted to him as well.  She didn’t want to embarrass him with a silly school girl crush- he was so much older and experienced than she was, and she couldn’t help but be attracted to him.  But, if he did feel the same about her, and they got together, would Isabela come back in the mix to try to get him back?  And if she did, and he left, would she survive it?  Laurel sighed to herself.  She had made a life for herself in Kirkwall, but maybe she should consider returning to the Chantry in Ostwick- she knew they needed more people there- most of the Ostwick Chantry had died at the Conclave.  Laurel sighed again- this was going to have to take some serious consideration.

 


	8. Alistair

The arrived at Denerim after a day of riding hard and tried to enter the city as unobtrusively as possible.   As they made their way over to the gates of the palace, Laurel slid down from her horse and approached the guard. “Please do not react in any way to what I say.  My name is Laurel Trevelyan, the former Inquisitor.  I come bearing an urgent message for King Alistair- I need to speak to him directly and immediately.  Do not rush, do not yell, do not draw attention to yourself.  If his Highness requires proof, tell him this.  “I come bearing a pretty dress for the Remigold.  Now go.”

               They had waited for ten minutes before the guard came to escort them inside.  The guard took Laurel into a side antechamber, where Alistair was waiting for her.  “Laurel,” he said with relief as he hugged her.  “What news?”

               “Good to see you Alistair.  I bring good news, as it were, tempered by bad.  Dorian, Bull, and Hawke are with me.  I’d like them to come in if it’s all right with you.”

               Alistair nodded but said.  “A moment first.  We need to talk.  I haven’t seen or heard from you in over a year-the Inquisition disbanded, and I get news of a marriage annulment?  And Cullen shows up here with Surana?  I tried to talk to him, but he refused to say anything about you.  Where have you been?  What have you been doing?  You haven’t written- I’ve been worried.”

               “How many times has Surana been here?” Laurel asked. 

               “She shows up every once in a while, to remind me that she has a cure for the Calling and that she won’t give it to me.  My wife cries every time Surana shows up.  It’s been very cruel.”

               Laurel nodded.  “Cruelty seems to be her calling card.  Alistair, if it wasn’t obvious, Cullen left me for her, about six months after we married.  Not long after I got the annulment papers, I went to Kirkwall- Varric had set up a home and title for me before I had even gotten married.  I’ve been living there ever since.”

               Alistair shook his head.  “I’m so sorry, Laurel.  I’ll spare you the inane comments, and just say I’m sorry.”

               “Thanks, Alistair.  It took a while, but I’m finally getting into a good place now.  I’ve got friends, and businesses to run- Varric has been good to me.  My friends visit when they can- I can’t complain.  Honestly, Alistair- I’m ok. Please believe me on that.  But enough- I have news.  Get your wife, and your child if you prefer.”

               When everyone had been gathered aside from Baby Duncan, who as taking his nap, introductions were made all around.  Queen Catarina, a lovely young noblewoman who had caught Alistair’s eye a few years before, was shy around Laurel, as if Laurel may be another Surana.  After everyone had settled in, Laurel turned to Alistair and said.  “I have a cure for you.”

               Alistair stared at her dumbly.  “You…you got my letter then?  I had wondered since I never heard back from you.”

               “I’m sorry about that Alistair- honestly.  The letter arrived at a very bad time for me, and then I had to wait for events that I had put in motion to pan out.  This is not the cure that Surana has.  I’m not even certain it is the same cure.  Mine came from another source, a reliable one that I trust, and it is yours.”  Laurel showed him the box as he spoke.  “A couple of questions first.  Have you been in contact with any Grey Wardens at all since Surana found the cure?”

               Alistair nodded, “There have been a few that came to ask me to order her to administer the cure- but I have no authority there.”

               Laurel looked at Hawke and nodded.  “What is she asking in return?”

               “From me, nothing, since she refuses to give it to me.  For the other Wardens, she wants favors mostly, gold, power.  Most wardens cannot afford what she asks.”

               “Has she taken the cure herself?” Laurel asked.

               “Yes.  You can feel the taint in fellow Wardens- the longer they are a Warden, the stronger you can feel it.  Plus- she was…pregnant the last time she was here.  I’m sorry.”

               “Don’t be.  I think you may have already answered my next question.  If you were to have the cure, would she be able to tell?”

               Alistair thought about it.  “I don’t think so. I’d have to check with a senior Warden to be certain, but if she no longer has the taint, then she shouldn’t be able to sense it in others anymore.”

               Laurel breathed a sigh of relief.  “Ok Alistair- this cure was given to me by someone very powerful and very dear to me.  He warned me that I could be in danger by giving this to you- if she finds out I have this, and that I am willingly giving it for free, she could come after me.  If my source thinks a warning is needed, I must heed it. Of course, that is not going to stop me from doing what I do- the cure is yours. It requires the blood from your Warden locket.”  He removed his locket and handed it to her.  She broke the locket open and poured the contents into the vial, capped it and shook it and handed it to him.  Alistair carefully took the vial into his shaking hands.

               “I cannot repay you for this,” he said.  “Duncan and Catarina have been a true joy in my life.  We had a hard time conceiving thanks to the taint.  Now, not only can I have a long life with my wife, we can have more children, and I can watch them grow up.  Thank you.”  He uncapped the vial and drank the contents, sitting for a moment before contorting in pain.  Alistair screamed as Catarina jumped up and ran to her husband.  He lay on the ground for a moment before getting back up.  “Maker, you could have warned me,” he said to Laurel.  “I felt like I was being burned alive for a moment.  Must have been burning off the taint.”

               Catarina watched her husband anxiously for further signs of pain.  “How do you feel Alistair?”

After a few minutes, he smiled. “I no longer hear the song or feel the taint.”  Catarina burst into tears and came to hug Laurel, apologizing for not trusting her.  Laurel nodded and said she understood- and she did.  If the Hero of Ferelden had ended up being such a spiteful person, it couldn’t be far-fetched that the Inquisitor was too.

               “We need to figure out how to administer this without calling attention to it,” said Laurel.  “Thoughts? Ideas?”  Everyone was silent. 

               “Why don’t we think on it tonight- you, of course, are welcome to stay as our honored guests- I’ll have rooms prepared for you right away.  I’ll have a banquet prepared as well.”

               “Just a quiet dinner, Alistair,” said Laurel.   “I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that we are here.  Not for my sake, but for yours.  I’m worried that if Surana finds out I’m here, she may put two and two together and do something to take it out on you.  Besides, I’m done with banquets and pomp and circumstance.”

               That night as they ate, Laurel could feel Alistair’s eyes on her.  They hadn’t talked in so long, and Laurel had missed Alistair’s hilarious sense of humor, more than she thought she would.  After dinner, Alistair asked to speak to her privately.  They sat in his library, each with a cup of tea, which he played with before he spoke.  “I told you I would spare you the inane comments, but I can’t help myself.  There is something that you are not telling me about all this.  You’ve changed, Laurel.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but whatever happened affected you deeply.”

               “No more than it’s affected you, Alistair.  You don’t think I can’t sense the change in you too?”

               “Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine,” he responded.

               Laurel sighed and told him everything that had happened- from her final months at Skyhold to the letter Surana had sent her and how it had sent her into a tailspin.  She told him what Hawke had told her about her visit to Kirkwall all those years ago, and the damage she had tried to do, but had failed as well. “It’s been over a year now since Cullen left me, Alistair.  The pain has finally diminished, but I have no desire to run into them.  I know Cullen will never set foot in Kirkwall, so I’m safe there, but I’ve been thinking about going back to the Chantry at Ostwick.”

               Alistair frowned.  “Why would you do that?”

               Laurel sighed and wiped a tear from her eye. “Look at me Alistair- I’m damaged goods.  Alcoholic, abusive parents who threw me in the Chantry before I had even hit puberty.  Then after I became Inquisitor, they would send letters asking for favors and money, and when I told them no, they started spreading rumors about me- about why I was sent to the Chantry at such an early age, among others.  We had to use Inquisition resources to shut them down.  My own family- can you believe it?  My husband abandons me for another woman; I lose my arm, I have nightmares and flashbacks, I’ve been responsible for so much death and destruction.  I’m messed up, and I’ll probably ruin anyone who loves me.  I think everyone would be better off if I left.”

               “I can’t tell you how unfair you are being to yourself,” Alistair said sadly.  “There are not many of us that are in the same position that you are in now.  Let me tell you my story, and maybe you’ll see.”  Laurel nodded.

               “I met Surana when she became a Grey Warden, of course.  Recruited by Duncan and brought to Ostagar.  Something felt off about her from day one, but I was young and naïve and chose to ignore it.  As we traveled and met our companions, I noticed things she would do that did not sit well- stealing from Chantry boxes, taking payment for deeds we should have done for free, but I was completely smitten with her by that point.  She was so beautiful and spirited and wild.  I had just come from living in the Chantry and training as a Templar- so I had been very sheltered- and she captivated me.  She ignored me, except for when she wanted… well… you know, until we got to Denerim and she discovered that I was in line for the throne and that Arl Eamon was set on making me King.”  Alistair took a sip of his tea and went on.  “After that, she was my devoted lady, or so I thought.  I found out later that she was slipping out every night to visit the Pearl- spending money we needed for the Blight on whores and drink, but she would be back in the morning, playing the devoted lover.  She even convinced me to sleep with Morrigan to conceive a child so that we could both survive the Archdemon.”

               “After we executed Loghain, Eamon approached me and told me that Surana could not be Queen- for two reasons.  The first, of course, was because she was an elf and a mage.  The Ferelden people are somewhat reasonable, but not that much.  The second reason was that, as Grey Wardens, we have a hard time conceiving because of the Taint.  She would not have been able to produce an heir.”  Laurel nodded.  She knew about that part- a little.  Varric had told her about it.

               “So I broke it off with her- at the time, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.  I thought I loved her, and I thought she loved me.  She lost it.  She screamed at me; she even tried to throw a punch at Eamon.  Now, the part that most people don’t know is- she disappeared right before the fight with the Archdemon.  We battled our way through the city before we had to be separated from our companions.   Before we got to the tower, she tried to convince me one last time to marry her, but after her tantrum, I just couldn’t.  She tried to get Morrigan to leave with her, but she refused.  So Surana took off right before the final battle.  I slew the Archdemon- not her.” 

Laurel stared at him.  “But…all the stories…”

“Told by her,” Alistair said.  “I could have set the record straight, but Eamon thought it would be easier if we just let her tell her stories.  I was already King- and a hero of the Blight in my own right, so it didn’t matter who killed the Archdemon.  Those others who knew- our companions and the soldiers that were on the Tower that night were told just to go with it. Most of them did, out of respect for my wishes, and probably out of fear of Surana.”

Alistair continued.  “After everything had settled down, the process of finding me a wife started.  At first, they were willing to let me try on my own- and there were a few ladies that I met that I think would have been excellent partners.  But the moment I showed interest, Surana would come in and tell the girl horrible stories about me.  For a while, there were some vile rumors going around that nearly kept me lonely for the rest of my life- with no heir.  This went on for years before I finally met Catarina.  Somehow, she saw through the stories and rumors and agreed to marry me.  She’s a wonderful girl- I’m very lucky.”

Laurel looked at him.  “Are you going to tell me that Surana just let it go after Catarina got pregnant?  Would you get that lucky?”

               Alistair shook his head.  “Sadly, no.  We kept Catarina sheltered as best as we could until Duncan was born, and even now, we have extra guards in place.  If I know she is coming, I send them to her parents, or somewhere nearby for their safety.”

               “So what does this have to do with whether or not I go back to the Chantry?” Laurel asked.

               “Neria nearly ruined me- out of spite.  The rumors she had spread, the threats she had made.  I was ready to abdicate and go into hiding.  It’s hard enough to be King- but when you have someone actively working against you to make your life miserable, it makes being King ten times harder than it needs to be.  But I stuck it out, met a great girl, and now I have a beautiful son- my throne is safe.  And now, thanks to you, I have a long life ahead of me as well.”

               Alistair took Laurel’s hand.  “Don’t let her make you doubt yourself, and don’t let her keep you from having a happy life.  You have done many wonderful things, Laurel- you saved the world.  You brought peace to Orlais, and to Ferelden.  You deserve to have someone wonderful to love you, to have children with you, if you want it.  Don’t let her, or your parents, or anyone else who makes you feel less than worthwhile, win.”

               Laurel didn’t say anything for a while.  “I’ll think on it Alistair.  I appreciate what you’ve said, and I’ll take it into consideration.” They sat quietly for a little while, enjoying the warmth of the fire as Laurel thought about a few things.  “Can I ask a favor?” she asked Alistair.

               “Anything.  I am in your debt,” he replied.  That could have been a dangerous thing to say to certain people, but Alistair knew that Laurel would not ask for anything extravagant.  What she asked next was not what he expected.

               “Do you know where I can get a mabari?” she asked him uncertainly.

               Alistair stared at her.  “I’m in your debt, and you ask for a dog?  I’d expected you to ask me to wear a dress and dance the remigold…”

               “Hey, you chose the code phrase- not me,” Laurel teased. 

               “I believe we have a new litter of pups now.  Do you want one?”  Alistair had never bonded with a Mabari himself- there was one at Ostagar that could have, but Surana had chased it off. 

               “Not for me.  For Garrett,” she replied.  Ignoring Alistair’s look, she continued.  “Varric told me that his Mabari died a few years ago of old age and that Garrett misses him.  He’s been a good friend, and I want to do something nice for him.  I want it to be a surprise if we can manage it.”

               Alistair thought about it.  “I don’t know how Mabari choose their masters- tomorrow morning I’ll talk with the kennel master to see what we can do.  If we can manage it, consider it done.”

               After that, they headed back to the dining room to find Hawke talking with Catarina and playing with Duncan.  Dorian and Bull had gone off somewhere, and after a little more time of admiring the baby, Alistair and Catarina took him up to bed, leaving Hawke and Laurel alone.  “I think we’d be safe if you wanted to go take a walk outside in the marketplace,” Hawke said.  Laurel smiled and got up.

               The marketplace was beautiful in the early evening.  The glint of the gold and silver goods against the torches gave the market a completely different look and feel than it had during the day.  Wandering musicians walked amongst the people and the jugglers and acrobats performing for coin enhanced the atmosphere of the market to make it seem more like a festival.  Hawke could barely take his eyes off of Laurel as she watched a puppeteer in delight, she looked enchanting in the reflective firelight. They walked along together, looking at the different stands when Laurel heard a familiar voice behind her.  “My lady?”

               Laurel turned quickly.  “Thom!” she cried, jumping into his arms.  “What are you doing here?” she asked delightedly.  She quickly re-introduced Thom to Hawke.

               “I’ve been traveling and visiting prisoners.  I was making my way to Highever, and I was going to see you.  Maybe stay for a while if you’d welcome a visitor.  What brings you here?” he asked her.  “Running into you was the last thing I expected.”

               “We can’t talk about it out here, Thom.  Walk with us for a while,” Hawke invited.  He knew that Laurel had been waiting to see him and he was not going to monopolize her time.  They walked around the marketplace and talked about Thom’s travels before it was time to call it a night.

               “Thom, what are you doing tomorrow?” Laurel asked.  “Can you come to the castle tomorrow morning?  We are having a meeting with Alistair, and I think you should be there. And then we can talk about you coming to Kirkwall.”

               “Of course, my lady,” Thom said.  He hugged her and left for the inn he where he was staying. 

               Hawke and Laurel continued walking, Hawke taking her arm in his.  “That was unexpected.  Did you know he was here?” he asked her.

               “No- his last letter mentioned he was in the Hinterland area- but that was a little while ago.  I’m glad we ran into him.”  Thom had become a Father to Laurel- at his age; he pretty much could have been.  He had been the one to convince Laurel to go to Kirkwall at Leliana’s behest.  She remembered when he had come up the stairs to see her, bringing a tray of food and a doll her had carved for her.  She had been sitting up in her room, staring at the wedding ring sitting on her desk when he arrived.  He didn’t force her to talk at all, he just put the tray before her and encouraged her to eat. He didn’t nag or get mad that she only picked at her food.  When she was finished, he walked with her out to the balcony and let her curl up in his lap in her chair and let her go to sleep on him.  Every day after that, he brought up her dinner tray and just sat with her, only speaking when he needed to.  The day the letter from Varric came, he read it to her and told her that as much as it would hurt him to be parted from her, it would be a good thing for her- a fresh start.  He promised that he would come and see her and that someday when his work was done, they could be a family.   Laurel smiled at the memory- Thom had been more of a father to her than her own ever had, and she hoped he would come to stay with her soon.

               Hawke and Laurel headed back to the castle, quietly discussing ideas for spreading the news about the cure and administering it.  “Could you write to Weisshaupt?” Laurel asked.  “Wardens are so secretive- we could make all of these plans not anticipating they have something set in place in some ancient scroll or something.”

               “I had already considered that,” said Hawke.  “I’ll mention it to Alistair.”

               They parted company for the evening, going to their separate rooms.  Both sat up for a while, each thinking about the other before finally falling asleep.

 


	9. To Denerim and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. Like I've said- beyond the first few chapters, I've had a hard time with this- not feeling it's good enough and that the story is not as good as it could be. I don't foresee any rewrites, so I'll keep going with it. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Nine

               The next morning, everyone sat around the dining table discussing the cure that Solas had provided.  After Laurel had gotten Thom up to speed on everything, and introduced him to those he didn’t know, they put out some ideas they had, discussing the pros and cons. In the end, they couldn’t come to an agreement quite yet but did agree that Hawke should write to the Wardens he knew at Weisshaupt for advice and that if any Wardens came to appeal to Alistair, he would send them to Kirkwall for the time being. 

               After the meeting, Hawke went to write the letter while Laurel went to talk to the Kennel Master.  After showing her the pups, they sat down to talk. 

               “I’d like to get a Mabari for my friend- but I know that there is a bonding process or an imprinting that is done.  Is there a way we can do this without him knowing?”’

               “That is simple enough, my lady,” said the Kennel Master.  “You can bring your friend down here to show the pups- if one imprints, I will know it right away.  Since the pups are not ready to be weaned yet for a few another week or two yet, you would just need to leave something behind with your friend’s scent on it to keep the bonding process.”

               “All right.  I need to arrange a few things, and we’ll be down.”  The Kennel Master bowed and left.

               Her first stop was to the maids.  She asked them to change the sheets on his bed and bring her one of the sheets he slept on in an airtight satchel.  After that, she looked for Thom.  “Thom, I need to ask a big favor,” she said.  He nodded.  “I’m going to take Garrett to look at the Mabari pups.  If one picks him out, I was hoping that you could stay here until the Pup is ready to travel and then bring it to Kirkwall.  Could you do that for me?”

               “Of course, my lady.  I still have some business here in town for a little while anyway.  Would you be willing to put up with an old man visiting you for a while?”  he asked. 

               “I would love it, Thom.  You don’t even need to ask,” she said, smiling.  She was thrilled he was coming to stay with her.  “I have a huge house with more rooms than I need, and so far, it’s only been Leena and me.  Dorian stays with me sometimes as well when he’s around, which isn’t often.  It will be nice to have another person there.  Leena gets mad when I skip dinner, so having another person to cook for should make her happy.”

               Later on, Laurel knocked on Hawke’s door, smiling when he opened it.  She held out her hand to him and told him she had something to show him.  He took her hand, and she led him to the Kennel master’s office.  “I heard they had some Mabari pups that were born recently and I thought you might like to look at them with me.”  Hawke grinned and followed her in.

               As they looked at the pups, Laurel tried to keep Hawke distracted with questions about the Mabari he had owned for many years.  Hawke told her a few stories about Spartacus- how Aveline would take him to work with the new soldier recruits, how he would follow them when they were running up and down the Wounded Coast, how much his Uncle Gamlen hated him.  He was so busy reminiscing about Spartacus he hadn’t noticed a little female puppy sniffing at him before pushing him with her nose.  When the Kennel Master nodded to her, she and Hawke left- Laurel having a hard time keeping the smile off her face.  Hawke had thought about trying to get another Mabari- but they were hard to come by in Kirkwall- it was unfortunate that the Kennel Master had told him they had several weeks before weaning, or he would have tried to buy one.

               They spent the rest of the day touring the castle and playing with Baby Duncan.  He was adorable, and it was very clear that he had his father’s personality- and Laurel loved to hear him laugh.  As much as Laurel loved playing with Duncan, it saddened her a little as well.  She figured that if she and Cullen were still married, she would probably have had a child or be pregnant by now.  It was probably the single biggest regret that she had after everything.  She had finally accepted that her marriage was over, and had learned to go on in spite of the heartbreak, but she wanted a family.  Hawke watched her play with the baby, laughing when she made the baby laugh.  He had been ready for a family for a long time but had accepted that it probably wouldn’t happen for him.  He still had hopes for Bethany, even if he had none for himself.

               The next morning, they prepared to leave.  Laurel made some advanced preparations for Thom- hiring him a horse for when he was ready to leave and arranging for the pickup of the pup and everything she would need for the journey.  She hugged Thom- promising to see him in a few weeks and they took off.

               They were able to camp in the same spot they had used on their way there, setting up the barrier and settling down for the night.  Laurel and Hawke spent a long time talking quietly in their tent as the night wore on.   Hawke told Laurel stories from his childhood- the trouble he used to get into with Carver and Bethany, getting Spartacus- much to his mother’s discontent, and how they ended up running to Kirkwall.  Laurel didn’t talk much about her childhood, but she told stories about her time in the Chantry.  There weren’t that many funny stories, but she told them well.  Hawke took her hand in his as they talked, fingers entwined until they fell asleep that way. 

               They reached the boat the next day and arrived in Kirkwall a week later.  Varric was in his office looking over some papers when Laurel stopped in to see him.  “Sissy!”, he exclaimed as he got up and came around the desk to hug her.  “How did things go?”

               “Smooth as a baby’s bum,” she said.  “We got in and out, Alistair has the cure- all is good.”  She gave him a rundown of the trip.  

               “Baby’s bum, Sissy?” Varric said.  “You’ve been hanging around with Hawke too much, I think.”

               Laurel grinned.  “Honestly, Varric.  I can’t tell you how amazing it was to help Alistair.  His child is adorable, and I hope they can have ten more.  I also ran into Thom.  He’s going to be here in a few weeks, and I think he’ll be staying for a while.” 

               “Good to know,” said Varric, “It will be good for both of you.  Leliana wrote me that he was the only one that got through to you back at Skyhold.  If he’s going to stay a while, we should get him set up in a business of some kind- something to keep his hands busy.”

               “You took the words right out of my mouth, Varric,” said Laurel.  “We’ll talk about it more when he arrives. So what have you been doing to keep yourself busy while we were gone?” 

               “Oh, a little of this, a little of that.  Nothing much to report.  You up for Wicked Grace later?”  Laurel smiled. She was glad to be back.

………

               Laurel was working on the books at the bakery when she heard the bell ring as the door opened.  She looked up to see Brett Hariman smiling at her as he walked in.  “Well, look who’s back!” he said as he smiled at her, “When did you return?”

               Laurel smiled back at Brett.  “A few days ago- getting caught up on business- who knew it would pile up like this, even with Varric helping?”  Laurel had been throwing herself into her work, both here and at home, trying to give herself time to come to terms with her feelings about Hawke.  They had woken up that morning in the tent with their hands still entwined, and Hawke had smiled at her but moved no further towards her, and nothing happened on the ship home either.  She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. On the one hand, it would be better if they didn’t get involved.  They had a good friendship, and even though both Hawke and Alistair had tried to tell her how wrong she was, she still felt that maybe she should be alone.  On the other hand, maybe they were right.  It had been a war, people would have died regardless of whether she was there or not, and maybe she did save more lives than she took.  Either way, she needed time to sort this out.

               “Well, it’s nice to see you, Laurel,” Brett continued.  “I’m glad you’re back.  Are you going to play cards tonight?  I was thinking about heading over.”

               “No, not tonight,” Laurel said.  “I’ve got some things to do and correspondence to get caught up on.”  In truth, she was afraid of seeing Hawke again. What if what she was feeling was all in her imagination and he was just being nice, so she didn’t break down again?  “Maybe next week.”  She stood up to start covering up the baked goods, getting ready to close the shop for the night.

               Brett put his hand on her arm.  “Come to dinner with me, Laurel,” he pleaded.  “I’ve asked so many times.  When are you going to take pity on me and finally give in?”  He grinned winningly at her as he took her hand.  She looked at him.  He was a handsome man, and he was very nice- Leena and her employees spoke well of him, and he never pushed her for more information on herself like his sister always did.  But she didn’t want to lead him on.

               She pulled her hand out of his. “I’m sorry, Brett.  It’s not that I don’t think you are an interesting person, or that I don’t find you attractive because I do.  Because of that, I want to be open and honest with you.  I think I have feelings for someone, and I need to sort that out.  Maybe someday, I’ll explain, but it’s a complicated mess that I’m not ready to talk about yet.  Honestly, if it weren’t for my stores, I’d be sitting at home by myself right now- in fact, that’s what I’m headed to, now that I’m closing up.”  Brett looked at her quizzically and nodded.

               “I guess I can accept that answer,” he said.  Laurel looked at him, but he grinned.  “Hey, it was worth a shot.  If I don’t have a chance, it’s better I know now and avoid the awkwardness right?  I like playing cards with all of you- I’d rather be friends and be able to play cards than sit at home because we didn’t work out yeah?”

               They looked around as the door opened again and an older man walked in.  Brett introduced his father, Ruxton to Laurel.  “All this time, and we haven’t ever met,” said Laurel as she shook his hand.  “It’s very nice to meet you, Messere”.

               Ruxton nodded.  “My lady,” he said somewhat stiffly.  He turned to his son.  “I was just headed home and saw you here.  It’s close to dinner time, so we need to go home.”  Brett smiled at Laurel and walked out of the store while she turned to finish covering her merchandise.  Neither noticed Ruxton as he looked Laurel over more thoughtfully before he left.

               A few minutes later, the bell rang again, and Bull came walking into the shop.  “Cards, Boss?” he said to her as she threw him a cupcake. 

               “Not tonight Bull,” she said. “I’m a little tired- so I was going to head home and turn in for the night.”  She felt his eyes on her as she finished up. 

               “I’ll walk you home before heading over then,” Bull said.  They walked quietly for a while before Bull spoke again.  “There’s something on your mind, Boss.  I’ve seen it since we got off the boat, and Dorian has too.  It’ll be better if you talk about it.”

               Laurel didn’t respond right away.  “I don’t know what to say, Bull.  I don’t even know what I’m thinking.”  A few minutes later, she asked, “Bull, do you think I could have done things different in the Inquisition?  Are you mad that you are Tal-Vashoth?”

               They reached her house and went inside and sat down.  Bull hadn’t answered yet, and that made her nervous.  He looked directly at her. “I was never angry, Boss.  I had some feelings about it at first and had to spend some time working that out, but now, when I see my boys doing what they do, there was no other choice.  If I had stayed in the Qun, I would have lost my boys, I would have lost Dorian, and chances are, I probably would be dead.  If anything, you showed me that life outside the Qun is totally worth it.  I should have told you that long ago.”

               Laurel looked down.  “I’m glad I helped you, Bull.  I can’t imagine life without you or the Chargers.  But, all the other deaths.  Haven, the Templars, all of those soldiers, Stroud.  After all this time, it all still weighs me down- I don’t think I’ve been right since everything happened.  Maybe that’s why Cullen left.”

               Bull was still looking at her.  “Cullen left because he was a fool.  Is this why you haven’t moved on? Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone because you blame yourself for everything that happened in the war?”  Laurel shrugged.  Bull took her hand.  “You can’t do that, Boss.”

               Laurel sighed.  “Garrett and Alistair have told me the same thing.  But the thoughts still creep in-I can’t seem to help it.”

               Bull chuckled.  “You have the two people in the world who know exactly what you are going through telling you not to blame yourself and you still do?” Bull shook his head.  “I’m not going to tell you what to do, or interfere in your love life- that’s for you to work out.  But I will tell you that Hawke and Alistair are right.  I was there right alongside you in that war, and I can tell you that you did everything you could.”  Laurel looked at him for a long time and then nodded.  “Boss, you take the time to do some thinking about this, and you’ll see I’m right.”


	10. Romance is in the Air

A few weeks later, there was a knock at her door, and she opened it to find a grinning Thom Rainier.  After a quick hug, and an introduction to Leena, she showed him to his room.  He set his bag on the bed and opened one, pulling out a wriggling Mabari pup, much to Laurel’s delight.  Getting the pup back in the bag, she took it and after encouraging Thom to unpack and rest up, headed over to Hawke’s house. 

               From the time she returned until Thom’s arrival, Laurel had isolated herself from everyone, aside from Dorian who had been staying with her until he left a week later.  She went to work and the clinic but avoided everyone socially while she took the time to sort herself out.  She had missed Hawke and found herself dwelling on the times he had put his arms around her, or held her hand, hoping that she wasn’t reading too much into it.  She spent a lot of time thinking about what Hawke, Alistair, and Bull had said, and even though she knew they were right, she knew that she would always carry some guilt with her.  She noticed that Alistair and Hawke did, just from things that they had said to her over the years, but they still managed to live their lives and look for happiness where they could find it.  If they could, she could too.  She found Hawke reading in his library- a favorite pastime of his.  He looked up and smiled as she entered the room.  Getting up, he gave her a hug.  “Haven’t seen you much lately, stranger.  Where’ve you been?”   

               “Business stuff- you know.  Between spending some extra time with Dorian before he left and brushing up on the books, and helping at the Clinic…”

               “You should be there now, shouldn’t you?  Something wrong?” Hawke asked, looking concerned. 

               “No- nothing’s wrong.  Thom arrived today- I stayed home to get him settled.  He’s unpacking and getting settled in now.  I figured I’d stop over for a while and let him get some rest.  Besides, I have something for you.”

               She put the bag on the table- Hawke eyed it warily.  “The last time someone gave me a bag like this, it was filled with rashvine.  I itched for a week.” Laurel just looked at him and patiently waited for him to open the bag.  Hawke cautiously opened the bag and stood staring at the little pup nestled inside of the sheet.  Speechlessly, he pulled the little pup out of the bag and held her to his chest.  “How?”

               “Remember the pups I took you to see?  I kept you busy while one picked you out.  Thom brought her with him when she was ready to be weaned.”  Hawke just stared at her.

               “I can’t expect you to pay for my pet.  You tell me what I owe you,” Hawke said.

               Laurel shook her head.  “Alistair asked me what I wanted in return for the cure.  That’s what I picked.” 

               Garrett stared at her.  He walked over and put the pup on the bed that had been Spartacus’- he had never removed it after he died and came over to Laurel.  “You could have had anything you wanted, and you chose a Mabari for me?” he asked softly.  She started to nod her head when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.  His hand came around to cup her cheek as he softly pulled away, resting his forehead on hers.  Her arm had gone around him, pulling him closer as he kissed her again, his tongue gently touching hers before he pulled away from her again.  He ran his thumb along her jawline, his other arm still around her waist.  “Why?” he asked.

               “Because you’re worth it,” she said.  She caressed his cheek, hardly daring to believe he had kissed her like that. “It wasn’t so you’d feel obligated to me in any way.  I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

               He reached up and tentatively ran his fingers through her hair.  “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable… but I care for you.  I have for a while,” Hawke admitted.  “If you don’t feel the same, or if it’s too soon, I’ll understand. No pressure.”

               Laurel kissed him.   “How could I not feel the same?” she asked.  They held each other close for a few more moments before they heard a squeaking coming from Spartacus’ old bed.  They laughed as they let each other go and Hawke went to pick up the little pup.  He held her to him and stroked her fur, smiling at the sweet little face.   “So what are you going to name her?” she asked him.

               He held the pup up, looking her over.  “Athena,” he said finally.  He looked at the pup.  “Athena?” he asked her.  The pup wriggled and yipped- which settled the issue.  He looked at Laurel. “Thank you. I’ve missed having a dog.”

               “You’re welcome, Garrett.   You deserve to have good things.”  Hawke looked thoughtful for a moment and told her to wait there.  He ran up to his room for a moment and then made Laurel sit on the couch with him and close her eyes.  He put the bracelet he had bought for her on her wrist and then told her to open her eyes.  She smiled at the sight of it, remembering if from when they had taken that walk almost a year ago.  She had thought it was beautiful, but she wasn’t in the habit of buying things for herself that she didn’t need- so she had passed it up.  “I didn’t realize you had seen me looking at it,” she said finally.

               “I saw you admiring it.  I was walking around a few months later and saw it was still there.  I couldn’t resist,” said Hawke.  “I’ve been hanging onto it- I wasn’t sure how to give it to you.  I didn’t want to make you feel obligated to me or make you feel uncomfortable.  I... do you like it?” he asked uncertainly.

               “I love it, Garrett.  Thank you.”  She smiled at him a little shyly.  “I should go and get back to Thom.”  She took his hand in hers, “Will I see you later?” she asked him.

               “Of course,” Hawke replied.  He was quiet for a while as he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.  Laurel waited for him to speak.  “This…thing between us.  I don’t know exactly what it is, but I want to find out.  On your terms.  If you want to keep this under wraps from everyone for now, I’ll understand.”

               Laurel thought about it for a while.  She had spent the last two weeks agonizing over what their relationship might be, and now that she was sure, she didn’t feel the need to hide it. “I…I don’t mind people knowing if you don’t,” she finally said.  “Dorian and Varric probably already can smell it, bless their interfering hearts.”  Hawke gave her a questioning look.  “Come on, Garrett.  Varric usually jumps at the chance to get out of town for a while but chooses to stay behind, and Dorian volunteers to come along with Bull so we’re forced to share a tent?  We have the sneakiest friends in town.”

               Hawke laughed. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier- I walked right into it.  I must have been really off my game.”  He pulled Laurel to him and wrapped his arms around her.  “I’ll follow your lead, Laurel.  I don’t want to screw this up.”  She kissed him again, letting her lips linger against his for a moment, before he deepened the kiss, their tongues touching lightly again.  He felt her arm tighten around his neck and moved to pick her up and put her on his lap.  After a few more minutes, they separated, panting slightly, but pleased with themselves.

               “I really should go.  I’ll bring Thom around later- Hanged Man?”, Laurel asked hopefully.

               “Wouldn’t miss it,” said Hawke.  He walked her to the door, giving her another lingering kiss before she walked out the door.  Hawke went to go pick up the pup again, petting her fur and thinking about what just happened.  He could feel this was the start of something truly good between them, and he couldn’t wait to show her that not every love had to end up in heartbreak. 

               Laurel walked in a daze until she reached her home.  She opened the door and walked in to find Thom waiting for her in the library.  “My lady,” he said, “I take it he liked the pup?”  He looked at her closely- her skin was a little flushed, and she looked preoccupied.  “Laurel, are you all right?”

               Laurel had been staring at the bookcase, her mind going over her visit with Hawke.  “I’m fine,” she answered distractedly.  “Just…a lot on my mind, I guess.”

               Thom’s eyes twinkled.  “Do I need to go over and have a fatherly talk with Hawke?”  Laurel blushed.  He came up and stood beside her.  “I could see it at Denerim, my sweet.  You call him Garrett, the way he would take your arm when you walked together, the pup.  How long has this been going on exactly?”

               “We’ve only just started, Thom.  But we’ve liked each other for a long time, I guess.  He’s been keeping his distance while I worked things out and letting me set the pace.” 

               “He’s an honorable man,” said Thom.  “He just might be good enough for my girl, then.”

               A little later, Laurel was showing Thom around Kirkwall- pointing out the businesses that she and Hawke had each started.  She spent some time describing her Varric’s plan to reenergize the city and showing him all the different shops and businesses that had come about.  “One thing we don’t have yet is a woodworking shop.”  She glanced over at Thom, who looked at her with interest.  “Sound interesting?” she asked him.

               “That it does.  Something to think about for certain.”  Laurel could see Thom calculating things in his head, imagining the possibilities.

               “Let’s talk about it later- lay out some ideas.  Then we just have to find a building and talk to Varric,” she said.  “I can check around to see if anyone knows any woodworkers. Most of my business operators have come to me through word of mouth and I have a friend that is good at finding workers as well.  And I’m not afraid to hire elves- we should be able to find people pretty quickly.”  She looked at the time.  “We should get going- Leena will have dinner ready, and then we’re on to the Hanged Man to see everyone.”

               Later that evening, shouts of greeting rang out as Laurel and Thom stepped into the Hanged Man.  After a happy reunion with Bull, Cole, and Varric, Laurel introduced him to Aveline, Donnic, Fenris, and Bethany.  Laurel smiled as Thom took Bethany’s hand and kissed it, making her blush, and she made sure they were seated next to each other for cards so they could get to know each other a little bit.  She sat down in the seat that Hawke had saved for her, smiling at him and squeezing his hand.  Not long after, Brett walked in to join them, Flora following behind.  Since his return from Denerim, Hawke had not seen Flora.  He hadn’t been actively avoiding her- their paths had just not crossed in that time.  As soon as she knew he was home, she would stop by his house, but he was always gone, and she always missed him if she went to one of his businesses to find him.  While Hawke was not planning on making a huge announcement about the change in his and Laurel’s relationship, he did want to be able to put his arm around her or hold her hand, and he wasn’t sure how Flora would react to that.  He knew that Brett was sweet on Laurel too, and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings with displays of affection- Brett was a good guy, and Hawke enjoyed having him play cards with them.  Shit, this could be awkward.

               He leaned over to Laurel.  “I haven’t been able to say anything to Flora about us,” he told her.  Hawke had told Laurel about Flora and her attentions from the beginning hoping for some advice on how to handle the situation since it seemed like Flora was refusing to take no for an answer.  Unfortunately, Laurel had no advice to give, having never been in that situation. “I don’t know if she’ll make a scene or not.”

               Laurel felt a flash of irritation at Flora and leaned over to Hawke.  “How many times have you told her no, and told her why?” she murmured.  “Her feelings are not your responsibility,”  Hawke asked her about Brett.  “We’re fine.  We talked after I got back.  HE takes no for an answer.  He said he would rather be friends and play cards with us then sit at home alone.”  Hawke nodded and squeezed her hand.

               A little later, cards turned into stories as Thom shared some of his travel stories, not to be outdone by Bull. Fenris even offered a few stories much to everyone’s amusement.  Hawke’s arm snaked around Laurel’s waist as they listened to the stories, Laurel leaning comfortably into his side.  No one said anything, but Laurel could feel Bull’s eyes on her, and she knew that he was going to say something to her eventually.  When she went up to get the next round, he followed her, leaning on the bar next to her. “Something you want to tell me, Boss?” he said with his eye on Hawke. 

               Laurel blushed.  “It’s…it’s been over a year, Bull,” she stammered.  “I care about him. I have for a long time.  I guess it’s thanks to what you said that I finally accepted it.”

               Bull put his large hand on her shoulder.  “It’s about time.  He’s a good guy, boss.  I know he’ll treat you right.  Watch out for that one, though,” his eye flicking towards Flora.  “She doesn’t look like a happy camper.” 

               When the evening was over, Hawke looked a little grim as Thom offered to escort Bethany home, taking her arm and shepherding her out the door.  “He’s a good man, Garrett. You can trust him- he’s practically my father.”  Hawke nodded and put his arm around Laurel as they walked home.

               Hawke was relieved that Flora had not made a scene at the tavern, but he knew that he was going to have to face her eventually.  He had seen her glaring daggers at Laurel during the evening, but he ignored it, concentrating on the looks of approval he had seen from everyone else, including Brett.  They didn’t talk about it as they walked home- what Laurel had said earlier had made complete sense.  He shouldn’t have to worry about Flora’s feelings- he had been very clear about the nature of their relationship- that he wasn’t interested in her romantically.  That she kept persisting was her problem.  He kissed Laurel good night, lingering a little before realizing that he had a pup at home that he had to see to, so he reluctantly parted from her, promising to see her tomorrow.

               As he reached his house, he could see Flora arguing with Bethany, Thom standing helplessly off to the side, not certain what to do.  Heaving a sigh, he walked up to them.  “Well, maybe if you hadn’t acted like you were slumming it to be seen with him, he might have had more interest in you,” he heard Bethany say hotly, “and you had better take back what you said about Laurel before I make you regret it.”

               Hawke decided to intervene.  “What exactly was said about Laurel?” he asked as he crossed his arms.  He looked at his sister.  “Bethany, why don’t you walk Thom back to Laurel’s and explain to him that I am not a two-timer while I handle this.  Say nothing to Laurel yet until this is resolved.”  Bethany nodded- Thom taking her arm and heading off.  He opened the door to their house and glared at Flora.  “Inside.  I’ll not have you making a scene in public.”

               Flora cowered under his glare and headed inside.  Hawke followed behind, closing the door and bending down to pick up Athena, who had come running up on her little puppy legs. “Now, what the hell is going on that you felt the need to make a scene in front of Laurel’s guest?”

               “Exactly how long have you been going out with that red haired harlot?” Flora demanded. “I’ve been trying to get some interest out of you for months, Hawke, and you throw me over for her?  Maybe I should buy you a dog too, if that’s what it takes to win you,” she added bitterly.

               Hawke put Athena back down on her bed, patting her and telling her to stay.  Turning around to face her, he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall.  “First, I didn’t throw you over for anyone.  I made it very clear to you before I left on my trip that I had no interest in you romantically.  Remember?”  He stared at her waiting for a response.  Flora said nothing, just staring sullenly as he spoke.  “Second, how dare you call Laurel a harlot?  You don’t know the first thing about her.”

               Flora interrupted him.  “Oh really?  She slept with my brother and a few others in town.  Everyone is talking about what a whore she is.” Hawke raised an eyebrow and looked at her, willing her to keep talking.  “It’s true Hawke.  Brett told me himself.”

               “I don’t believe you.  I’ve known Laurel a long time, and she does not sleep around.  These gentlemen that you are referring to are the same ones I hear complaining that she turns them down when they ask her out.  I see and talk to more people in a day than you do in a month, Flora.  Do you honestly think you were going to make me believe that?”  Hawke glared at her again.  “What’s going to happen if I ask Brett for his side of the story?” he asked her. 

               Flora snapped back.  “Fine. That doesn’t change the fact that you threw me over for her.”

               Hawke sighed loudly.  “I did not throw you over, Flora.  There was nothing to throw over.  I have been completely honest with you about whatever it was you think we had.  There is nothing between us; there will never be anything between us.  You need to accept that.” He walked over to the door and opened it. “Now, I would appreciate it if you would leave.  Please don’t come to the Hanged Man again, and if I hear that you are spreading rumors about Laurel, I’ll make sure you pay for it.”  He waited at the door expectantly as Flora stood there.

               “Hawke…please,” she pleaded.  He just stood at the door, looking at her dispassionately. Flora’s shoulders slumped, and she walked out the door.  After she had left, Hawke shook his head, grabbed Athena from her bed and walked back over to Laurel’s house.

               He entered to find the three of them sitting at the kitchen table with cups of tea in front of them.  Laurel looked at Hawke as he entered, curious as to what was going on since she couldn’t get anything out of Bethany or Thom.

               “I’m sorry about that Thom,” Hawke said.  “Please don’t think poorly of me.  I’ve been upfront with everyone involved since the beginning.”

               Thom stood up and clapped Hawke on the shoulder.  “Bethany explained everything, Hawke.  It’s a regretful situation, but it sounds like the lass brought it on herself.  No worries.”

               “Would someone please care to explain what the hell is going on please?” asked Laurel irritably.  Hawke explained what had happened with Flora and that he didn’t want Thom to think that he was in the middle of some love triangle or something. 

               “I asked them not to say anything until the situation was resolved.  Which it has been,” said Hawke.  “I told her off and sent her on her way, asking her not to come to card games anymore.” 

               Laurel nodded.  “Ok then.”  She turned to Thom.  “I’ve known about Flora for a while- it was completely one-sided on her part.”  Thom nodded.

               Bethany stood up.  “I should get home and get to bed.  It’s been a long day.”  She hugged Laurel, smiled at Thom and headed out the door.

               Hawke took a moment to run his thumb along Laurel’s jawline.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.  Laurel smiled and kissed him goodnight.  After Hawke had left, Laurel and Thom sat down to their cups of tea and talked into the night.   



	11. Letters, stories and a Dirty Old Man

               The next day found Laurel and Thom seated in Varric’s office- he had asked to speak to her the night before and had asked her to bring Thom.  “What’s going on Varric?” she asked worriedly.

               Varric looked at her for a moment, before pulling a few envelopes out of his desk.  “I’ve gotten some more correspondence sent by Nightingale.  She didn’t open them-she feels that since the Inquisition is over, she doesn’t have the right to check your mail anymore.  They are unmarked…except for one.  It’s from your parents.”

               Laurel took the letter with a shaking hand.  Before she could open it, there was a knock at the door, and Hawke walked in.  “Just in time, Hawke,” Varric said.  “I just gave Sissy a letter from her parents.”  Laurel sat and stared at the letter, afraid to open it.  She hadn’t spoken of it much- the only people who knew anything were her advisors- and they only knew what had happened since the Inquisition started. 

               Laurel had been an only child born to alcoholic parents.  Her father was still a Bann, but they had burned through their inheritance within a few years of their marriage- leaving them to survive on the profits and taxes that came to them through their title.  It was still a tidy amount, but it never lasted long.  Laurel had not been a welcomed child- her mother resented her from the beginning as an extra mouth to feed and extra work for her since they couldn’t afford a nanny.  Laurel was often starved since there was often not enough food for three people after her parents spent their yearly stipends on clothing and jewelry, trying to keep up appearances.  There were frequent beatings as well, from a resentful mother and a drunk father- and she was not allowed to see a healer or word would get out.  The Trevelyan’s had a pious reputation to uphold, so eventually, Laurel had been taken to the Chantry.  The story that had been spread was that she had been promised to the Chantry as was traditional to the Trevelyan line, but in reality, she had been taken there to save her life.  She had been ten years old when she went to the Chantry. 

               After she had become the Inquisitor, her parents had started sending letters demanding she send them money- family support and tribute they had called it.  Laurel didn’t even need her advisor's input when she sent a letter back telling them that there would be no money coming their way.  All money was needed to support the war, and none could be spared for incidentals.  After that, it got ugly.  Her parents started sending more and more abusive letters, not only to her but to other noble houses, complaining of Laurel’s poor treatment of her parents.  They had intimated that there were reasons that Laurel had been sent to the Chantry at such a young age- sexual promiscuity was the most common rumor they had spread.  Eventually, Leliana was forced to act and shut down the letters, and everything finally stopped.

               Laurel stared at the letter in her hands, weighing her options.  She could throw it away unopened- but she had a feeling that she should read it.  If there was one thing she had learned from when she was the Inquisitor, was that she should go with her gut.  She opened the letter.

_Daughter,_

_It has been over a year since the Inquisition has disbanded and you became a nobody again- a crippled nobody at that.  We’ve also heard that your husband left you, which does not surprise us at all- we were shocked he even married you in the first place. Men usually do not marry their whores, so you should consider yourself lucky that you landed a husband at all._

_We are assuming that the last of the Inquisition’s wealth went to you, and we are expecting you to return home and give us what is due.  We were understanding when you denied us earlier due to being at war and needing to keep money for the war effort, but that time has come to a close._

_You should come home before we come to you.  Do your duty to your family._

               She let the three men read the letter.  When Hawke read it, he put a hand on her shoulder.  Laurel got up and went to look out the window as Varric finished reading the letter.  “I’m not giving them shit,” she said.  “Those two can go fuck themselves.”

               “Do you want to send a letter back, Sissy?” asked Varric.  He watched her warily- she was remarkably calm considering the contents of the letter. 

               “No.”

               “Sissy, this sounds serious.  Will they really come here after you?”  Varric was worried.  He thought he would rather see her crying rather than the silent coldness he saw before him.

               “If they show up here, I’ll kill them myself,” she said.  “Might as well give me the other letters, Varric.”  He looked at her uncertainly as he handed her the letters.  “I’m ok, Varric.  Really.  If one of them is from Surana, I need to know if she knows about the cure.”

               She tore open the first letter and read it through.  It was just a love letter from an admirer of the Inquisitor.  She smiled at the kind words, and put the letter aside, picking up the next one.  This one was from Surana.  It ran along the same lines as the previous letter- taunting and cruel, pointing out the joy of having a child that he hadn’t wanted with her. She put the letter down sadly and told the men that they could read it if they wanted to.  Thom picked up the letter and threw it into the fire. 

               Laurel took a moment to collect herself and continued.  “So down to business.  Varric, I’m ready to write up another business opportunity.  Thom and I talked about it yesterday, and we think a Woodworking shop would do well here.  We just need to find the building- but I wanted to get started on it.”

               Varric nodded. “Why don’t you go look at buildings today and I’ll get the loan papers drawn up.”

               “Not a loan, Varric.  A gift,” Laurel said.  Laurel still had a tidy sum of Inquisition money set aside, and she could think of no better use than to set up Thom in a business that he would love, and would take care of him in the future.

Thom looked up in shock.  “My lady, I can’t accept that.”

“Yes, you can Thom.  A lot of people benefitted from Inquisition funds, and most of them deserved it only half as much as you do.  I take care of my family.  You were there for me when no one else could be. I don’t forget.”  Thom stood up and embraced Laurel.

“Thank you, my sweet.  I’ll make you proud,” he whispered to her.

They spent the rest of the day looking at buildings for Thom’s shop.  They found a wonderful storefront and forwarded the information to Varric to add to the paperwork.  The place needed some work, and Laurel promised that she would help him get it ready.

After they got the building taken care of, Thom decided to go the Clinic to see Bethany.  It was almost closing time, and he wanted to take her to see the new building.  Laurel and Hawke walked back to his house- he had been gone a while, and he wanted to check on Athena.  Laurel scooped the puppy up and snuggled her while Hawke looked at the mail lying on his desk.  When he was done, he came up behind Laurel and put his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder.  “That was an incredibly generous thing you did for Thom.”

Laurel smiled.  “He’s earned it.  I want to give him everything I won’t give my parents.”

Hawke turned her around to face him.  “About that.  What is the deal with your parents?”

Laurel set Athena down and went to sit down, Hawke coming to sit next to her.  She was agitated, and she had been quiet all day.  “No one knows anything about my childhood, for a reason.”  She looked at Hawke, “I’ve never spoken of it to anyone.  Not Dorian.  Not even Cullen. My advisors only knew about the letters and demands for money. Well- I mentioned it briefly to Alistair, but no specifics.”  She looked at Hawke before she used her hand to lift her hair up.  “Not all of my scars are from the Inquisition, Garrett,” she said as she ran her finger along a long ugly scar that started at her neck and ran up to through her hairline.  “This isn’t the only one.”  She felt Hawke’s finger lightly run along the scar.

She told him about her childhood- the abuse and starvation, and being taken to the Chantry at the age of ten for her safety.  Then she told him about what had happened during the war, where Leliana had to intervene to stop them from spreading ugly rumors about her.  “I’m not going to say I’m afraid of them.  Chances are, even one handed, I could best both of them in a direct fight.  But they have soldiers if they can still afford them.  If they come here, I’m not sure what will happen.”

“We should take this seriously then,” said Hawke.  “Tomorrow, we should make arrangements at the bank to protect your money.  Varric should know too- not everything- but that they could show up here with soldiers.” He put his hand on her arm- and felt the dagger sheathed there before he took her hand, squeezing her fingers briefly.  “We’ve only just started.  I don’t want it to end over something like this.  Not after everything you’ve been through.”  He sat for a moment before asking, “How come you never told anyone?”

“I never had a reason to.  They were shut down during the war, and it’s not exactly something I like to talk about.  If I hadn’t have gotten this letter, I never would have said anything.  Being hated by your parents, simply for being born, is not something I’m exactly proud of.”  She stood up and walked over to the fireplace.

“What about the letter from Surana?” Hawke asked.  “You looked sad after you read it.  Do you…still have feelings for Cullen?  Do you miss him?”  He was afraid to hear the answer, but he needed to know.

“No.  I suppose I will always have some love for him- but what we had is over.  It’s just…I wanted to have a baby.  His baby.  He said it wasn’t the right time yet, so I kept taking my contraceptive tea.  Cullen must have told her about my disappointment because this letter was mostly about wonderful it was to have Cullen’s child- the one he didn’t want to have with me.  I’ll admit- it stung a little.”

“I’m sorry,” said Hawke.  “It has to be painful that he betrayed your confidence like that.”

“He knew I was disappointed, but I never told him how much it hurt me.  After living my life in the Chantry, and then the war, all I wanted was to have a family- people to love unconditionally.  When he told me it wasn’t time yet, I began to wonder if maybe it was me.  If it was because of everything I had told you about when we were on the ship- because I was damaged.  I almost went back to the Chantry after he left.”

 “The Chantry?” Hawke asked.  “Why?”

“Because it is isolated- I thought it would be best for me. I had thought about going back after I defeated Corypheus- if I survived, I had planned on it almost from the beginning.  But I got married instead.  I thought about it again after Cullen left- but then Thom talked me into coming here.  I seriously considered it again, but Alistair talked me out of it when we were in Denerim.”

Hawke came up to stand next to her.  “You…you would have left before we even had a chance?” he asked her quietly. 

She looked down.  “I thought it was my imagination.  After my breakdown, I didn’t think you would end up caring for me as anything other than a friend. I told Alistair that I was too damaged to be with anyone.  He wouldn’t accept it from me either- like you told me on the ship, and he told me his story- about Surana and everything that happened afterward.  He didn’t think anyone would love him either, especially with her interfering, but he found Catarina.  He told me not to let Surana or my parents win.”

“So he talked you out of it?”

“You both did.  I had talked to Bull too- you had told me to ask him and Dorian, and I did.  He agreed with you and Alistair.   What you said on the ship, and then what he said too- and I got distracted by finding a Mabari pup,” Laurel said.  Hawke smiled.  Laurel closed her eyes.  “Oh, Maker- I just thought of something.  Dorian is going to be insufferable when he finds out- if he hasn’t already.  I told you he had been bugging me about moving on.  Moving on with you- specifically.”

“Well, I’m glad to know our friends seem to approve.  Varric and Bethany would make the occasional comment about it as well,” Hawke said as he put his arms around her waist again.  “I’m glad you stayed,” he whispered in her ear before he brought his lips to hers. 

………

Laurel jumped as she felt the tap on her shoulder.  She had been painting the walls in Thom’s store while he was in the workshop finishing a display piece.  She turned around to find an older man standing there leering at her.  “Hello, my lady.  I couldn’t help but notice you working in here the last few days.” His eyes roamed over her body in appreciation- because of the work she was doing, she was wearing leggings, boots and one of Hawke’s cast off shirts.  The shirt clung to her curves, and she was displaying a little more cleavage than she was used to due to the cut of the shirt- but she didn’t have anything suitable that she didn’t mind getting stained.     

The man moved closer.  “My name is Ghyslain de Carrac.  I was hoping you would consider joining me for dinner some evening,” he said as his eyes roamed her body again.  He moved closer still, backing Laurel up against the wall.

“No thank you, Monsieur,” said Laurel as she deftly moved around him out into the open. “I am not available.”  She started to clean up the mess she made before she realized he was still standing there.  “Did you need something?” she asked him.

“You expect me to believe that you have a man?  A man your age would not be interested in a woman with your…deformity.”  Laurel stared at him.  “I, on the other hand, am not so picky.”  He came up close to her again, running his hand along her side.  “A lovely young girl like yourself should not be working in a building like this by herself- anything could…happen,” he leered as he ran a hand up to her breast.  “You need a man to protect you, my little dove.  I would be happy to provide that service…” he stopped short as he felt a dagger at his throat.  She had activated the dagger she wore on her arm and took it in her hand before he even had a chance to react.

               “Somehow, I think I can protect myself.  Remove your hand before I remove it for you.”  He backed off, holding his hands up.  “Go ahead- make a crack about how it’s a big knife for a little girl and try to take it away,” she said. “I know you’re dying to.”

               “My Lady, do I hear someone?” said Thom as he came in from the back room- only to stop dead- watching Laurel holding a blade to a strange man.  He made to walk towards the man, but Laurel stopped him.

               “Our friend was just leaving,” she spat.  “with his apologies, of course.”

               “My…apologies for the misunderstanding, my Lady.  I’ll take my leave” he said as he ran out the door.

               “What was that about?” said Thom as he looked out the door after the man. 

               “Just a dirty old man thinking he could get a piece,” she said calmly as she slid her dagger back into her sheath.  “Nothing to worry about.”  Thom stared at her.  “I’m all right, Thom- honest.  He’s not the first- probably not the last either.”

               “All right my lady.  If I see that man in here again, though…” he said threateningly. 

               “Come on, let’s clean up and get home.”  She started to clean up the painting supplies while Thom swept up his sawdust.  As they were cleaning up, Hawke and Fenris walked in to see how things were going.   Thom showed them some of the pieces he had finished up, but Laurel could feel that Hawke’s eyes were on her rather than on Thom’s work.  He put his arm around her waist as they walked home, stopping to whisper to her that she needed to wear his shirts more often.


	12. An Unhappy Reunion

               The next months went by quickly.  Thom had found a few skilled artisans and had opened up his shop, quickly gaining some loyal customers due to the quality of his work and his good business ethic. 

               “Laurel, a couple came into the shop today, asking about you,” Thom said as they were gathered around the dinner table one evening with Hawke, Bethany, and Varric.  “Older couple- but something felt off.  I told them I hadn’t seen Laurel Trevelyan in over a year.  Any ideas?”  Thom had been technically telling the truth.  At Varric’s advice, Laurel had legally changed her name to Pavus when she started opening businesses.

               Laurel shook her head.  “I heard something similar from the bookstore and the bakery today.   They told them nothing either.  Can you describe them?” Laurel asked Thom.

               Thom studied her for a moment, thinking.  “The man had just about your hair color- very peaky looking.  Thin- wearing decent clothes.  The woman was about the same- but she had brown hair. Something about them seemed familiar- I think they are your parents.”

               Laurel felt an initial panic and paled, but recovered quickly.  She wasn’t a ten-year-old anymore- she could take care of herself.  It was because of their abuse that she had learned to fight- training and constantly practicing until she was one of the best.  Even after losing her arm, and having to relearn with a new weapon, she was still a good fighter. She took a steadying breath.  “All right,” she said.  “I didn’t think they would show up here, but I guess I’ll have to deal with them.”

               “Do you want to go find them?” Hawke asked. 

               “No.  They can find me.  I meant what I said in Varric’s office that day.  They can fuck themselves,” she said coldly.  “I don’t fear them.”

               There was a knock at the door, but everyone stayed in their place.  Laurel closed her eyes, knowing it was them, but wishing they would just go away.  “Leena, please answer the door,” she said as she turned around.  She met Hawke’s eyes- he was worried, but he wouldn’t interfere. 

               Leena showed her parents in.  Laurel hadn’t seen them in over ten years- and even though they looked older, she could remember everything as though it were yesterday.  They stared at each other silently for a moment before Laurel spoke.  “Why are you here?”

               “Mind your tongue, girl,” her father said.  “Show some respect.”  She studied him- a weedy, desperate looking man with cold eyes and a cold heart.

               “I show respect to those who have earned it,” she said. “State your purpose.”

               “We’re here for our share,” her father said again.  “You owe us money.”  Her mother nodded in agreement, as she looked around the large home greedily.  Laurel watched her mother as she mentally calculated the value of the furnishings in the home.  Varric had made sure it was well decorated to suit a Comtesse.

               “No,” she said.  No point in saying more- it wouldn’t do any good.

               Her father advanced on her, but Laurel stood her ground.  She could feel Hawke and Thom standing up to come closer- but held her hand out to keep them back.  “What, are you going to try to intimidate me? Are you going to beat me within an inch of my life again?” she said as she pulled her hair aside, showing the ugly scar on her neck and head that she usually kept covered.  “Try me, old man.  You’ll see soon enough that I’m not the powerless child I once was.”

               “You’re not the all-powerful Inquisitor anymore either.  You don’t have an organization to hide behind,” sneered her father.  “You’re a one-armed nothing who couldn’t even hold onto her husband.  We heard he left you- could only stand you for six months before running off with another woman.  Clearly, the Herald of Andraste isn’t everything she’s made out to be.”

               “So this is how you expect to get coin out of me?  You show up at my home, uninvited, hurling insults and threats?  You harass the workers in my businesses, demanding to know where I am.  You spread ugly rumors about me during the war, causing diplomatic problems with other countries.  And yet, I’m supposed to give you money out of family loyalty?  You are not my parents.  Parents don’t beat and starve their children.   Parents don’t tell their child they weren’t wanted, and are a burden.  Parents don’t steal their children’s belongings- put that down, Mother.” Hawke snorted as he saw Laurel’s mother sullenly put down a small statue she had been shoving in her pocket.  Laurel must have eyes in the back of her head, he thought, shaking his head.

               Laurel looked at her father again, and pointed to Thom Rainier.  “This man has been more of a father to me in the last four years than you ever were in my entire life.  You deserve nothing, and you will get nothing.  Now get out,” she said coldly.

               “Listen here, girl,” her father said as he advanced on her again, grabbing her by the arm.  Before anyone could react, Laurel spun herself out of his grasp, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him onto the floor.  She activated her blade and brought it to his throat, lightly pressing it where she knew it counted.

               “Not so tough are you, old man?” she hissed.  “Not when you pick on somebody your own size instead of a ten-year-old girl.”  She pressed the knife more firmly against his throat, emotionlessly watching a bead of blood well up at the point.  Her mother tried to stop her, but Thom and Hawke reached her first. 

               “Laurel, stop.  You’re killing him,” Hawke said gently. “I know he deserves it, but do you want his blood on your hands?”  Laurel said nothing.  “Come on honey- let go.”  He put his hand onto of hers, slowly making her relax her grip on the dagger before pulling her hand away.  She stood up and Thom took her in his arms, whispering soothing words in her ear while Hawke helped Bann Trevelyan up and started steering the towards the door.

               “Wait,” said Laurel.  She looked at her parents.  “I am no longer your daughter- I renounce the Trevelyan name.  If I catch wind of you trying to claim anything in my name, I will make you sorry for it.  Now get out.”  Hawke pushed them out the door and shut the door behind him. 

               The room was quiet.  Thom, still holding Laurel said to her quietly, “I’d be proud to call you my daughter.” Laurel exhaled, still shaking from adrenaline.  “Are you all right?” he asked her.

               “I’m fine Thom.  I couldn’t ask for a better father.” 

               Varric stood up, “It’s getting late, I should go.”  He came over to Laurel, pulling her out of Thom’s arms and into his own.  “I’ll catch you later, Sissy.  I’ll have a word with Aveline and have the Trevelyan’s escorted out of town as soon as possible, all right?”

               Bethany asked him, “Can you do that Varric? It’s a free country- can you make them leave?”

               Varric chuckled, “Harassment and assault against a Comtesse, for starters.  I’m sure Aveline will think up more,” he said as he walked out the door.

               Bethany stood up too.  “It is getting late and I have early Clinic hours tomorrow.”  Laurel gave Thom an encouraging look and winked at him.  She knew they liked each other, but things had not progressed very far because they were both unsure of themselves.  Laurel had been trying to get Thom to spend more time with her. He had led a lonely life for a long time and she wanted him to be happy.

               “I’ll walk you home, my lady, if you’d like,” Thom said to Bethany.  Bethany smiled and nodded and the two of them left as well, leaving Hawke and Laurel alone. 

Hawke put his arms around Laurel. “Are you really all right?” he asked her.  “That was a lot of anger I saw there, not that he didn’t have it coming.”

               “Are you mad?” she asked.  “I lost control.”

               Hawke caressed her cheek. “How could I be mad?” he asked her.  “He said terrible things to you and put his hands on you.  If you hadn’t told us to hold back, I would have done the same thing.”  He was worried about her.  Hawke had wonderful parents, and he still missed them every day.  He couldn’t imagine parents treating their child the way Laurel had been treated.  “I wish I knew the right thing to say, Laurel.”

               Laurel kissed him gently.  “There is no right thing to say, but you’ve done pretty well so far,” she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.  Hawke ran his hands lightly up and down her back thinking about how right she felt in his arms. 

               “I could stay with you tonight, if you like.  Just to sleep,” he reassured her.  “Thom told me you are still having nightmares- bad ones.  I just want to be there for you.” They had been together a few months and Hawke had kept to his promise letting her set the pace for the relationship.  He had thought a lot about his relationship with Isabela and where he had went wrong- it started that they had been heavily attracted to each other and had jumped into bed right away.  He had often wondered if they would have even had a relationship if he had gotten to know her first before sleeping with her.  He couldn’t let himself completely regret being with her- there had been wonderful moments that he would always remember with a smile, but there were many bad moments too.  Isabela was a passionate and wild woman who liked to fight as much as she liked to fuck.  At the time, when Hawke was younger, he had been the same way, and they did both with great abandon.  Even though there was a night and day difference between Laurel and Isabela, and Hawke was confident that Laurel was a genuine person, he still was content in taking his time and enjoying just spending time with her.   

               “I think I’d like that,” Laurel said.  She knew that Thom worried about her, often coming to her when she woke up screaming.  It would be nice to give him a break.  She looked shyly at Hawke as he smiled at her, telling her he was going to run to his house and pick up a few things and he’d be back.  While she got ready for bed, she thought about where their relationship was going.  Hawke had been incredibly patient and supportive of her, letting her take her time to figure out what she was ready for.  She had been a virgin when she met Cullen, and in spite of their age difference, Cullen had not had much experience either- so they had been on equal ground when they had been together. Hawke was different- he was even older than Cullen, and had much more worldly experience than her and Cullen combined.  He had traveled extensively, and lived a much wilder life in his younger days.  She sometimes worried that he was going to get bored with her.  Like her father had said- if she couldn’t hang on to someone like Cullen, who had lived as much of a sheltered life, how would she keep Hawke interested?  And then there was her arm.  She had been extremely self-conscious about it when she was with Cullen- he had tried to tell her it was ok, but she struggled with it all the time.

               Laurel was deep in thought when Hawke arrived, carrying sleeping pants and Athena. He grinned at her, explaining that he didn’t want to leave her overnight yet- he had brought a blanket for her to sleep on.  After he got Athena settled in, he sat down next to Laurel on the bed.  “You looked like you were thinking some pretty deep thoughts when I came in.  Anything you want to talk about?”’

               “I just really appreciate you letting me take my time, Garrett.  I hope I don’t disappoint you.”  She fidgeted with her nightgown as they sat next to each other. “I…don’t have much experience.  Maybe my parents were right about Cullen leaving me and Surana was right about him not wanting to have a child with me…”

               Hawke stopped her. “You’re worried I’ll get bored?”  Laurel nodded.  He took her hand and put his other arm around her.  “Honey, you don’t have to worry about that.”

               Laurel shook her head. “How can you say that?  You’ve had such a different life from me- so many adventures, and…women.  Aside from the war, I haven’t done anything worthwhile and I’ve only been with one man.  And he left.”

               Hawke held her to him.  “I suppose I have lived a much different life from you, but here’s the thing.  I grew tired of that kind of life- which is why Isabela left me- she got bored.  The whole Adamant Fortress/Fade thing really affected me and made me rethink my life and what I wanted out of it, and I realized that I was getting too old to keep running around, getting into fights, living by the seat of my pants.  Most of my adventuring days happened after I turned twenty-five- you’re not even there yet. Who’s to say that you won’t get bored with me and want to go out and have more adventures as you get older?  We have to work on faith- both of us.  And your parents and Surana?  They’re full of it.  Cullen was a fool who made the wrong choice, and will end up regretting it in the long run.  As for my experience with women- it’s irrelevant.  The beauty of being in a loving relationship is learning about each other.  Every person is different, and what one likes, another doesn’t.  The fun is in learning and teaching each other, and growing together.  That’s what I want with you, when you’re ready.”

               Laurel felt a tear go down her cheek as she turned to hug Hawke.  “You always know the right thing to say, Garrett.  “You’re too good to me.”  She rested against him, relieved at his words.

               “You’re worth it,” he whispered as he kissed her on the forehead.  “Come on, let’s get some rest.  In spite of how you feel about your parents, it’s been an emotional day.”  He stood up and went into the other room to change into his sleeping pants, patted Athena and then got into bed with Laurel.  She couldn’t help but admire him as he had walked towards her.  He was well built, and muscular- staying fit by sparring and working with his hands in his many businesses.  He had many scars, but they did not bother her- Maker knew she had plenty of her own. His pants hung low around his hips, making Laurel blush a little as she imagined what was underneath. 

               As he slid into bed beside her, she noticed a large twisted scar on his stomach, and she lightly traced it with her fingers, watching him jump a little under her fingers.  “How did you get this?” she asked him.

               “From my battle with the Arishok- I almost died.” He told her about the Qunari battle and his having to challenge the Arishok for Isabela’s life after she returned with the Tome of Koslun.

               “I’m glad I wasn’t there to see it,” Laurel said.  “I’ve had my fair share of fights, but I never could stand by and watch someone fight for me.  It would terrify me.  So tell me, I noticed you jump a little when I did…this,” as she ran a finger lightly over his scar again and feeling him jump again.  “Are we ticklish?”

               “I’ll never tell,” said Hawke as he tried to move away from her.

               “Come on, it’ll be our secret.  I’ll only use it to my advantage occasionally,” she said, running her finger over his stomach again. He jumped and turned her over, pinning her underneath him.

               “Turnabout is fair play,” he growled as he started finding her ticklish spots and making her squeal with laughter.  He crashed his lips against hers to stop her from squealing too loud, deepening the kiss as she responded.  He gasped as he felt her tongue in his mouth, probing against his as they moved together, their hands exploring where they could reach.  They pulled away, looking at each other before Hawke lowered his head against her neck, groaning. “We need to stop before I can’t.”  He felt Laurel’s hand caressing his face and he took it in his and kissed her palm.

               “I want to touch you,” Laurel whispered,” just…hands.  Is that all right?” She kissed him again as her hand ran down his side. 

               “Only if you are comfortable.  I won’t be mad if you’re not.  We go at your pace,” he whispered to her.  She pushed him to the side to lay on his back and kissed him again, her hand exploring his chest, enjoying the feeling of the muscles playing under his skin and the hair against her fingers.  She rubbed her thumb against his nipple as she kissed along his chest, listening to him gasp as she flicked her tongue against his nipple.  He threaded his fingers through her hair as he felt her hand going lower, pushing his low-slung pants down to expose his hardened member. 

               “Show me,” she whispered as she circled her hand around his large cock, rubbing her thumb along his head, feeling the precum smear as she moved her hand.  Hawke groaned when she said that- being asked to show the best way to pleasure him is something he had never experienced, and he felt his arousal shoot straight to his groin.  He put his hand over hers and guided her, showing her how to rotate her hand as she ran it up and down his engorged member, flicking her thumb over his head and the sensitive nerve that ran along the head of his cock.  Within minutes, Hawke stiffened as ropes of cum shot along his belly and on Laurel’s hand, panting as the pleasure coursed through him.  Laurel nuzzled against his side for a moment before getting up to get a towel, which she handed to Hawke. 

               She lay back down beside him as he cleaned himself up.  When he was done, he set the towel aside and rolled over to kiss Laurel.  “Maker, you’re incredible,” he whispered huskily.  “I want to touch you, Laurel. I want to bring you pleasure too.” Laurel nodded as he kissed her, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth while he started to untie the laces to her gown.  He slipped a hand inside her gown and found her breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers and thumb.  Laurel arched her back into his hand, groaning in disappointment when he pulled his hand away from her breast.  He peeled her nightgown back, baring her breasts and latched onto one with his mouth, rolling the nipple of her other breast with his other hand.  He could feel her fingers in his hair as she pushed his head into her breast, arching into him to bring him as close as she could.  His hand left her other breast and started moving down her body, pushing her gown up, his fingers meeting her dripping center.  Laurel’s hips bucked as his finger pushed into her entrance, gently thrusting in and out, before he added another finger.  He moved his fingers inside of her, gently hooking forward to find the rough patch inside of her while his thumb flicked at her clit, rubbing her wetness around it, while his mouth was still attached to her breast, alternately sucking on her nipple and flicking it with his tongue.  Laurel was moving her hips in time with Hawke’s thrusting fingers, her arm tightening around him as she felt the heat pooling at her core.  Hawke let go of the nipple in his mouth long enough to murmur in her ear, “Come for me, Honey.  Come hard,” pushing Laurel over the edge as he latched onto her nipple again, twitching his fingers inside of her and rubbing his thumb over her bundle of nerves.  She bucked against him as she came, arching her back, trying to keep her cries quiet as he worked her into a second orgasm.  She went limp as he withdrew his fingers from her and helped her straighten her clothes out.  He grabbed the towel and they both cleaned up again before he wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her neck and cuddling against her.                  Smiling, Laurel caressed Hawke’s cheek and asked, “Do you really think I could get bored with that?  That was amazing and it’s only the beginning.”  She kissed him good night and snuggled against his side, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	13. A Letter and an Unwelcome Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. Plot bunnies made me start another story since I was blocked on this one, but recently, I was able to start up again and make a lot of progress. I also realized that I really suck at breaking up stories into chapters, and had to spend a bit of time going through this one. I had such a good time writing most of it that I just kept going and forgot to break it up. Big mistake.

 

               The next day, Laurel stopped in Varric’s office.  “Sissy!” he exclaimed.  “You’ll be happy to know that Aveline escorted your parents out of town this morning.  She wanted to arrest them for assault and theft, but if we did that, you’d have to see them again when they went to trial.  I figured it was easier just to make them leave.”

               “Thanks, Varric.  I’m sorry you had to see that last night,” said Laurel. 

               “Are you kidding?  I’m glad I was there to see it first-hand. Made it easier to kick them out of town,” said Varric.  He sat looking at the papers on his desk for a moment.  “How come you never said anything about your parents?”  He remembered the scar she had shown her parents the night before- he could tell it had been a terrible injury when it happened. 

               Laurel shrugged.  “You saw them last night- would you talk about it?  The only person who knows everything is Garrett.  I told him the other day after that letter arrived.  Leliana may have known about it- being the Spymaster, but if she did, she never said anything.”

               Varric nodded.  “So what brings you by, Sissy?”, he asked. “You need something?”

               “No, I came by to see if you needed anything.  I haven’t seen you much lately- I’ve missed you.”  She was quiet for a moment.  “I wanted to thank you, Varric.  Bringing me to Kirkwall was the best thing that could have happened to me.  I have a real family here. I don’t know if I would have had that anywhere else.”

               “Any time, Sissy.  I’m glad I was able to help.  You deserve good things.”  He looked at her closely.  “You look good.  Things are going well with Hawke I take it?”  Laurel blushed and nodded.  Varric noticed her blushing and got up from his desk, coming around to sit closer to her.  “It’s ok to be happy, you know.  You’re not doing anything wrong by moving on.” 

               “I know, Varric.  I’m just not used to talking about it, I guess.  I wasn’t sure how people would be about it given who we are, but everyone has been supportive. And Dorian has been insufferable about it.”

               “We’re all happy for you, Sissy- for both of you.  So if you want to thank me, how about taking an old friend out to lunch?”  Laurel laughed and got up, following Varric out the door.

………

               A few hours later, Laurel was at the bookstore up on the ladder checking inventory when Hawke came in.  He climbed the ladder behind her and nuzzled her neck before jumping back down.  “I got a letter from Weisshaupt,” he told her.  Laurel jumped down from the ladder and took the letter that Hawke had held out. 

               The wardens at Weisshaupt had heard that Surana had found the cure, and knew that she was asking a heavy price. Before his letter arrived, they had been contemplating a negotiation with her, reserving the cure for the oldest Wardens who were the closest to their time.  They wanted to talk to Hawke about his cure, hoping that they could come to a compromise that wouldn’t bankrupt the Wardens.  “What do you think?” Hawke asked her.

               “You know I’m not going to ask for anything for this, Garrett.  Grey Wardens pay a hefty price for their abilities, and they use it to help people.  It’s not right to hold a cure over their heads after all they do.  I’m more interested in trying to keep it quiet and keep our names out of it” Laurel said.  She was definitely interested in not having to engage with Surana.

               “I agree,” said Hawke.  “They want to meet in Nevarra to talk. I’ll go to them there.  I…I think you should stay here, Laurel.”

               “Why?” Laurel asked. 

               “It’s not because I don’t want you to go,” Hawke said.   “The Wardens at Weisshaupt are very secretive, and they are also upset about all of the Wardens who died in the service of the Inquisition.  I know what happened and that it is not your fault- but they don’t see it that way.  We’ll be better off if I take care of this.  Fenris and I will go.  I can’t take anyone associated with the Inquisition on this one.”

               Laurel sat down to think.  “I don’t feel right about this Garrett.  I know you trust them, and I trust you- but I’m worried about Surana finding out.  I don’t want to put you in danger- you or Fenris.”

               “She hasn’t approached them yet, so we need to hurry.  We’ll leave tomorrow-we shouldn’t be gone more than a month.  In the meantime- get in contact with Alistair and see how things are going there.”  Alistair had sent a few senior Wardens their way, and Laurel had treated them gladly, much to their gratitude.  One even stayed in Kirkwall to work at Thom’s shop. 

               Laurel sighed.  “Take Cole, and Ser Kaplin- if he’s willing.  A former Grey Warden who’s had the cure may help.  And Cole may be Inquisition, but they won’t remember him if they see him anyway. I’d feel better.”

               Hawke put his arms around her. “I’ll try to make this fast so I can come back to you quickly.”

               “I know Garrett.  Go take care of business.  What are you going to do with Athena?” she asked.

               “I’m hoping you and Bethany can take care of her.  She’s too small to come along- if she were full grown, I’d take her.”  Laurel nodded- of course she would take care of Athena.  Hawke kissed her and headed out to talk to Fenris and Ser Kaplin.

               Later that evening, Hawke stopped by to pick up the cure and the instructions for making more.  Before he left, he held her close, pressing his forehead to hers.  “I’ll be thinking of our night together every night I’m away from you,” he whispered.  “I’ll miss you.”

               “I’ll miss you,” she said back, burying her head in his chest.  “The sooner you come back, the sooner you can spend the night again.”

               He kissed her and headed home for an early morning departure.

               The month passed slowly in spite of how busy Laurel was.  Between looking in on Hawke’s businesses as well as her own, and splitting dog-sitting duties with Bethany, she did not have a lot of spare time.  She and Bethany spent a bit of time together- their friendship had started when Laurel had worked with her in the Clinic and had continued from there.  Laurel still helped out at the Clinic when she could- she enjoyed helping people, and the citizens of Darktown adored her for her non-judgmental ways.  Finally, she received a raven from Hawke saying he would be home within the week.

………

               Varric was at his desk, writing a letter when he heard someone come into his office and drop down into a chair by his desk.  He looked up expecting to see Laurel. “…Rivaini.”

               “Varric- happy to see you,” Isabela said, putting her boots up on his desk.  “Still viscounting, I see.” Isabela hadn’t changed much since he last saw her over two years ago. 

               Rubbing his eyes, Varric asked, “Why are you here?”.  Isabela tried to look shocked and surprised by his question but quickly figured that would make things worse.  She had to know she wouldn’t be welcome by Hawke’s friends, and he sincerely hoped she wasn’t stupid enough to try to flounce into town pretending everything was ok.

               “Where’s Hawke?” she asked.  “I stopped by his house, and no one was home.  Orana said Hawke had gone but didn’t say where or for how long.”  She waited impatiently for Varric to answer her.

               “What do you want with him Rivaini?  It’s not like you left on good terms.” He looked at her again, hoping that she had just wanted to apologize and move on, but knowing better deep down. 

               “I made a mistake, Varric.  I should never have left him.  I was hoping to get a chance to talk to him and see if we could start again.”  Varric stared at her in disbelief.  “What?” she asked.  “The last two years have been absolute shit for me.  I never believed Hawke when he said that he was getting too old to stay on the sea- but after the last two years, I think he’s right.  It’s time for me to settle down, finally.  And Hawke is the one I want to settle down with.”

               “No, Rivaini,” Varric said.  “He was a mess for a long time after you walked out on him.  I should know- I was the one who had to clean him up and get him home.  He’s finally in a good place- a successful business owner, and he’s with someone.  Someone who is very important to me.  You’d be trashing a good thing if you try to interfere.”

               “Who is she?” Isabela asked quickly.  “You might as well tell me.  You know I will find out anyway.”  Isabela sat up, taking her boots off Varric’s desk. “I feel sorry for the poor girl, but Hawke belongs with me.”

               “I won’t tell you who she is.”  Varric rubbed his eyes again.  “Look, Rivaini.  If you have an ounce of decency in you, and if you care for Hawke- you’ll just leave.    He’s happy, and he’s moved on from you.”

               Isabela stared at him.  “Are you saying he wouldn’t be happy with me?” she asked in disbelief. Varric just gave her a level stare.   “Where is he Varric?” she asked again, a warning tone in her voice.

               “He’s gone for a while- business.  Fenris is with him.  Look, Rivaini- out of friendship, I need to warn you.  Hawke’s new lady brought friends with her, and she’s earned not only their loyalty but Bethany’s, Aveline’s and Fenris’ as well.  If you were to attempt to steal Hawke away, you'd find you don’t have a friend in this town anymore.  I’m not trying to threaten you- but I am asking you- don’t mess with a good thing.  You won’t win.”

               “I’m sorry Varric- but I have to try,” Isabela said. “He must not be over me completely if you’re trying to stop me.” She watched him as she spoke.  She knew Varric well and could tell if she was getting a rise out of him, but he wasn’t responding the way she wanted- causing a kernel of fear to grow inside her.  She stamped it out quickly, replacing it with an air of confidence.

               “It’s not that,” Varric explained.  “I think it’s pretty safe to say that he is over you.  Like I said, his lady is someone very important to me- we’ve been through a lot together, and she has not had the most pleasant life.  I like seeing her happy, and she has been since she and Hawke got together and she doesn’t need you coming in and trying to interfere and cause trouble.  He waited a long time for her to be confident enough in herself to be in a relationship.  Please do the right thing and leave them alone.”

               Isabela stood up.  “You know I can’t do that.  I want Hawke, and I always get what I want.” She walked out of Varric’s office, leaving Varric shaking his head.  He called Bran in and asked him to send someone to get Thom Rainier and bring him to his office. 

………

               Hawke and his group were making their way back to Kirkwall after a successful visit with the Wardens.  He had been relatively quiet during the trip, which had concerned Fenris a little- Hawke had always been an excellent traveling companion- not that he wasn’t now, but he was never this quiet.  As they were riding along, Cole pulled up next to him, muttering to himself as usual before he looked at Hawke.  “Broken and aching. Hopeful but scared.  You take the fear away, and she takes yours.” He rode off again, leaving Hawke and Fenris staring after him.

               “He’s a strange one,” Fenris said.  “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him- but Bull likes having him around.  He’s handy with the blades- there’s no doubt in that.”

               “Laurel adores him,” Hawke said.  “He’s been a huge help in her life.”  He went back to riding quietly- lost in thought.

               “Hawke, what is going on with you?” Fenris finally asked.  “You’ve been so quiet on this trip.  Are you concerned about the Wardens?  Worried they’ll give up the secret out of spite?  I don’t think you need to worry about that- Laurel giving them this for free has changed their minds about her I think.  They’ll protect her.”

               “It’s not that,” said Hawke.  “I know they won’t betray her.”  Fenris waited for Hawke to keep talking.  Hawke had been a good friend to him over the years, and Fenris had done what he could to repay that friendship as best as he could.  Hawke rarely talked about his personal life- especially since Isabela had left, but Fenris remembered helping Varric pick up the pieces.  He could tell that Hawke was thinking about Laurel, working something out in his head and waited for Hawke to spit it out.  “I love her, and I want to marry her,” Hawke said finally.

               “You’re finally admitting it?” Fenris asked.  “We’ve all known for a while.  So are you going to do something about it?”

               “I told her we would take the relationship at her pace.  I don’t want to push her if she’s not ready.  I did that before, and it didn’t turn out well.”

               “Well, just between you and me, Hawke- there is a vast difference between Laurel and Isabela,” said Fenris.  “We all tried to warn you about Isabela- even Varric said something about it.  We all knew it was a matter of time before she ran off.  Laurel won’t do that, even if she isn’t quite ready yet.  But I think she is.”  Hawke didn’t say anything, but he didn’t stop thinking about what Fenris said the rest of the way home.


	14. The Unwelcome Becomes More Unwelcome

 

           

             

               Thom walked into Varric’s office, looking concerned.  “You wanted to see me Varric?  Is everything all right?

               Varric closed his eyes.  “Take a seat, Thom.  I have news.”  Before he could continue, Bethany burst into the room.  Seeing the look on her face, he said “I know Sunshine.  You take a seat too.”  Varric sighed and addressed Thom.  “How much did Laurel tell you about Hawke’s previous relationship?”

               Frowning at the strange question, Thom answered, “Just that he had been abandoned and that it took him a long time to get over it.  Why?”  With a sigh, Varric briefly outlined the history between Hawke and Isabela, with Bethany interjecting occasional comments.

               “Rivaini was just in my office a little while ago- asking after Hawke.  She wants him back and will stop at nothing to get him. I know Hawke- trust me, he’s nuts about Sissy, and he’s not going anywhere.  But that’s not going to stop Rivaini from trying to get to Sissy and drive her off.   I refused to tell Rivaini anything about her- but it’s not going to take her long to find out.  We need to find Sissy as soon as we can.”

               Thom stood up.  “I know she was going to stop by and get Athena this morning before making her rounds at both hers and Hawke’s businesses.   We should split up and look for her.  What do we tell her?”

               “Just get her here.  I’ll take care of it from there.”  Varric looked at Bethany.  “How did you know?”

               “She stopped by the house and tried to find out where Garrett is- Orana came and told me.”  Varric nodded.  As they left the palace, Bethany and Thom talked about the situation.  “You’ve never met her Thom- when she wants something, she takes it in whichever way she can.  She’s the reason we had the Qunari uprising those years ago.  Garrett almost died just to save her skin.  Her fucking worthless skin.”

               They split up and went into all of the storefronts, but she wasn’t there and hadn’t been there yet.  After checking at both houses and some of her other regular haunts, they still couldn’t find her.  Thom was beginning to worry that Isabela had gotten to her first.

               Laurel had spent that morning walking around Lowtown with Athena- looking at possibilities for businesses that would help the economy and employment there as much as it had in Hightown.  While she was in Lowtown, she had come across the elf that ran Hawke’s cigar shop- he had an emergency and couldn’t open the shop that day- so Laurel made her way over there to take care of the shop for the day. 

               She got Athena settled on a blanket in the back room, and after tying on an apron, she opened the shop for the day.  Laurel loved the smell of the cigar shop- she always loved it when Garrett came to see her right after coming from there.  While she was checking the books, she heard Athena growling her little puppy growl in the back room.  Frowning in concern, she went to check on her to see her standing on her blanket and growling at the front door.

               “I believe your dog might be growling at me,” said a woman who had come in while Laurel had been checking on Athena.  Isabela studied the girl before her.  She was a lovely thing, long auburn hair- missing an arm- interesting.  “Laurel Pavus?” Isabela asked. 

               Laurel studied the older woman and closed her eyes. “You must be Isabela.”

               The woman grinned.  “That I am,” she said, “If you know who I am, then you must know why I’m here.”  Laurel waited silently for Isabela to keep talking.  “Kitten, you have to understand that Hawke belongs to me.  I want him back.  You’re such a sweet little thing; I want to give you the chance to walk away before you get too hurt.”

               Laurel studied the woman again before speaking. She could see why Garrett had felt the way he did about her.  “Maybe you should leave that decision up to Garrett?” Laurel asked her archly.  Isabela’s eyes narrowed.  She didn’t like this girl’s tone.

               “Hawke needs someone a little more…equipped than you are, Sweet Thing.  He needs a woman with experience, not a virgin.  Don’t you think he’ll get bored with you?”

               Laurel shrugged.  “I guess I’ll leave that up to him.  He seems to be ok with me so far.”  She continued her work, looking unconcerned with everything Isabela had to say. 

               “Do you think I’m joking?” Isabela spat.  “You don’t want to get on my bad side.  It would not go well for you,” she said as she fingered one of her blades.  “Surely you’ve heard of my skills.”

               Laurel stopped what she was doing and leveled her gaze at Isabela.  “Do I think you’re joking?  No, I don’t.  So you want him back- I can’t stop you from trying.  But since Garrett isn’t here to speak for himself at the moment, what point is there to this conversation?  I may seem young and inexperienced, but I’ve seen enough in my day to know that I really can’t care about what you want, or what you think.  You can leave now.”

               Isabela pointed a dagger at her.  “This isn’t over,” she said as she slammed the door.  Laurel exhaled and put her head in her hand.  She’d managed to keep her cool, but she was falling apart on the inside.  Isabela hadn’t said anything that she hadn’t already said to herself.  Garrett had reassured her that he wouldn’t get bored, but she always had that little bit of doubt in the back of her mind that made her unsure of herself.

               As she sat, Thom came hurrying in.  “Laurel, you need to go…” he stopped and looked at her.  “She’s already been here, hasn’t she?”  Laurel nodded.  Thom swore.  “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. Come on- Varric wants to see you.” Laurel picked up Athena and left the shop, letting Thom lock the door.  She was quiet on the way to Varric’s, trying not to cry.  Thom watched her as they walked, worried.  She had come so far since the days he would hold her at Skyhold- he didn’t want to see her slipping back. 

               Laurel entered Varric’s office and sat down in one of the chairs.  A look passed between Thom and Varric, and Varric sighed heavily.  “I’m sorry Sissy.  She came to see me this morning- I sent Thom and Bethany to find you, but we were obviously too late.”

               “It’s all right Varric,” said Laurel. “It’s not your fault.  I just need to be by myself for a while.  Thom, can you take Athena to Bethany please?”  She handed the pup off to Thom and left Varric’s office.  She walked to her house, went to her room and lay on her bed.  She thought back to what Garrett had said to her the last time he was here and tried to tell herself that he wouldn’t have said it if he hadn’t meant it.  But the self-doubt kept creeping in and telling her otherwise.

               Thom and Varric watched her leave, not sure if they should follow or not.  Varric shook his head.  “I asked Isabela to leave her alone.  Any idea what was said?” 

               “She didn’t say,” said Thom.  “She didn’t look right when I found her, though.” 

               “We need to send someone to warn Hawke,” Varric said.  “I don’t want him walking into this blind.”  He thought about who it would be best to send.  “Is Krem around?”  Thom said he would take care of it and took off.  Varric sent for Aveline and brought her up to speed.

               Aveline sat down, dumbfounded.  “After two years, she shows up again?”  Aveline and Isabela had never gotten along, and she had been relieved for Hawke when Isabela left.  Aveline had rarely tried to talk to Hawke about Isabela when she had been around because she knew it would not have done any good- but she had made a point to tell Hawke how much she liked Laurel, as often as she could.  She only hoped that he would have some sense about this.

……

               Shortly after she got home, Laurel activated her sending crystal.  “Darling!” she heard him say.

               “Dorian?” she said quietly.  She couldn’t say anything more after that.

               “Laurel, what’s wrong?” Dorian got serious very quickly.  She hadn’t sounded like that in a long time, and he was now scared.

               “Um…I had a visit today.  From Isabela.”  She told him what had all been said by both of them and how Isabela threatened her before she left.

               “You handled it well, Sweetheart.  Do you really think Hawke is going to go back to her? Personally, I don’t think he would.”

               Laurel told him about the conversation she had with Hawke the night he stayed over.  “I know what he said, and I believe him- but I keep doubting myself.  What if I’m not enough for him? I can’t help thinking he’ll get bored with me.”   

               “Sweetling, if you love him, and he loves you, and you are open with each other, then you will never be bored.  Do you love him?”

               Laurel swiped at a tear that had fallen.  “Yes,” she whispered.

               “Does he love you?”

               “I don’t know.  We haven’t said anything to each other.”

               “He’d be a fool not to.  Look, Bull is around, and Thom as well.  You know that both of them would do anything for you.  Let them help you.  Please don’t go anywhere alone until Hawke sends her packing.  You know he’s going to do that yes?” 

               “I hope so,” Laurel sighed.

               “Listen to your handsome brother, Laurel.  He’s going to send her away.  He’s not Cullen- Hawke is way smarter than that.”

               “Thanks, Dorian.  I should go.  Love you.”

               “I love you too, Darling.  Call me as soon as he tells you he loves you.”

……

               Hawke and Fenris sat up as they noticed a man on a horse racing towards them. “Krem,” said Fenris as he pulled up alongside them, “What’s wrong?”

               “I have an urgent message for Hawke from Thom Rainier,” he said as he handed a rolled up parchment to Hawke.  If it was from Thom, then it probably had something to do with Laurel- something not good.  He grabbed the paper and started to read.  Fenris and Krem were startled out of their conversation by a loud bout of swearing by Hawke.

               “That fucking bitch!  We have to go.”

……

               Two days later, Hawke stomped into Varric’s office. He hadn’t even stopped at home, or anywhere for that matter when he arrived.  “What the hell is going on Varric?”  When he had read Thom’s note, all he could think to do was get home before Isabela did any permanent damage between him and Laurel. 

               “Hawke, I’ve been trying to contain this as best as I can.  Sit.”  Hawke sat and waited for Varric to continue.  Varric told him about Isabela coming to see him, and what had been said, and then told him about Isabela tracking Laurel down and trying to threaten her.  Thom had finally gotten Laurel to tell him what had been said between her and Isabela, and Varric told Hawke about that as well. 

               “How has Laurel been?” Hawke asked.  Hawke knew what she worried about, and he was aware that Isabela would know exactly where to pick at her to make her doubt herself.

               “A little isolated,” Varric said.  “She says she wants to be by herself- but I know she’s spoken to Sparkler, and Hero and Tiny rarely leave her side when she leaves the house.  Rivaini hasn’t had a chance to talk to her again.”  Hawke nodded. “I don’t have to ask what your decision is, do I?” Varric asked. 

               Hawke said.  “There’s no decision to make.  There hasn’t been in a long time.  I love Laurel, and I want to marry her.  I only wish I had told her I loved her before I left.” Varric nodded. 

               “Look, Hawke, this is fixable,” said Varric. “You know what you need to do.  Go home- unpack and clean up, deal with Isabela and then go and sweep your girl off her feet.  I know she’s missed you.”

……

               Hawke got home to find Bethany there, and a wriggling Athena, pleased to see her master.  “Garrett…”

               Before Bethany could say anything, Hawke said, “I know Bethany.  I’m dealing with this as quickly as I can.  I just came from seeing Varric. I have to find Isabela and deal with this.”

               “You don’t need to find me,” he heard from behind him, “I’m here.”  He turned around and saw Isabela sauntering towards him.

               Hawke crossed his arms.  “What are you doing here, Isabela?  What do you want?”

               Isabela stuttered to a halt at the tone in his voice.  “I’ve…come home, Hawke.”  She faltered under his stare. “Look, I’m sorry about how I left.  I was wrong.  The last two years have been absolute shit, Hawke.  You were right- we’re getting too old for living that kind of life.  I’m ready to come home and settle down. Have a family if you want.”

              Hawke shook his head.  “Unbelievable.  Did you think I’d be waiting here for you to come back?  That I wouldn’t have moved on? I have someone in my life now, Isabela.  You can’t be here.”

              “You’ve moved on?” Isabela asked.  “Are you talking about that little one-armed girl I met?  The virgin?  You’ll be bored with her within a week.  You need a woman, Hawke, not a little girl.”          

              “I need her- I love her.  You have no idea who she is, or what she has done in her life.  You and I were not good together.  Everyone tried to tell me that, and I wouldn’t listen.  I’m listening now.” 

              “Hawke,” Isabela said warningly.  “I’m not giving up on you. We belong together.”  Hawke looked at her disbelievingly while Bethany just gaped at her. 

              “Give it up Isabela- it’s over.  It’s been over for two years. Leave us alone.”

              Isabela straightened up.  “Like I told your little girlfriend- this isn’t over,” she said as she walked out the door.

              Hawke and Bethany looked at each other.  “She’s deluded,” Bethany said.  “We haven’t heard the last of her.”  Hawke nodded.  He knew that in the past that Isabela wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted, but that had been reserved for things, not people.  If anything, she had always treated him as an afterthought- not wanting to bring feelings into it.  She still hadn’t even said she loved him- she never had. 

             Shaking his head to rid himself of those thoughts, he said. “I need to get cleaned up and go to Laurel’s.  Are you going to come over and see Thom?”  Bethany blushed.  “How long has it been now?  I know you like each other,” Hawke said.  “Live a little.  Should I send him over here?  I’d kind of like some alone time with Laurel if she’s ok”. 

             Bethany nodded. “Send him over.”

             Hawke was nervous as he got cleaned up.  He had no idea what he was walking into- if she even wanted him anymore after Isabela’s actions.  He hoped things hadn’t been ruined- but he guessed there was only one way to find out.


	15. Better Than Ever

                Hawke rushed over to Laurel’s house as quickly as he could to find Thom and Bull sitting at the table with Leena serving dinner.  He sat down at the table to get the news from them and to tell them what had happened with Isabela.  “Is Laurel ok?” 

                Bull grunted.  “She’s struggling.  I’ve never met this Isabela person, but anyone who threatens the Boss had better watch out.  You should get up there and talk to her.  I’ll head out when I’m done.”  Hawke nodded in thanks and told Thom that Bethany wanted to see him over at their house when he was done.  Thom looked significantly more cheerful at that.

                Hawke went up the stairs to Laurel’s room and opened the door.  Laurel was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking lost in thought.  “Laurel, honey?” he said softly.  She turned to look at him.  Hawke came around to kneel before her, putting his arms around her.  She put her arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder.  They sat like that for a long while, just enjoying each other’s company. 

                 He was unsure what to do next.  Laurel hesitated.  “I saw Isabela.”  Hawke nodded.  “She…was not very nice.  She brought back every doubt that we talked about before you left.  Did you…see her?”

                 Hawke exhaled.  “I did.  She walked into my house tonight like she owned it.”  Laurel looked down, waiting for him to continue.  “I told her I wasn’t interested. Because I love you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

                 Laurel caressed his cheek. “You love me?” she whispered.

                 He rested his forehead against hers.  “More than anything.  I should have told you before I left.”

                 “I love you,” Laurel whispered, “so much. Stay with me tonight?  We can talk about everything else in the morning. I bought you your own sleep pants and everything…”

                 “I’d love to stay,” Hawke said. 

………

                 Hawke slid under the sheets next to Laurel and put his arms around her. Laurel turned towards him and pressed her lips to his, tightening her arm around his as their tongues entwined.  She moaned as their kiss deepened, Hawke pulling away to trail a line of kisses down her neck before nibbling at her earlobe.  Hawke started to untie Laurel’s gown kissing his way down her chest as he loosened the ties.  When he latched onto her nipple, Laurel arched her back, moaning and pulling Hawke’s hand to her other breast.  He rolled her other nipple in his fingers, pinching and plucking as Laurel writhed beneath him.  “Can I touch you?” he murmured in her ear as he nibbled on her earlobe again. “Can I make you come?”  Laurel gasped in arousal at his question. 

                 “I want your mouth on me,” she whispered. “Make me come with your mouth, Garrett.” Hawke groaned- he loved it when she talked like that.  He kissed his way down her chest again, stopping at her nipples, tongue flicking against them as his hands squeezed her breasts.  He continued kissing down her body, pausing to whisper how beautiful she was and how much he loved her.  He clamped his arm around her thighs as his tongue found her center, sliding between her folds and flicking over her nub.  She couldn’t help but grind against him in pleasure as his tongue thrust inside of her before licking flat over her clit.  He was masterful, using his tongue on her in different ways, moaning against her, the vibrations adding to the feelings of pleasure that were building inside of her. When he slid a finger inside her as his tongue laved at her clit, she sat up, sobbing as Hawke continued his relentless assault on her core.  “Maker, Garrett, I’m coming” she cried as she started to writhe- Hawke clamping her hips in place, his tongue and fingers thrusting inside of her as her orgasm overcame her. He slowly released her as she came down, and kissing his way back up her body, he claimed her mouth with his again, letting her taste herself on his tongue.  As they kissed, she flipped them over, so she was straddling Hawke.  As she kissed along his face and neck, she whispered in his ear, “I’m going to take you in my mouth and make you come, Garrett.”

                Hawke groaned when she said that “Maker, you’re so hot when you say things like that,” he growled as he pulled her head back so he could kiss her.  She moved down his body, her mouth open on him as if she were trying to devour him until she reached his cock.  She ran her tongue along his length, eliciting another groan before she enveloped his cock in her mouth.  Her hand cupped his balls as she slid her mouth up and down on him, her tongue swirling around his head and frenulum.  She moaned against him, letting her voice vibrate against his member as he started to thrust against her.  His hands twined in her hair as he thrust into her mouth, groaning how good she was and how amazing her mouth felt against him.  “Laurel, fuck, I’m going to come,” he growled as he spilled his seed in her mouth.  She kept her mouth on him as he came, swallowing everything he gave her before he pulled her back up and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her deeply.  “I love you,” he whispered to her.  “I can’t imagine my life without you.”

               “Garrett, I love you too,” she whispered.  She snuggled into his arms, content in knowing there is no place she would rather be.

………

               Laurel woke up the next morning and went downstairs to find that Thom was just returning from Bethany’s house.  They grinned at each other as they went into the library to talk.  “I take it that everything is ok between the two of you?” Thom asked.    She hadn’t said much in the days between Isabela’s visit and Hawke’s return, and he wasn’t sure if the doubt she had in herself would drive a wedge between them.  

               “More than ok.  He loves me,” she said shyly.

               “Who wouldn’t, my lady?” asked Thom as he put his arm around her.  “He’d be a fool not to love you. And he’s a good man,” he said approvingly. 

               “What about you Thom? How are things with Bethany?”  Thom didn’t ever say much about Bethany, but Laurel could tell from the way he looked at her that he cared about her.  “Do I need to go and have the daughterly talk?” 

               Thom laughed and shook his head.  “She’s wonderful.  Kind and giving and so beautiful.  I love her.”

               Laurel rested her head on Thom’s shoulder.  “Who would have guessed we’d end up here after everything?” she asked him.  “A year ago, I thought my life was over.”

              Thom chuckled.  “Years ago, I thought my life was over.  It’s only because of you that I’m here.  I wish I could have been here for you last year when you needed me.”

             “You were there Thom.  At Skyhold.  I wouldn’t have come here if you hadn’t talked me into it.  You started me picking up the pieces.  If there were any blessings to come out of that war, it’s that I got a family out of it.  A father and a brother.  Varric, Bull, Cole and Sera too.  And…Solas.”

            “And me, I hope,” Hawke said as he walked into the room.  Laurel smiled as he sat down on her other side.  Thom cleared his throat and got to up to get some breakfast, leaving Hawke and Laurel alone.  “Did he stay with Bethany last night?”

Laurel nodded.  “Just got back as I was coming downstairs.  He loves her you know.”  Hawke smiled.  It was about time Bethany fall in love. 

               “We should go see Varric- I’ll get you caught up on the Wardens, and on Isabela.  After we get him up to speed, we can get him out of that office for a while.”

………

               As Varric, Laurel and Hawke sat at lunch; they talked about Isabela.  When they had all first met, Isabela had been wild, and selfish, but Hawke had fallen in love with her anyway- knowing there was a kindness in her that not everyone saw.  Somewhere along the line, that changed- Hawke staying in love with an illusion.  He told them what she had said the evening before.  “She said that this wasn’t over- I have no idea what to expect.  She’s never been predictable. Is she staying at the Hanged Man?”

               Varric shook his head.  “I had someone check it out- Corff said he hasn’t seen her.  There’s no record of her ship in the harbor.  She has to be staying somewhere.  We’ll find her and send her on her way.  Nothing would give Aveline greater pleasure.”

               “Look,” Hawke said, “I’m not worried about myself- I’m worried about her trying anything against Laurel.   I would never have expected her to act this way towards another person.”

               “I’m not going to spend my time being escorted everywhere- we all have things to do,” said Laurel.  “I know Isabela is a skilled fighter- but I don’t think she is going to attack me physically.  If she did, and something were to happen to me, she knows that Garrett would never forgive her.  She’s another Surana- she’ll come after me with words and empty threats- hoping I’ll get tired of it and leave you.”

               Hawke thought about it.  “Don’t underestimate her, Honey.  She is not into empty threats- but I agree that she would not attack you physically. Just be careful.” He sighed.  “I have to remember that you led a war and defeated an ancient Tevinter magister when you were still just a teenager. You can handle this.”

               Laurel put her hand over his.  “You know I’ll be careful, Garrett.”

………

               Thom heard the bell ring from the showroom and entered to see Hawke standing in his shop.  Hawke grinned at him.  “How’s business?” he asked him.  There was no one else in the shop at the moment aside from a few of Thom’s employees in the back room. 

               “Excellent- very busy.  Word must be spreading.  I just received a commission from Prince Sebastian of Starkhaven.”  Thom was excited about well the shop was doing in such a short time.  Woodworking had always been a passion of his and it thrilled him that he was able to make a living off of it.  “If things keep going the way they are, it won’t be long before I can get my own place, and ask you for your sister’s hand.”

               “Funny you should mention that…” Hawke said.  He ran a hand over the back of a wooden chair that was on the display floor distractedly.  “I wanted to talk to you about Laurel.”  Thom smiled to himself seeing Hawke, who was usually so confident, in such a nervous state.  Hawke continued, “I know we’ve only been together a few months, but we’ve been friends for over a year, and we’ve been through a lot together- not only here in Kirkwall, but during the war as well.”  Hawke was quiet for a moment, thinking about over how their lives had intertwined.  “As far as she is concerned, you are her father.  I’ve come to ask for her hand.  I want to marry her.”

               Thom sat down and indicated for Hawke to do the same. “Before I answer, I need to ask you something.  How much do you know about her and Cullen’s relationship?”

               Hawke answered, “I know what I saw when I was at Skyhold- they seemed really good together- really in love.  I know that his leaving came as a shock to everyone.  They had a good relationship up until Surana arrived.  I also know that she wanted to have a child, but Cullen felt the time wasn’t right- which hurt her.  But beyond that- Laurel doesn’t talk much about their relationship, and I don’t pry.  She didn’t seem to want to think about it anymore after she arrived at Kirkwall.”

               Thom nodded, “I’ve always felt protective of Laurel, since the first time I met her, and I never had a problem with her relationship with Cullen.  You are right about when you were at Skyhold- they were completely besotted with each other.  Even after the Inquisition disbanded, and she lost her arm, she was a priority to him.  That’s why no one understands what happened and why he left with Surana.  When this Isabela started showing up, I have to admit that I was concerned, especially watching Laurel start to shut down again- I was convinced that you were going to go the same way as Cullen.  So let me ask you this.  If Laurel wasn’t in the picture, would you go back to Isabela?”

               Hawke shook his head.  “I’ve thought about that often.  Unlike the situation with Cullen, I should have seen it coming,” Hawke explained to Thom about his relationship with Isabela and the mistakes he made.  “I told Laurel all of this when we were on our way to Denerim- which was around the same time that our feelings for each other started to come out.  I knew then how I felt about her, and I wanted her to know everything about me- I wanted to be open with her so she would feel comfortable, and confident knowing that I would not do to her what Cullen did.  If we were not involved, I would not have gone back to Isabela- we weren’t right for each other, and we never will be.”

               “I love Laurel, Thom,” Hawke continued.  “I’ve built a good life here in Kirkwall-a healthy future.  All I want to do now is give her the same- a stable and confident marriage and hopefully, some children.  I’m hoping you’ll give your blessing- she relies a lot on your opinion.”

               Thom rubbed his chin and smoothed his beard before he spoke again.  “You’re a good man, Hawke, and you’ve been good to her, and good for her.  You have my blessing.”  The men shook hands and Hawke stood up to leave.  “Have you bought her a ring yet?”

               “I bought one when I was in Nevarra.  I don’t know when I’ll propose yet- I want it to be right.”


	16. The Unwelcome Never Seem to Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I may have mentioned that I think I've hit the end- pretty close anyway. I'm pretty bad at wrapping up stories, especially when I love the world I made so much. There are over thirty chapters, so I figured I'd better get posting.

 

               Laurel had stopped by her businesses throughout the day and stopped at a small café to grab a bite before heading over to the clinic.  She was reading her book when she felt someone sit in the seat across from her, and looking up, was startled to see Isabela sitting before her.  She closed her book and set it aside and sat back, looking at the older woman, waiting for her to speak.

               “You don’t seem surprised to see me,” Isabela said.  She lounged back, crossing her long legs, trying to look casual.

               “You said this wasn’t over,” Laurel said.  “You don’t strike me as the type to say something and not mean it.”  Laurel was nervous but tried not to show it- relying on the confidence she had learned to display as the Inquisitor.  It was incredible how quickly it came back to her after all this time- but the confidence wasn’t entirely misplaced.  She knew that Isabela would try to pick at her fear of not being enough for Hawke- but he had gone out of his way to show her that she was more than sufficient for him.  Laurel recalled how very pleasurably he had shown her that with a slight blush.

               “Very observant of you,” said Isabela.    “I thought we could sit and chat in a more…civilized manner.”  She studied the girl sitting before her.  She was a lovely little thing- with a good head on her shoulders.   She had expected her to burst into tears during their first talk and had expected her to be intimidated.  That neither had happened had been a complete surprise.  “Look,” Isabela said, “you seem to be a sweet girl, and I can see what Hawke sees in you.  But here’s the thing.  Hawke and I belong together- you have to know that.  We were together a long time; we have a lot of history together.  You can’t compete.”

               Laurel only looked at her.  “Why are you trying to convince me?  If you and Garrett belong together, why aren’t you talking to him?  I don’t own him.  If he wanted to be with you, I wouldn’t be able to stop him- you of all people should know that.”

               Isabela’s eyes narrowed.  “I know him better that you ever will, Kitten.  In every way, if you know what I mean.  His needs run more…adventurous than you are capable of.  Trust me. Eventually, he’ll want more, and he’ll end up coming back to me anyway.  We always find our way back to each other.”

               “I’m not going to argue with you Isabela- we seem to be going around in circles,” said Laurel. “It’s been what- two years since you left?  It was a year before that that his life changed forever- something you either never noticed or cared about.  If you had seen how his life had changed and appreciated it, you never would have left.”  Laurel started to walk away, before turning back around and saying.  “You know, Isabela- in all this time that you have been trying to convince me that you belong together, you never once said that you love him.”  Isabela stared after her as she walked away.

………

               Varric walked into the bakery to find Laurel standing in front of a mixing bowl, pouring batter into a pan.  Amused, he watched her as she put the pan in the oven, pulling another pan out to cool. Laurel smiled at him. “You know, it took opening a bakery to discover that I like to bake.  Too bad I’m absolute shit when it comes to cake decorating.  Thank the Maker for my two-handed employees on that one.”

               He looked at her for a few minutes, watching her cleaning up for a while before speaking.  “A little bird told me you had a lunch partner this afternoon.”  Aveline had walked past Laurel and Isabela while they were talking, but neither had noticed her.  Since Laurel seemed to be doing all right, Aveline didn’t see the need to intervene, and just went and told Varric about it. “How did things go?” he asked Laurel.

               “I don’t know, Varric,” sighed Laurel.  “She seems entirely convinced that she and Garrett belong together and that I should just step aside and let it be.   It will be interesting to see how far this goes.”

               “What do you mean?” asked Varric. 

               Laurel stopped working and turned to look at Varric. “She keeps going on about how well she knows Garrett- how they belong together- they have a history- blah blah blah.  But she doesn’t know him.  Well- she knows the old Garrett.  The “pre-Fade” Garrett, I guess you could say.  She doesn’t even recognize that there’s a difference- or if she does recognize it, she doesn’t appreciate it.”  She looked down.  “I can guess what Garrett was like when he first came to Kirkwall, just from some things he told me- and honestly, I can see where Isabela is coming from.  He would have been bored with me after a while.”  Varric started to interrupt and disagree, but Laurel stopped him.  “It’s not a bad thing, Varric.  It’s just how he was at the time.  People change- sometimes for the good, and sometimes not.  I’m lucky enough, or maybe unlucky enough depending on how you look at it, that we went through the same life experience at the same time.  You don’t go into the Fade, come out alive, and not be changed for it.”

               Varric nodded.  “You’re right Sissy.  He was a different man when he first came to Kirkwall.  He was a good person- but much more like Rivaini.  I noticed he was different right away when he came back from Weisshaupt.”

               “I can imagine,” said Laurel.  “I feel kind of bad for Isabela- she’s hanging onto the man that no longer exists, and refuses to recognize the man he’s become.” She started cleaning up again when she realized that Varric hadn’t said anything.  She looked up to see him staring at her with a thoughtful expression on his face.  “What?” she asked him.

               “Nothing, Sissy.  I’m just glad he has you.”

………

               Hawke was sitting at his desk at home, presumably looking over papers, but lost in thought.  He turned the ring box over in his hands, unsure of himself.  She had been married once before, and in reality, it wasn’t all that long ago.  It was one thing to be in a relationship, to love each other- and he was convinced that she loved him- but would she want to get married again so soon?  Not that they needed to get married immediately, but he didn’t want her to feel pressured into marrying him.  He put the box back in his pocket- he knew the opportunity would present itself when the time was right. 

               He tried to concentrate on the papers in front of him when he heard someone walking in.  “Hawke,” said a familiar voice.  He looked up, and closed his eyes, sighing.

               “Isabela, what do you want?” he said, as she sat down on the couch in front of the fire.  She patted the cushion next to her. 

               “Come and sit with me,” she said.  She had dressed up especially in her skimpiest pirate queen outfit and made sure to perch herself, so all assets were in view.  It surprised her when he stayed where he was, and that his eyes didn’t rove over her with desire like they always had in the past.  “Afraid you won’t be able to resist the temptation if you come and sit by me?  You don’t need to resist- I’ll never tell.”

               “So what is the point of this?  Seducing me?  Hoping someone will walk in and catch us?  No, Isabela.  I won’t come and sit next to you, and believe me- there is no temptation.  If you want to talk, we’ll talk.  If you just came here to cause trouble- then get out.”

               Isabela looked at him for a moment before sitting up a little more primly.  “I saw your little girlfriend again today.  She doesn’t spook easily does she?” She saw Hawke starting to get upset and put her hands out.  “Don’t worry, don’t worry- I didn’t threaten her this time.  We just talked- nicely.  She’s such a sweet little thing- honestly, I can see why you like her.  But I didn’t come here to talk about her.  I came here to talk about us.” Hawke looked at her, waiting for her to continue.  “I meant what I said the last time I was here, Hawke.  I made a mistake when I left- I came to make it up to you.  To give you the family you want.”

               “What happened to you?” asked Hawke. “What made you change your mind after all this time?” 

               “Let’s just say that the last two years have not gone as planned,” Isabela said.  Hawke didn’t say anything.  Isabela sighed.  “Look, the year after I left didn’t go well- none of my plans went through- my crew started to doubt me- and in the end, there was a mutiny.  I got left off my ship, and I’ve spent the last year trying to get back here.  To you.”

               “So you’re back because you lost your ship.  Again,” said Hawke shaking his head. 

               “I came back because I need you.  Together, we’re an unbeatable team.  I figured that maybe we’d try things your way for a while- I’d give it a go this time.”  She looked at him hopefully.  “I regret leaving you the way I did.  I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance,” she pleaded.

               “And what if you got bored again?” Hawke said, “My days aren’t spent the way they used to be.  There’s no running through dungeons, no fighting, not even patrolling the streets after dark looking for gangs.  I leave that up to Fenris and Bull and the Chargers now.  I spend my days checking over my investments, training Athena, spending time with my friends and with Laurel.  That’s the life I choose, and I’m perfectly content.  That’s the life I was starting to lead before you got bored and decided to leave.  It hasn’t changed.”

               “We’ve gone through a lot together, Hawke.  We have a long history.  Do you want to give that up?” said Isabela.

               “You keep saying that, Isabela,” said Hawke, “but I’ve never once heard you say that you love me.  Whenever I talked about the future and a family, you’d remain silent.  You’re not the family type, Isabela- and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve grown apart- I tried to tell you that when I told you about the Fade.  That it changed me, changed my priorities.” 

               “So that little one-armed girl will give you what you want?” she asked bitterly.  “She’ll give you babies, and follow after you the rest of your life?  Don’t you think you’ll get bored with her?  She’s a little…virginal, don’t you think?”

               “If you have to ask that- then you truly don’t understand anything about love and relationships.  Which explains why we didn’t work out,” said Hawke.  “I love her.  She’s my partner, in everything.  It should be pretty obvious that she can hold her own- she follows me nowhere.”

               Isabela bristled, “I’m used to getting what I want Hawke.  And I want you.”

               Hawke sighed impatiently, “No you don’t.  You want what we had years ago, and that’s not coming back.  You can’t have me anymore.  That would be the case regardless of who is in my life.”  He looked at her as she stood there looking sullen.  “I know what you’re thinking.  I swear Isabela- if anything happens to her, it will be the last thing you ever do.  I believe Varric gave you a similar warning.  Just walk away.  If you ever had any feeling for me at all, you’ll walk away.”

               Isabela stormed out angrily.  Hawke shook his head- this wasn’t good.  He didn’t know if he had gotten through to Isabela or not, or if Laurel would be safe.  He hoped that she would calm down and see reason and leave, but he couldn’t count on that. 

………

               Laurel looked up from the counter in the Bakery to see Hawke walking in and looked up at the clock- it was near closing time.  “I came to escort a lady home,” he said as he grinned at her. 

               “Well, I’ll let you know when I find one for you to escort,” she said back, smiling as he kissed her. “Just give me a few minutes.”   She started to cover items up, explaining that she gave her employees a break for the day. “Luckily, I didn’t need to decorate anything- I’m awful at it.  I was telling Varric that when he stopped in today.”

               “Varric stopped in?  Any reason why?”  He waited as she locked up and they headed to her house. 

               Laurel hesitated.  “Isabela came to see me again today.” Hawke remained quiet.  “Nothing happened- well…she’s probably pretty mad at me, but that’s nothing new.  She didn’t threaten me this time if that means anything. Varric found out about it and came in to talk to me.”

               “She came to see me too,” admitted Hawke.  “I suppose we should talk about it.”

               “Unless you’ve agreed to take her back, or I’ve decided to stand aside and give you two a chance,” said Laurel, “I see no need to talk about her.”  They walked quietly until they reached Laurel’s house. After dinner, they sat in the library talking about their day.

               Laurel hesitated. “I know I said we didn’t need to talk about Isabela, but I do want to ask you something.” Hawke waited patiently for her to ask, while he twirled her hair in his fingers.  “Are you concerned that we haven’t been fully…intimate yet?”  She looked down in embarrassment at her question. 

               Hawke continued to twirl her hair while he answered.  “No.  Are you?”

               “I know we’ve talked about it, and I feel stupid for worrying…”

               Hawke shushed her.  “When you’re ready and not before.  We have the rest of our lives to explore each other- I’m in no hurry.  Besides,” he said as he nuzzled her neck, ”I think we’ve proven that there are other ways to pleasure each other. I’ve rather enjoyed taking our time.  It will make the time when we are ready all that much sweeter.”

………

               Laurel awoke with a scream, gasping in fear, recoiling when she felt an arm go around her.  “Honey, it’s ok,” she heard from beside her as Hawke put his arms around her.  The dreams of red lyrium had not abated after all this time and had grown to include her Kirkwall friends and Hawke.  Seeing Hawke covered in red lyrium terrified her, and she clung to him, trying to tell herself that it was a dream and that he was all right.  It was then that she noticed the deep ache of phantom pains that still came over her on occasion- the pain of an arm that had been missing for almost two years. 

               “My arm hurts,” she said dully, trying to shake the pain out, but there was nothing to shake out.  Hawke reached for her good arm, not understanding what she meant.  “No,” she said, indicating her missing arm, “my other arm.”   He looked at her missing arm, not quite sure what to do.  He had never heard her talk about her arm hurting before and wasn’t sure if it was something that happened regularly.

               “Come here,” said Hawke as he lay back down.  He had Laurel lay on her stomach on top of him, and he slowly massaged her back under her gown, feeling her muscles relax.  He whispered his love and reassurances to her until she fell back to sleep. 

………

              

               A few months later, Hawke walked to the cigar store, Athena galloping along at his heels, stopping to sit as he glanced in the window of the bakery.  Laurel was working next to get employees mixing and pouring, laughing at some joke one of them had told.  He smiled as he watched her work, thinking that he needed to ask her soon.

Before he headed on, he noticed another man watching her from further away.  He knew the man vaguely but couldn’t place him.  He watched the man for a few moments until he was noticed and he watched the man slink off.  He knew that Laurel could take care of herself and that she didn’t like it when she felt like she was being escorted from place to place, but the man made him uncomfortable.  Hawke wished he could recall who he was- he’d have to check with Varric to see if he could remember. 

He continued to the cigar store and sat down at the books, finding he couldn’t concentrate. Laurel had stayed with him last night, and they had enjoyed an exceptionally pleasurable evening together.  He shivered when he thought of how she straddled him, rocking against him, her clit rubbing against his cock and the wetness and the friction between them until they both came.  It had been a long time since he had slowly learned to know a woman like that, and he forgot how fun it could be.  He had to ask her soon.


	17. Is It Finally Time?

 

    _Laurel,_

_Hoping you are doing well.  Catarina and Duncan are both well.  Duncan is growing every day and is getting into everything.  We’ve been trying again-I’ll avoid the details on that- but I think I would like to have a little girl.  Granted, I’ll be happy with another boy too, but if we have a girl, she is going to be named after you, my friend._

_I just wanted to let you know that Surana has visited since you were here.  As far as I can tell, she is unaware that you were here, or that you have a cure.  I know you were going to approach the Wardens at Weisshaupt, but have not heard any news on that- so please let me know as soon as you are able.  I have found that Surana has been attempting to ask a high price for her cure, and I have been approached by more Warden’s looking for help.  I have been as discreet as possible in sending people your way, but it will only be a matter of time before she catches on that there is a reason the Warden’s aren’t paying her price and she starts investigating.  You can rest assured, that if we are able, you will have the protection of the Ferelden army if it is needed._

_Since your last letter came from Kirkwall, I’m guessing that you have not gone back to the Chantry as you had mentioned when we talked.  I have to say that I am relieved that you’ve decided not to go.  You deserve to have a happy life and considering the way that Hawke was looking at you, and you at him, I am hoping you have found that.  How’s the Mabari, by the way?_

_Write back soon,_

_Alistair_

               “I’ll have to write him back and let him know about Weisshaupt.  With everything going on, I completely forgot,” said Laurel as she and Hawke at dinner.  “I miss him a lot.  He came to visit at Skyhold not long after you left and we had such a good time.”

               “Do you miss Skyhold?” asked Hawke.  She didn’t talk about her time there much, but she had seemed happy there when he was there.

               “I did at first, but I found it was the people I missed more than the place- and a lot of those people are here now.  It was a beautiful place, though.”  She looked at Hawke for a moment.  “You know, you don’t talk about your other companions much either- the ones who aren’t here.  Sebastian, and Merrill?”

               “Merrill had her issues- she was sweet and meant well, but she was misguided. She’s better off where she is.  Sebastian- he’s a good friend.  I suppose I should write him back soon- I owe him a letter.  He’s been wanting me to visit and meet his wife and child too- it’s probably easier for me to visit him- with the whole “ruler of a country” situation.”

               After dinner, they went to sit in the library.  Laurel noticed that Hawke seemed distracted and was a little worried.  She always felt that little bit of insecurity creep in when they were together after a long day- she tried to stamp the feelings out, but after years of hurt and abuse, it was almost second nature.  She resisted the urge to ask him what was wrong, reminding herself that he had never given her any reason to doubt herself.  She needed to trust him to say what was on his mind without worrying constantly. 

               Hawke sat down next to her and took her hand in his, running his thumb over her fingers, looking thoughtful.  “It seems like we’ve been together a lot longer than six months hasn’t it?”

               Laurel smiled.  “It does.”

               “I’ve wanted to talk to you about something. Well… ask you something actually,” Hawke stammered nervously.  “We’ve known each other for a long time, and I’ve never been so sure of a future with someone than I have been with you. I’m just afraid it’s too soon, or that…well…would you marry me?”         

               Laurel was silent for a moment as she processed Hawke’s question.  She loved him; there was no doubt about that.  Was she prepared to take that chance again- get married to have her heart broken?  Hawke had been up front about his past and had made it very clear to Isabela that he was not interested in getting back together with her.  But he was taking a chance too- what if Cullen came back?  He was right- they had to have faith in each other. 

               She had taken a little while to answer, and Hawke was afraid he had asked too soon.  “It’s ok if you’re not ready.  We can wait…” he said, trying to mask his hurt.  He didn’t want to lose her, and he would wait for her as long as it took, but it still hurt.  “I’m sorry.”

               She put her hand on his arm, stopping him from getting up.  “Yes.  Garrett, yes.  I would love to marry you.” Hawke stopped as she put her hand on him.  “You’re right- we have to have faith in each other, and I love you.”

               “I love you too.” Hawke caressed her cheek and kissed her.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring box- and opened it.  Removing the ring from the box, he slipped it on her finger, kissing her again. 

………

               “Dorian?”

               “Darling, glad you called.  Is everything all right?” he asked her as she held the crystal in her hand.  Hawke and Laurel had spent the evening talking and decided Dorian should be the first to know, as he would probably be the most vexed at not knowing first.

               “Yes, I have news.  Garrett asked me to marry him.”

               “But that’s wonderful!  Or wait- is it?  Did you say yes?” Dorian waited with baited breath.  He knew that she loved him, but they hadn’t talked about marrying at all or what her answer would be.

               “I said yes.” Dorian could hear the smiling in her voice. 

               “I’m so happy for you sweetheart! When is the wedding?  You can’t get married without the handsome brother of the bride.  I was rather upset when you eloped last time.”

               “Well,” said Laurel, “that’s the thing.  We wanted to find out when you could be here.  I don’t want to get married without you here.  We talked about it last night and decided to wait to speak with you before making any decisions.”

               “So, do you want me to come down right away, or do you want to know when I can make it and set a date around that?” asked Dorian.

               “We’re not having a big wedding, Dorian,” said Laurel.  “Just something quick with our friends and family there.  After all the ceremonies I had to sit through, I just can’t do it anymore.  So I guess the soonest you can get here would be best.”

               “Give me a month, Darling.  I’ll be there in a month, and I can stay however long you want.”

               Laurel was silent.  “Dorian, I never thought I would do this again.”

               “Are you frightened?” Dorian asked her gently.  “You don’t believe it would happen again do you?”

               “Honestly, it was the first thing that flashed in my head when he asked me,” said Laurel.  “But I thought about something he told me the night my parents came to town.  He said we had to have faith in each other.  He said that I could easily decide in a few years that I’m bored of the quiet life and want adventure, but that we had to have faith in each other or it wouldn’t work. Plus, I already know that he turned Isabela away- twice, and there are no other unrequited loves in his past.  Ex-girlfriends, yes, but nothing serious.”

               “He’s a wise man, that Hawke,” said Dorian, “honestly, Laurel.  Congratulations.  I’m so happy for you and so proud of you.  I’ll be there in a month.  I love you.”

               “I love you too, Dorian.

………

               Laurel walked into Thom’s shop later that afternoon.  Thom came out of the back room and caught her up in an enormous bear hug.  “My lady, what brings you here this time of day?  Isn’t it time for you to be decorating cakes at the bakery?”                         

               Laurel rolled her eyes. “They won’t let me try anymore,” she grumbled.  “ I came to talk to you for a minute if you have time.”  Thom crossed his arms and gave her a look.  “Ok.  Well, then…um…Garrett asked me to marry him.”

               Thom laughed loudly.  “Well, it took the boy long enough.  He asked me for my blessing almost three months ago.”  Laurel looked shocked- she had no idea Garrett had done that.  “Honestly, my sweet, I couldn’t be more delighted.”

               “Would you walk with me?  Down the aisle?” she asked him.  He took her shoulders with his hands and gazed proudly down at her. 

               “You don’t even have to ask, my sweet.  I would be proud to walk my daughter down the aisle.”

………

               _Dear Alistair,_

_I’m dreadfully sorry I haven’t written sooner.  I do have news about the Wardens- excellent news at that.  Garrett and Fenris worked it out with the Wardens at Weisshaupt.  They will handle administering the cure and will leave our names out of it.  They ask that if any Wardens come to you, to send them on to Weisshaupt.  If they can’t make it that far, for whatever reason, then send them to Kirkwall, and I will help them.  I know the calling is so severe for some of the senior Wardens, I fear they may not even be able to make it here before succumbing- if we see a pattern, we will have to deal with it immediately.  Weisshaupt will handle Orlais and the Anderfels as well, and we’ll talk about some more places if it is deemed necessary._

_I’m also writing to let you know that we’ll be coming for a visit in about three months- Garrett and I and Athena- the Mabari.  I’ll write ahead with more details when I know them.  If there is a problem, let me know right away so I can make other arrangements.  Just a visit- nothing earth-shattering.  Hoping the baby-making is going well.  I really don’t want to know._

_Love,_

_Laurel._

_………_

Hawke walked into Varric’s office and threw himself into one of his chairs, putting his boots on Varric’s desk, grinning.  Varric looked up.  “Well, that’s a shit-eating grin if I ever saw one.  Do I want to know the reason?”

               “She said yes.”

………

               After they had given the news to all of their friends and family, wedding preparations were underway.  Not that there was much to plan.  Leena and Orana were in their element planning a wedding dinner at the Hawke estate, and Laurel’s bakers insisted they would make and deliver a cake as well.  Hawke had insisted that they would take a honeymoon since they weren’t having a big wedding.  A month at Starkhaven visiting Sebastian and then onto Denerim to visit Alistair.  Laurel even decided to have a new dress made- not something as impractical as a wedding dress, but something a little nicer she could wear to special events, especially given their honeymoon travels. 

………

               Flora slammed the door as she stormed into her house.  As she walked through the house throwing items against the wall on occasion and slamming more doors, she came across her brother and father in the library, Brett reading and Ruxton writing letters.  They both looked up in alarm as she picked up a vase and threw it against the wall.  “What the hell, Flora?” asked Brett as he flinched at the loud crashing noise.

               “He’s marrying her.  I’ve been trying to get him to notice me for almost two years, and she comes in and gets a proposal after six months.  It’s not FAIR!” she cried. 

               Brett frowned.  “Flora, Hawke just isn’t interested in you.  You can’t control who people fall in love with.  Maybe if you’d get off your high horse and quit focusing on your status, you could find someone too.”

               Flora turned on him.  “Why aren’t you mad?  You pursued that bitch for a year, and she regularly turned you down, telling you she’s not ready for a relationship, and then all of the sudden, she’s with Hawke.  She lied to you.”

               “No, she didn’t, Flora,” Brett argued. “She wasn’t ready and then she realized she had feelings for Hawke.  She was upfront with me about it and she didn’t lead me on.  And don’t you dare call her a bitch.  She’s probably the nicest and most down to earth women I’ve ever met.  Given that you know who she really is, don’t you think she deserves to be happy?”

               Ruxton looked up.  “Who is she?”  He remembered the girl they were talking about- the one that worked in the bakery that his son had been chatting up.  Quite lovely, pleasing body- Ruxton had thought of her often after their brief meeting. 

               “Laurel is the Inquisitor, Father,” said Brett.  “Laurel Trevelyan.”

               “You mean that girl that was working in the bakery is the Inquisitor?” Ruxton asked.  “Why is she working in a bakery in Kirkwall?”

               “She owns the bakery, Father,” Brett said patiently.  “And the bookstore, and the dress shop.  She’s also a Comtesse- honorary named by Viscount Tethras, in appreciation of her service to Thedas.”  He looked back at Flora.  “She’s a very sweet girl, and she’s had enough trouble in her life.  She deserves to be happy.”  He gave Flora a pointed look.  “AND to be left alone.

               Flora looked at him angrily.  “It’s not fair, Brett,” she repeated, “I worked for him, and I get nothing.” 

               “It doesn’t work that way, Flora,” said Brett.  “You were the one who complained that he wasn’t truly good enough for you status-wise.  What do you expect?  Laurel is a Comtesse, and she’s a noble from Ostwick to boot- naturally higher in status than you without the Inquisitor and Comtesse titles, and she genuinely loves him. If you have to work for someone, then it’s not meant to be.”

               Flora glared at him. “Thanks for your support, Brother,” she huffed. 

               Brett sighed.  “Flora, you are my sister, and I love you and want you to be happy.  You need to move on.  Hawke wasn’t interested in you- you need to accept that.”  He studied his sister closely.  “I hope you aren’t planning on trying anything to mess with them, are you?”  Flora was quiet.  “I sincerely hope not.  I won’t stand for it,” he warned.


	18. A Surprise Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK- I don't know what happened to my indentations, but I can't get them to stay and I'm getting mad. I'll fix it later.

Laurel looked up from her books again, feeling like she was being watched. She had been feeling the pricklings on the back of her neck all day, and couldn’t shake the overall creepy feeling she had. She looked around the shop and out the window but didn’t see anything. Something didn’t feel right- and she had learned to trust that instinct when she had it.

               “Elric,” she said to her Bookstore manager, “could you do me a favor and run over to the cigar shop and see if Garrett is over there, please? If he is, could you ask him to come here?” Elric nodded and took off. The other employee looked over at her a little confused but went back to work. She looked around again, convinced someone was watching her, but didn’t see anything.

               Elric came back and reported that Hawke was not at the store. Laurel bit her lip. She wanted someone to walk with- someone preferably armed. “Hmmm… not sure where else he would be at the moment. She didn’t want to send Elric too far away- putting him in danger- but she wasn’t sure what else to do. She looked up and happened to spot Fenris walking past; his greatsword strapped to his back.

                She ran to the door, called for him and motioned him in. “Did you need something, Laurel?” he asked with concern.

                “I was hoping you could walk me home. Garrett isn’t at the smoke shop; Thom is too far away. I’ve got a bad feeling- like I’m being watched- something feels off. I’m armed,” she twitched her arm, “but I’ll feel better if I have someone to walk with.”

                “Of course,” Fenris said, “I’ll go look around outside until you are ready. See if I can see anything.”

They arrived at her house after an uneventful walk a little while later. “Thanks, Fenris.”

“Anytime,” replied Fenris. “Maybe you should have Bull do a little looking around the marketplace- if anyone could sniff something out- it would be him.”

“That’s not a bad idea. If you see him- could you send him to see me tomorrow? I’ll be at the bakery.” Fenris nodded and left.

Hawke and Thom came in a few minutes later. “Elric said you were looking for me and that you had Fenris walk you home- is everything ok?” asked Hawke.

Laurel shook her head. “Something’s up. I felt like I was being watched all day, but when I would look around, there was no one there. I just have a foreboding about it. Fenris happened to walk by, and I asked him to walk me home.”

Thom spoke up. “If Laurel has a foreboding- you listen. We learned that one the hard way at Skyhold. No ideas who it could be then?”

Hawke looked thoughtful. “I saw someone watching you once- a few months ago. I was on my way to the smoke shop, and I stopped to look at you through the bakery window for a moment. I turned around, and someone else was watching you from further away. He took off when he saw me looking at him.”

“What did he look like?” asked Laurel.

“Older man- maybe Thom’s age. Reddish hair and beard. Dressed nicely. He looked familiar- but I can’t place him. I was going to check with Varric- but I don’t have enough to go on to ask.”

Thom looked at Laurel. “That sounds like that man- in the shop that night.” Laurel looked confused. “I walked into the room to see you holding a dagger to him- remember?”

Recognition lit up Laurel’s face. “Oh- him? He approached me when I was painting in Thom’s shop that one night- the one where I borrowed your old shirt? He asked me to dinner, and wasn’t too keen on my saying no. Tried to push me up against the wall and cop a feel. I had my dagger at his throat before he could even take no for an answer. When Thom came out, he left. I don’t think I’ve seen him again, though. Orlesian fellow- always hated that accent.”

Hawke looked at her. “He put his hands on you? What’s his name?”

“Garrett, I’m fine- I took care of it. I know you need to get all manly about it- but it was months ago- and I used the weapon you gave me for just such an occasion.” She thought about it for a moment. “His name…Ghyslain something-something.” Hawke nodded. “Garrett, we don’t even know if it’s the same person. Fenris recommended that I have Bull take a look around the marketplace for the next few days. Let him do his thing, and we’ll see from there.”

Hawke sighed. “OK Honey. I just want you to be careful. I’m glad you listened to your instincts, and I’m even more glad Fenris came through when he did.”

………

The feeling didn’t go away the next day. As she sat at the desk in the bakery, she kept looking up, but seeing no one. Bull came in a little later. “Hey Boss- Fenris said you wanted to see me?” Laurel explained the situation to him and said that the feeling was worse today. Bull grunted. “Ben Hasserath training would be ideal for this, but unfortunately, I stick out like a sore thumb- I may tip off whoever is watching you. I’ll send Cole. He’ll get to the bottom of this fast. As soon as I see him, I’ll send him over. Not sure where he is right now.” Laurel nodded. “OK- you want to explain this?” He held up her ringed hand. She had forgotten that they had been out on a contract- this was the first time that she had seen Bull.

“Oh- that’s right- you were gone. Garrett asked me to marry him.”

“HAH!” Bull laughed as he patted her on the back- nearly knocking her over in the process. “Good on you, Boss.” Laurel smiled. Bull sobered up for a minute. “I’m really happy for you, Boss. I told you before he was a good man and he would treat you right.” He hugged her tight and promised to be there for the wedding, and the Chargers too. She sent him on his way with a big box of donuts for his boys.

………

There was a knock at the door as Laurel was getting ready to go to the Clinic. Leena had gone to the Market, and Thom had left for his shop already, leaving Laurel alone in the house.

Answering the door, Laurel stepped back in silence before finding her voice. “Cullen.” He stood at the door, his familiar armor still shining and well cared for. They looked at each other for a long moment. “What are you doing here?” she finally asked.

“I had to come and see you,” he said.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” Laurel said. “I don’t want to see you.”

“I understand,” said Cullen. “But it’s important.” She stepped back to allow him inside. He studied her again, noticing the ring on her finger. He pointed to it. “When?”

“Within the month,” she replied.

Cullen nodded. “I should have known someone smarter than me would come along. I’m very happy for you.” He fidgeted with the end of his sword for a moment. “I came to tell you how sorry I am for how I treated you. It was…unforgivable.” Laurel didn’t say anything. “I won’t try to explain,” he continued. “I’ve left her. She was not the woman I thought she was.”

“From what it sounds like, a brief conversation with anyone who knew her after the blight could have told you the same thing,” said Laurel.

Cullen nodded. “She tried to make me take lyrium again,” he said.

Laurel shot up suddenly. “Cullen, please say you didn’t…” she started.

“I didn’t,” he interrupted. “That was the last straw. I worked and suffered too long to start taking it again- all of the effort you put in to keep me away from it? I couldn’t waste it. I had to get away from her.”

“And what of the child?” Laurel asked, looking away.

Cullen started, “How did you know?” From his reaction, Laurel could tell he knew nothing about the letters Surana had sent.

“It’s no longer important,” replied Laurel. “I’ve known since I came to Kirkwall.” She looked down. “I won’t lie Cullen. It almost destroyed me. I wasn’t right for a long time after you left- I sat wasting away in my room at Skyhold. If it hadn’t had been for Varric and Thom, I’d either be sitting in a Chantry, or I’d be dead.”

Cullen looked away, tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. There is nothing I can do or say to make it right. I would never ask you to take me back- even if you weren’t engaged. I would never put you in that position. I wouldn’t ask you to raise someone else’s child. She is with my sister for now, until I return. Once she was born, it was clear that I was going to be the parent. Neria wants nothing to do with her.”

“Why are you here?” she asked again.

“I have to know what you know about the cure for the Calling,” he said. “Neria has discovered that the reason no one is paying her price is that they are going elsewhere. I never approved of what she was doing- it was the source of many arguments between us, but I couldn’t change her mind. Now she knows there is another cure, and she is furious. I need to know if you know anything about it. I have a feeling you do.”

“Cullen, the less you know, the better. Just suffice to say that the cure is in the proper hands, and those that supplied it are protected.”

Cullen nodded. “I suppose you’re right. Just please pass on that she is angry. Infuriated- and if she finds out who has it, they are in great danger.”

Laurel nodded. “I’ll pass it on.” There was silence between them again before she asked, “So what are you going to do now?”

“I’m going back to my sister for now. Take care of my daughter. I want to start my Templar Sanctuary- I just need to find a place to settle first.” Thinking for a moment, Laurel told him to wait there. She went into her office and took some papers out of a drawer. She took the papers and gave them to him. His brow furrowed in confusion as he looked the papers over. “What is this?” he asked her.

“The land in South Reach- the purchase had gone through right before you…left. It was the reason I came to your office that day.” Cullen closed his eyes in shame. “I never did anything with it, and I don’t plan on returning to Ferelden. So it’s yours.”

“I don’t deserve this,” said Cullen. “I can’t accept this.” He tried to give the papers back, but she refused to take them.

“You’re going to use it for a worthwhile cause. Of course you deserve it. Take it Cullen- otherwise, the land will go to waste. I’ll talk to Alistair about some kind of sponsorship when I see him next- the Government should be helping take care of the people who sacrificed so much for their service.”

“Thank you.” Cullen looked at her again, a tear falling down his cheek. “I ruined us for no reason. We could have had an excellent life together. Leaving you will always be my greatest regret.”

“You have your daughter now, Cullen- everything happens for a reason. Know that I'm all right, and that I’m in good hands here. Drop a girl a letter sometime, let me know how things are going.”

Looking at the clock, Cullen said. “I have to get back- the ship leaves soon.” They stood awkwardly for a moment. “I’ll never forget, Laurel.” He nodded to her, turned and left. She stood looking after him until he disappeared from view before going back into the house and closing the door behind her. She sat down on the bench in the entryway, shaking, her nerves finally getting the better of her.

A few minutes later, Hawke came in, ready to escort her to his house before going to work. He came in to find her sitting in the entryway. “Everything all right?” he asked her.

“Cullen was just here,” Laurel said. Seeing the look on Hawke’s face, she tried to reassure him. “He’s gone now.” She told him about their conversation- that he had come to apologize, and the warning he gave. “I gave him the deed to the land that was purchased so he could start his sanctuary- I need to talk to Alistair about that when we see him.”

“So, he didn’t ask you to come back to him?” Hawke asked hesitantly.

“No. He said it wouldn’t be fair to ask me to raise another woman’s child. But he regrets his choices. I told him I was in good hands here.” She looked at Hawke, who still had a slightly stricken look. “Garrett, even if he would have asked me to come back I would have said no. You’re the one I want to be with- I love you.”

Hawke’s head was whirling. In spite of all of the reassuring speeches he had given to Laurel when she doubted herself, he had to admit that sometimes, he gave in to his own esteem issues. Hearing her say those words killed that lingering doubt and filled his heart with love for her. He took her in his arms and kissed her ravenously. “If we had time,” he said as he kissed down her neck, “I would take you upstairs and finally make love to you. But I want us to have plenty of time to enjoy it- not a quick romp before work.”

Laurel gasped with pleasure- his hands seemed to be everywhere at once. “You’d better take me upstairs and do  _something_  to me. I don’t think I can make it until later if you keep that up.” Growling, Hawke picked her up and carried her upstairs.

A little later, after straightening themselves out and looking thoroughly pleased, Hawke took Laurel over to his place. “Do you think it was Cullen watching you the last few days? Is that what was giving you the foreboding?” he asked her.

“I don’t think so. I guess I’ll know this afternoon when I get to the marketplace. I hope Bull catches up with Cole today- I’d like to get to the bottom of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you don't think I wimped out on the whole Cullen thing. I seriously thought about doing the whole love triangle thing- but I realized early on that I couldn't do it. Mostly because I have been in that situation- ended up taking back the wrong guy and regretting it later. I do have another fic I've been working on that deals with infidelity and reconciliation, but I'm considering going a different angle on that one and have set it aside for the moment. Would love some feedback on this- too much? Not enough?


	19. The Foreboding Realized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this gets a little dark, and in much later chapters will get darker- I will probably add some warnings to this.

               Laurel looked up again from the books she was working on and checked the clock.  Closing time wasn’t for another half hour- but the workers had left for the day.  She was worried- something still didn’t feel right.  Getting up from the table, she went to lock the door, but before she could raise her hand, four men threw the door open and rushed into the room. 

               Laurel backed up and grabbed her sword from behind her. She held the sword before her, watching the men warily.  The man standing in the back came forward slowly with his hands up. “Now, now, my lovely, let’s try to be civil, shall we?” he said.  As he stepped into the light, she recognized him as Ghyslain de Carrac- the man who had tried to accost her all those months ago.  “What did you say the last time we met?  That’s a big knife for a little girl.  I should try to take it away.”  The three other men came at Laurel as he spoke.  She took out the first man with the butt of her sword before swinging it to catch the second man in the heart, wrenching the sword from him, looking for the next attacker when she was grabbed from behind.  She drove the sword behind her and felt it hit home, pulling the sword out and brandishing it in front of her again to find Ghyslain opening the door for more men to come in.  Two of the men had her employees with knives to their throats.

               The rest advanced on her threateningly.  “Now let’s see if we can be more reasonable, your Worship.”  Laurel looked sharply at Ghyslain.  “Yes, I know who you are- your parents told me all about you when they sold you to me.  Now drop the sword before your little workers here pay the ultimate price.”    

               Laurel dropped the sword and held her hands up.  “Let them go Ghyslain.  Killing them will get you nowhere.”  She looked around for a decent opening as she tried to assess the best way to get her people to safety.  “Explain yourself.”

               “I’ll have plenty of time to tell you all about it…later.  Take her.” The men came upon her at once, grabbing her and holding her still.  Ghyslain advanced on her.  “But before that,” he punched her, sending her head reeling.  “That’s for holding a dagger to me when I was kind enough to invite you to dinner. You should have been more grateful to me for my kindness.”

               “A kindness in letting a dirty old man feel me up while trying to ask me out, after insulting my “deformity,” as you called it?  You need to work on your pickup lines.”  He punched her again.

               “No need to get sarcastic, my dove.  Now, you belong to me.” He ripped the ring off her finger and put it in his pocket. “I paid good money for you, and you are going to be a good little girl and do as your told.”   He caressed her cheek, his foul breath on her as he licked down her neck. 

               “Get off of me!” she yelled, trying to kick her legs towards his groin- but the men were holding her too tightly.  As she looked, she saw that the men who were supposed to be watching her workers were distracted by the show- she motioned to them to make a run for it, trying not to draw attention to it.  The workers snuck out the door as quickly as they could before they could be detected.

               “Yes, your parents told me all about you,” said Ghyslain. “Why they had to put you in the chantry- what a little whore you were before you even became a woman.  How your husband left you. That no one can tame you.  I’ve paid for the privilege of being the man who takes the spirit out of you.”

               “Yeah, you’re fucking brave when it’s ten against one.  Be a man and meet me one on one and see how well you fare,” spat Laurel.  Ghyslain punched her again, grabbing her by the throat. 

               “This will be such fun.  Hold her down boys.” He kept his hand on her throat, squeezing enough to hurt, but not cut off her air supply completely while he ran his hand down her body.  “So lovely,” he crooned.  “I have so many plans for you, my little dove.  We’ll teach you some manners to start.  Then back to my house, where I have a nice secure spot all ready for you, and then tomorrow we leave for Orlais.”

               Laurel struggled against the many hands holding her down, but there were too many.  Ghyslain slammed her head backward against the table, making her see stars and causing her vision to go hazy.  “Now,” he continued. “You managed to kill two of my men, and it looks like the third may go that way as well.  The rest of these men might like to have a little revenge for that- comrades in arms, and all that.  You should be familiar with that concept, no?”  Laurel remained silent.  “But we’ll save that for later after I’ve had my go.  But our first time should be in a nice bed, not here on a table.”  Laurel struggled again, earning another slam of her head on the table, causing her vision to go black.  The men hoisted her up and starting carrying her out the door. 

               Ghyslain took a triumphant look around the room before heading out the door- only to see his men stopped in front of what seemed like an army.

               “Impressive, de Carrac,” Varric said.  In less than a half hour, you’ve managed to piss off the Viscount and Champion of Kirkwall and his mage sister, the Captain of the Kirkwall guard, Bull’s Chargers, and the girl’s Father, among others.  I think that’s a new record.”

               “I think Meredith took at least forty-five minutes to piss off half as many people- so well done,” said Hawke.  He lifted his sword- pointing it at de Carrac.  “He lives- for now.  Kill the rest.  The ones who have their hands on her- slowly and painfully.”  Laurel was dropped to the ground as the mercenaries took up arms against their quarry and tried to distance themselves from her. 

               Hawke ran to Laurel, pulling her into her arms.  She was bruised badly and unconscious- he could feel two large knots forming on the back of her head, and he could see the bruises starting on her throat.  “Wake up, honey,” Hawke said as he tried to assess the damage.  “Come on, Laurel.”  He called for Bethany as everyone quickly dispatched the mercenaries, leaving Ghyslain de Carrac alone. 

               The fight was practically over before it began- the mercenaries were no match for the sheer force of seasoned fighters that had gathered at Cole’s call.  Varric walked up to Ghyslain, pointing Bianca at his head as he pled for his life.  “Take him, Aveline.  Get him out of my sight.  We’ll deal with him later.”  He watched as Bethany ran over to Hawke and Laurel, looking her over before declaring she needed more light.  Hawke stood up with Laurel in his arms and started to head to her house with Bethany, while everyone stayed behind to clean up.

               Bull came out of the shop after looking around.  “She managed to kill three of them herself- nice.”  Aveline went in to take a look around, bringing Laurel’s sword out with her.  Once they cleaned out the bodies, they locked the store.  Varric and Thom went to see Laurel, carrying her sword with them.  They arrived to find Hawke sitting at the table, head in his hands, waiting for Bethany and Leena to finish working on her.  They sat at the table with him in silence.

               After a while, Hawke looked up and said, “I don’t understand it.  Her employees were to stay there until closing time- how did this happen?”  No one could answer.  “And who the hell is this guy?  Where did he come from?  What was he doing with her?”  Agitated, he stood up and started pacing. 

               “Ghyslain de Carrac- I found his name after you talked to Sissy. Don't you remember him?  He paid us to find his wife- we had to speak to that elf at the Blooming Rose- remember?  His wife had been murdered by…well, you know.”  Hawke closed his eyes and nodded.  “Aveline is interrogating him now.  Between him and when Sissy wakes up, we’ll get some answers.”  Varric stopped Hawke from pacing. “Hawke, she will wake up.  She’ll be fine- she’s tough.  You know that.”

               “She was such a mess, Varric. What if he…” he choked.

               Thom put a hand on his shoulder.  “I don’t think so.  She managed to kill three of them before she was overpowered- got two through the chest and hit the other one so hard with the pommel of her sword that she sent bones right into the man’s brain.   That’s thanks to you and Aveline and Fenris.  She put up a good fight.  It could not have gotten that far.  Thank the Maker for Cole.”

               Hawke nodded and looked towards Laurel’s room.  “That foreboding of hers.  She left the house with her sword today.”  He paused for a moment.  “Cullen was here today.”  He could feel Thom and Varric’s eyes on him.  He told them about their conversation, and how Laurel had given him the deed to the land in South Reach so he could start his sanctuary and have a fresh start for him and his daughter.  And he told them about Cullen’s warning.  “He’s already gone.”  He shook his head. “After everything that happened, she’s still kind.  She looks past the hurt to do the right thing.”

               “You’re a lucky man, Hawke,” said Varric.  “She’s been good to all of us.  Did I ever tell you what she did to Bianca?  The real Bianca?”  Hawke shook his head.  “I can’t believe I haven’t told this story,” said Varric.  Bianca had come to Skyhold to talk to Varric about the door that led to the Red Lyrium- so they had gone there and taken care of it. It was then that Varric found out that Bianca was responsible for the initial spread of the red lyrium- much to Varric’s disgust.  “I don’t think Bianca realized I could still hear her when she threatened to feed Sissy her own eyeballs if something happened to me.  Sissy gave her such a dressing down for daring to think that she would let anything happen to me- she went on for a good ten minutes with Bianca standing there dumbfounded.  I don’t think I ever saw her speechless before.  The way she stormed out of that room after she finished yelling at Bianca.  She put her arm around my shoulders yelling “Come on, Varric,” as she stared over her shoulder at Bianca.”  Honestly, it was just what I needed at the time.  She didn’t badmouth Bianca to me later on when we talked either- she just let me vent and carry on.”

               “Everyone knows what she’s done for me,” said Thom.  “I’ll be there for her until the day I die because of it.”  Bethany was coming down the stairs as he spoke.  Hawke ran over to her.

               “She was pretty banged up- I healed what I could,” said Bethany.  “Broken nose and cheekbone and a lot of bruising around her neck and on her arms where they were holding her down.  She has a concussion as well.  I was able to take care of the broken bones- the bruising will have to go down on its own.  We’ll have to wake her a few times tonight because of the concussion.  She’ll be all right, eventually.”

               Hawke breathed a sigh of relief.  “Did he…did they…”?  Bethany shook her head.  He sagged in relief.  “Can I see her?”  Bethany stepped out of the way, and Hawke bolted up the stairs.  He walked into the room to see Leena still tending to Laurel- adjusting her blankets and pillows.  “Go on home, Leena.  We’ll be ok for tonight. Thank you.”  He knelt down next to the bed, taking her small hand in his, bowing with relief that she was all right.  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there sooner,” he whispered. 

………

               The next morning, Hawke helped Laurel down the stairs to sit in the library- Aveline and Varric had come to talk to her.  Aveline started out.  “Laurel, I need to know what happened before we got there.  What was said- all the details you can think of.”

               Haltingly, because of her hoarse voice, Laurel told about her two employees asking to leave early, and her letting them.  “It was so close to closing time; I didn’t even worry about it.”  She told them about going to lock the door, the men breaking in and what Ghyslain had said to her.  “He said he had paid my parents a lot of money- they…sold me.  My parents sold me,” she said, shaking.  She finished what she could tell them before she had been knocked unconscious, shaking and crying by the end.  Hawke put a bracing arm around her, taking her hand in his.  Laurel gasped.  “My ring.  He ripped off my ring and put it in his pocket.”

               Hawke got up and stalked over to Aveline. “I need to see him,” he said. 

               Aveline shook her head. “I can’t let you do that, Hawke.  You know that. We’re still interrogating him.  If I let you in there, you’ll kill him.  We need every piece of information we can get from him.”  She put her hand on his shoulder.  “You know I’ll take care of it.  I’ll get her ring back.  Go to her- she needs you.”  Hawke looked back at Laurel, calming down a little when he looked at her.  Aveline hugged Hawke to her quickly and left again.

               Hawke went back to Laurel, gathering her up in his arms and holding her close while Thom brought a mug of tea to help ease her throat.  “I don’t understand…” she whispered brokenly. 

               “We’ll get to the bottom of this,” promised Hawke.  As they sat, there was a knock at the door.  The elven couple who worked as the head seamstress and tailor came in wringing their hands.  They had stopped at the shop and saw the chaos and had come over.  They hadn’t been at the shop the day before and had no way of knowing what had happened.  Hawke explained briefly and asked them to get some help cleaning the shop up and that he would take care of paying for fixing the damage.  The couple nodded and set off to take care of the shop.

               People stopped in to visit during the day- Bull, Varric, and Cole each stayed for a while.  Laurel had finally heard what had happened after she had been knocked out.  Cole had seen what was happening and managed to alert everyone, getting them gathered in the Marketplace just as Ghyslain was coming out.  Cole was very agitated, and Laurel could tell that he was disturbed that he hadn’t helped her.  “Cole, if you would have stayed to help, you would have been overwhelmed as I was.  I had to put my sword down to save my workers- you would have had to as well, and then you wouldn’t have been able to alert anyone.  You did the right thing.” She held Cole to her, trying to console him.  “I’ll be all right Cole.”

               Later that evening, Aveline returned, looking sick.  She handed the ring to Hawke and asked to speak to him outside.  “Hawke, there’s a problem.  The two workers were in on it- they left early on purpose and met up with the mercenaries.  We don’t know where they are at the moment- but we need to find them.”  Hawke shook his head- Laurel was going to be devastated- she went out of her way to make sure her workers were treated well- paid above average wages and a good work schedule.  She had even convinced the other business owners to make improvements to the alienage so that the elven workers would have a decent place to live. 

               “There’s more, Hawke.  Laurel’s parents sold her- to the highest bidder.  Once they find out that he was not successful- they will try again. They made quite a bit of gold off of Ghyslain.”

               “What can we do? Something has to be done- can they be arrested or anything?”

               “I’ll contact the Teryn of Ostwick- but this will take some time.  I’ll send my fastest couriers right away.  In the meantime- we need to find those two workers.”

               “The couple who runs the shop are there cleaning up right now- they may know.”  Hawke sighed. “How do I tell her, Aveline? She’s going to be devastated.”

               “She needs to know, Hawke.    She’ll get through it.”  Hawke nodded and went in. He found Laurel still on the couch, Thom sitting next to her.  He sat down across from her and quietly told her what Aveline had discovered. 

Laurel was silent for a while.  “Why?” she whispered.  “I don’t understand.”

“We don’t know, Honey,” said Hawke.  “We’re hoping to find them so we can question them about it as quickly as possible.”


	20. Recovery and Guilt

                A few days had gone by with Laurel slowly improving- her injuries healing and her voice coming back.  Hawke had gently slid her ring back on her finger that first evening after Aveline had returned it as he held her in bed that night, whispering his love for her in her ear as he did so. 

               There was a knock at the door, and Aveline came in, asking to speak to Hawke again.  “I have news.  First,” she said- turning her head to a cart that was outside their house.  Hawke looked at the cart- inside were two stone statues.  He looked at Aveline, confused.  These were found on the Wounded Coast in a cave.  I was hoping Laurel could take a look?”

               Hawke looked doubtful.  “I don’t know, Aveline.  She’s doing pretty well- I’m worried this will set her back.”  He looked at the statues again and sighed.  “Let’s go talk to her.”  They headed into the house, where Hawke explained the situation to Laurel.  A flicker of thought registered behind her eyes. 

               “Show me,” she said.  They walked outside, and Laurel looked in the cart.  “Solas,” she whispered, fingering the chain around her neck.  “Solas did this.”

               “Are you sure, Honey?” asked Hawke.  Laurel nodded.  She explained to Aveline what she had seen him do to the Qunari mage- and these statues looked just like that.  Hawke nodded.  “Go on inside- I’ll be in in a minute.”  He turned to Aveline after she had gone.  “What do we need to do about this?”

               “Nothing,” said Aveline. “I can’t make a report on this- so they will just have to stay missing I guess.”  She looked at Hawke.  “I…have other news.”  She looked away for a moment as if dreading what she had to tell him.  “The auction held by the Trevelyans was spread by word of mouth with bids coming in by courier.  De Carrac gave up who told him about the auction.”  Hawke crossed his arms impatiently.  “It was…Isabela.  I’m sorry Hawke.”

               Hawke shook his head.  “I don’t believe it.  Isabela may be a lot of things, but she would never do that to another person.  What kind of proof do you have aside from his word?”

               “None yet- but he described her to a tee- and he is not privy to the er...issues that Isabela had tried to cause- so he would have no reason to use her name unless she had really told him about it.  I’ll keep digging Hawke.  If I find anything out, I’ll let you know.”

               Hawke slumped against the wall.  “If you’re right Aveline- if Isabela sold Laurel out to spite us- how do I face her?”

               “Hawke, you did nothing wrong.  She left you, and you fell in love with someone else.  That she couldn’t accept it is not your fault. Laurel won’t blame you.”

               “Keep me posted, Aveline.  I’d better get back inside.”

………

               Hawke was distracted the rest of the day- barely answering questions and wandering restlessly around the house.  He hadn’t intended on avoiding Laurel- but he was so consumed with guilt over Aveline’s news that he couldn’t focus on anything else.  When they went to bed for the night, she reached for him, but he stiffened as she touched him.  She withdrew her hand not understanding what she had done wrong.  She was afraid that he was tired of dealing with her issues- her parents and her insecurities and was reconsidering getting married. 

               He was gone when she awoke the next morning.  When she went downstairs, she found he had left, not leaving word or a note.  She tried not to worry- or let her insecurities rule her, but it was hard.  When he hadn’t arrived by dinner time, she began to really worry- and asked Thom is he had seen Garrett at all that day, and frowned when he said he hadn’t.  “Is something wrong, Laurel?” he asked with concern.

               “I don’t know, Thom.  He’s been distant since yesterday, and I haven’t seen him all day,” Laurel said.  “I’m tired- I think I’ll go to bed.”  She kissed Thom on the cheek and went to her room. 

………

               She awoke screaming.  She hadn’t had a nightmare in a while, but recent events coupled with the fear of abandonment had worn her down.  Thom came running in to calm her down, holding her as she screamed. He didn’t know where Hawke had gone- but he was going to have to find him so they could get everything straightened out.  He didn’t like seeing his girl upset and hurting like this.  He stayed with her until she fell asleep again, the tear tracks still on her cheeks. 

………

               Hawke had not turned up the next day either.  Thom was so worried about her that was going to refuse to leave her side until she decided that she would go to work herself, needing a distraction.  She made the rounds of the bookstore, bakery and dress shop and checked the books before wandering back home again.    She went to her room and sat on the bed, unable to settle down, her insecurities rushing over her, bringing tears to her eyes, worrying that something had happened to him.

………

               Varric walked into the Hanged Man, and after letting his eyes adjusted to the dimness, looked around- finding Hawke sitting at a table near the back, playing idly with the mug before him.  He approached Hawke and sat down- motioning to Corff to bring him the same.  “I had a visit from Thom Rainier today, wondering if I knew where you were.  It seems that you’ve disappeared for a few days after being distant with a lovely young woman who loves you.  What the hell is going on Hawke?”  Hawke didn’t say anything.  “Hawke, come on.  Talk to me.”

               “It’s my fault,” Hawke said quietly.  Varric looked at him, waiting for elaboration.  Hawke told him about what Aveline had found out from interrogating De Carrac.  “Isabela was the one who tipped him off about what the Trevelyans were doing.  She got hurt because of me. I can’t face her.”

               Varric shook his head.  “She got hurt because Rivaini was a selfish bitch who couldn’t accept the fact that you’ve moved on.  How would you have stopped Rivaini- by getting back together with her?  That would kind of defeat the purpose of being with Sissy, no?  You need to get back to her- Thom said she had one hell of a nightmare last night.”  Hawke closed his eyes when he heard that. “Look, Hawke- you’re making things worse by sitting here.  Go to her.  She’s a strong girl, but after everything that’s happened to her- she’s going to break, especially if she thinks you’re avoiding her.  She already broke once- I can’t let it happen to her again.  Do you still want to be with her, or are you going to leave her?  I need to know, Hawke.”

               “I love her, Varric.  And I let her get hurt.  I should have been there- and I should have threatened Isabela more.   Maybe she needs more than me.”

               “For her, there is no one else but you,” said Varric.  “And you didn’t let her get hurt.  If you had been there, you would have been forced to drop your weapon and then they would have killed you.  You can blame yourself all you want- but what happened to her was no one’s fault but de Carrac, her parents, and Isabela.  And we’ll deal with them each in their own time.”  He stood up.  “Come on Hawke.  You’ve got a good thing, and she loves you.  Don’t screw it up now.”

               “You’re right Varric.  Let’s go.”

………

               He arrived at her house to find Thom waiting downstairs.  After seeing how Hawke looked, Thom didn’t have the heart to say anything to him- it looked like he hadn’t slept in days.  “She’s upstairs.” 

               Hawke ran up the stairs and into Laurel’s room, where she was curled up on the bed, her eyes closed.  He came to sit on the bed, lightly running his fingers through her hair- that beautiful unruly hair that he loved so much.  She opened her eyes as she felt his touch and looked at him, slowly sitting up on the bed.  Neither spoke for a moment before Hawke whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

               Laurel remembered the last time she had heard those words from someone she loved so deeply.  She should have expected it- her problems were too much for anyone to overcome- too many demons.  She nodded and started to remove the ring that was on her finger. Hawke looked at her confused as she held the ring out to him. “Honey, what are you doing?”

               “Giving you your ring back.  Isn’t that why you’re here?” she whispered, her hand trembling as she held out the ring.

               He took her hand in his.  “Maker, no, Laurel.  I love you.  That will never change.” He slid the ring back on her finger.  “I meant everything I said the other night when I put this back on your finger.  I can’t wait to marry you.”

               “Then why are you sorry?” she asked as she was enveloped in his arms.

               He ran his fingers through her hair, twirling the ends.  “It was my fault.”  He told her about Isabela.  “You got hurt because I failed you.  I should have been more proactive against Isabela, and I should have been there at the shop.  And then I left you behind because I couldn’t face you knowing I was responsible.”

               “No Garrett.  If you’d have been there, they would have killed you, and you can’t blame yourself for Isabela either.”  She caressed his cheek.  “I'm not mad at you. It couldn’t be helped.”  She kissed him.  “Come here and lay down with me.  We can talk more in the morning.”


	21. Make Ready for the Wedding

                Laurel heard the door fling open and a “Hello Darling!” coming from the entry way and went running.  She threw herself into his arms, grateful to finally see her dearest friend and brother again. When they pulled away from each other, Dorian ran a finger on the faded bruises on her neck and pulled her into his arms again.  They had only been able to talk briefly since she had been attacked, but he had found out about everything from Bull when he had arrived last night.  “I’m glad you’re all right, Sweetheart,” he whispered as he held her.  “Is there any news?”

               “No.  He’s still in jail and probably will be for a long time.  Did Bull tell you about my workers?”  Dorian shook his head.  “They were found on the Wounded Coast. Turned to stone.”  Dorian stared at her.  “Solas,” she explained.  “Otherwise, no news.”

               They talked about what Dorian had been up to for quite a while and then talked about the wedding and their plans for after.  “I’m moving into Hawke’s estate, and Bethany is moving in here with Thom.  He’s going to buy this place for the two of them.”

               Dorian smiled.  “So we’ve been talking for a while now.  When were you planning on telling me about Cullen?” Laurel stared at him. 

               “How did you know?  With everything going on, it slipped my mind.”

               “I have my ways, Sweetling,” said Dorian.  “I take it that there was no drama?”

               She told him about what Cullen had said and about giving him the deed to the land.  “I can’t hate him, Dorian.  In spite of what happened, Cullen was exactly what I needed at the time, and he helped me when I needed it.  He came all the way here to apologize in person and warn me about Surana- and he didn’t try to ask me back.  It hurts me to know he’s hurting too, but I can’t go back.  My life is here now- with Garrett.”

               Dorian smiled.  “You’ve come a long way, Sweetheart. There is nothing wrong in what you feel for Cullen- just like there was nothing wrong with falling in love with Hawke.  But there’s one thing I still haven’t heard you talk about like you did when you married Cullen.  You haven’t spoken of a family.  Do you want children?  Have you and Hawke talked about it?”

               She looked down, “I’ve been afraid to ask.  He did want a family at one time, but he told me that he didn’t see himself having children because he thought his time was past. I do want children, though.”

               “Sweetling, you need to go talk to him, “said Dorian, “The sooner the better. Go now, why don’t you?” He stood up and hustled her to the door.  She knew he was right- but she was nervous.  She walked over to Hawke’s house and let herself in. 

               “Laurel?  Everything all right?” Hawke asked as he saw her walk in.  “I know Dorian arrived- have you been talking with him?”

               Laurel nodded.  “He sent me over to talk to you.  About a conversation we had.”  She sat down, fidgeting with her dress.  Hawke sat down next to her.  “We’ve talked about it in passing, but never about ourselves.  Do you want children?” 

               Hawke looked at her.  “I do. Very much.”  Laurel exhaled.  Hawke continued, “I remember what you told me about being hurt that Cullen didn’t want children yet and that you had to keep taking a contraceptive.  Has that…changed at all?  Do you want to wait a bit, or just start trying?”

               “I’d like to start right away unless there’s a reason we shouldn’t. I want your baby,” she whispered.  Hawke moved from the chair to kneel in front of her and put his arms are her, drawing her close to him. 

               “My love…” he whispered.  He brought his lips to hers, claiming them with a hot, searing kiss that promised so much more if she wanted it.  He moved to kissing her neck, as his hands roamed over her body.  “We could get started right now,” he murmured in her ear as he caressed her cheek. 

               Laurel started to nod.  “Maker, yes,” she breathed as Hawke assaulted her mouth again.

               “Oh no you don’t!” they heard from behind them.  Dorian had snuck in behind them. “The wedding is only a few short days away.  No nookie until then. I should have thought of that before I sent her over here to talk about having children.”

               Hawke groaned into Laurel’s neck.  “Way to cockblock, Dorian.”

               “That’s what the brother of the bride is for,” quipped Dorian.  “To make sure his future brother in law keeps his pants on and keep his sister’s chaste reputation intact.”

               “Really Dorian?” Laurel said.  “It’s not exactly like I’m a virgin, you know.”

               “You’ve only had one lover- maybe two,” he said, eying Hawke.  “That’s close enough. Besides, Aveline and Varric are waiting at your house.  She says she has news and needs to see you right away.”

………

               “I’ve heard back from the Teryn of Ostwick, Laurel,” said Aveline.  “They went to your parent's house after our courier reached them.”  She looked at Laurel.  “I think you’d better sit down.  Or have a brandy.  Or something.”

               Laurel sat down on the couch with Hawke and Dorian on either side of her, Aveline and Varric sitting across from them.  “Your parents had kept the auction up, even after de Carrac won it, accepting gold from another person.  When the city soldiers reached the house, they didn’t find your parents.  They found…statues. And a vast pile of gold.  They confiscated the gold and sent it here to you. For some reason, they are reasonably sure that your parents are dead.  The mages at the Ostwick circle are convinced of it, and that’s good enough for the Teryn.”

               Laurel felt nothing about that.  There was a lot of information that had just been shared- her parents were technically dead, and they had sold her to at least one other person before it happened.

               “She renounced the Trevelyan name and legally changed it.  Does that count for anything?” Varric asked.  “She’s not a Bann in Ostwick now, is she?”

               “Technically, yes, I think she is,” said Aveline.  “The problem is this pile of gold.  Due to the criminal circumstances behind it- it’s considered forfeit.  I guess the gold is yours.”

               Laurel looked at the bag. “I don’t want it.”  Seeing the bag brought back everything Ghyslain had planned on doing to her.  She felt the panic welling up.  “Please get it away from me,” she said, hiding her eyes with her hand.  She felt Hawke and Dorian both putting a bracing arm around her as she shook.

               “I’ll take it for now,” said Varric, “until you decide what you want to do with it.”  He put the bag away where she couldn’t see it.  “We can talk about it later, Sissy.  In the meantime- you and Hawke need to discuss what to do about Ostwick- you may want to consider heading over there at some point. I’m assuming you don’t want to be a Bann?”

               “No- then I would have to live there,” said Laurel.  “In that house,” she said as she unconsciously stroked the scar on the side of her neck. “I can’t do that, even if I wanted to live there.  My life is here.”

               “Do you have any other family?  Aunts, uncles, cousins?” asked Varric.  “The title could be transferred to one of them, I think.  You may have to go talk to the Teryn, or at least write him.”

               “I think there is some family, but the Teryn would probably know more than I do.  If we had family, they never came to see us, and my grandparents died long before I was born. I guess we’ll have to talk about it.”

………

               Later that evening, it was decided that they would add Ostwick to their Honeymoon trip.  Laurel wasn’t exactly excited about it, but Varric promised to meet them there so he could help.  Laurel offered the gold she had received to everyone in turn, but no one would take it.  The taint that surrounded the money that had sold Laurel to strangers was too much for everyone to overcome- even Varric wouldn’t accept it for the Kirkwall coffers.

               Laurel thought about it for a while.  “I’ll send it to Cullen,” she said.  “He’ll need money to care for his daughter and get the Sanctuary started- I’ll bet Surana bled him dry before he left her.  The money can go to people who truly need it.”

               Sera spoke up, “You’d give money to that tit after what he did to you?”

               “I have to Sera,” said Laurel.  “In fact, I’m hoping you and Dagna could deliver it to him?  Since you are in that area every once in a while?  It would be a great favor to me.”  Dagna cheerily promised they would deliver it, shooting a look at Sera who was about ready to speak up again.  “I don’t know how to explain it, Sera.  He came all the way here just to apologize and deliver a warning.  He could have written a letter, or sent word some other way. He didn’t try to ask me to come back- he regrets his actions and is living with it and trying to care for his daughter by himself. I don’t hate him, and he needs help.”

               Sera humphed but looked mollified. 

………

_Cullen,_

_I never got to thank you for your apology and your warning when you came to Kirkwall.  You braced yourself against the bad memories of this place for you, and against your personal feelings to see me, and I never even told you that I appreciated it.  Thank you._

_Enclosed with this letter, you will find a large amount of gold.  This is for you and your daughter and the Sanctuary.  I still intend to speak to Alistair, and Divine Victoria about providing more financial support for what you are doing, and that support may reach you before this does, depending on when Sera and Dagna get there.  I won’t explain completely where the gold came from- just know that it’s history is extremely repugnant to the point that no one here in Kirkwall wants to associate with it.  I decided that the best way to use this was in the service of others.  I suppose I could have given it to the Chantry, but I think you would put it to better use._

_I asked you to write me when you were here, and I meant that.  Even though our relationship has changed, you were my first love, my first support and my first…well, everything, I guess.  You will always have a place in my heart, and I will always be your biggest supporter.  Remind Sera of that if she starts to get obnoxious towards you- I asked her not to._

_Please be well, and drop me a letter to say how things are going, and if I need to put any more pressure on Alistair, Cassandra, and even Empress Celene to do their part._

_Laurel_

_………_

_Alistair,_

_Just dropping you a note to let you know that we may be slightly delayed in our visit- we have to add a trip to Ostwick to the agenda, much to my chagrin.  I’ll send word when we leave Ostwick.  There is much to discuss, my friend.  There had better be a baby bump for me to feel up when I get there._

_Laurel_

_………_

_Bash,_

_Just dropping a line to let you know that I’ll be there by the middle of next week.  I’ll be bringing a few surprises with me- good surprises.  Not an invasion or anything like that.  I hate to ask you this, but if Isabela comes through, please try to detain her.  If you can’t do that, then tell her that she is no longer welcome in Kirkwall and she had better steer clear.  I’ll explain more when I get there.  Hope the wife and little boy are well. I can’t wait to meet them._

_Hawke_

_………_

Everyone had finally arrived in the days before the wedding, and things were underway.  Dorian refused to let Hawke and Laurel even sleep in the same bed after finding them canoodling in hidden corners of the house a few times.  The days leading up to the wedding were busy with a lot of activities- trying to square up regular business.  Laurel had most of her things packed to move into Hawke’s house, and Bethany had hers packed to move in with Thom. 

               Thom had quietly asked for Hawke’s blessing to marry Bethany, which Hawke had no problem saying yes too.  The two of them were good together, and he knew that Bethany was still hoping to have children and that Thom would be an excellent father and protector.  Laurel was thrilled for them too, knowing they would be living nearby and having children hopefully around the same age to play together.  She smiled thinking about how she would have to explain the concept of Grandpa Thom and Aunt Bethany to her children someday- but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

               Bull and Varric threw a very raucous bachelor party at the Hanged Man, resulting in Laurel not seeing any of the men the entire day before the wedding because they were too hung over to leave their houses.  Leaving Orana and Leena to administer Bethany’s headache remedies to the men, she spent that day with Aveline, Bethany, Dagna and Sera doing girly things.  They picked up her wedding dress and checked on the cake, had some lunch and stopped in the Tavern for a few drinks.  When the day came to a close, Laurel found herself walking with Bethany back to their homes.

               “Nervous?” Bethany asked her. 

               Laurel thought about it.  “I don’t think so,” she replied.  “That may change tomorrow, though.”

               “Do you need any contraceptive tea?” Bethany asked.  “You haven’t asked for any, so I guess that you and Garrett went old fashioned and waited.”  Laurel blushed.  “Don’t be embarrassed.  I’m glad.  Hawke was kind of a well…man-whore in his much younger days- then he went to practically living like a monk after Isabela left.  I don’t know what happened to you all in the Fade, but it changed him. He started talking about settling down and having a family- he had never done that before.”

               “The Fade does tend to make one reflect on their life,” Laurel said.  “For me, it returned my memories of what happened at the Conclave, which turned me away from the Chantry in a way.  I grew up in the Chantry, and it was all I knew- after the Fade, I tried to experience more of life.  I started hanging around at the Herald’s Rest with Bull and his boys, and Sera.  Cullen and I took our relationship to a much larger level than I ever would have before. I started getting out more and started letting people in.  That was when most of my important friendships were formed- I started trusting people.  I guess it did the opposite for Garrett.  And no, I don’t think I need any tea.  We’re going to try right away- we both want to.”   

Bethany nodded.  “Mother would be thrilled with you.  I wasn’t around when Garrett and Isabela got into each other, but judging from the expression on Mother’s face when she would come visit, she didn’t approve, not that I did either.”  Bethany stopped and looked at Laurel.  “I wish our parents were here to meet you.”

               “I do too, Bethany.” 


	22. Make Haste to the Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I figured since I'm posting new chapters, I may as well close out the evening with the wedding. And of course, a little post wedding smut...

               The day of the wedding dawned clear and bright. Laurel awoke to Dorian coming into her room.  “Big day Darling!  Leena is busy, so if you want breakfast, we’ll have to do it ourselves.”  Laurel stretched and sat up, smiling at Dorian’s infectious attitude.   They went downstairs to cook some breakfast, being joined by Thom after a little while.  The three of them had an excellent breakfast together, reminiscing about their travels during the war, and their time at Skyhold. 

               Soon, it was time to get ready.  Leena stopped cooking long enough to come over and arrange Laurel’s hair for her as she got ready.  “Are you nervous, my lady?” Leena asked as she worked.  She had come to adore her employer over the last almost two years and was a little sad that she would no longer be working for her.  She was looking forward to continuing her work for Thom and Bethany, but she would miss Laurel.

               Laurel thought for a moment. “No, Leena, I’m not.  Granted, this is a much bigger wedding than my last one- but it’s still just my closest friends and family.  And Garrett- I can’t be nervous about him.”

               “Well, my lady, I think you’re ready. And Ser Thom will be here any moment to collect you.”

               “You’re coming to the wedding, aren’t you Leena?”  asked Laurel.  “You and Orana?  You are like family.”

               “We’ll be there, but we’ll have to hurry back right away,” said Leena.  “We wouldn’t miss it.  Both you and Ser Hawke have been the kindest employers we’ve ever had.  I’ll miss working for you, my lady.”

               “I’ll miss you too, Leena,” said Laurel.  “Thom and Bethany will be good to you, and you know I’ll be in and out of this place still.  We talked about bringing you to our house, but Orana is very attached to Garrett since he was the one who had freed her from slavery and gave her a job.  He couldn’t do that to her.”

               There was a knock at the door.  Laurel stood up to smooth out her dress as Thom opened the door.  He stood and looked at her proudly.  Laurel had on a silvery dress made of velvet and samite that matched her eyes.  The long sleeves cleverly hid her missing arm and the laced up panels accentuated her figure becomingly.  Leena had drawn her hair back and had woven strands of silver pearls through her hair.  “My lady,” breathed Thom. “You look stunning. But…something is missing.”  He pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it, showing a silver pendant with a black stone hanging from a delicate silver chain.  He had worked with the seamstress and with Leena to find the right piece, and Leena had talked Laurel into removing Solas’ amulet from its chain and pinning it inside of her dress for the day. 

               He fastened the necklace around the neck and gently hugged Laurel to him.  She looked at the necklace in the mirror.  “Thom…” she breathed. “You didn’t have to do this.”

               “Not get something for my daughter on her wedding day?” Thom asked.  “Of course I did.”  He took her hand.  “I’m so proud of you, my sweet.  You’ve done so much for so many people, during the war and after.  And you’re marrying an honorable man.”

               “Thank you, Thom,” said Laurel as she held him close.  “I love you.”

               “I love you too, Sweet,” Thom said, as he gazed at her proudly.

               “So, are you ready to give me away,” Laurel asked.

               “Never,” said Thom, “but let’s go anyway.”

               He took her by the arm and led her down the stairs where Dorian was also waiting.  As the three of them made their way to the Palace, they could feel all eyes on them.  Laurel blushed- unused to being the center of attention after all this time.  They got to the door of the Throne room and stopped before going in, allowing Leena to make last minute adjustments and for Dorian to check and make sure everyone was in their place inside. 

               The doors opened to the wedding scene before them. Varric stood at the head in his ceremonial robes and crown, with the Revered Mother beside him.  Hawke, dressed simply in a white tunic shirt and black pants, stood at the front of the room, smiling at Laurel as she came down the aisle, Fenris, and Athena at his side.  Dorian stood on Varric’s other side.  All of their friends were standing, turning to face her as she and Thom walked to the front, coming to stand beside Hawke. 

               The ceremony went by in a blur- Hawke and Laurel gazed at each other as Varric spoke.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her- she was practically glowing- her silvery dress shimmering around her, the pearls in her hair glowing against her skin- he thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  She couldn’t take her eyes off him either- the white of his shirt showed off his tanned skin, dark hair, and incredibly blue eyes.  They made their vows and exchanged rings, and then knelt as the Revered Mother spoke the final blessing over them. 

               Hawke helped Laurel up, and Varric pronounced them husband and wife.  He took her in his arms, and brought his lips gently to hers, relishing how warm and soft her lips were against his.  They intensified their kiss, their lips molded to one another, holding each other close as their friends and family applauded. 

………

               Hawke kept his gaze on his wife while she mingled with their guests, not wanting to miss a moment of the sight of her in her wedding dress.  They spent the evening eating, talking with their guests and accepting the small gifts they had been given for their wedding.  Their workers had all been invited as well, which made for a crowded house, but Hawke and Laurel wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

               After the cake had been cut, and the toasts had been made, most everyone took off to go to the Hanged Man to continue the party.  Dorian stayed behind for a few extra minutes to give Hawke and Laurel a wedding gift.  “I know you are going to be traveling for the next few months, and it will be just the two of you.  I worked with Dagna to make this.”  He handed Hawke a small box decorated with runes.  “When activated, it puts up a protective barrier, much like the one I cast when we are out on the road.  It will keep you undetected.”  Laurel threw her arms around Dorian as Hawke tried to find words to thank him.  “Just be good to her.  That’s the only thanks I need.” 

               Hawke clapped Dorian on the shoulder.  “That, my friend, is a deal.”

               After they had said goodbye to the last of their guests, Hawke told Leena and Orana just to put the food away and worry about cleanup the next day- and to bring some help if they wanted.  He walked back into the library to find Laurel standing by the fireplace looking at her rings.  He walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck, whispering how beautiful she was and how proud he was of his beautiful wife.  She turned around and put her arm around him, smiling as he pulled her in for a searing kiss.

               He carried her upstairs to his bedroom, noticing the lit candles that Leena and Orana must have gone out of their way to take care of.  He gently put Laurel down by the bed, caressing her cheek as he looked at her.  “I need to get these pearls out of my hair,” she said.  He helped her comb through her hair, removing the strands of pearls and setting them aside.  When they were done, he ran his fingers through her waves, pulling her in to kiss her neck.  As Hawke stood behind her nibbling at her neck, he started to unbutton her dress, kissing his way down her back as he unbuttoned.  When he had unfastened the last button, he turned her around to slowly peel the dress down her body. 

               In spite of the fact that they had pleasured each other many times, Laurel felt nervous.  She had never been completely unclothed with Hawke before, and she was still very self-conscious about how her arm looked.  He could feel her hesitate as he pulled her dress down and stopped.  “Do you need me to stop?” he asked her quietly. She looked down at her arm and looked away.  “Do you want to go change in private?”

               “It’s not a pretty sight,” she whispered. 

               “It’s all right, Honey,” he said.  “If you’re not ready, you can go change.  But you shouldn’t be embarrassed.  I love you- no matter what.”

                Laurel bit her lip.  This was her husband- and he loved her.  It was time for her to let go of her embarrassment.  “No, I’m ok.” She started to remove her dress, Hawke helping her to lower the dress and step out of it before he gathered it carefully and set it safely off to the side.  He turned to her and looked at her as she stood in her breast band and smalls.  He traced his fingers over her body, including her arm, making her shiver. 

               “So beautiful,” he whispered. “I am a lucky man.” He stopped for a moment as Laurel tugged at his shirt, helping her pull it over his head.  He kissed her again, his tongue entering her mouth and swirling against hers as he pulled off her breast band, his arms circling her waist and drawing her close so he could feel her breasts against his broad chest. He ran his hands down her back, feeling her muscles play against his fingers, groaning as he felt her fingers undo the laces on his breeches.  He helped her pull his pants and smalls down, releasing his hardened member into Laurel’s hand.  She pumped his cock a few times before pushing him to sit on the bed.  She knelt before him, taking his cock in her mouth, Hawke groaning as he leaned back, relishing the feeling of her mouth on his engorged member.  She had her hand on the base of his cock, moving it in time with her lips.  He could feel her tongue swirling around his head, lapping at the pre-cum that had started to gather.  She moaned against him as she sucked him, her head bobbing up and down on him.  He ran his fingers through her hair as she sucked on his cock, gently stopping her after a little while and pulling her up so she straddled him. 

                Kissing her again, he ran his thumbs over her nipples, feeling her gasp against his mouth.  He rolled her over, pushing her further up on the bed.  Laurel lifted her hips, allowing Hawke to remove her smalls after he finished removing his pants.  He crawled up her body, latching his lips around her nipple as his fingers separated her damp folds, rubbing against her clit.  She cried out as his fingers expertly found her pleasure center, thrusting inside of her as she bucked against his hand. 

                He kept his fingers on her as he moved down, his tongue finding her nub and flicking against it.  He groaned against her as he listened to her mewling in pleasure, his tongue alternating with his thrusting fingers. He wanted every inch of her that night, and he attacked her core relentlessly as she writhed under him, crying his name.  One final thrust of his tongue brought her over the edge, and she came with a cry, her fingers gripping his hair as she bucked against him. 

                He crawled up to her again, kissing her deeply before whispering to her “Are you ready, my love?”  She spread her legs for him, pulling him on top of her.  He looked into her eyes as he slid inside of her, feeling her delicious heat around him as he hilted inside of her.  “Maker, so tight,” he groaned. He stayed still on top of her for a moment just getting used to the feeling of her tight channel surrounding him before he began with shallow thrusts inside of her.  His lips found her nipple again as he moved inside of her, her hips coming to meet his thrusts as they came faster and more powerful.  He felt her hand grab his ass, trying to pull him deeper and he tried to oblige her by pulling out and slamming as deeply into her as he could, listening to her cry out as he ground against her. 

               Grinning, he effortlessly flipped them over, so Laurel was on top.  She looked at him with such desire in her eyes that he had to raise himself up and press her against him as she rode him.  He ran his hands up her back and took her nipple in his mouth, Laurel gasping in pleasure as his tongue flicked against her hard peak.  He was getting close- her tightness pulsing around him as their thrusts met each other.  His thumb found her clit and pressed against it, whispering to her how close he was because of her tight cunt and that he wanted her to come again.  “Come for me, Laurel,” he moaned as he pressed against her slick folds.  Feeling him completing her and his fingers against her clit pushed her to climax again, and she came, screaming his name as she thrust against him.  Hearing her pleasure sent a bolt of arousal straight to his core, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her steady as he came, spilling his seed inside of her, crying out as he stuttered against her.  She collapsed against him, both of them panting and covered in sweat.  They sat like that against each other; their foreheads pressed together for a moment before Laurel pulled away to get a towel.  They cleaned themselves up and crawled under the covers, their arms going around each other. 

              Garrett kissed her temple. “Totally worth the wait, my love.” She snuggled into him as they drifted off to sleep, their rings glinting in the candlelight.

              Laurel awoke the next morning, her body sore, but pleasantly sated.  They had awakened a few times in the middle of the night writhing against each other before making love again as if they couldn’t get enough of each other after waiting so long.  She smiled as she looked at her rings and was just about to get up when Hawke came in bearing a tray.  He placed the tray in front of her before kissing her good morning.  They ate breakfast together, talking about their plans for the day- the packing they needed to finish before leaving.  After eating, Laurel got up to bathe and dress, gathering the last of her belongings that she planned on taking with her.  She unpinned her amulet from her dress and put it back around her neck, feeling the welcoming weight of it again, wishing she could see her friend again.  Hawke saw her fingering the amulet and smiled.  “Thinking of Solas?” he asked her.

              “I wish he could have been here.  In the middle of the war, he was the one to bring me peace when I needed it.  All of my companions did, but Solas was different. He had a way of calming me with just a gentle smile- I can’t explain it.  I was devastated when he left, and I still miss him.”

              “He still watches out for you, Honey.  That’s been proven,” said Hawke. “Come on- I know you’ll want to say goodbye to Dorian and the others before we leave.”


	23. Starkhaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great comments! I'm glad that the Cullen thing went over well- I couldn't see him begging. Anyway- onto the Honeymoon, which you know will have some bumps.

              They set out a few hours later, headed to Starkhaven first.  Hawke was looking forward to seeing his friend again.  When he and Sebastian had first met, they didn’t get on very well.  Sebastian had been in the Chantry for a while, leaving a lifestyle very similar to the one Hawke was still leading when they met.  Before Hawke had come to Skyhold, he had helped Sebastian reclaim his Throne, and their friendship had started to grow.  Hawke stopped to see him after he left Weisshaupt- staying isolated in a small cabin that Sebastian provided for him, and they spent many hours discussing what had happened to Hawke in the Fade and helping him sort out the changes he felt coming over him.  Sebastian had disapproved of his relationship with Isabela, but said nothing, knowing Hawke had to find out on his own.  When Hawke had written to him after Isabela had left, Sebastian had written several encouraging letters to him- unable to get away because his wife was due to give birth at any time.  So they were finally going to see each other again, and Hawke couldn’t wait to present Laurel to him as his wife.  He had not written anything about her to Sebastian, and he wasn’t sure Laurel would want him to know who she truly was- they would have to discuss that.

               Laurel pulled up alongside him. “You look deep in thought,” she said.

               “Just looking forward to seeing my friend again.  Um… I didn’t tell him about us.  I wanted to surprise him.”  He told her about their friendship and the letters that he had written after Isabela left.  Laurel nodded in understanding.  “Since he doesn’t know about you- that means he doesn’t know who you are.  Do you want him to?”

               Laurel thought about it.  “If it comes up, I guess it comes up.  I don’t feel the need to hide it as much as I used to.  Plus, since we have to go to Ostwick- it’s not like I can keep it secret much longer.  We may end up needing his support or advice anyway- we’ll take it as it comes.”  They rode along, watching Athena galloping alongside them, tongue lolling sideways as she ran. She was already massive, and she wasn’t even full grown yet.  Hawke had often joked he was going to have to start another business just to keep her fed.

………

               After a few day’s travel, they arrived in Starkhaven.  The trip had gone smoothly enough- Dorian and Dagna’s magical barrier providing them the protection they needed on the road.  Granted, between Bull, Fenris and the Chargers, and Sebastian’s efforts to clean up the roads, they were safer traveling now more than ever, but having the barrier was a bonus for when Hawke and Laurel found themselves otherwise occupied, which had been every night since they left Kirkwall.  They couldn’t get enough of each other- the teasing glances at each other during the day as they rode, the little touches when they stopped to eat or stretch.  The months they had spent just pleasuring each other without intercourse had paid off in that they knew each other well- what touch made the other quiver with delight and how to tease each other into climax.  Hawke understood now what he hadn’t known when he was younger- and what Sebastian had tried to tell him from the beginning.  Granted, the time he had spent carousing had given him an intimate knowledge of how to please a woman, and Laurel was a very grateful recipient of that knowledge.  But spending time learning about one woman, and how to pleasure her was just as enjoyable, if not more. Drawing her out of her initial shyness, watching her eagerly learn how to please him and becoming bolder in her attentions, while teaching her about her own body and its pleasure was truly a joy. 

               They stopped just outside of town to clean up and re-pack their bags before Hawke spoke to the guards at the Palace.  The guard led them inside where Laurel nervously brushed herself off again before they met Sebastian.  Hawke smiled at her and told her not to worry- she looked lovely and Sebastian was going to love her.   

               Hawke turned as he heard footsteps hurrying towards them and grinned as Sebastian entered the room.  “My friend,” exclaimed Sebastian as he came forward to embrace Hawke.  “It’s wonderful to see you after all this time.  It’s about time you come to visit.”  Sebastian thumped Hawke on the back as they grinned at each other.  “And who is this?” Sebastian asked as he eyed Laurel.

               “Bash, she’s why we’re visiting.  I’d like to introduce you to my wife, Laurel.”   Sebastian broke into an even wider grin and took Laurel’s hand in his.

               “Congratulations Hawke, you devil!  How long has this been going on?” he asked as he kissed Laurel’s hand. 

               “We just married last week.  This is our honeymoon trip.  We’re starting here, stopping over in Ostwick and then going to Denerim to see King Alistair.”

               “I’m thrilled for you both,” he said warmly, “You deserve every happiness.”  Sebastian nodded and noticed Athena seated beside Hawke, waiting for some attention.  “A new Mabari, Hawke?  She’s large- and young.”

               “Not even a year old yet,” said Hawke, smiling proudly.  “This is Athena.  She was a gift from Laurel.”  He spent several minutes bragging about Athena, who basked in her master’s praise.  Sebastian bowed to the dog before patting her on the head.

               “Bash, there are things we need to discuss- business before pleasure I guess,” said Hawke. 

               Sebastian nodded. “I’ll take care of it.  I’d like for you to meet my wife and our son first.”  He stopped for a moment.  “Eloise is a bit more…formal than I am, and will expect a proper introduction. Why don’t you settle in and rest up a bit- I’ll send for you when she is ready.  She likes to use the throne room for these things.”  Sebastian called for a servant and asked her to show them to their finest guest room before leaving to see his wife.

………

               Laurel and Hawke lay panting against each other in the bathtub of warm water that had been brought for them- Laurel had squealed when she saw that the tub was big enough for two and they had taken full advantage.  They held each other close for a few minutes before getting out to dry off and dress in fresh clothes.  The servants had taken Athena out to give her a bath, and she came galloping in, clean and fresh smelling as Laurel sat by the fire letting her hair dry. 

               An hour later, there was a knock at the door, and a young woman came in, introducing herself as Lily.  “I’m to be your attendant while you are here, my lady,” she explained to Laurel.  “Prince Sebastian assigned me himself.”

               “That’s very kind of him,” said Laurel.  Lily insisted on helping Laurel fix her hair before their introduction, so Laurel relaxed and let her comb through it.  When she had finished, there was another knock at the door to inform them that the Prince and his wife were ready to meet.  Laurel got up and looked at herself nervously in the mirror.  She was out of practice when it came to meeting dignitaries, and she had to remind herself of all of the protocols again.  Lily fussed over her for a few extra minutes before stepping back with a satisfied air before Hawke took her arm and escorted her to the Throne Room, with Athena walking at his side.

               They entered the Throne room and walked towards Sebastian and his wife.  Sebastian had a smile on his face at seeing the two of them together, but his wife, Eloise, trying to be more regal, did not.  “Eloise,” Sebastian said, “may I present my friend, Garrett Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, his new wife, Comtesse Laurel Hawke of Kirkwall and their Mabari, Athena.”  He gestured towards them in a more formal manner.  Hawke, Laurel, this is my wife and royal consort, Eloise.”   Hawke bowed towards her and Laurel curtsied.  He grinned.  “And over there, is my son, Michael Garrett.” He pointed to a bright-eyed toddler who was in the arms of his nurse.  Garrett broke out into a grin when he heard the name.

               “It’s an honor, Sebastian.  I’m thrilled,” he said.  He looked at the little boy who was waving and looking at Athena.  He was a darling boy, with Sebastian’s beautiful eyes and coloring.  Laurel nudged Hawke and reminded him that they had some toys for Michael that had been carved by Thom. “Bash, these are some toys that were carved by Laurel’s friend, Thom Rainier.”

               Sebastian took the toys and admired them.  “Rainier…I think I placed a furniture order with him recently?”  Hawke nodded.  “Well, I’m glad I did now that I see how fine these pieces are.  Thank you- and thank him for me.”

               Laurel smiled at Eloise, watching as her eyes roved up and down Hawke’s body in an almost predatory manner before looking away.  She looked Laurel up and down as well, noting her missing arm before she nodded at her politely.  Sebastian hadn’t noticed the exchange at all as he had his eyes on his son.  “I’ve arranged to have dinner in my chambers for the four of us this evening,” said Sebastian.  “Shall we adjourn?”

               They spent the dinner getting caught up on the news.  Eloise studied Laurel carefully.  “What is your family name?” she finally asked her.  “You look familiar.”  Hawke and Laurel glanced at each other for a moment.

               “My family name is Pavus,” said Laurel.  She didn’t elaborate from there.  There was something about the way that Eloise was looking at her that bothered her, and she didn’t want to open up to her.

               “Pavus?” asked Eloise.  “You don’t look like a Tevinter.  How does someone from Tevinter end up a Comtesse in Kirkwall?”

               “I was adopted.  The title in Kirkwall is…a long story,” explained Laurel. Hawke shot a glance at Sebastian, who was frowning in concern.  Hawke could tell what Sebastian was thinking and knew they were going to have to tell him something to keep him satisfied.

               “Well, Sebastian, I think we should turn in- it’s been some long travels.  Can we meet tomorrow?” asked Hawke.

               “Certainly.  Eloise and Laurel can spend some time getting to know each other while we meet,” said Sebastian as he stood up.  “After that, we can all take a tour of the castle, and of Starkhaven if you like.”

               “That would be grand, Bash.  But Laurel needs to be involved in this meeting.  The issues are more hers than mine.”  Eloise narrowed her eyes at hearing that and studied Laurel again.  She had never been invited to sit in on meetings, and it had never really interested her either.  To her surprise, Sebastian nodded in agreement.  Eloise didn’t like that he had agreed so readily and determined that she was going to find out what was going on.  Her eyes went over Hawke again- he was a handsome man- so very different from her husband.  He would bear watching.

………

               Laurel was quiet that evening as they prepared for bed.  “Everything all right, Honey?  You’re awfully quiet,” said Hawke as he ran his fingers through her auburn locks, twisting the ends around his fingers.  Laurel thought about it as she hung her dress up and got into bed, feeling Hawke’s arms going around her.

               “I just have a bad feeling,” she said as she fingered her amulet.

               “Like Ghyslain?” asked Hawke with concern.

               “No,” she said hesitantly.  “This is different. I like Sebastian- it’s his wife, I think.  Did you notice the way she was looking at you?”  Hawke shook his head.  “Between the suspicious looks she was giving me and the hungry looks she was giving you, I think we need to be careful.”

               “Well, I can tell that Bash wasn’t satisfied with the answers to her questions tonight, so we’re going to have to tell him,” Hawke said.  Laurel nodded and then smiled as she felt Hawke running his hands up and down her body.  “Let’s worry about it tomorrow, Honey.  Come here,” he said as he pulled her on top of him.

………

               After breakfast, Sebastian, Hawke, and Laurel entered his office to talk. 

               “So let’s start with our discussion at dinner last night,” said Sebastian.  “Your family name is Tevinter; you’re adopted, and you’re the Comtesse of Kirkwall.  I trust Hawke as a good judge of character, but the story is not adding up.  Will you explain?”

               Hawke and Laurel looked at each other before Hawke nodded.  “It’s all right Honey- you can trust him.”

               Laurel sighed.  “My real family name is Trevelyan.  I’m… the Inquisitor.  Well, former Inquisitor.” Sebastian looked stunned.  “Technically, I told you the truth.  Pavus is my adopted family name.  I legally changed it when I moved to Kirkwall.  It was easier to live under a different name at the time.  Dorian Pavus was one of my inner circle at Skyhold and my dearest friend- well, now brother, I guess.  The Comtesse title had been given to me by Varric Tethras when we were at the Exalted Council.

               Sebastian nodded.  “I’ll accept it.  But why the assumed name? And why the move to Kirkwall?”

               Laurel was silent.  “That’s part of why we are meeting with you.”  She explained about her first marriage and the circumstances leading to her moving to Kirkwall.  “At first, it was easier to open the businesses under a different name because it kept people from finding out who I was- at the time, I just couldn’t handle the extra attention- I was too fragile.”  Sebastian shook his head.

               “How could this happen to the woman that saved the world?” Sebastian asked.  “You practically have to go into hiding and change your name?  I don’t understand.”

               Hawke responded to that one.  “Surana.” Sebastian flinched at the name.  He too remembered her visit to Kirkwall.  “Laurel said her marriage ended- it was because of her.  I don’t think I need to elaborate- but the end result is that Laurel could be in danger.” He explained about the cure for the calling, and his deal with the Wardens at Weisshaupt, and with King Alistair.  “We came to enlist your help with spreading this cure as quietly as possible.  Laurel has enough trouble in her life- she doesn’t need Surana finding out that she is the source.  She already knows that the cure is there, but as long as it’s in control of the Wardens, there is no way she can contain it and prevent it from being administered, and then no one will pay her price.”

               “I knew that Surana had found a cure and that she was asking a high price- I’ve had a few Wardens come this way asking for help,” said Sebastian thoughtfully. 

               “I met with the Wardens in Nevarra a few months ago- we’ve turned the cure over to them for the most part- we have it as well in case we come across a Warden who is too far in the calling to make it to Weisshaupt.  We can provide some to you in the event of an emergency- but we’re asking you to direct any Wardens to Weisshaupt first.”

               “Absolutely.  I’d be happy to help, and to keep your name out of it.” 

               “Thank you.”  She looked at Hawke- she could tell he still wanted to talk- just the two of them. “I’ll take my leave- you two can catch up.  Let me know when you are ready to take us on that tour.”  She got up and left, leaving Hawke and Sebastian alone.

               “There was more?” Sebastian asked.  “Is this about your letter?”

               Hawke nodded.  “She doesn’t know about the letter.  Have you seen Isabela?”

               Sebastian frowned.  “Are you and her still…”

               Hawke shook his head vehemently.  “No.  Absolutely not.  Isabela came back to Kirkwall shortly after Laurel and I started our relationship.  She wanted to come back to me, and things got ugly.  She wouldn’t take no for an answer; she threatened Laurel- it was not good.  She disappeared, but not before causing Laurel a great deal of harm.” Sebastian waited for Hawke to continue.  Hawke sighed and explained about Laurel’s parents and their attempt to sell her to the highest bidder. “Isabela was the one who tipped off the “winner.”  Laurel had been beaten badly before we were able to get to her.”

               “Maker’s Breath!” Sebastian swore.  “I never cared much for Isabela, but I would never have thought she would do that.”

               Hawke nodded.  “Me neither.  She disappeared after that.  But there’s a bigger problem.  Laurel’s parents accepted money from someone else.  We don’t know who- so Laurel is still in danger.”

               “Her parents are trying to sell her?”  asked Sebastian.  “Isn’t anyone trying to stop them?”

               Hawke was quiet for a moment.  “Not anymore.”  He put his hand on Sebastian’s arm.  “This has to stay between us.  Granted, I don’t think anyone would believe you if you told, but there are very few people who know about this- only a few people in Laurel’s inner circle.  One of her companions during the war was an elf called Solas.  He disappeared right after the war was won, but he turned up during the Exalted Council.  I’m not exactly certain who he is- Laurel has never said- but he is very powerful.  I can’t even begin to describe how powerful.  He is the source of the cure that Laurel has, and he is one of her dearest friends.  He comes to her in her dreams when she needs it most.  In her _dreams_ , Sebastian.  The amulet she wears around her neck is from him.  After Laurel had been attacked by de Carrac, we found out that two of her employees betrayed her to him.  Later, those two employees were found on the Wounded Coast in a cave.  Turned to stone. Her parents were found the same way- just a few days before our wedding.”          

               “Turned…to stone?” Sebastian asked shakily.  “I’ve never heard of a mage that can do that.”

               Hawke nodded.  “I said he was powerful.  Laurel has said this could come to a head someday, but she refuses to elaborate- she says she’s still trying to get through to him.”

               “That may explain the disappearance of the elves I’ve heard about,” said Sebastian.

               “It could.  We still have quite a few in Kirkwall- but that’s because of Laurel.  We both employed quite a few and made sure they have good living conditions- so they stay.  And the two employees were elves- and he had no mercy on them.  I have to trust that Laurel knows what she’s doing and that she will handle the issue when and if it comes to a head.”

               “So Laurel is then a Bann in Ostwick as well?” asked Sebastian.

               “For now, I guess she is,” said Hawke.  “She renounced her Trevelyan name and gave up all ties, but that apparently doesn’t count.  After we leave here, we’re headed over to Ostwick to talk to the Teryn about it.  Varric is going to meet us there to help out.  And then we’re headed to Denerim to see Alistair and his family.”

               “So, this Solas.  Do you fear him?” asked Sebastian.

               Hawke thought about it and shook his head. “I can’t.  He was with us in the Fade, and I remember him as standoffish, but I also remember him as being a good friend to Laurel at the time.  She had a…breakdown of sorts when she first came to Kirkwall- thanks to Surana.  Between Dorian and Solas, they were the ones who truly brought her back.  I’ve only seen the well…good things he’s done for her.  She loves him and misses him, and he protects her when I haven’t been able to.  How can I fear that?”

               “For such a little girl, she has some powerful allies,” said Sebastian admiringly.  “I understand she was only a teenager when she closed the breach.” Hawke looked at him questioningly.  “My advisors pushed me to arrange a match with her, thinking it would be a powerful alliance- but at the time, she had to focus on her duties.  Her advisors wouldn’t even consider marriage. I saw the dossier they had put together about her- but I didn’t put two and two together when you showed up yesterday.”

               “So you married Eloise?” asked Hawke.  “I was sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding- we were storming Adamant Fortress at the time.  And well…you know how that went.  How is this marriage working out?”

               Sebastian sighed. “It’s not a match made in Heaven if you know what I mean.  Eloise is lovely, and we have our heir, but there is not much beyond that.  We don’t see much of each other now that Michael is here.  I know my advisors will be pushing for us to have another- we’ll have to see on that.  I would have liked to marry for love- but between fighting for my throne, and everything else, there just wasn’t time for me to meet someone, and my advisors were pushing for an heir.”

               “I’m sorry, Bash,” said Hawke.  “There’s no chance that you two…”

               “No,” said Sebastian.  “I wasn’t high enough ranking as a match in her opinion- she had wanted to marry King Alistair- but there were many vile rumors being floated around at the time- making her family hesitant at the match.  That was some years ago, and her family was running out of time, so I had to do, I guess.  And well, she’s er… a little promiscuous.  If it weren’t for the fact that Michael looks exactly like me, I would have to question if I’m the father.  I saw her looking at you yesterday, Hawke.  You may want to watch out.”

………

               Later, after their tour, Hawke told Laurel what he and Sebastian had talked about.  She looked sad.  “She doesn’t consider Sebastian a good enough catch?” she said.  “He’s a Prince, he’s nice, and he’s fucking gorgeous.”  Hawke gave her a look.  “Well, he is,” she defended.  “You’re the only one for me, love, but…damn.”

               Hawke laughed.  “I guess you’re right.  The ladies in Kirkwall were always falling all over themselves when he was around.  Chantry service attendance skyrocketed the days he was leading.  You know they wanted to try to arrange a match with you before he married her, didn’t you?”

               “No,” said Laurel.  “Well- there were a few inquiries- but I never heard any names.  I have to say that if I’d have known, and we would have met- I would have had to sit down and think that one over…”  Hawke tackled her onto the bed and soon made her forget about marrying Sebastian.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More honeymoon. Will the good times never end?

               The next days were spent traveling about Starkhaven seeing more sights and spending time playing with Michael as Sebastian looked on.  Laurel noticed that Eloise took very little interest in Michael, leaving him to his nurse whenever possible- only dealing with him to keep up appearances.  Sebastian, on the other hand, was a devoted father, spending as much time as he could with his son- as evidenced by the closeness between the two of them.  As Sebastian and Hawke watched Laurel playing with Michael and Athena, the three of them chasing each other in turn, Sebastian asked him, “Planning on a family, Hawke?  It looks like she’ll be an excellent mother.

               “We are,” said Hawke, “As soon as we can.  We’ve both been ready for a long time. I had given up before I met her. Never thought I would meet someone that I loved enough to have a family with.”

               “So I must ask,” said Sebastian, “how does the Champion of Kirkwall end up marrying the Inquisitor?”

               Hawke grinned, “Patience and fate.  I was drawn to her when we first met at Skyhold- but we were both in relationships at the time.  After she had moved to Kirkwall, I had to give her space to work out her feelings, not only for me but for her previous marriage.  She was worth the wait.”

               “I’m glad to hear you say that,” said Sebastian.  “I always worried about you- with Isabela and without her.”

               “So did everyone else apparently,” said Hawke.

               Sebastian nodded.  “I almost forgot.  Eloise wants to have Laurel in for tea tomorrow, and she is insisting on throwing a ball for you.”  Garrett nodded but frowned.  “Something wrong?”

               “I don’t want to cause offense, Bash- you’re one of my best friends, but Laurel feels uneasy around your wife.  She hasn’t been able to put her finger on it, but something isn’t sitting right.  Her friend Thom told me that when she gets a feeling like this, it’s best to listen- she’s never wrong.”

               “I can appreciate that,” said Sebastian.  “But I’m hoping she’ll be willing to go with it?  Eloise is all about ceremony and will be deeply insulted if she is ignored.” 

               Hawke thought about it. “I’ll talk to her about it.  I think she’ll do it if she knows it’s important to you.  She’ll want to go armed, though- I won’t be able to talk her out of that.  She never goes anywhere unarmed- she never has since the war.  It’s a security thing with her. And it’s served her well from time to time.”

               Sebastian nodded.  “I understand,” he said as he pointed to his boot.  “I’m the same way.”

………

               “Honey, I need a favor,” said Hawke as Laurel was preparing for dinner. She looked up at him, waiting. “Eloise wants you to come to tea tomorrow, and she is apparently planning a huge ball for us.”

               Laurel frowned at that.  “And you want me to agree?”   Hawke nodded.  “I don’t know, Garrett.  I’m not comfortable with this.  Is this for Sebastian? Is he asking?”

               “Yes.  He says she’ll be deeply insulted if you say no.  He did say you could go armed.  I sort of told him about how you were feeling about her- he understands, but he hopes you will go anyway.  It will make life easier for him in the long run.”

               Laurel sighed.  “I’ll do it then- for you and Sebastian.”

               Hawke caressed her cheek before kissing and whispering in her ear, “I’ll make it worth your while after dinner,” as he snuck a hand up her skirt.

………

               Hawke woke up to a very subdued Laurel the next morning.  She was sitting at the table in their room playing idly with her cup of tea. “Laurel?” he asked her.  “Are you ok?”

               Laurel didn’t say anything for a moment, so he went and sat at the table with her, taking her hand in his.  She sighed.  “I know I’m just being stupid and impatient, but I started my cycle this morning.  I was hoping…”

               It took Hawke a moment to understand what she was saying.  “Oh,” he said as he caught on.  He brought her hand to his lips. “We’ve only been trying for a little while, Honey.  Give it some time before you start to worry.”

               “I know,” Laurel sighed. “I’m just a little moody because of everything, and I know I’m being irrational.  Plus, I have this tea this afternoon.”

               “Look,” said Hawke. “I know you aren’t looking forward to this, and believe me, we both appreciate you going through this ceremonial stuff that I know you hate.  Does it help to know that Sebastian promised to take you into town for lunch tomorrow- just the two of you? He wants to get to know you better.”

               “I guess.”

………

               That afternoon, Laurel found herself at tea with Eloise and her mother, Constance.  Having the two women look her over and study her made her uncomfortable.  She could feel the almost predatory hunger to make her feel inferior wash over her as the ladies busied themselves with their teacups.  Finally, Eloise spoke.  “So, how do you find Starkhaven?”

               “It’s lovely,” said Laurel.  “Very picturesque.  You’re very lucky to live here, I think.”

               “It seems better than Kirkwall,” said Eloise, “I’ve heard Kirkwall is dreadful, full of crime, still torn apart from the uprising- and they have a dwarf as their Viscount?  Appalling.”

               “I’ve been living in Kirkwall for about two years now,” said Laurel, “And Varric has been doing a fantastic job of building it back up.  I enjoy living there now.”

               “I suppose you’d be on a first name basis with the dwarf,” said Eloise.  “He was part of the Inquisition was he not? And he’s a friend of your husband?”  Laurel looked at her.  “I know who you are,” said Eloise.  “There are not many one armed women named Laurel- it didn’t take long to put two and two together.  You are the Inquisitor.”

               Laurel was silent for a moment.  “I was.  That ended when we disbanded the Inquisition. Now I’m just a business-owner in Kirkwall.”

               “I heard you were dumped by your husband for another woman- he had an affair and ran off after you lost your arm.  Is that why you went to Kirkwall?” asked Constance.

               Laurel swallowed and tried to fall back to her days as the Inquisitor like she had with Isabela, but this was harder because diplomacy had to be involved.  She smiled.  “Originally.  It’s obvious that my marital history is no secret.  It’s part of the price I pay for my role in the war.  But I choose not to focus on it.”

               The rest of the tea went about as painfully.  Eloise and her mother continued to ask rude and painful questions, touching on her missing arm, the large scar on her neck and continued to needle her for more gossip on Cullen.  She tried to answer the questions as politely as she could without giving too much detail, but the questions were getting increasingly difficult to answer before they mercifully changed the subject.

               “So Laurel,” said Eloise in a pained and lofty voice.  “I have to say that Prince Sebastian and I were extremely hurt that you could not attend our wedding.  He had been telling everyone what a wonderful friend the Champion of Kirkwall was to him and then he couldn’t even be bothered to participate in the wedding. And you couldn’t be there either.”

               “My apologies, your Highness,” said Laurel in return.  “We were in a dangerous position at the time dealing with the Grey Wardens at Adamant Fortress.  I know we sent a very generous gift, though.”

               “Hmmf,” said Eloise.  “I guess I can understand that you had priorities.”

               “That’s very kind of you, Highness,” Laurel said, inclining her head towards her.

               “So we must discuss this ball I have planned to celebrate your wedding,“ said Eloise.  “I do hope you have something appropriate to wear.  Or shall I contact our dressmakers?”

               “Not to worry, I have a dress,” said Laurel.  “I don’t want you to go to all this trouble, though.  A ball is not needed.” 

               Eloise waved her off. “The ball will be in a week.  I do hope you’ll enjoy yourself.”

               Laurel acquiesced.  “Thank you, Highness.”  She looked at the clock. “If you’ll excuse me, Highness, Ma’am, I do have to find my husband.  Thank you for the lovely tea.”

………

               Hawke came into their room to find Laurel lying on the bed.  “Things didn’t go well, I take it?” he asked as he came to sit on the bed.

               Laurel shook her head.  “They used the entire tea to pry into my private life.  They knew who I was, and they knew about Cullen.  They were mean, petty and cruel.  And now we have this ball she’s insisting on.”  She could feel Hawke bristling. “I'm all right, Garrett- I just needed some time to think.  I’m a big girl, and I can take this.

               “Sebastian needs to know,” said Hawke.  “I can’t let this happen to you again.”

               “I need to think on this Garrett,” said Laurel.  “Sebastian is our friend, and he still has to live with her after we leave.  I just got caught out of practice on dealing with bitching nobles.”

               “Yes, Sebastian is our friend- and he would want to know about how you are being treated.  He’s not unaware of how the game is played, and he would want to help us, I’m sure,” said Hawke. 

               Laurel lay on the bed, thinking. “I don’t know if that’s wise.  He must have known that something would happen because he specifically asked me to go, and is taking me to lunch to make up for it.” Hawke started to protest. Laurel held up her hand. “I’m not saying he’s a part of it, but I’ll bet this isn’t the first time this has happened.  He’s trying to make this as painless as he can for me- I can tell. 

               Hawke pulled Laurel into his arms. “I’m glad you can see that Bash is a good man and that you are looking out for him- it means a lot to me.”

……..

               “Dorian?”

               “Darling, how are things going?” she heard through the crystal.

               “Can you send Cole to me?  I think we need him.”

               “Of course,” he replied.

………

              

               When Lily came in to help Laurel dress for dinner, Laurel was ready to talk.  She had sent Hawke out of the room so Lily would possibly feel a little more secure. “So how do you like working at the palace, Lily?” asked Laurel kindly.  Lily started at the question.  Nobles barely even spoke to her, much less ask her opinion on anything.  “We have elven servants at our home- Orana and Leena.  They are wonderful, and we try to treat them like family.  I was just wondering if it was the same here.”

               Lily looked furtively around before answering.  She could tell that Laurel was truly interested, and had already been very kind to her- slipping some coin in her hand on occasion and just being encouraging and polite to her in general.  “Prince Sebastian is very kind, but he doesn’t talk to us much.  Princess Eloise…well…is a bit of a challenge.”  She looked down, worried she might have said the wrong thing.

               “Don’t be frightened to say what is on your mind, Lily.  I won’t tell,” said Laurel encouragingly.

               “Well, my lady.  I didn’t want to speak out of turn- it’s part of our job to deal with whatever our employers hand out.  I know she’s cuffed some of the other servants who don’t move fast enough for her, made outrageous demands, and she cheats on the Prince. Honestly, if it weren’t for Prince Sebastian, a lot of us would seek employment elsewhere.”  Lily bit her lip before continuing.  “My lady, I would ask you not to attend that ball.  I know she’s planning something to humiliate you.”

               “Do you know what?” asked Laurel.

               “I don’t know everything, but I overheard her and her mother talking.  They are from Ostwick, you know.  They did some digging when they found out about you.”

               Laurel sat thinking for a while.  “Thank you for telling me Lily.”

………

               The next day, Sebastian and Laurel entered the carriage that would take them to town for lunch.  He wanted to show her a few shops she thought she would enjoy as well.  They spoke companionably on the way to town before getting to the café.

               “This is nice,” said Sebastian.  “I don’t get out often enough, and never with such lovely company.”

               Laurel smiled. “You’re too kind, your Highness.”

               “Sebastian. If you’ll permit me to call you Laurel.”  Laurel nodded.  Sebastian was quiet for a moment.  “I understand that tea did not go well yesterday.  I’m sorry.”        

               “No need, Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “I should have expected it.  Luckily, I’m not entirely unpracticed in my diplomacy skills. I’m not sure if she’s doing what she’s doing to intimidate me or because she’s unhappy that both Garrett and I were unable to attend your wedding.”

               Sebastian frowned, “She has made comments about that from time to time.  I saw Hawke after he left Weisshaupt- he stayed in a cabin on the grounds for a while right after- he needed some time to think.  I saw how it affected him- even if I had been hurt that he couldn’t make it to the wedding, seeing him then would have made me forget about it.  Eloise knew there was a war on and that you being the Inquisitor would not be able to make time for a minor Prince’s wedding- but she insisted on sending the invitation.”

               “Well, either way, I made it out alive,” said Laurel.  “I’m more concerned about the ball- I know they have something planned.”

               “Then I am canceling the ball,” declared Sebastian.  “I am not going to have my wife try to humiliate you in public.  Not only because you are my friend’s wife, but you are someone who should be held in the highest esteem.  You saved the world and sacrificed your arm in the process.  I am appalled at the treatment you have received.”

               Laurel shook her head.  “Don’t cancel the ball.  I appreciate your words, Sebastian.  More than I can say.  And maybe two years ago, I would have been intimidated- I was in a pretty low place at the time- but now.  Garrett and all of my friends have given me strength.  I’ll be fine.”

               Sebastian nodded. “So, onto another subject.  I understand you grew up in the Chantry?”  They spent the rest of lunch talking about their childhoods and their lives in the Chantry and told each other several stories about their exploits in Kirkwall and Skyhold.  “My goodness- we’ve been here for three hours.  We should get back,” said Sebastian in surprise.

               They got into the carriage, and as they were traveling to the Palace, Cole appeared in with them, causing Sebastian to swear and draw his dagger.  “Cole, we talked about this,” said Laurel.  She put her hand out to stop Sebastian.  “It’s all right- this is my friend.”

               “He’s not human,” noted Sebastian- eyeing Cole warily.

               “He’s a spirit, Sebastian.  A spirit of compassion- who also…sort of…is an…assassin,” Laurel said lamely- trying to explain Cole was difficult.  “He’s my friend and he’s here to help.”

………     

               “Messere Hawke,” purred Eloise as she entered the library where Hawke was reading. “I thought we could spend some time together since our spouses have taken lunch together.”  She sat down on the chair opposite Hawke’s couch and waited expectantly.

               Hawke closed his book and set it aside. “Of course, your Highness, it would be an honor.”

               She smiled.  “I thought we could have lunch in my chambers,” she said.  “It’s a bit more…private.”

               Hawke looked at her.  “That would be inappropriate, Highness.  I’m a married man; you are married to the Prince, who is also my close friend.  Sebastian and Laurel are out in public at lunch with guards and witnesses- as is proper.  I’ll be happy to have lunch with you, but not in a private setting.  Tongues would wag, don’t you think, Highness?”

               Looking mutinous, she said, “I suppose you are right.  Thank you for your discretion.”   

               As they stood up, she ran her hand up his arm and rested it on his shoulder.  “You are a very handsome man, Messere Hawke.  I know about your youthful indiscretions- I was hoping to get to know you and them a little better.”

               Hawke removed her hand from his shoulder.  “No thank you, Highness.  My indiscretions were as you said- youthful.  I am much older now and newly married.  I love my wife and have no wish to dishonor her in any way. Nor do I want to cause my friend any hurt.”

               “But, no one has ever turned me down before,” she whined. “I always get what I want.”

               Hawke sighed, “I’ve heard that before, Highness, from people much stronger and older than you- and they never got what they wanted either.”  Eloise stormed out of the library and went to look for her mother.  Mother would help her fix this.

               Hawke shook his head and went back to his book, feeling sad for Sebastian for being tied to such a horrible woman.

………

               Sebastian approached the door to his wife’s room and knocked.  Upon entering, he saw Eloise and her mother sitting and whispering.  He sat down in the chair across from them and impatiently waited for him to finish.  Eloise looked at him guiltily and stopped whispering, waiting for Sebastian to speak.  “I want to know what you are planning to do to Comtesse Hawke at the ball.”

               Eloise shifted uncomfortably.  “Nothing, my Prince.  This is simply a party in their honor.”

               Sebastian gave them both a level look.  “I certainly hope so.  I don’t think you understand the implications if you had been planning anything.  Comtesse Hawke has a lot of friends in high places.  Friends that are extremely loyal to her.  To cause her embarrassment could cost us contracts, diplomatic ties and alliances, and your reputation.”  Eloise looked up at that. “Yes, your reputation, because if anything were to happen tonight- I would be distancing myself very far from you, and quite possibly sending you away.”

               He stalked out of the room, after seeing the thin young man out of the side of his eye as he appeared.

………

               Laurel was quiet as they got ready for the ball.  She had packed her silver dress and the pearls for her hair and was going to start getting dressed when there was a knock at the door.  Lily came in carrying a dress, looking chagrined. “My lady, Her Highness Eloise sent this dress for you to wear with her compliments.”  Lily had tears in her eyes and looked terrified.

               “Lily, what’s wrong?  Why are you so frightened?” asked Laurel with concern.  Lily reluctantly handed her the dress, which Laurel laid out on the bed to look at.  It was a sleeveless dress that was a very unbecoming cut and a ghastly shade of bright pink that clashed with Laurel’s hair and skin tone.  Even Hawke looked at it in horror.

               “Lady Eloise told me that if you didn’t wear this dress, that I would be punished,” Lily whispered.  Laurel and Hawke looked at each other. 

               “Nonsense, Lily,” said Laurel.  “I won’t let that happen.  Come on; you can help me get ready- I have something for my hair this evening.  Once we are done, you will stay here.  I will arrange for some food to be sent up, and there will be someone here to guard you, besides Athena of course.”  Lily sniffed and nodded.  “Cole, show yourself,” Laurel called.  Cole appeared in the room, causing Lily to jump.  “This is Cole.  He will be helping me tonight, but he will know to come to you if you need it.”  Cole nodded.  “After this evening, we will discuss the issue with Prince Sebastian.”

               “Thank you, my lady,” said Lily.  She was looking at Cole with trepidation.

               Hawke and Laurel looked at each other.  “I’m not wearing that rag,” Laurel said. “I don’t care who’s insulted.”  Hawke nodded, looking at the dress with disgust.

               “Come on Lily, can you please help me into my dress? Then I’ll show you the pearls I have to be wound into my hair.” She and Lily settled in to get her dressed and primped while Hawke went into the other room to wait. 

               Cole looked at him.  “The death of the Prince will mean nothing to no one.” Hawke jumped up and looked at him.  “They plan to kill him and keep the throne for the heir.”

               “Cole, who are you talking about?  This is no time for riddles.” Cole pointed to the dress.  “Eloise plans to kill Sebastian?” Cole nodded.  He had overheard them when he went into their room that afternoon. 

               “He threatened to send her away- they are going to move up their plans.”

               “When?” asked Hawke urgently. “Can you get proof?”

               Cole thought about it.  “I can look tonight.”

               “I’ll leave it to you, Cole.  Laurel and I will watch over the Prince,” said Hawke.  “Wait, Cole,” catching Cole before he wandered off.  “We’re going to need some help.  Can we trust the maid?”

               Cole looked to the other room.  “Loyal to her Prince- kind and handsome.  She likes how much he loves his son,” he said as he wandered out of the room.

                Muttering “I’ll take that as a yes,” he went into the other room to talk to Laurel and Lily. “Ladies, we need to talk.  Now.”  Laurel looked at him from the mirror as Lily was weaving the pearls in her hair.  “Cole just told me something- something that we need to take seriously.  Eloise is planning on killing Sebastian and putting Michael in his place as Prince.”

                Lily stopped working, and Laurel turned around to face him.  “If this is coming from Cole, I’ll believe it.  I suppose it makes sense- they can run the country the way that they want in Michael’s name,” said Laurel. “What do we know?”

             “Not much yet,” Hawke said. “I told Cole to see if he could find proof tonight and that we’d keep an eye on Sebastian.  We’ll have to find other protection for Lily- Cole will be busy and may not be able to get to her if there is a problem.” He stopped to think for a moment.  “I’m afraid to ask this of you, Lily, but we could use your help.  Cole says you can be trusted.”

                Lily looked at both of them doubtfully.  “I don’t know what I could do.  I’m just a maid.”

                “I need to go find Bash right away.  All three of us are armed only with daggers at the moment.  We need more.  Stay here, Lily.  Say nothing to anyone.  If we need you, we’ll let you know.”  Lily nodded and went back to work on Laurel’s hair with slightly shaking hands.

                Hawke quickly and quietly went to Sebastian’s quarters and knocked on the door.  Sebastian’s attendant opened the door before going back to fuss over the Prince.  “Leave us,” said Hawke to the attendant.  After ensuring they were alone, Hawke told Sebastian what was going on.  “Bash, we have the element of surprise on our side- and Cole will be looking for proof as soon as the ball begins.  If he’s as good as Laurel says, it shouldn’t take him long to find it.” 

               “This Cole- are you sure he can be trusted?” Sebastian asked.  “Laurel told me he’s an assassin.”

               “Laurel adores him,” Hawke shrugged.  “He was in her inner circle at Skyhold, and she trusts him with her life, and so does The Iron Bull.  Cole is the one who got us when she was attacked by de Carrac. And he was upset because he couldn’t help her more.  I don’t know him well, but if Laurel loves and trusts him, I have to as well.”

               “All right,” Sebastian said. “Maker’s breath.  This is the least that I expected for tonight.” He shook his head. “What do you need from me?”

               “We need a place to stash our weapons, so they are available but not visible,” said Hawke. “You should have your bow handy as well. Do you have people you trust?”

               Sebastian nodded.  “Of course.  I could keep them in an antechamber with our weapons until they are needed- if they are required. I suppose I should be sorry to say that Eloise and her mother are not well-liked.  They’d have to hire mercenaries to get the help they need.  If there is one thing the Revered Mother in Kirkwall taught me, it was how to treat everyone as an equal.  The people are loyal to me, not her.”  Sebastian shook his head.

               Hawke put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll stand with you Sebastian, both Laurel and I.  Don’t fear.”  Sebastian nodded, unable to speak at the moment.


	25. The Ball and the Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that I need to work on my chapterization? I really do.

             “The Champion and Comtesse Hawke of Kirkwall,” the Royal announcer called, as Laurel and Hawke entered the Throne room. Laurel made a point to gaze at Eloise as she entered wearing her dress instead of the one that was sent to her. She noticed the look of irritation cross her face before settling back into a calm demeanor she had tried to adopt.

               A murmur of admiration rippled through the crowd as Hawke and Laurel made their way across the throne room, stopping to pay their respects to Sebastian and Eloise before taking their seats next to Sebastian at the head table.    Sebastian leaned over to Laurel.  “You shine like the sun, my Lady.  If it weren’t tradition for the Prince and Princess to share the second dance with the honored couple, I would be asking Hawke for permission immediately.”

               Laurel blushed.  “You’re too sweet Sebastian. But thank you.”  Hawke looked proudly at his wife. Her dress was not the most ornate- far from it- but it was by far the most flattering.  In Hawke’s opinion, she outshone Eloise by a mile. It was evident that Sebastian thought so too.  Sebastian made the first toast to the happy couple’s health, showing his obvious admiration for both Hawke and Laurel, to everyone’s applause. 

               Shortly after dinner, the dancing began.  Hawke and Laurel led the first dance- both luckily relying on the instruction they received previously- Laurel from her instructors before Halamshiral, and Hawke from his mother.  The second dance had Laurel dancing with Sebastian and Hawke dancing with Eloise.  Dancing with Sebastian made her sad for him in that he hadn’t been able to marry for love- he was a man who truly deserved it.  She noticed that Hawke was having trouble with Eloise keeping her hands to herself as they danced, but soon it was over, and he was able to get away with her. 

               As the evening wore on, Laurel could feel Eloise’s eyes on her, waiting for her chance.  Finally, Eloise noticed Hawke and Sebastian deep in conversation and took the opportunity to approach Laurel.  “Laurel, I have a special gift for you,” she said with a look at her mother.  She turned to look as a cart was wheeled out, starting in horror as a large shard of red lyrium was wheeled in.  Laurel backed away from it in alarm, tripping over the woman standing behind her.

               Eloise plastered a fake look of concern on her face as she relished Laurel’s discomfort.  “My lady, is something wrong?  I had heard that the Dwarf had gotten rid of the red statue that stood in Kirkwall- I was merely offering a replacement.”  That was partly true.  It had become common knowledge that Varric had the statue destroyed- and the rumor had been that it was because Laurel was afraid of it. Northern Thedas had not been affected by the Red Lyrium at all compared to the south- cleanup efforts would take years, and even then, it would never be completely gone, so people in the North didn’t understand the terrifying effect Red Lyrium had and what it did to people. 

               Hawke looked over to see Laurel on the floor with a look of complete terror on her face and following her gaze, blanched at the enormous shard that was sitting on the cart.  “Get out of the room, Bash.  Now.  Activate the barrier and get to your chambers.  I’ll explain later,” he said to Sebastian in a quiet voice before going to help Laurel.  He saw Cole slink out alongside Sebastian from the corner of his eye.

               “What were you thinking, your Highness?” he asked Eloise in anger. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?  We need to clear the room.  Now.”

               Eloise stood her ground in spite of the growing crowd muttering in concern.  “No one needs to leave.  The statue that was removed from Kirkwall was harmless, just like this shard is.  I just figured that your wife would like to replace the piece that she demanded to be removed.”  She looked at Hawke.  “I know who your wife is- she was the Inquisitor.  We know all about her- her days in Ostwick before she was forced into the Chantry by her parents.  From what my Mother heard, she was quite the little whore before she went to the Chantry.  Then she fucked her way up the ranks of the Chantry- how else would she get to go to the Conclave at eighteen?  As for her time as Inquisitor- we heard it all from her parents.  She destroyed the Templars at Therinfal Redoubt; she let hundreds die at Haven for starters.  Her parents tried to get the truth out before they were silenced by your goons.  You wouldn’t even provide them financial support when they needed it, and where are they now?”  Eloise could hear the mutterings of disapproval at her behavior but squared her shoulders as if she didn’t.

               Laurel kept her eyes on the shard of Lyrium as she backed away again.  “You can say what you want about me- none of it matters anymore.  But that,” she indicated the lyrium,” has to go.  You have no idea how dangerous it is. Where did it come from?”

               Eloise smiled. “Oh, I have my sources.  It wasn’t hard to get. I sent over some soldiers to collect it.”

               Laurel’s eyes widened in horror.  “We need to find those soldiers and make sure they are not contaminated.  Just because nothing happened with the statue in Kirkwall doesn’t mean it’s harmless. I can’t even begin to describe the damage it can do.  If you knew, you would understand my fear.  Please- everyone leave the room, for your safety.”  She looked to the guards standing around and told them to please start clearing the room- the ball was over. 

               Eloise stamped her foot in anger.  She still had plenty to say about Laurel to embarrass her in front of all of the nobles, but it was ruined by the ball being called off.  “I want everyone to stay and have a good time,” she called to the attendees.  She started trying to approach a few to ask them to stay, grabbing one older woman by the arm in her attempt.

               The woman looked at Eloise with disdain. “Your Highness, this is conduct unbecoming of royalty.  To not only insult her Worship, the savior of the world, but to deliberately expose us to the scourge of Southern Thedas and Orlais?  Inexcusable.”  The woman looked at Laurel.  “I don’t know, nor do I care if the rumors are true.  I do know from letters from my daughter that this red lyrium is dangerous.  And my son was at Therinfal Redoubt,” she added quietly. 

               Eloise continued to defend herself, her mother standing behind her as the guests cleared out of the room.  Several guests left muttering and throwing disgusted looks at Eloise.  She gave Laurel and Hawke a treacherous look before she and her mother stormed out of the room.  When they were gone, Laurel and Hawke ran to the antechamber where their weapons were hidden and put them on.  After instructing the guards about the lyrium, they went to Sebastian’s chambers.

               Sebastian was pacing restlessly around the room, starting when he saw them enter.  “I’m sorry, Bash.  I don’t know how much experience you have with red lyrium, but I didn’t want to risk you getting exposed to it at all.  We’ve both seen first-hand what it can do to people- I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,” said Hawke. 

               “So what happened?” asked Sebastian.  “I heard all the guests were leaving.”

               Hawke had a dark look on his face. “Your wife.  She presented the shard of Lyrium to Laurel to replace that statue in Kirkwall.  Rumor has it that it had been removed at Laurel’s demand.”  Sebastian looked questioningly at Laurel.  “She didn’t need to say anything,  Sebastian.  When Varric saw her reaction to it, he got rid of it.  She didn’t even need to ask.  It should have been disposed of immediately.”

               “I’m a little familiar with Red Lyrium from Meredith and Kirkwall.  I know some here at Starkhaven know more about it than I do- what makes it so dangerous?”  Drawing a breath, Laurel began to describe what it did to people, how it grew from people and what effect it had on them.  She told him about how quickly it can spread if not contained, and how long cleanup was estimated to take in Southern Thedas.

               “Seriously, Bash,” said Hawke.  “If you have any spare time, we should take you through some parts of Thedas that are still overrun with the stuff- it’s awful.  Beautiful landscapes just decimated it.  “You remember what Meredith was like- and she only had it on her sword.  Imagine if she had been ingesting it.”  Sebastian thought back to that terrible night in Kirkwall- he had been angry that Hawke had sided with the mages at first, but when he saw what Meredith had turned into, he stayed by Hawke’s side until the end.

               “Bash, we can talk more about this tomorrow- right now, we need to deal with your wife, and get that lyrium taken care of.”  When Sebastian looked at him, Hawke said, “She did this to humiliate Laurel.  After she brought the lyrium out, she proceeded to announce who Laurel really was, and all of the ugly rumors that Laurel’s parents had attempted to spread about her during the war.” 

               Sebastian had heard the stories, of course- but having spent time in the Chantry, he knew the rumors to be untrue- he had even investigated the rumors by sending word to the Ostwick Chantry- they had defended Laurel to the last person.  It was important to Sebastian, being the Prince of Starkhaven trying to get his throne back, and counting among his closest friends, the Champion of Kirkwall, who had been the object of many false stories himself, that his people believed in the Inquisitor.  He had extended the hand of friendship to the Inquisition, and they had sent emissaries, and then later, assisted in the restoration of Kirkwall at his behest.  Northern Thedas had been somewhat removed from the fighting, so there were many people who didn’t realize how dangerous this war was, and what danger those fighting it were putting themselves in until they were told otherwise by their Prince.  Sebastian knew that Varric and Hawke were helping, and in that trusted the importance of what they were doing, and made sure his people knew as well. So the Inquisitor had earned the respect of the Starkhaven thanks to the guidance of their Prince- respect that was not evident in many northern towns, Ostwick included.          

               Thanks to Sebastian’s influence, and his popularity among the people of Starkhaven, Eloise’s plan to humiliate Laurel did not have the effect she thought it would.  She had come to Starkhaven in the middle of the war after Sebastian had already established ties to the Inquisition and quelled the rumors that the Trevelyans had attempted to start before being shut down by the Inquisition.  Feeling threatened by the knowledge that Sebastian’s advisors had approached the Inquisition for a marriage match first, and having to settle for Starkhaven when she could have been Queen of Ferelden had left Eloise a bitter and jealous woman. Since Sebastian and Eloise did not speak much, he was unaware of what she was doing, and the rumors she was trying to spread.  She was also not very popular among the people- showing her immaturity and pettiness enough that they did not trust her- it was only the love they had for their Prince and his heir that they tolerated her.

               Sebastian nodded.  “We should go confront her then.  Let’s get this over with.”  As they made their way to Eloise’s chambers with a contingent of guards, they came across the dead bodies of mercenaries that had been obviously hiding in strategic locations outside of Eloise’s room- a quick examination of the remains showed that Cole had dispatched every one of them quietly and efficiently. 

               “Bash, keep that box handy when we get into the room.  If anything happens- don’t worry about us- we can handle ourselves.  Protect yourself- you are more important.” Hawke had given Sebastian the barrier box that Dorian and Dagna had come up with- it put a protective shield around him that weapons could not penetrate.  “I don’t know how many more mercs there are- but we need to be ready.”  They had brought his bow and quiver with them and he armed himself before they got to the room.

               When they arrived at Eloise’s chambers, Sebastian knocked on the door and entered without waiting.  Eloise and her mother were sitting in the drawing room with cups of tea.  The nurse was there with Michael, looking troubled.  Laurel and Hawke looked at each other- they hadn’t planned on Michael being there. 

               “Eloise!” Sebastian called sternly.  “Explain yourself.”

               Eloise coolly got up from the table and stood in front of her husband. “I merely presented a gift and told the truth about our guest.  She’s been deceiving everyone.”  She glanced at her mother for support before smoothing her dress calmly. 

               “You knowingly endangered all of our guests by bringing that lyrium into the midst of the party,” said Sebastian, “and you know the words you spoke about Laurel were all lies.  I put a stop to those rumors in Starkhaven long before you moved here.  You have insulted the wife of my closest friend, a woman who counts among her allies the Viscount of Kirkwall, the King of Ferelden, the Empress of Orlais, Divine Victoria, and the Prince of Starkhaven.  I told you what would happen if you continued with your little plan, and you ignored me.  I may have to be married to you, but since I have my heir, that means I no longer need to see you.  I am sending you and your damnable mother back to Ostwick.  You can rot there for all I care.  My son will stay here with me, so he will not fall under your foul influence.” With that, he called his guard and had him escort the nurse and the child to his chambers. 

               Eloise smirked.  “Oh, no dear husband.  I have every intention of staying here- it’s you who will be gone.  Tonight, you and your friends will die, and Michael will take the throne with us as his advisors.  We’ll be able to do anything we want,” she declared.  With that, she yelled, “NOW.”

               Ten mercenaries came out of various hiding places from around the room and surrounded the three veteran fighters.  All three pulled their weapons and stood their ground as Eloise and her mother ran to the other room away from the fighting.  Hawke looked at Sebastian, who activated the barrier and then drew his bow while Laurel watched the nearest mercenary.  When the first one attacked, she activated her dagger and threw it, catching him in the throat before drawing her sword and blocking the sword of the next mercenary.  She drove her sword into her attacker, whirling around to take on the next attacker.  Hawke was holding his own, taking out three more while Sebastian’s arrows took out three more.  Laurel’s sword hit home on the last mercenary, leaving her swearing as she got blood on her dress.

               When Sebastian saw that all the mercenaries lay dead and that there were no more coming in, he deactivated the barrier and stalked into the other room, dragging his wife back by the arm.  Eloise looked around in shock at the dead bodies.  “Where are the rest?  There should have been at least a dozen more.  You should be dead!” she screamed.

               “Your mercs were taken out by my assassin throughout the evening,” said Laurel.  “We’ve known since this afternoon about your plan.  You’ve failed, ‘Highness,' she said, spitting out the last word with derision.  Sebastian called his guards in and had Eloise and her mother placed under arrest. 

               Laurel looked down at herself.  “Damn it, Garrett.  I love this dress- I need to go fix this.  Why don’t you go with Sebastian to his chambers and I’ll be along after I change.”

………

               She arrived at Sebastian’s chambers and found him pacing the room holding a sleeping Michael while his advisors were meeting quietly.  Cole had found the contract, and with Hawke and Laurel as witnesses to what Eloise said, it was clear that there was intent for regicide- an offense punishable by death.  “Sebastian,” she said as she put his hand on his arm.  “I’m sorry.”

               “Don’t be,” said Sebastian.  “If it weren’t for the two of you, I’d be dead.  If not now- then at some point.  They had been planning this for a while.” Sebastian rubbed Michael’s back as he slept.  “But someday, I have to tell this little one that his mother had to be executed. How do I do that?”

               Laurel sighed.  “I don’t know.  I know you’ll do the right thing, though.” 

               Sebastian’s advisor approached.  “Your Highness, we must act.” 

               Hawke took over.  “Put them in a holding cell for now.  If they are executed in the middle of the night, with no trial- there could be a problem later- we need transparency on this.  Have the soldiers clean up the bodies and stay away from the Lyrium.  We’ll work on disposing of it in the morning.”

               Once Eloise and her mother had been taken away, the nurse took Michael to bed, leaving Sebastian alone.  Hawke could see that he was agitated and didn’t want to leave him alone.  “Come on Bash, talk to me. What do you need?”

               “I’ll be okay Hawke,” said Sebastian.

               “Bullshit.  Your wife just tried to kill you- and you’re going to have to sit through a trial and then most likely watch her die.  You’re not going to be okay.”

               “Garrett, why don’t you stay with Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “I’ll go take care of the lyrium.”

               “Honey- are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked Hawke.  “I know how you feel about that stuff.”  He remembered the look on her face, not only from this evening but when she had entered the Gallows when she first arrived at Kirkwall. 

               “I won’t be able to sleep until I know it’s gone,” said Laurel.  “Tomorrow, we need to check anyone who may have come in contact with it to make sure they are not corrupted.  Go ahead Garrett- stay with him.  I’ll take care of this.”

               Hawke caressed Laurel’s cheek.  “Be careful, Love.  I’ll check on you later.”

               Laurel put a reassuring hand on Sebastian’s shoulder before heading down to dispose of the red lyrium.  She had plenty of experience with it- having smashed her fair share at Varric’s request.  She found a few guards and told them what they needed to do- and they all headed to the ballroom to dispose of it.

               The lyrium was still giving off heat as they entered the room.  Laurel looked it over and sighed.  It was a large shard.  As she put on the protective gear the guards found for her, she grabbed hold of the cart and took the lyrium outside, and destroyed the lyrium as she had been taught by Varric’s scholars. 

             It was getting very late, and Laurel was tired.  After instructing the guards on how to clean themselves up to ensure the least amount of exposure, Laurel went to her room and took care of cleaning herself up as well.  As she settled into bed, she thought about Sebastian- she was worried about him and knew the next few days were going to be hard.  She had found it hard to drift off, and she tried to calm her mind before sleeping, knowing that the possibility of a nightmare was high.  Athena was snoring at the end of the bed already, so Laurel tried to relax as best as she could. 

………

               She woke up screaming.  In her dreams, she saw Hawke and Sebastian covered in red lyrium, turning into behemoths, the room itself covered in red shards.  She heard the door slam open and felt arms go around her, but she couldn’t be calmed.  Sebastian came to the door to see Hawke trying frantically to calm Laurel. “Should I get a healer?” he asked as he watched Garrett inspecting Laurel’s eyes and then holding her to him as she sobbed, unseeing.  He jumped back as Cole appeared, climbing onto the bed to comfort her.

               “No.  Sedation will do no good.  Just give her time.”  Sebastian stayed with them, after finding a servant and asking her to bring them some tea and light snacks.  He sat in a chair by the bed and waited as Laurel eventually calmed down and fell into a more restful sleep.

               Hawke gestured to the sitting room, and the two went to sit in there to talk while Laurel slept.  Hawke sighed. “I should have anticipated that.  The red lyrium is the one thing she has never been able to overcome.  The dreams still plague her after all this time.  Cole comes when they’re really bad.”

               “I can see why she loves him,” said Sebastian.  “He’s a valuable ally- and he seems to be very good with her.”  He was quiet for a moment.  “I shouldn’t have monopolized your time.”

               “Don’t worry about it, Bash,” said Hawke.  “Laurel insisted I stay with you. That’s how she is.”

               Sebastian played with his teacup.  “It hasn’t been easy for her, has it?”

               Hawke shook his head.  “I’d like to hope it’s been getting better since we got together, but the nightmares will probably never go away.  She saw more horrible things during the war than I saw in my entire life.”

               Sebastian thought for a while.  “That’s saying a lot Hawke- we’ve seen some pretty horrendous things in our day.  She told me some stories from Skyhold when we had lunch the other day- mostly about her inner circle. She has some very loyal friends.”

               “She does.  She’s earned them,” said Hawke.

               They sat quietly for a while.  “Can you stay for a while yet?” asked Sebastian quietly.  “I don’t know if I can handle this whole scandal by myself.”  Hawke knew it took a lot for him to ask.

               “Of course Bash.  You don’t even need to ask.”

………

               Laurel awoke with a start the next morning, gasping in alarm. She felt Hawke’s arms tighten around her as she got her bearings.  “It’s ok, Honey,” he whispered as he rubbed her back.  She turned around and looked into his eyes, searching for signs of corruption.  Seeing nothing, she sighed with relief.

               “I should get up and make sure everyone is all right,” Laurel said.  “How is Sebastian?”

               “He’s sleeping in the other room,” said Hawke.  “He’s asked us to stay for a while- until this whole ugliness is over.  I…told him we would.  I probably should have asked you first.  I’m sorry.”

               “No need, Love,” Laurel said. “Of course we should stay.  I should send word to Varric of how long we’ll be staying.  Alistair too.”  She relaxed in Hawke’s arms. “I need to get up and check on those soldiers.”

………

               Laurel found no signs of corruption in the soldiers who had transported the lyrium, much to her relief.  Sebastian found her as she was walking the battlements of the castle, enjoying the fresh air and walked along with her. 

               “Garrett told me you asked us to stay for a while, Sebastian,” she said to him. “You know you don’t need to ask.  We’ll be here for you.”

               “Thank you, Laurel,” Sebastian replied. He took her arm as they walked.  “I didn’t think this would be as hard as it is.  It’s not that I loved her- but she is the mother of my son.  I had to trust her with my life.  To know that she was planning to murder me- I don’t know.  How do I trust again after that?”

               They walked quietly for a while before sitting down on a nearby bench.  “Well, Sebastian,” Laurel finally said. “I can’t say my experience is the same- by any stretch- but I still had to learn to trust again.  Garrett was the one who taught me that we had to have faith in each other.  You have confidence and loyalty of your people- they proved that yesterday.  If you choose to marry again, you’ll know when the right person comes along.”

               Sebastian nodded.  “I suppose you’re right.  I know it will take time- I think I’ll just focus on raising Michael for now.”  He looked at Laurel.  “How are you doing?  Last night was hard for you too.”

               Laurel shrugged. “It just brought a lot back.  Things I prefer to forget.”

               Sebastian shook his head.  “I’m so sorry that happened.  I had told her to drop whatever she was planning- had I known about the Lyrium, I would have canceled everything.”

               “Sebastian, I don’t blame you.  Even Cole didn’t catch on.  The question is…why?” Laurel asked. “Was the lyrium supposed to be part of the assassination attempt- or was it meant just for me?”

               “I think she started out planning just for you, but then when I threatened to send her away, she stepped up her game,” said Sebastian.  “That’s the impression I got from Cole.”

               “But I don’t understand why,” said Laurel.  “It’s not like I was competition- she had no reason to be threatened by me. What purpose did humiliating me at the ball serve?”

               Sebastian thought about it for a while.  “I believe she did feel threatened by you.  She found out about my advisors approaching you for a marriage arrangement, and she got angry.  She’s always been a jealous and petty person- so between the fact that you could have come first, and you didn’t attend our wedding- I guess she felt the need to show you up.”

               Laurel sighed.  “How stupid.  I tried to explain to her why we couldn’t be there.  We sent emissaries- but there was no way we could…”

               Sebastian held a hand up.  “You don’t have to explain.  I know.  Hawke came here for a while after he left Weisshaupt- he told me all about where you were at the time of the wedding.  I understood why the Inquisition sent emissaries- I tried to explain it to her- but she was too selfish to comprehend.”

               “What a mess, Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “Is there going to be a trial?”

               Sebastian sighed.  “I don’t know yet.  My advisors wanted to just take care of it last night, but Hawke talked them out of it- he said we need transparency.”

               Laurel nodded. “He’s right.  Trust me on that.  I had to preside over my fair share of trials at Skyhold.  We could have taken care of most of the issues privately, but my advisors always wanted a public hearing.  That way, there was no dispute.”

               “I suppose that’s true,” said Sebastian.  “I’ll have a trial set up.  The question is- I know they are guilty- the proof is undeniable.  The sentence is traditionally death.  I don’t know if I can do that.”  All of the years that Sebastian had spent in the Chantry and with Grand Cleric Elthina had given him a different view on life- and its value.  He wasn’t sure he couldn’t sentence someone to death.

               “I understand your hesitation.  I tried to spare people as often as I could- but there was one where I just had no choice.  The magister who corrupted the Wardens and was behind the siege at Adamant- there was no other choice- I had to execute him.  I didn’t sleep for a week afterward, but honestly, to this day, I can’t regret my decision.”  Laurel took Sebastian’s hand.  “You need to ask yourself what your other choices are.  And you need to decide what you can live with.”

               “What would you do?” Sebastian asked. 

               Laurel didn’t answer for a little while.  “In all of my judgments, I asked myself about redeeming quality and what value the person had and if there was remorse.  That’s why most people I judged ended up becoming agents of the Inquisition.  Only Erimond still posed a threat and offered nothing of value- and he was so arrogant that quite frankly, I was glad to be rid of him.  I wish I could tell you what to do- but you know her better than I do.  You need to make the decision.”

               Sebastian sighed.  “I appreciate your guidance, Laurel.  I guess I have some thinking to do.” He got up.  “Why don’t we go find that husband of yours and see what he’s up to?”

………

               Laurel sat on the dais near Sebastian in front of a packed throne room.  The hearing had been underway for a while, and everyone involved had to give testimony.  Eloise and her Mother both sat off to the side in shackles, glaring at Laurel as she spoke.  Sebastian was on his throne bedecked in his official entrapments of office, looking supremely uncomfortable and unsettled.

               The only glitch so far was that Laurel adamantly refused to allow Cole to be questioned- or even to take the stand.  Determined to protect him, she tried to find a way to testify about how they figured out about the regicide attempt without implicating him and bringing attention his way.  Hawke, Sebastian, and Laurel had sat down before hand to work everything out and had come up with a satisfactory explanation.

               As Laurel spoke of what she witnessed, she could feel Eloise’s eyes on her, glaring at her malevolently.  After talking about fighting the mercenaries and finding the contracts in Eloise’s desk, Laurel was asked several questions about the events during the ball- the red lyrium, the rumors that Eloise had circulated in front of everyone at the ball, and if it had made her angry.  Hawke grinned to himself as he watched her go into full Inquisitor mode.  “Are you asking if I forged the papers and planted them after the fact?  Sure- you know, because I had time after the Ball ended to hire mercenaries, forge documents and orchestrate a whole assassination attempt in the Princess’ chambers, all with time to spare to still get back to the Prince and my husband and get attacked by said mercenaries,” she said sarcastically.  She gave the questioner a pained look. “Sir, I was the Inquisitor.  I’m used to rumors and other shenanigans to try to get a rise out of me.  The lyrium took me by surprise, and of course, I was angry about it- it’s very dangerous- I’ve seen first-hand the damage it can do.   That doesn’t mean I set someone up to get revenge.  She planned this- she and her mother.”

               After Hawke had testified and other ball attendees had been questioned as well, the judges had no choice but to find her guilty.  “What will the punishment be your Highness?” the judges asked of Sebastian.

               He sat on his throne, trying to find the right words.  “A wise person told me to consider any redeeming qualities, the value of the individual’s life, and if there is any remorse before pronouncing judgment.  I have attempted to speak to Eloise and her Mother and have been met with derision, and spite.  Being the mother of the heir to the throne should be a deciding factor, but since it was her goal to murder me, place our son on the throne and rule in his name, it has been proven that her status is not enough.  She has been an unpopular ruler, she has been cruel to her people, and she has no remorse for what she had done- not only to me but to the Inquisitor as well.  I see no choice but to sentence Eloise Vael and her mother, Lady Constance Elrond to death.”

               There were many murmurs of agreement from the crowd as Eloise and her mother were taken away.  After the judges had fixed the date of execution for the next day, the crowd disbursed, talking amongst themselves.  Hawke and Laurel accompanied Sebastian back to his chambers, and they sat together quietly for a while.  Hawke put his hand on Sebastian’s shoulder.  “I think you made the right choice, Bash.  Deciding whether people live or die isn’t easy- but your reasoning was sound.”

               Laurel nodded.  “I agree.  I’m so sorry you had to go through that Sebastian.  It scares me to think of what may have happened if we hadn’t have come here, though.” Hawke looked grim at the thought of losing his friend.  They stayed with him for the night, resting together as Sebastian slept.  When he awoke the next morning, he saw Hawke and Laurel curled up together sleeping and smiled sadly to himself.  He tried not to feel sorry for himself as he watched Hawke wrap his arms tighter around his wife- tried not to wish he could find love for himself before drifting back to sleep.

               He awoke again a little later to Laurel carrying Michael into the room.  She had gotten up and changed and dressed him and brought him in to eat breakfast with them.  “I hope you don’t mind, Sebastian.  I woke up thinking about what was going to happen today, and I got a little paranoid that she would find a way to take it out on Michael.”  Sebastian blanched as he took his son in his arms.  His precious boy.  He had never even thought of it.

               “Thank you, Laurel,” he said as he hugged his son to him.  The four sat down to breakfast, laughing as Michael slapped his hands on his tray squawking for more food.  “Laurel- will you stay with him…during? Away from everything?”

               “I should be with you- you’ll need the support,” said Laurel.

               “I’d rather someone I trust to stay with Michael- someone who can protect him.  I trust his nurse- but she’s not exactly an expert at self-defense.  Please, Laurel.  Would you stay with him?”

               “Of course,” said Laurel.  “I’ll protect him.”  Sebastian sighed with relief.

………

               “Thank you for asking her to do that,” said Hawke.  “I know she’s strong- but I didn’t want her to witness that.  Thom told me that she carried out Erimond’s execution herself and she spent a week in her room after that.  I know she wasn’t looking forward to today- not that anyone is, but she planned on being there for you regardless.”

               “I only thought of it because she brought Michael in- I’m ashamed I didn’t think of it myself.  Eloise was never much of a mother- there could be more mercs out there,” said Sebastian.

               “She’ll protect him, Bash,” Hawke said.  He shook his head. “I sure know how to throw a honeymoon huh?”

               Sebastian laughed.  “I’ll make this up to you Hawke.”

………

               Laurel brought Michael back to Sebastian after everything was over.  There had been no incidents, and Sebastian seemed relieved that everything was over.  Sebastian looked at Laurel with gratitude. “I’m so sorry about all of this, Laurel…”

               Laurel put a hand up to stop in.  “No apologies, Sebastian.  You know there is no need.  Things like this just seem to happen when we’re around.”  They watched Michael as he chased around the room with Athena, giggling.  “I know it will take some time- but I know that someday, you’ll find someone as grand as you.”

               “Well, meeting someone like you gives me hope.” Sebastian smiled.  Sighing, he said, “I need to spend a few days in seclusion- in spite of the reason, I’m now a widower, and I have to follow custom.  Why don’t you two see the sights and enjoy yourselves until I can join you again.”

               “We can’t leave you, Bash,” Hawke said frowning.  “You shouldn’t be alone.”

               “I have to be, Hawke,” Sebastian said.  “Especially because I’m the Prince- I need to follow our customs.  It’s all right- I don’t think I’m in danger and I still have my guards.  I’ll be all right- you two go enjoy yourselves for the next few days.”

               “If you’re sure,” said Hawke.  “Just let us know when you are available again.”

………     

               After spending a few days together exploring Starkhaven and enjoying quiet time together, Hawke and Laurel were able to see Sebastian again.  He seemed to be a lot better, having had time on his own to reconcile his feelings.  They looked on as Sebastian carried on office hours, very similar to Varric’s- they could see his people loved him.  Many gifts of condolences had been sent to him from all corners of his Kingdom, as well as a few offers of marriage.  Hawke knew that his friend would be all right in the end, but he was glad to be there to help him, and that Sebastian and Laurel had become friends as well.  There had been an active trading alliance between Starkhaven and Kirkwall, and there was no doubt it would continue well into the future based on their friendship.

               _Varric,_

_Just writing to let you know that we will be leaving for Ostwick at the end of the month.  It’s been an exciting time here in Starkhaven- not sure how far news travels, but we stopped an assassination attempt, and Bash is a single man again. Wife was a total bitch.  Emphasis on was._

_We’ll be staying at an inn there- Laurel refuses to stay at her family home.  Laurel says the name of the inn is the Green Dragon if you want to stay there as well.  We both appreciate you coming to help, even though we know you’re just using this as an excuse to shirk your Viscountliness duties._

_See you next week,_

_Hawke_

_………_

               Sebastian insisted on throwing a small banquet for Hawke and Laurel the night before they left for Ostwick- not on the same scale as the Ball- but sizable enough.  Both Hawke and Laurel spent the evening accepting congratulations, and thanks for their help in saving their Prince- and even were given a few gifts as well.  Before retiring for the night, Hawke asked Sebastian if he wanted them to come through on their way back to Kirkwall- just to make sure things were going all right.  “I would love it, Hawke.  You’ll always have a place here if you need it,” said Sebastian- touched that they offered.   


	26. Back to Ostwick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't realize that I jammed the whole Ostwick visit into one chapter- so it's pretty long. Oh well- still working on that whole thing.
> 
> So Pre-Ostwick smut and then into the wolves den.

               The next morning, they departed for Ostwick, riding along slowly with Athena running alongside through the fields.  Over the days of travel, Hawke noticed Laurel was getting quieter the closer they got, her hand unconsciously rubbing over her scar on occasion.  When they settled into camp for the night, he reached for her and drew her close.  “Tired of our honeymoon already?” he joked as he lay open mouth kisses along her neck. 

               Laurel closed her eyes in delight as Hawke’s lips ghosted over her skin, making her shiver.  “Well, I could do with fewer assassination attempts and a bit more quality time with you.” Hawke growled and pushed her back against the bedroll.  Laurel had taken to wearing a traveling outfit she had been gifted in Starkhaven- and the tunic shirt clung to her like Hawke’s shirt had when she was painting Thom’s shop.  Hawke had been watching her all day as they rode and couldn’t wait to get his hands on her.

               As he pushed her down, his hands snaked up her shirt, pushing it up and over her head as he kissed and caressed every inch of her skin.  Laurel responded to him eagerly, moving to pull his shirt over his head before reaching down to unlace his breeches.  By the time they had all of their clothes off, Hawke could not resist her anymore.  His urgent and voracious kisses had Laurel writhing beneath him, ready for him.  He plunged into her silky channel, marveling at how tight she was every time he fucked her, his fingers finding her clit as he thrust into her, driving himself deep inside of her.  Many times, their lovemaking was slow and loving, but tonight, he wanted to possess every bit of her and make her scream, his cock grinding into her as deeply as he could.  He pulled out of her and turned her over on her hand and knees and entered her from behind, reaching around to run his fingers over her drenched center, driving himself into the hilt.  She cried out as she felt him inside of her, his cock filling her and hitting every sensitive spot inside of her every time he thrust inside of her.  “So close Garrett…so close,” she breathed, causing Hawke to groan and intensify his movements.  She came with a scream, bucking against him as he ran his fingers along her clit, feeling himself coming close as her channel tightened around him.  Willing himself to hold back, he pressed his finger against her clit again, whispering, ”One more time, Honey,” into her ear as he renewed his thrusting with more energy.  Laurel gasped as she felt another orgasm overcome her, crying out in ecstasy as she felt Hawke coming at the same time.  As he spilled inside of her, they collapsed to the ground, sweating and panting with exertion.  Hawke wrapped his arms around her as they lay in a haze of contentment, murmuring to her how much he loved her, how much he had wanted her that night, how hot she looked in that outfit.  After cleaning up and putting some clothes back on, they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

………

               They arrived in Ostwick and found the Inn, booking a room for themselves and two for Varric and whoever accompanied him.  As they waited for Varric to arrive, they explored Ostwick- starting at the Chantry where Laurel had lived for so long.  There were very few people left from before the war- most had been lost in the Conclave.  The loss had not hit Laurel until she entered the Chantry looking for all of the familiar faces that she remembered and seeing none.  Hawke put an arm around her as the tears flowed, mourning the loss of the people she had grown up with and had become a family to her- the ones who had saved her life by taking her from her parents and nursing her back to health. 

               She refused to go near her house- but they went through the marketplace, purchasing a few small things for people back home.  As they walked, Laurel kept her hood up, not wanting to be recognized, knowing that those in the Chantry would not say anything.  Both Hawke and Laurel could hear people talking about what happened to Cynthia Elrond and her daughter- the consensus being they got what they deserved. It turned out; they were not very popular in Ostwick either. 

………

               The next day, Varric arrived, accompanied by Fenris and Iron Bull.  Laurel grinned as she greeted her friends- rolling her eyes at Bull’s not so subtle comments about needing to bring extra people along for a honeymoon.  They sat in Varric’s room and told the three of them about the trouble in Starkhaven and how everything had turned out.  Varric shook his head sadly.  “Poor Choir-Boy,” he said.  “He's become a pretty good guy- he didn’t deserve that.”

               “No, he didn’t,” said Hawke.  “It scares me to think what would have happened to him if we hadn’t chosen to visit.  They pushed up their attempt because of our visit- leaving them sloppy and wide open.  If they had proper time to prepare, then there would have been nothing we could do.  We’re going to come around and see him again on our way back from Denerim- just to make sure everything is ok.”

               Looking at Laurel, Varric asked, “Has anything come about on the identity of the most recent winner of your parent’s er…auction?”  Now that they were in Ostwick, Hawke was on edge because no one knew the identity of the person who had given the Trevelyan’s gold after Ghyslain had.  He didn’t want to let Laurel out of his sight, just in case the winner happened to be in Ostwick. 

               Laurel shook her head. “Nothing yet.  I’m hoping maybe the Teryn will have some information or an idea of where to look.  We may also find some clues when we go to the house.” Hawke put an arm around her- he knew she was not looking forward to going to the house.  “Until then, I guess we’ll just have to be careful.” 

               “Well, our meeting is tomorrow- hopefully, we’ll get to this bottom of this,” said Varric.  “Between that and your family issues- we’ll have a long meeting tomorrow.”

               “I just hope that we can get this taken care of quickly,” said Laurel.  “I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to.”  Aside from the Chantry, Laurel had no pleasant memories of Ostwick.  Because of her parents, she had been ostracized by the other children- who had made fun of her for her drunken parents, her constant bruises, her constant neglected and disheveled state, and her biggest secret- the fact that she never learned to read until she entered the Chantry.  Her parents had no extra money for tutors, and since they barely fed and clothed her, teaching her basic skills was out of the question. She had no idea if anyone in Ostwick remembered who she was- or if they associated that dirty unschooled little girl with the Inquisitor, and she was not anxious to find out either.  She wasn’t sure what she would do if the Teryn insisted she remain a Bann. 

               Hawke watched Laurel with concern- she had been getting quieter as the night went on.  He had a feeling there was something she wasn’t telling him- and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to try to get her to talk about it or not.  He supposed it would be best to let her bring it up if she wanted to and when she was ready- and to be there if she did.   He had been surprised that she had never told Dorian or Cullen about the abuse she had suffered as a child, but he understood the circumstances behind her telling him.  He figured the sooner they could get this business wrapped up and get out of Ostwick, they happier they would both be.

………

               “Thank you for meeting with us, Your Lordship,” greeted Varric as he, Hawke and Laurel sat down with the Teryn of Ostwick, Geoffrey Tremaine.  He was a handsome, jovial man who appeared not to take himself very seriously, much to Laurel’s relief.  Maybe this could be a painless process after all.

               “Not at all, not at all, Viscount Tethras,” he said as he waved nonchalantly.  “I understand that we have some issues to discuss?”  He looked at the three of them- the dwarf, the Champion of Kirkwall and his wife, the Lady Inquisitor.  It was quite an overwhelming trio- and he understood that the two guards who waited outside were equally as intimidating- a painted, glowering elf and a huge Qunari.  He addressed Laurel first, “I suppose I should offer you condolences on your recent loss, Your Worship? Even though, given the circumstances, I don’t know if you can call it a loss.”  He had taken some time to look into the Trevelyan family a little closer when he heard that she was coming to see him.  He remembered them from social functions and official proceedings- he remembered they had a daughter, but they had claimed that she had been promised to the Chantry- so they had never met.

               “I’m not the Inquisitor anymore, Your Lordship,” said Laurel.  “You don’t need to call me that anymore.  Thank you for your kind thoughts- but you are correct.  It’s not much of a loss.”

               They all sat quietly for a moment, not sure on how to start.  Hawke finally spoke up.  “I suppose we should get down to it.  We have a few items to discuss- we may as well start with the most unsavory topic.  You are aware of the cause of the Trevelyan’s demise?” 

               “I have some facts- but it’s mostly conjecture at this point,” said the Teryn.  “I was told by the Chantry and the Circle here that we can consider the Trevelyan’s to be deceased.  I’m not certain how, or why they are convinced, but I have to believe them.  The rumor is that they were killed by someone hunting you down, my Lady.”

               Laurel shifted uncomfortably.  “That’s…not exactly correct, Your Lordship.”  She felt Hawke take her hand and squeezed it.  “My parents were upset that I had not provided for them financially during the war.  They came to see me about six months ago at my home in Kirkwall demanding that I give them the money I would not allocate during the war- and I refused.  Things were left rather badly; I guess you could say.  A few weeks ago, a minor nobleman who has been living in Kirkwall for years tried to abduct me.  He told me that he had paid my parents a large amount of gold to er…own me.”  The Teryn sat up when she said that. “They auctioned me off to the highest bidder.”  She looked down, not speaking anymore.

               “We got to her in time,” said Varric, “but she had been severely beaten, and worse would have happened had we not gotten to her in time to keep him from carrying her off to Orlais.  I believe Aveline Hendyr contacted you around that time looking for information?” 

               The Teryn looked through the papers on his desk.  “If she did- it did not get to me- but we could consult the Captain of the Guard.”

               Varric nodded.  “Whoever Aveline was in contact with went to investigate and found the Trevelyan’s in their home- turned to stone.  There was a very large amount of gold there- they had auctioned her off again- so there is another “winner” out there somewhere.  We don’t know who it is.”

               The Teryn looked confused. “Turned…to stone? Are you sure they didn’t just commission some statues or something?”

               Laurel shook her head.  “I can’t go into detail, Your Lordship, but please trust me when I say that they were turned to stone.  It was not my doing, but I’m familiar with the magic and the one who wields it.  You will not find him.  Two of my employees had betrayed me to the man who attacked me- we found them turned to stone as well.”

               “So anyone who threatens you gets turned to stone?” asked the Teryn.

               “I don’t think so,” said Laurel. “I’ve given this lots of thought.  Unfortunately, I do not have a lot to go on.  The man who attacked me was not turned, nor were any of the mercenaries who he hired.  The mercenaries were all killed in the fight- but de Carrac is still in prison.  Other people are involved that betrayed me, but we do not know their fate yet.  It seems to me that if punishment could be dealt with in another manner, they were spared being turned to stone.  But my employees were about to escape and go unpunished.  As for my parents, I’m not sure.  Maybe they had nothing left to lose as punishment- I can’t be certain.”

               The Teryn nodded. “I guess that’s a conversation for another time when more is known.  So what do you need from me?”

               “We wanted to know if you may have any clues as to who the other “winner” is,” said Hawke.  “Now that we’ve talked, I don’t think you’ll be able to help with that. May we talk to the Captain, and investigate at the Trevelyan estate?”

               The Teryn thought about it for a moment.  “I don’t see why not.  The estate is yours to do as you please, My Lady,” he said with a nod to Laurel.

               “That’s the other issue we need to talk about, Your Lordship,” said Laurel. “Before I married, I had legally changed my name and had renounced all ties to the Trevelyan name.  I have a new name and a new family- I have no interest in moving here to be a Bann.  No offense intended, but Ostwick is the last place I want to live- too many negative associations.”

               The Teryn looked over another paper- a file from the Chantry that had been compiled on Laurel after she had gone to live there.  “Yeeessss…. I can see why ” he said as he looked over the report. “Beaten severely, covered in sores and filth, no education at the age of ten- removed to the Chantry for your safety.  The healer at the Chantry reported it was one of the worst neglect and abuse cases she had ever seen.” Laurel looked down, tears in her eyes as she felt Hawke’s and Varric’s eyes on her.

               “So the question is,” said Varric,” is what happens now?  Does she have to stay a Bann?  Is there someone else who can inherit the title?”

               “Hmmm,” said the Teryn. “I’m not certain.  There is no family history in her file- but that doesn’t necessarily mean there is no family.  Bann Trevelyan was an only child from what I recall, but his father may have had siblings.  I’ll have someone look into our genealogies right away.  If there turns out to be no family, I’m not exactly certain how to proceed- this is rather unprecedented.  People usually do not renounce titles- at least not in recent memory.”

               He looked at Laurel, who was still sitting with her head down.  “I wish I had better answers for you, My Lady.  Please know that I do sympathize with your situation and will do what I can for you as quickly as possible.”  He sighed.  “Protocol typically dictates that I have some formal occasion in honor of your visit, but I need to be honest.  When you became the Inquisitor, you know the damage your parents did around here.  Many people who remember you remember the child and do not know the adult.  If I could have a banquet and only invite those who I knew would behave themselves, I would- but to have an occasion and not invite everyone would be an egregious error of etiquette, and I’m afraid you would be very hurt.  Personally, I am honored to meet you, and I wish things were otherwise.”

               Laurel nodded. “I understand, and I’m grateful.  I’ve tried to stay away from functions in an official capacity if I can help it.  The last one I had to attend was a disaster.”

               “Yes… I heard about that of course.  The Prince of Starkhaven is now a widower because of it.  Not a huge loss from what I understand- but still,” he said. 

               Laurel shrugged.  “Well, just know that I am not offended in any way.  There was a reason I changed my name and went to live in Kirkwall.  I’m used to keeping a low profile, and I prefer to keep it that way.  I know that I am going to have to go to the estate- I would prefer if I could just keep it to the three of us and our guards.”

               The Teryn nodded, “Of course.  It is your estate to do with as you please, aside from tearing it down.  There are rules about that.  I will be in contact as soon as possible.”

……….

               They went back to the inn after the meeting to decide what they wanted to do next.  Hawke could see that Laurel was not in the mood to talk, so he offered to get dinner and bring it back to the room so she didn’t have to go out.    As he and Varric went to the local café, they talked about what they had learned. “How much did you know, Hawke?” asked Varric.

               “Not enough apparently,” said Hawke. “She told me about the abuse- and how she got the scar on her neck, but I didn’t know any of the other things.  She did say that I was the first she had told about the abuse- she never said anything to anyone- not even Dorian or Cullen.” He shook his head. “I can’t take her to that house.  Not after hearing that.”

               “We have to,” said Varric. “We need to try to get to the bottom of this situation, and it sounds like she is going to have to make a decision about that house.  Let’s just hope we can get through this quickly.”

               Hawke nodded. “And I thought the first part of our honeymoon was a disaster…”

………

               The next day, they went to the estate to look around.  It had taken the better part of the morning for Laurel to work up the courage to even step foot in that part of town- and she had kept the hood of her cloak up as they walked over there.  If anyone recognized her, no one approached- but that may have been due to the two scowling bodyguards that refused to leave her side. 

               Laurel was quiet as they looked around- noticing that aside from the very recent auction papers, there was no sign that Laurel had ever lived there.  Her parents had tried to keep up appearances, so the house appeared to be nicely decorated- but Varric wasn’t fooled.  He picked up an ornate vase and looked at it, pronouncing it a cheap knockoff. “It would fool the average person, but not someone in the guild,” he said as he put the vase back down. “You parents have sold nearly everything of value and replaced it with fancy looking junk.  The house has value- but not much else.”

               Laurel nodded- not surprised.  “I don’t care.  I don’t want anything in this house.”  She was shaking, trying to keep control.  She wasn’t sure how she would feel when she entered the house- she had hoped that maybe after all these years, she would be detached from the situation, but she discovered quickly that she was not.  She watched Varric and Bull rummage through the papers on the table close to where her parents had been found.

               There was a knock at the door, and the Captain of the Guard came in.  “My Lord, I’m Captain Carlisle.  Teryn Tremaine asked me to report here to be at your service.”

               As Varric and the Captain talked, Bull and Fenris kept looking through the papers and other items they found nearby.  Bull swore as he looked over what they found.  “There were at least fifteen separate bids,” he said.  He looked at Hawke. “And there was this,” handing Hawke a letter.

               _Trevelyans,_

_I’ve been spreading the word of your sale as promised.  I’m sending the first bids I’ve been offered- will send the rest as I get them- watch for my couriers.  Coincidentally, I just found out your little girl is interfering in my relationship with my lover- so the quicker this gets done, the better.  I’ve got a few interested and well-off parties in Kirkwall- will bump up the bidding as high as possible._

_I._

Hawke paled and swore as he read the letter.  “What the hell happened to her?” asked Fenris.  “Isabela was a lot of things, but I never thought she would help with trying to sell someone. She hated slavers, and that’s what she was essentially doing by participating in this.”

               “I don’t know,” said Hawke.  “She better hope I never run into her.” Even though Aveline never had concrete proof that it was Isabela that had tipped off Ghyslain, he had no reason to doubt that she was right.  This was the proof Aveline needed in case Isabela was ever stupid enough to turn up in Kirkwall.  He read through the letter again.  “Do you think the other winner is in Kirkwall?  Who do you think the other bidders were?”

               Fenris shrugged. “I don’t know- but Varric might have a good idea who would be in a good position to bid.”  He started gathering all the papers that he and Bull had found and put them in a satchel he had dug out of a closet.  “Where do you think the statues are?” he muttered to Hawke as they finished packing.

               “I don’t know- but I’m happy they were removed.  Hopefully, someone threw them over a cliff,” he said.  He had his eyes on Laurel who was staring out the window.  She had refused to move from the room knowing that the memories would overtake her if she went any further.  He went and put his arms around her waist, feeling her relax into him as he tightened his arms around her.  “Just a few more minutes until Varric is done talking to the Captain and we can go Honey,” he told her. 

………

               That evening, Varric and Hawke sifted through all of the papers they had brought back, weeding out anything useful that could give them clues on the other winner.  Varric looked at the letter from Isabela and shook his head.  He saw Hawke looking at the message with a grim expression.  “You’re not blaming yourself for this are you?” Varric asked him.  He remembered what happened when they first found out about Isabela- Varric didn’t want a repeat of that time.

               “I don’t know,” admitted Hawke.  “Logically, I can’t.  It sounds like she was participating in this before she knew that Laurel and I were together- but I still can’t help but feel like I could have done something.”

               “We’ve been over that,” said Varric. “Look- we’ve got some good information now- I’ll take this back and give it to Aveline and check with my contacts to see if anyone knows anything.  Bull and Fenris may be able to find some things out too- I’ll have them keep their ears to the ground.”

………

              

_Alistair,_

_It looks like we are set to arrive in about two weeks.  I have some business to wrap up in Ostwick, and then we will be heading in your direction.  I have some stories to tell you, my friend._

_Laurel_

_………_

They met again in the Teryn’s office a few days later.  After discussing what was found at the estate, they got down to family business. “I wish I had better news for you, My Lady,” said the Teryn.  “We have not been able to track down any family members.  It appears you are truly the last of the Trevelyan line.”

               Laurel was quiet about that.  She did not value her family of birth very much- but she assumed that at one point, they must have commanded high respect in this city, and she recognized that history as well as she could.  She felt so far removed from it though that she couldn’t even associate herself with the Trevelyan name anymore.

               “If you truly wish to renounce the Trevelyan name, the house can be put up for sale.  You would no longer be a Bann here once it sells- ending the line for good,” said the Teryn.  “It’s not the first time it has happened- nor will it be the last- but I would like for you to think it over before answering.  I know you have no desire to live here, and I can appreciate why, but ending a long established family line deserves at least one night to think it over?”

               “Yes, Your Lordship,” answered Laurel.  “I appreciate the enormity of the situation- I can think about it for a while before making a decision.”

………

               Hawke and Laurel stayed up late in the night talking about the decision she needed to make.  As an Amell- one of the last aside from his Uncle Gamlen and his cousin Charade and Bethany- he understood the decision that Laurel needed to make.

               “You don’t have to do anything right away, Honey,” he said as they curled up against each other. “If anything, why don’t use the yearly stipend to support the upkeep of the house- we can hire someone to completely remodel the inside if you like.  We can keep the house and title for one of our children if they want it.  If they don’t, we can revisit the issue then.”

               “I don’t know Garrett,” said Laurel. “Part of me appreciates the heritage, but part of wants to be done with it.”  She hesitated.  “I guess we haven’t talked about all the things the Teryn said in our first meeting.  But after hearing that, can you understand why I feel the way I do?”

               “Of course I do,” said Hawke as he hugged her to him. “We don’t have to talk about it- not until you’re ready if you ever are.  I’m sorry that things came out the way they did- you should have been able to keep it secret.”

               Laurel sighed. “I should have known it would come out.  There’s nothing to talk about.  I was neglected badly- often left filthy with ratty clothes, and I didn’t even learn to read until I went to live in the Chantry.  The other children my age were very cruel to me, and their parents didn’t pay attention, so there was no one to stand up for me.  I’d managed to put most of it out of my mind, especially as I advanced in the Chantry- but going to that house today reminded me of it.  How can I keep it when it reminds me of all that?”

               “It’s up to you, Honey.  You know I’ll support whatever decision you make.  I just remember how excited my mother was when I got our estate back- but she had much happier memories.  How about this- you don’t know much about your family history.  Why don’t you ask for a genealogy from the Chantry?  We can leave the house for now, and after you have learned a little more about your heritage, you can make a decision then.”

               Laurel thought about it for a while.  “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to do that.  Why don’t we meet with the Teryn tomorrow and make arrangements for the upkeep of the house until we decide, and then go to the Chantry?  Then we can get the hell out of here.”

               Hawke pulled Laurel closer as he kissed her neck.  “Well, if we’re going to possibly hang onto this house for our children, then we better get started…” he said as he untied her gown.

………

               The next day, they met with the Teryn to let him know her decision and made arrangements for the yearly stipend to be used for the upkeep of the house. When they were done, Varric stayed behind to go over some other business with the Teryn, and Hawke and Laurel started their walk to the Chantry.  They walked hand in hand along the marketplace stopping on occasion to look at something that caught one of their attention.  As Laurel was looking at a shield, Hawke noticed a woman coming closer and looking at Laurel in a confused way.

               After studying her for a while, the woman finally asked, “Aren’t you Laurel Trevelyan?  I’d recognize you anywhere, even after all this time.”

               Laurel looked at the woman- who was just a little older than her- she looked familiar.  “Alice, right?” Laurel asked.  “Alice McKennit?”  This wasn’t good- Alice had been the cruelest to her as a child.

               Alice laughed. “Well, it’s Alice Ainsworth now.  Look at you- all grown up.”  Her eyes looked Laurel up and down, noting her missing arm with a smirk.  “Your parents told us all about you,” she said with a knowing look. 

               “I’m sure they did,” replied Laurel.  Her hand tightened on Hawke’s as he put his arm around her waist. 

               Alice gave Hawke an appreciative look.  “And who is this?” she asked as she gave Hawke an eyeful.  Laurel gave Alice a look.

               “This is my husband, Garrett Hawke,” said Laurel. 

               Alice smirked again.  “You married again?  Your mother told me your husband left you.”  Laurel sighed- she should have stayed at the inn. 

               “Yes, I married again, Alice,” said Laurel.  “We’re on our honeymoon.”

               “So how long until this one leaves you?” she asked snidely.  She looked at Hawke.  “You know all about her I hope?  She was quite the er…loose cannon from a very young age.  She was always dirty, poorly dressed and she smelled.  That’s probably why she gave it to whoever would give her the time of day.”

               Hawke stared at her dispassionately and didn’t say anything, his arm still around his wife.  He quietly led Laurel away from the marketplace. “We don’t need to put up with that shit,” he said to her.  “Let’s get to the Chantry and then get away from here.”  He could feel the humiliation roll off of her as they walked and he stopped to look at her.  “Hey,” he said, as he made her look at him.  “You know I don’t believe a word of that crap.  Those who love you know the truth.  Only the truly ignorant would believe that story- and they don’t matter.”

               Laurel sighed.  “I know.  I shouldn’t let it get to me.  She was always the cruelest to me when I was growing up. But I worry because Varric, Fenris, and Bull are in town and could be hearing the same stories.  It’s just humiliating.”

               “You know they wouldn’t believe it either, Honey,” said Hawke.  “You had an unfortunate start to your life, but you were saved from it, and you overcame it.  That she needs to bring it up shows she lacks something in her life, and that she’s incredibly envious of you.”  Laurel gave him a tentative smile.  “You know I’m right, Love,” he said as he put his arms around her.  “Come on, let’s get to the Chantry.

………

               Laurel spent some time with the new Revered Mother at the Chantry, arranging for them to put together a family history for her.  When she was done, she and Hawke went to visit the healer, Bertie for a while.

               “Look at you- I can’t go over how my girl has grown up,” said Bertie, as she looked at Laurel with pride.  She sobered. “I remember when you first came here- those parents of yours.  I honestly didn’t know if you would survive when they first brought you in.”  She ran her finger along the scar on Laurel’s neck.  “It was the worst injury I ever saw,” she said softly.  “Look at you know- the savior of the world, married to the Champion of Kirkwall.  I’m so proud of you.”

               “Thank you, Bertie.  It was your caring that got me through those first years.  I don’t think I would have made it without you.”

………

               They were approached by Alice again as they sat at dinner that evening. Laurel and Hawke were deep in conversation with Varric, Fenris, and Bull when she approached them.  They stopped their conversation and looked at her, waiting for her to speak.  She looked at Laurel’s companions and felt a little intimidated, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her.  “Are these all yours Laurel?” she asked in an amused voice. “Things haven’t changed I see. Is the husband ok with all the extra men?  I suppose you couldn’t get anyone better than a dwarf, an elf and a qunari.”  She said it loudly enough that people at the other tables looked over at them.

               Laurel looked around to see everyone looking at them.  Alice had always been a master at humiliating her in public, but things were different now.  “Why would you say that Alice?” she said.  Alice looked at her, confused- she had expected tears and humiliation- not a self-contained calm response.  Laurel stood up.  “What is missing in your life that you feel the need to take others down?  I can’t be the only one.”  She waited for a response from Alice who stood looking at Laurel in shock.  Laurel continued, “You were cruel to me when we were children.  Cruel to an abused and neglected girl who couldn’t defend herself.  And even after all this time, you try to embarrass me in front of my husband and friends.  Why?”

               Alice stood silently, unable to answer.

               Laurel smirked.  “That’s what I thought.  Maybe Garrett is right about you; you lack something in your life.  He also said that you were envious- I don’t know about that- but you are definitely missing something in your life.  I don’t know what it is- and quite frankly, I don’t care.  You tried to insult my friends, you still spread rumors about me after all this time- it’s rather pathetic really.  I’m done with you- so please leave.”  Laurel sat back down and turned her attention back to her friends, leaving an open-mouthed Alice standing alone. 


	27. Denerim Revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK- I did it again- crammed a whole visit into one chapter. 
> 
> But at least Laurel and Hawke get to have some good times on their Honeymoon...

 

               Almost two weeks later, they arrived in Denerim.  Alistair came running as they entered the Palace, hugging Laurel and Hawke both before exclaiming over how big Athena had gotten. Catarina came following carrying Duncan, who laughed to see the huge Mabari.  Laurel was delighted to see Alistair again, and seeing him returning to his jovial and fun loving self was a huge reward. 

               “So I’ve received your letters- just a visit for no reason?  I’m a little out of practice on visits where there is no official business,” said Alistair. 

               “Well, there is always official business that isn’t planned for,” said Hawke, “but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason for the visit.”  He took Laurel’s ringed hand in his and held them up.  “We’re on our honeymoon.”

               Alistair looked at their hands, registering the meaning of the rings and grinned.  “Congratulations!” he exclaimed, grabbing Laurel and then Hawke for another hug.  Catarina and Duncan were pulled in for hugs too.  Alistair calmed for a moment.  “I’m happy for you both- you deserve every happiness.  I’m also curious about these stories you have to tell me.”     

               Laurel laughed. “Well, let’s just say it’s not been the average honeymoon so far…”

………

               As they sat down to dinner that evening, Hawke and Laurel told them about their courtship and the wedding- Hawke’s reaction to Laurel’s gift of the Mabari pup and where they had been so far.  They avoided a lot of the unpleasantness until they were in quieter quarters to prevent servants and others overhearing. 

               Alistair sighed.  “I know there was no official business, but I think there are some things that need to be discussed, Grey Warden business, and such.  Why don’t you two get settled in for the evening and get some rest and plan to meet in my office tomorrow after breakfast?  I’ll make sure we are alone and are undisturbed.”

               Catarina offered to throw a celebration in their honor during their visit.  “We had been talking about inviting Alistair’s former companions from the Blight that are still around- we could kill two birds with one stone.”

               Alistair looked thoughtful for a moment.  “I’m not certain how many would come, Love,” he said.  “Oghren and Zevran maybe, and Leliana if she’s not busy.  Morrigan has disappeared again, I believe, and Wynne has gone to the Maker.  Shale hasn’t been heard from in a long time.  Sten is Arishok now, from what I know- I doubt he would even make it in time. Why don’t you put the word out and see from there? How long are you staying?”

               Laurel shrugged.  “We’re on no timetable, Alistair,” she said.  “Varric and our managers are looking after our businesses- the only plan we have is to swing up and see Prince Sebastian at Starkhaven before we head home.”

               “Yes, he was a companion of yours in Kirkwall, was he not?” asked Alistair.  Hawke nodded. “We’ve corresponded, but never met face to face.  I believe he married someone who had tried to arrange with me during the trouble with Surana. Beautiful girl if I recall- Mother was a nightmare, though.”

               Hawke and Laurel looked at each other.  “Yes, he did,” Hawke said. “Bash and I became good friends, and he was our first stop before going to Ostwick and then here.”  Hawke studied Alistair.  “You two really should meet sometime- I think you’d get along well.”

               “I’ll think on that,” said Alistair.  “Might not be a bad idea.”

               Catarina smiled. “I’ll send some notes out and see what comes of it.  I’ll keep you posted. Now, I suppose it’s time for this little one to go to bed.”  She picked up Duncan and started to carry him upstairs.  Hawke went up to their room, leaving Laurel and Alistair behind.  Alistair brought out some wine for the two of them, and they sat at the table for a while. 

               Laurel picked up her glass and looked at the wine.  “I used to refuse to drink- my parents were alcoholics- I thought I would follow in their footsteps.”  Alistair offered her something else, but Laurel shook her head.  “I can take a cup or two now and then,” she said. 

               “So…married?” Alistair said, grinning.  Laurel blushed and smiled.  “Really, Laurel- I’m happy for you.  I saw the way you two were looking at each other last time you were here, and I had hopes- but I didn’t want to say anything.  You were so…troubled last time you were here.”

               Laurel nodded.  “A lot has happened since we were here last.  I’ll save most of it for when Garrett is here- I know he wants to be part of the storytelling- but there is one thing I wanted to talk to you about- alone.”  She took a breath.  “Cullen came to see me in Kirkwall- a few weeks before we got married.”

               Alistair’s jaw dropped.  “He went all the way to Kirkwall to see you?  Does Hawke know?”

               Laurel nodded.  “I told him right away- there are no secrets between us.  He came to apologize- he left her, Alistair.”

               “Did he ask you to come back to him?” Alistair asked.

               “No- he said he would never ask me to do that after how he treated me- he saw the ring on my finger and knew right away what it was.  He came to apologize and warn me that Surana knows about the cure and that she is furious,” said Laurel.

               “I know Hawke handed the cure over to the Wardens at Weisshaupt- is there any development on that?” Alistair asked.  “I’ve given some of my supply to a few passing Wardens who were very close to the end of their time, and I’ve been trying to track down Nathaniel Howe and Oghren to let them know.”

               “No real new developments.  Prince Sebastian has agreed to help out as well- he had been approached by a few Wardens having the same trouble as the ones here- couldn’t afford the price.  He will send them on the Weisshaupt unless they are too far gone,” said Laurel.  “Have you heard from her lately?”

               “She stopped by- but more about that later,” said Alistair. “I want to know what else happened with Cullen.”

               “Yes, I suppose I should finish that topic first,” said Laurel.  “He and Surana had a daughter- but Surana wants nothing to do with her.  Cullen left her for a variety of reasons- he disagreed with her charging a high price for her cure, and she tried to make him take lyrium again.  He had worked so hard at Skyhold to break his addiction- when I think of all the hard times his withdrawals caused him- and her wanting to take it again, it just makes me sick.  He said it was the last straw.  Anyway, he was going to be living with his family in South Reach for a while until he could start his sanctuary.”

               “The Templar one he had talked about?” asked Alistair.  “That sounds like a worthy goal.”

               Laurel nodded. “It was always his plan- we had put in a bid to purchase a plot of land near South Reach to start it.  The deal had gone through the day I found out about him and Surana.  I never got around to telling him- but I gave him the papers to the land when he came to see me.”  She wiped a tear from her eye. “He was so broken and full of regret- I don’t think I’ll ever forget how he was that day.”

               “Do you still love him?” asked Alistair gently.

               “There will always be a place in my heart for him.  I don’t know why he chose to go with Surana- I’ll probably never know- but I think it happened for a reason.  I’m where I belong now- with Garrett and my friends and family in Kirkwall.  But there is something I wanted to discuss with you about Cullen.” Alistair nodded.  “I think that his Sanctuary should be supported by the government and by the Chantry.  Templars serve this country in many capacities- and they should be taken care of- just like any other soldier.  If they need help getting off the lyrium before it completely destroys them, then it should be provided.  What do you think?”

               Alistair looked at Laurel and shook his head in wonder.  “He leaves you brokenhearted for another woman, and you still intervene on his behalf?  Laurel- you are too kind.”

               “This problem is bigger than a failed relationship,” said Laurel.  “I’ve given him a significant amount of gold- the origins of which will be told tomorrow when Garrett is around- but he will need more to keep the place going.  I know he will make a go of it, and he will be successful- he just needs help.  He didn’t say anything, but I’m going to assume that Surana bled him dry of the money he was given after the Inquisition disbanded.”

               “You’re most likely right about that,” said Alistair dryly.  He sighed.  “I think you’re right- and you can count on my support.  I’ll make sure there is a stipend sent to him, and I’ll send any Templars who need help his way.  I’m assuming you are going to approach Celene and Divine Victoria as well?”

               Laurel nodded.  “Definitely.  I may also involve Varric and Sebastian as well- but we’ll see- it will be more difficult in the Free Marches- there is no one uniting Monarch as there is in Ferelden and Orlais.”  She laid a hand on his arm.  “Thank you, Alistair.  In spite of what happened, I want his Sanctuary to be a success.”

               Alistair put his hand over hers. “I’m just glad to see you happy again.  I was worried about you after you left here.  Did you ever tell Hawke about going back to the Chantry?”

               “I did,” Laurel said. “He got a little upset when I told him until I said that both of you had talked me out of it.  When we got back to Kirkwall after leaving here, we barely saw each other until Thom showed up with the pup.  Part of it was that we were both busy- we had our businesses to run, and Dorian was in town, and I wanted to spend time with him.  But part of it was that I needed to sort myself out.  It was during that trip that I began to realize that I cared for him as more than a friend- he would hold my hand or put his arm around me- more often on that trip than any other time. I was so messed up and afraid that I thought I was reading too much into it.”

               Alistair looked at her.  “I could tell something was going on between you when you were here.  If I’d have known, I would have encouraged you a little.”

               Laurel laughed.  “Oh, I had plenty of encouragement.  Dorian and Varric were both on me about it.  Especially Dorian- he was downright annoying about it at times.  I just didn’t believe them.  I thought Garrett saw me like a little sister- the way he was always teasing me and looking after me.  You weren’t there when that letter from Surana came- I was a complete mess.  I had a total breakdown in front of him.  I didn’t think he would ever be interested in me after seeing me that way- I was embarrassed when I finally came around.”

               Alistair smiled. “Well, apparently you didn’t scare him off.”

               “It still surprises me,” said Laurel.  “What I didn’t realize was that he had his moments after Isabela left. He also had to help many of his friends through their darkest moments- so he did think anything of what happened to me. He helped me remember the good things about myself.”

               “I can’t tell you how relieved I am,” said Alistair. “I remember my visit to Skyhold- we had so much fun, and hearing about your exploits always made me laugh.  I wanted to see that person again, desperately.”  Alistair smiled.  “And here you are, my friend.”         

               Laurel smiled back.  “I could say the same Alistair. Now- the rest we can talk about tomorrow- but do you have any…news for me?”

               Alistair tried to look innocent.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  Laurel arched her eyebrow and gave him a look.  Alistair grinned. “Catarina is pregnant again!”

………

               Laurel slipped into bed and felt Hawke’s arms go around her.  “Where were you?” he murmured sleepily. 

               “Talking with Alistair- just catching up a little,” she said as she snuggled into him.  “I love you.”

               “I love you too, Honey,” he said as ran his thumb along her jawline.  “Why don’t you come here and let me show you how much,” he said as he rolled on top of her.

………

               The next morning, Hawke walked in to see Laurel and Catarina feeding Duncan and laughing together, Athena sitting and waiting for Duncan so they could play.  After getting some breakfast, Hawke and Laurel headed to Alistair’s office and sat down.

               “So, Laurel told me last night that there were some good stories.  Where do we start?” asked Alistair.

               Hawke looked at Laurel, who sighed and nodded.  “I guess we start with Isabela.  Has she been here?”

               Alistair frowned.  “Isabela?”  He looked a little uncomfortable.  “She was here a few weeks ago.  Why?”

               Hawke looked at him sharply.  “Alistair- you’re hiding something.”  He was almost afraid to hear what Alistair had to say, but he knew they needed to know.

               “I didn’t want to say anything,” said Alistair.  “I didn’t know how serious she was, and since you’re married…”  Hawke blew out his breath and looked at him.  Alistair sighed. “She was rather…insistent that you and she were going to get back together.  I didn’t think anything of it because I didn’t know you two were together, so I just let her go on. 

               “She didn’t mention Laurel?” asked Hawke. 

               “No- not by name or anything.  She suggested getting someone out of the way, but that was about it,” said Alistair.  “What is going on?”

               “She’s been causing some major problems for us,”  Hawke told Alistair about the visits, the threats and what happened with Laurel’s parents.  Laurel looked down when Hawke described Ghyslain’s assault.  “Aveline found out that Isabela was the one who sold Laurel out- spreading the news and accepting bids.  We have a letter we found at the Trevelyan estate that proves it.”  Hawke shook his head.  “I thought that Isabela and I had something special once- and that when she left, that she would either stay gone or care about me enough to accept I moved on.  And what did I get? She betrayed me by trying to take the one person who was special enough to get through to me.”

               “What do you need from me?” said Alistair.  He was shocked to hear this about Isabela.  He had known her for a while and had known about her relationship with Hawke.  He would never have thought she would betray him the way she did by selling Laurel out. 

               “If she comes back, detain her,” said Hawke.  “When this first happened, and her involvement was speculation, I was willing to let it go as long as she kept away from Kirkwall.  Now that we have proof, I want her to pay.  There is still someone out there who gave a great deal of gold to the Trevelyans.  We don’t know who it is- or where they are- but I’ll be damned if I let them get to her.”

               “So- what happened to Laurel’s parents and this…Ghyslain?  Are they in prison?” asked Alistair.  “This auction thing is over isn’t it?”  The news that Laurel’s parents tried to sell her was very distressing.  His friend had enough problems and enough trials in her life- she didn’t need this. 

               Hawke and Laurel looked at each other again.  “Sebastian knows,” said Hawke.  “I think it’s ok for Alistair to know too, Honey,” he said to her.  Laurel nodded and drew a breath.

               “Ghyslain is in prison.  My parents are…dead…sort of,” Laurel said lamely.  Alistair waited for her to clarify.  Laurel gave Alistair a level look. “Alistair, there are not many people who know about this- this needs to be kept secret.”  She described her relationship with Solas and what had happened to the two employees who betrayed her and to her parents.

               “So why wasn’t Isabela turned to stone?” asked Alistair.

               “I don’t know yet.  I have some theories, but I don’t have enough to be entirely confident,” said Laurel.  “I trust Solas with my life.  He’s been there for me when I needed it- and he’s the source of the cure I gave you.  If he hasn’t done anything to Isabela, it’s for a reason.  There’s a fate worse than death out there for her is my guess.”

               “What about Cullen and Surana?” asked Alistair “They’re still around- and they hurt you pretty badly.”

               “They hurt my spirit- there was no threat to my life.  Maybe that will change for Surana- I guess we’ll see,” said Laurel. 

               Alistair nodded.  “All right then.  If Isabela comes back, I’ll have her detained, and we’ll send her to Kirkwall. So what’s next?”

               Hawke told him about Sebastian’s wife and mother and the assassination attempt.  Alistair went pale.  “So…if our arrangement would have worked out, that could have been me,” he said.  “I vaguely remember Eloise- and her mother.  I was relieved when that one fell through- looks like I was more fortunate than I thought.”

               Laurel nodded.  “That’s why we’re going back to see Sebastian before we go home.  He had a rough time of it- he didn’t love Eloise, but they did have a beautiful son together, and he regretted that he had to have her executed.  Personally, I think Michael will be better off not being raised by that woman.  He’s such a friendly and open child- I think that would have changed under Eloise’s influence- when she even bothered to pay attention to him.  Honestly, Alistair- Catarina is a treasure- you’re very lucky.”            

               Alistair grinned.  “Don’t I know it.  I think you were right last night, Laurel.  Things happen for a reason.” Laurel took Hawke’s hand and smiled.   They talked some more about Sebastian, and then Laurel told Alistair about their visit to Ostwick.

               “Honestly Alistair, after dealing with everything else, Ostwick was dull. Varric, Fenris, and Bull came there to help me deal with the Teryn.  The worst that happened there was a spiteful childhood bully who wouldn’t shut up,” said Laurel.  “So what about you?  What news here?”

               “Aside from Surana visiting and Catarina being pregnant again, not much is new.”  Alistair looked sober for a moment.  “Surana was by herself when she came through- something was different.  I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time- maybe it was because Cullen left her- she seems more unhinged and angry.  Maybe I'm paranoid, but I’m keeping Catarina under close guard again- I just don’t know what to expect.  And there is one more thing.  She made a comment to me that she might consider giving me the cure- the next time she came through.  I tried to act grateful and hopeful- but I’ve never been much of an actor- I don’t know if I pulled it off.”

               Laurel thought for a while.  “She may have been testing your reaction- if she didn’t say anything, she might have been fooled.  But it worries me.  Do you have any idea when she’ll be coming through next?” 

               Alistair shook his head.  “There’s no rhyme or reason to her visits.  She could be here again next week- could be months. I try to keep in contact with Leliana- who tries to keep tabs on her whereabouts- but that’s difficult.”

               “Alistair- you need some Templars here.  If she comes through again, you need some extra protection- ones that can silence her,” said Hawke.

               Alistair nodded.  “I think you’re right.  I’ll make arrangements right away.”

………

               After their meeting, they spent the rest of the morning playing with Duncan and Athena.  Watching Duncan and Alistair and Catarina together was amazing- it made both Hawke and Laurel look forward and long for a child of their own.  Laurel rested her head on Hawke’s shoulder as they watched them, feeling wistful.  Garrett tightened his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her to him. 

………

               They spent the next month in Denerim after Catarina got word that Oghren, Zevran, and Leliana would be arriving.  Leliana arrived first to Laurel’s delight- Leliana hadn’t seen her since Skyhold, and they threw their arms around each other delightedly. They spent the afternoon together talking about what had been going on in their lives, and Laurel was looking forward to meeting her friends later.  She had some dealings with Zevran in her Inquisition days, but they had never met face to face.

               “You look happy,” said Leliana.  “I don’t think I need to tell you how worried we all were for you.”  Leliana would never forget the heartbreak she had watched her friend go through- and how it had made them all feel.  She had spent a lot of evenings with Laurel, along with Josie and Sera trying to cheer her up, watching her stare silently as they sought to talk to her and encourage her.  She remembered coming up the stairs to see Thom holding Laurel and letting her sleep on him and watching her practically wasting away before encouraging Josie to write to Varric. 

               “Moving to Kirkwall was the best thing I could have done, Leliana,” said Laurel.  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all you and Josie and Sera tried to do for me back at Skyhold.  It may not have seemed like it at the time, but you did help me stay sane.”

               “And now look at you,” said Leliana proudly.  “A business owner, married to a wonderful man.  I’m thrilled for you.”

………

               The party was set after Zevran and Oghren arrived.  Alistair laughed to see Laurel hit it off with Zevran and Oghren both- as well as with Felsi and their son.  Laurel got a huge kick out of Oghren- his stories about the schleets had her falling on the floor with laughter. 

               Shortly after Oghren arrived, he met with Alistair and Laurel in his office. Alistair asked him if he had heard from Surana.  “No, and I don’t want to,” growled Oghren.  When Surana had left before the final battle, Ohgren had turned up at Vigil’s Keep and was recruited by a Grey Warden from Orlais.  In spite of how he presented himself to the world, Oghren would never forget the look on Alistair’s face when Surana walked away from the tower, leaving him and Morrigan and Wynne to battle the dragon by themselves.  He ran up to the tower along with the dwarves Alistair had summoned to help and fought alongside them all, fighting the darkspawn and the dragon until Alistair finished him off.  It was Eamon that swore Oghren to secrecy about the battle, and it had never sat well with him. 

               “Oghren,” said Laurel. “I know you brought your wife and child with you- I don’t know how you feel about being a Grey Warden.  I have a cure for the Calling.  I know that you are a long time away from that yet, but I wanted to offer it to you now if you wanted it.”

               “Aye, I heard she had found something and was asking the world for it,” said Oghren.  “What did you pay that nug-humper for it?”

               “This is a different cure, Oghren,” said Laurel.  “She is asking a high price for it.  I found a different source and have offered it to the Wardens gratis.  Weisshaupt has most of it, but Alistair, Prince Sebastian and I all keep some handy.  If you want it, it’s yours.  Under the provision that nothing is said to Surana about the source.”

               Oghren thought it over.  “Felsi would love it if I took it now.  But what would I do?  I can’t go back to Orzammar.”

               Alistair thought about it for a moment.  “Stay here, Oghren.  I could use a new Guard Captain.  A secure job for you, a place for your family.  Think about it, talk to Felsi and let me know.”

………

               To Hawke’s relief, the party was going on without a hitch.  He had been worried, given their track record on this honeymoon so far, that something would happen- Surana would show up, and all hell would break loose, or something.  The Denerim nobles had been anxious to meet Laurel and Hawke both, as well as the heroes of the Blight- having them all in one place made the mood much more festive.  Hawke looked at his wife in her silvery wedding dress- she was relieved that Lily had been able to get the blood stains out of it in Starkhaven- and thanked the maker for his beautiful, wonderful woman.  She was dancing with Zevran as he looked on, thinking back to the conversation he had with Zevran while Laurel was meeting with Oghren.

               Hawke had been reading in the library when Zev approached him- they, of course, remembered each other well from their past days and mutual relationship with Isabela.  Zev sat in the chair opposite him. “Your wife, she is the Inquisitor, no?” Zev asked him.

               Hawke looked at him for a moment. Laurel had managed to keep most of the attention off her since the Inquisition disbanded- changing her name had helped with that.  Since the Free Marches had been somewhat removed from the war, her face was not well known, and it was easier for her to take a new identity there than it would have in Ferelden.  But, Zev was not a Ferelden, and he was a known friend of Isabela’s.  “Why do you ask, Zev?”

               “I recognize her from Leliana’s letters, and from our dealings during the war,” replied Zevran.  “A young auburn haired woman with one arm tends to stick out a little, don’t you think?”  Hawke didn’t respond.  “My motive is pure curiosity, my friend.  Nothing more.”

               Hawke sighed.  “Since it seems you already know the answer, then yes, Laurel was the Inquisitor.  She doesn’t advertise it anymore and refuses to be addressed as such anymore.  I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t broadcast it to anyone.”

               “Why so protective?” Zevran asked, his forehead furrowed in confusion.  “The Inquisitor is still worshiped in many places I travel to.  She shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

               “It’s not that she’s ashamed, Zev.  It’s for security.  We have been to places where she hasn’t been well-received, and there are some individuals that we are particularly concerned about.”  Zevran looked at him shocked. Hawke looked around to see if there was anyone nearby.  Seeing no one, he asked him.  “Have you seen Isabela lately?”

               Zevran grinned, “Lovely Isabela?  No- not for a long time.  Why?”  Hawke told him about everything happening with her, finishing with the warrant for her arrest.  Zevran frowned.  “I can’t believe that she would do something of the sort.  She used to free slaves when she came across them- and given her past, I can’t believe she would participate in such an event.”

               “I couldn’t either,” said Hawke.  “I saw the letter written by her hand.  Look, Zev, I’m not expecting you to turn her in, I’m not going to put you in any position you don’t want to be in.  I just wanted to let you know.  Laurel is still in danger until we find out who this other person is- and the only lead we have is the letter- and that’s not a definite.  I can’t let anything happen to her- she’s suffered enough.”

               Zevran nodded.  “We can talk about positions another time,” he said with a lascivious wink, “but I believe you are telling me the truth.  I will keep my ear to the ground, and if I see Isabela, I can’t guarantee that I will help you- she’d probably kill me, but I will try to make her give up the identity of the other person if I can.”

               “Thank you,” said Hawke.  “It’s all I can ask of you.”

               Hawke smiled as he watched Zevran whirling his laughing wife around the dance floor before kissing her hand and passing her off to Alistair.  It was nice to see her have fun and to be the center of admiring attention.  He knew that even as the Inquisitor, aside from the party that was thrown after Corypheus was defeated, Laurel had never been the belle of the ball before.  She had received lots of attention at the Winter Palace, but she had been too preoccupied with all of the intrigue and peace talks to participate- not that she had minded.  Hawke knew she hadn’t wanted to go- and she had told him about the party on their way to Adamant Fortress.  Here at Denerim, she was treated with kindness, and between Oghren, Zevran and Alistair’s antics, she had a smile on her face the whole night. 

               Leliana came to his side as he watched.  “She looks fantastic, Hawke.  I’m so relieved that she’s all right.”  Hawke nodded. “I was so sorry I couldn’t come to Kirkwall, and I felt horrible that I let that letter come through, but looking back- it may have been for the best.”

               Hawke nodded.  “You may be right.  Varric showed me your letter, and from what I heard from Bull and Thom, she had shut down- no real emotion.  I think that letter, as bad as it was, finally made her face her anger and hurt and deal with it instead of locking it away.  It tore my heart out to see her that way, though.  She appreciated the letter you sent after.  She got a few- Divine Victoria, Mother Giselle, Josephine and Lady Vivienne all sent her letters, and Sera and Dagna came to see her.  Thom came to live with her about a year after she moved to Kirkwall and Bull and Cole are around on a regular basis.  She’s in contact with Dorian all the time too.”

               Leliana smiled.  “I’m glad they are all still there for her.  Varric wrote me and told me that she was even visited by Solas?”

               “In a manner of speaking.  He came to her in a dream and gave her an amulet- she never takes it off.  She has it pinned inside her dress right now so she can wear the necklace Thom gave her on our wedding day.  He gave her away you know.”

               “He was always very protective of her.  I know that our little slumber parties at Skyhold helped her, but probably not as much as the time Thom spent with her.”

               “I knew Thom had done a lot for her, but she never talks about that time,” said Hawke.  “I know he talked her into coming to Kirkwall- what else did he do?”

               “After Cullen had left, he came up to her room every night with a dinner tray and encouraged her to eat, even just a little, and then he would just hold her in his lap until she slept a bit,” said Leliana. “He did that every single night until she left. He told me that they rarely spoke- he just was there.  We tried to follow his example- but he was the one that kept her going.”

               “No wonder they are so close,” said Hawke.  “We bumped into him here in Denerim when we stopped by about last time and a few weeks after that, he came to Kirkwall.  Laurel set him up in a woodworking business which is pretty successful.  They really are like father and daughter. He’s marrying my sister soon.”

               Leliana nodded.  “She’s always been generous.  I’m glad they still have that relationship.  And I’m glad you two found each other.”


	28. Back to Life

               A few days after the party, Hawke and Laurel got ready to leave.  Laurel felt a lot better leaving now that she knew that Oghren had accepted the cure and would be there to help protect Alistair and Catarina- she had worried about that for their entire visit.  After many long goodbyes with their friends, they boarded a ship at Denerim bound for Ostwick.  The trip back was a little melancholy for them both since they were not certain when they would get to see Alistair again.  Laurel was hoping that they could arrange for a diplomatic trip between Sebastian and Alistair and that they would be able to attend. 

               After landing in Ostwick, they made their way back to Starkhaven to have a brief reunion with Sebastian.  They found him in good spirits, and he was delighted with the gift of a Mabari hound with compliments from King Alistair.  Laurel remembered how much Michael had enjoyed running around with Athena and brought one of her siblings along with them.  The dog took to little Michael right away, and the two were thick as thieves.

               Hawke and Sebastian sat up talking for a while after Laurel went to bed, sharing events from the rest of the honeymoon and results from the political fallout of the assassination attempt- which had not been much, fortunately.

               “Honestly Sebastian, we need to get you and Alistair together- I think a good trade relation could be set up,” said Hawke.  “Laurel thinks you two would like each other.”

               “It may not be a bad idea,” considered Sebastian.  “I’ll send a letter and get things rolling.”  He hesitated for a moment.  “Any word on Isabela?”

               Hawke shook his head.  “We have proof it was her.  We found a letter at Laurel’s parent’s house in Ostwick.  Alistair knows about it and has promised to detain her if he sees her again- can we ask you to do the same?”

               “Of course,” said Sebastian.  “I just can’t believe it.”

               “I guess she fell on harder times than I thought,” said Hawke.  “She lost her ship about a year after she left me- mutiny.  Then she comes back begging to come back to me.  I have to wonder what happened to make her that desperate- trying to sell a person and then offering to live a life she hated.  Thinking on it now, something must have happened to her.”

               “In the end, does it matter?” asked Sebastian.  “She still did the crime.”

               Hawke thought about it for a while. “True.  It just makes me remember what I had to do to get into Kirkwall in the first place- you weren’t around for that.  My uncle sold Bethany and me into indentured servitude, and we became smugglers.  It could have been worse- we could have become mercenaries, but I didn’t like the idea of killing someone because I was told to.” 

               “So do you think this is the same thing?” asked Sebastian.  “Is she an indentured servant of some kind?”

               “No…,” thought Hawke.  “If she had been, I think she would have said something.  She has to know that in spite of the fact we aren’t together anymore, I would have helped her.”  He thought about it some more.  “I suppose we’ll never know until she gets caught and explains herself.  Until then, the warrant stands.  And we’re still not sure of the identity of the other winning bidder.  It’s hanging over my head, Sebastian. I’ve got some of the best looking into it- but there’s no way to guarantee they’ll find anything.”

               Sebastian could tell his friend was worried.  “I wish I could be of more help on this, Hawke.  I can talk to my Guard Captain, and maybe a few of the more unsavory contacts I still have from my younger days, but I don’t know if they’ll come up with anything.”

               “Anything will help, Bash,” said Hawke.  He looked at the clock.  “I should get back to Laurel- she’s been so tired lately- I’m getting concerned.”

               “Any more nightmares?” Sebastian asked.

               “No- we had a pretty relaxing month in Denerim.  The last one she had was after we had to go to her parent’s house.  She refused to leave the front room to look through the house- but it was enough.  It took me an hour to calm her down.  But she gets these “phantom pains”- that’s what she calls them.  Her missing arm hurts enough to wake her- and there’s not much we can do for those.  I rub her back to relax her, but we’re not sure what else to do to help it.”

               “War takes its toll on people,” said Sebastian.  “We both know that.  I’m surprised she came out of everything as sane as she did.” 

………

               Laurel was walking along the battlements enjoying the beautiful weather and thinking back over the last few weeks.  She had been fatigued lately, and she was late- and she hoped that meant what she thought it did.   She thought about having a family as she walked along- she obviously did not have a great example to go off of as a role model for parenting- but she figured that she at least had a good example of what not to do.  She knew that Hawke had a good childhood for the most part- loving parents and siblings, and she had a feeling that regardless, Hawke would be an excellent father.  He was so good with Michael and Duncan- and they both adored him.  She had gotten on well with both boys too- and adored them both.  Little Duncan was just like his father- which meant he was going to be a complete handful when he got older- and Laurel couldn’t wait to see it.  Michael was also a lot like his father, from what Laurel knew of him- he was a carbon copy of Sebastian- he was going to be a heartbreaker someday.  She knew Hawke couldn’t wait to be a father, and hoped that her suspicions were correct- because she couldn’t wait to tell him.

               She found Hawke working with both hounds while Michael napped- Athena was further along in her training than Duke, Michaels dog, but Duke was smart and was learning fast.  She watched him for a while before she felt the need to lay down again for a bit.  Hawke looked concerned, but she smiled and waved him off, reassuring him that she was fine and that she was just tired from all of the traveling.  She felt worse when she woke up, and she wasn’t sure what to do- her head was swimming- but Lily wasn’t around at the moment to help her.  She made it to her dressing table and sat down, trying to get a grip on herself so she could go and look for Hawke.  She touched up her hair a little bit and took some deep breaths until she felt a bit better, but she realized that she was going to have to find a healer sooner or later.  Shakily, she got up and headed out the door- slowly making her way down the hallway, holding the wall for support.  “Laurel?” she heard from behind her.  She turned to see Sebastian walking towards her.  “Are you all right?  You look pale.”

               “Just a little lightheaded- I forgot to eat breakfast this morning,” Laurel said. Sebastian walked alongside her, offering to have something sent up if she was hungry when she stopped and clutched the wall, her vision whiting out as she tried to hold herself up. 

               “This is more than just being lightheaded, Laurel,” said Sebastian as he took her arm.  “Let’s get you back to your room.  I’ll send something up and get Hawke.”  Laurel nodded absently as he put his arm around her and helped her back to her room. 

               A little while later, Hawke came rushing up.  “Honey, what’s going on?  Bash said you were feeling light-headed.”  He felt her forehead, looking at her anxiously.  Lily arrived with a tray as he sat with her and brought her a plate of food- Hawke staying with her to make sure she ate.  She lay back a bit when she was done, holding Hawke’s hand as she rested, only to jerk up suddenly and make it to the pot in time to vomit up everything she just ate.  “That’s it,” said Hawke.  “I’m getting a healer.  Something is definitely wrong.” Laurel took a drink of water to rinse out her mouth and curled back up on the bed as Hawke asked Lily to fetch a healer. 

……..

               Hawke and Sebastian waited outside of the room that Hawke had been kicked out of when the healer arrived.  Hawke was pacing nervously- Sebastian watching him with amusement.  “Hawke, settle down.  I’m sure she’s fine- you two have been traveling for quite some time- almost three months by now- it’s probably just wearing on her.”

               Hawke shook his head. “I’ve never known her to be sick- not at Skyhold, or in Kirkwall.  Not even a head cold.  I just hope she’s all right.”  Hawke started as the door opened and the healer allowed them to come in.  Laurel looked much more comfortable as she rested under the covers- Hawke couldn’t tell if she felt better or not, so he looked to the healer.

               “Perhaps I should step out so you can talk?” asked Sebastian.

               “No, Sebastian, it’s all right,” said Laurel.  She looked uncertainly at the healer, who nodded encouragingly.  Laurel looked at Hawke.  “Garrett, I’m…pregnant.”  Hawke sat down on the bed in stunned silence and relief that it wasn’t something serious.

               He looked at Laurel again, seeing her smiling broadly. “Wait…what?  Pregnant?”  Laurel nodded, smiling.  Hawke reached over and grabbed her into his arms, laughing.  “This is incredible!” he exclaimed as he kissed her.  He put his hand on her belly, grinning as Laurel put her hand over his.  “I can’t believe it,” Hawke said, “we’re having a baby!”  He turned to look at Sebastian, who was smiling and congratulating them.  “Thanks, Bash.”  He shook his head.  “I just don’t know what to say.”  Sebastian left them to have some private time, inviting them to dinner in a few hours and heading off to get Michael. 

               “Now, my lady- I want you to lay down for a bit yet, and watch what you eat- bland and simple for a little while, so you don’t vomit again,” said the healer.  “I’ll check on you tomorrow.”  They thanked her and she left, leaving the two of them alone.

               Hawke put his arms around her again and pressed his forehead to hers.  “A baby,” he said.  “I never thought I would see this day.”  He looked at her.  “Do you feel all right Honey?  Can I get you anything?” 

               “I’m fine- a little tired and my stomach is a bit upset, but I’m thrilled and so excited,” she said.  “Still having trouble wrapping my head around it.”  She kissed Hawke- a lingering kiss as he ran his fingers through her hair.  “I’m so happy, Garrett.  Nauseous, but happy.”

               “Me too, Honey.  Well…the happy part anyway, not the nauseous part,” said Hawke.  He kissed her again, deepening the kiss, drawing her in closer as she moaned against him.  “I should let you rest,” he said.  “The healer said you should lay down for a while.”

               “She didn’t say what I should be doing when I lay down…” Laurel said as she reached to stroke his cock.  Hawke growled and pushed her back down on the bed.

………

               They sat at dinner that night with Sebastian and Michael talking about their plans.  Hawke wanted to leave as soon as possible so they could get home before Laurel had too much discomfort.  “I could provide a carriage for you to go back in if you like,” offered Sebastian.  He wanted Laurel to be comfortable too, especially after everything she had done for him.  He enjoyed seeing his friend so happy, especially after spending all those days with him as he worked out his issues from the Fade, and after being heartbroken by Isabela.  It seemed for a while that everyone in Kirkwall had forgotten all of the things that Hawke and his band of friends did for that city, forcing them to flee because of Anders’ treachery, and that had come full circle, the city welcoming them back.  Hawke finally had everything he deserved, and Sebastian thanked the Maker for that.

               “That’s all right, Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “I’m perfectly comfortable riding a horse.  But if you could maybe supply me with bland foods and ginger tea for the ride home, I would appreciate it.”  Sebastian nodded, and they all continued to eat dinner, laughing and sharing stories about their pasts.

               Laurel smiled as she studied her husband and his friend.  Both Hawke and Sebastian had certainly been naughty boys in their day, and to look at them now- the Prince of Starkhaven and the Champion of Kirkwall.  Hawke never talked about Anders, and Laurel hadn’t asked.  She could tell it was a very sensitive subject with him; anytime someone brought up Anders’ name in conversation, Hawke got very quiet and stayed that way until the subject changed.  She knew that he would open up when he was ready and didn’t push him on it at all. Varric had been the same way about the subject- rarely saying anything about Blondie.  In some ways, Laurel wished she could have known him so she could know why they got so quiet, but she didn’t dwell on it.  She would know someday.

………

               Hawke and Laurel arrived home after an uneventful trip home, aside from the constant vomiting.  They talked about their plans on the way back and decided that they would wait just a little while to tell everyone about the baby- but they both knew that neither would be able to wait very long.  Laurel was very clear that she was going to go about her business as long as she could, and that she would continue to work after the baby was born.  They still had the concerns over the identity of the other auction bidder, and over Isabela’s being on the loose, and over Surana, but they knew that would have to take each day as it came and remain watchful.

               _Dear Laurel,_

_I just wanted to drop a line to thank you profusely for the gold you sent with Sera and Dagna.  When I read your letter, I didn’t realize exactly how much you were talking about and was stunned by the amount. It’s enough to keep the Sanctuary going for a long time.  I have also received a letter from King Alistair informing me that Ferelden would be providing a stipend to us as well and that he expected the same would be coming from the Chantry, and maybe Orlais as well.  I am deeply humbled by the grace you have shown to me in helping me start my dream.  The dream I remember well that we once shared together._

_I’ve already had six former Templars arrive, one of which I trained with when I first started.  So far, they are all doing very well, considering.  I expect a few more to arrive next week._

_I am certain you are married by now, and I wish you all of the happiness that you deserve, which is an infinite amount.  I meant everything I said when I saw you that day in Kirkwall- I will never forget._

_Yours,_

_Cullen_

_P.S. Sera behaved herself remarkably.  She only threatened me with arrows once._

_………_

_Varric,_

_I know that I am probably the last person you want to hear from, given the enormous amount of hurt that I caused, but I wanted to thank you for taking care of Laurel and bringing her to Kirkwall to start a new life.  I know from Sera that a few of our group are living there now- Bull, Cole, and Thom, and that Thom has had an enormous impact on her life, being the father to her that she never had.  Sera also told me some of Laurel’s troubles and the source of the gold that Laurel so generously donated to my Sanctuary.  I don’t feel like I have the right to ask that you all look out for her because I know you will.  She deserves every happiness and as much as I wish that I could be the one to give that to her, my time has passed._

_I wish I could explain my behavior that month.  Looking back, I think I let my former feelings get the better of me, and Neria was so charming and lively- just like I remembered her from our days at Kinloch Keep.  Laurel had become so subdued after the Council, dealing with the loss of her arm, and the regret she felt that I was not ready to have a child, and I grew enamored of the freedom and impetuousness that being back with Neria had initially promised.  It did not take me long to regret my actions, but Neria was pregnant by then, and I knew that even if she hadn’t been pregnant, that I had ruined what Laurel and I had forever by being so selfish._

_Sera let it slip that Laurel married Garrett Hawke- a good man, and so much more worthy of her than I ever was.  I know he will revere her the way she deserves and will never forsake her.  Please make sure that Laurel heeds the warnings I gave her about Neria- she has become unhinged and is capable of just about anything._

_Be well, Varric._

_Cullen_

_………_

               Laurel was working at the bakery when she heard the bell at the door.  Looking up, she smiled to see Brett Hariman walk in, his usual grin on his face as he waved.  “How was the honeymoon?” he asked her.  Brett had been true to his word, becoming a good friend rather than an awkward ex-suitor, and she was looking forward to their first card night in a few days knowing he would be there. 

               “Overall, not bad, if you don’t count the assassination attempts and snooty reception I got in Ostwick,” said Laurel.  “The rest was excellent.”   Brett looked at her and shook his head.  A few minutes later, Ruxton came in, nodding pleasantly at Laurel.

               She looked at him in surprise, but smiled at him, pleased that he seemed to have lost his regal demeanor around her.  He further surprised her by making a purchase of some bread and sweets- something he had never done before.  Even Brett looked surprised.  They all chatted for a little while as Laurel started covering the baked goods for the evening.  Laurel was even more surprised when Ruxton offered to walk her home since she was on the way, and she took him up on it, smiling.  As they were starting to walk home, Hawke caught up with them, and they all walked together.

               As Laurel and Hawke sat down to dinner, Hawke asked her, “What was that all about?”  He had never spoken much to Ruxton Harimann and was still ambivalent towards the family because of Flora, even though he still liked Brett.

               “I don’t know,” said Laurel.  “Brett came in to say hello and ask about our trip, and Ruxton came in, bought some rolls and sweets and then offered to walk me home.  I figured it didn’t hurt to be nice.”  Hawke nodded.  “Brett’s looking forward to card night.  I guess he went a lot while we were gone- we missed some epic smackdowns from what I’ve heard.”

               Hawke laughed. “I heard the same thing.  I’ll be nice to get everyone together for cards again,” he said.  “It’s too bad that Bash can’t be here with everyone.  I’ll bet he can use the company.” Hawke was regretful that they couldn’t stay longer with Sebastian, and that they had to leave him alone after everything that had happened.  He knew that Sebastian would be all right- he had a country to run and a son to raise, but he couldn’t help but feel that he still left him behind. 

               Laurel put her hand over Hawke’s.  “I know it’s hard, Garrett.  I wish he could be here too.  We’ll try to go see him again soon- or maybe there will be a meeting between him and Alistair like we talked about.”  Hawke nodded.  “We’ll make sure he’s not neglected.  Besides, you have a Godson to pay attention to and spoil don’t you?”

               “I do,” grinned Hawke.  “And, we have one of our own on the way,” he said as he squeezed her hand.  “Have you broken down and told anyone yet?”  Hawke had come close to telling Varric when he stopped by to see him after their arrival but had managed to keep the news to himself.  He didn’t know if Laurel would be able to keep herself from telling Thom- he knew she was dying to tell him.

               “No, actually,” said Laurel.  “I’m surprised at myself.  I want to tell Thom and Dorian soon, though.”  She ran her hand over her still flat belly.  “I can hardly wait, Garrett.  I’ve wanted this for so long.”

               Smiling, Hawke said, “Well, Honey, we have some time yet.  I can’t wait either, though.”

               They spent the rest of the evening happily making plans for their baby before falling into bed in each other’s arms.

………

               Hawke and Laurel sat at the dining table with Thom and Bethany the next evening, enjoying a meal together.  Thom and Bethany were planning to be married soon now that Hawke and Laurel had returned from their trip.  Laurel was thrilled for Thom, and for Bethany as well.  They had both been alone for so long; it was like they had been waiting for each other.  Laurel promised them a cake from the bakery if they wanted it and Leena and Orana volunteered to cook again.  After they had talked about the details, Hawke and Laurel looked at each other in silent agreement.

               “We have some news,” said Laurel.  She felt shy at the moment as Thom and Bethany looked at them, waiting.  “I’m pregnant.”  They sat in silence digesting the news for a moment before they both broke into grins.

               Thom got up to pull Laurel into his arms, congratulating her as Bethany did the same for her brother.  “I’m so happy for you, my Sweet,” Thom whispered to Laurel. “I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this.”  He turned to Hawke and shook his hand.  “Congratulations to you too, Hawke.  I know you’ll be an excellent father.”

               “Congratulations to you too, Grandpa,” joked Hawke, earning a smile from the stoic man as he realized that he was indeed going to be a Grandfather.

………

               “Dorian?” Laurel held the crystal in her hand, hoping she would catch him.

               “Hello, Sweetheart.  I’ve missed you.  How was the trip?” She smiled to hear his voice, wishing he was here to tell in person.

               “Pretty good, assassination attempts aside and all that.  Glad to be home again.”  They talked about the trip for a while and about what Dorian was doing.  He was still caught up in Magister business with his friend Maevaris and traveling regularly.  “So, do you think you’ll be able to squeeze in any visits this way?” she asked.

               “From time to time, I imagine,” said Dorian.  “Anything in particular? I know Thom and Bethany are getting married soon.”

               “I was thinking more around six to seven months from now,” Laurel said.  “Just planning ahead.”

               Six to seven months?  What’s going on then?”  Silence.  “Sweetling, are you trying to tell me something?”

               “I’m having a baby.  I was hoping you could be here.” Laurel said.

               “Darling how wonderful!  I’m to be an Uncle,” crowed Dorian. “Of course I’ll be there.  In fact, I’m going to get there as soon as I can.  Have you told Bull yet?”

               “No, not yet,” said Laurel.  “And don’t you dare tell him.  You know how he is- if he gets it second hand, his feelings will be hurt- the big softy.”  Dorian laughed and agreed.

               “You’ll be careful, Darling?” Dorian asked quietly. “There’s been no news on Surana, Isabela or the other Auction winner?”

               “Not much,” said Laurel.  She told Dorian what Alistair had said about Surana and Isabela and his promise to detain her and send her on if he saw her. “Other than that, nothing.”

               “I’m mostly concerned about this winner,” said Dorian. “I know you can take care of yourself, but now you have the little one to think of.  I won’t insult you, but I worry.”

               “I know Dorian,” sighed Laurel.  “Garrett and Thom are already in overprotective man mode, and I know Varric and Bull will chime in when they know.  Garrett is making Athena follow me around everywhere, and he wants to find a way for me to hide another dagger on me somehow.  But they’re right- better safe than sorry.”

               “I know you’ll be careful.  I’ll keep you posted on when I can visit. Love you, Darling.”

               “Love you too, Uncle Dorian.”

………

               Varric knew something was up when Hawke walked into his office and flung himself into his usual chair, putting his boots up on Varric’s desk.  He usually had news of some sort, but it would have to wait.  “Hawke, it looks like you have something to say, but I do too.  And it’s urgent. I was going to send for you if I didn’t see you today.”  Hawke sat up, more alert, waiting for Varric to get on with it.  “I’ve got it from some excellent resources that the other auction winner is definitely located in Kirkwall.  I don’t have a name yet, but now we can start narrowing it down.”

               Hawke sighed.  There were some pretty well off people in this town, but most of them were pretty straight-laced.  “So do we have a list of suspects?” 

               “We’ve got a list together; my people are going over it, looking for any unusual transactions.  Until we find something, keep her close.”  Varric didn’t want a repeat of what happened with de Carrac- no one had seen that coming.  At least this time, they had some warning, it was just up to them to make good use of it.  

               Hawke nodded.  “Athena goes everywhere with her already.  We’ll take care of it.”  Hawke hesitated a moment.  “Laurel is pregnant, Varric.  That’s what I came to tell you.  We need to get this taken care of.”

               Varric smiled.  “Pregnant huh?  Well, congratulations!”  He’d have to stop in one of Sissy’s shops later to see her.  “We’ll do our best Hawke.  For her and the baby.”

………

               Bull walked into the bakery at the end of the evening.  Laurel was happy to see him since she hadn’t seen him since the wedding- the Chargers had just gotten back from a job.  “Hey Boss, glad you’re back.  Varric’s brought me up to speed on everything.  I’m here to walk you home.”  Laurel sighed.  “Hey now, I know you don’t like it, but Hawke will kill me if something happens to you.”  Bull looked at her more closely.  “Somethings different about you.”

               Laurel looked up from her work to see Bull staring at her.  “What do you mean, Bull?”  Bull just crossed his arms and continued to look at her until she blushed.  “Fine- you win.  I’m pregnant.”

               “Ha!” laughed Bull.  “I knew it.”  Laurel gave him a level look.  “Your tits are bigger.”

               “Bull!” said Laurel, shocked.

………

               They arrived at home to find Hawke, Aveline, and Donnic talking at the table.  It was evident from the way they smiled at Laurel that Hawke had told them the news about the baby, and they congratulated her as she sat down, Bull joining them as the subject turned to Varric’s news about the second auction winner and the search for that person’s identity. Hawke was extremely unsettled to know that someone in Kirkwall was hiding right under his nose- it was all he could do not to insist that Laurel stay in the house under protection all the time- but he knew she would never stand for it, and he couldn’t do that anyway.  “Look, why don’t we have Cole stay with you for a while until this is figured out?” Bull finally said.  He looked at Laurel.  “I know you don’t like being escorted everywhere Boss, but after last time, we need to be more careful.  We want you safe.”

               Laurel thought about it, and she glanced at Hawke. She could tell that he was worried, and she didn’t like to see that- they had finally found such happiness together and deserved to have peace of mind.  She reached over and took his hand, trying to reassure him as he looked back at her, concern and fear etched on his face.  “I think Bull is right, Honey.  I’m worried.  Cole is our best shot at keeping you safe.”  She couldn’t say no to him, even if she wanted to. 

               Later that night, Hawke held Laurel close to him as they lay in bed.  He still sometimes had dreams about what had happened the night Ghyslain de Carrac had come after her- dreams of what would have happened had they been too late, or if Cole hadn’t been there.  It made him feel a little better knowing that Cole would be there.  After all this time, he finally had understood why his father had moved them from place to place when they were young- always staying a step ahead of the Templars- keeping himself and Bethany safe from the circles.  He didn’t want to move, and they had no plans to, but if it kept Laurel and the baby safe, he would seriously consider it.  They had decided to keep the baby under wraps to everyone but their friends until they couldn’t anymore- it would be a while yet before Laurel started to show, and even though she was still having trouble with morning sickness, she was not as sick as often as she had been.  He ran his hand over Laurel’s flat belly as she snuggled into him again, wishing his parents and Carver were there to meet his wife and child.  He knew his mother had never approved of Isabela and had despaired that he would never settle down and give her grandchildren. He knew she would approve of Laurel, as would his father, and probably Carver as well, even though he would never admit it.  He just prayed to the Maker that he could keep them safe.

………

               Cole appeared the next morning as Laurel was retching.  He helped her up and led her to sit down as Hawke brought her some ginger tea and crackers.  “Hello little one,” he said as he looked at Laurel.  “It’s so little yet.”

               “I take it you can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl yet?” Laurel said as she drank her tea.  Cole shook his head.

               A little while later, they set out to the bookstore along with Athena, Cole staying unnoticed in the shadows.  Laurel hoped that this would be over soon, not that she minded spending time with Cole, or Athena.  She had often wondered if she had made the right choice to let Cole remain a spirit- but he seemed to be happier.  She figured that the reaction she had gotten from him when she took him to dinner in Orlais showed she made the right choice, but she still wondered from time to time if he was lonely, or if he regretted it as time went on.   He had been invaluable to her, a solid friend and companion over the years and she was indebted to him many times over, and there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. 

               He prowled around the marketplace during the day as Laurel worked, trying to read people who may be involved, but nothing was happening.  Cole rarely became frustrated, but as the days went on, he couldn’t find anything that would help.  Laurel tried to convince him that he wasn’t letting her down because he couldn’t find anything, but he was getting more and more agitated as time went on.

               A month later, there had been no updates or news.  Neither Varric nor his contacts had found any strange transactions or been able to flush out any clues that would show them who to look for.  Both Hawke and Varric were growing more and more concerned every day.  Laurel was worried too- not only because there was no news, but because of the worry and fear she saw growing in Hawke’s eyes every day, and everyone’s else for that matter.  She didn’t like that they were going through this because of her, and even though Hawke reassured her every day that this wasn’t her fault, she still felt responsible. 

               They were still keeping the baby a secret.  Her belly had developed a slight roundness that was undetectable under her dress, but it was enough that Hawke couldn’t keep his hands off it.  He talked to her belly as often as he could and had already started working with Thom to decorate Bethany’s old room as the nursery.  Bethany had moved into Leandra’s room when she returned, and now it would be the baby’s room- Laurel felt safe in thinking that Leandra would have been pleased with that.

               The bell rang as she sat at the dressmakers doing the books.  She looked up to see Brett Harriman coming in and smiled at him.  “What brings you here today?  Looking for a new dress?” she asked him.

               Brett laughed.  “Not today.  Too bloated.  I'm coming on behalf of my father- he would like to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.  He wants to discuss business investments with you.  I know Varric has been after him for a while, but unfortunately, my father is a little er…racist, and will only talk to you about it.”

               “Me?” asked Laurel.  “He could have spoken to Garrett a long time ago.  What’s the big occasion?”

               Brett shrugged.  “Don’t know.  He likes you, I guess.  He called you “a true noble,” or something like that.  He doesn’t think Hawke is good enough.”

               Laurel blew out a breath in frustration.  “Well, I guess I don’t see the harm in talking to him about it.  I’ve had some ideas- some things I’ve been working on for Lowtown.  Maybe Ruxton will hear me out on it.”

               “Thank you, Laurel,” said Brett. “I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”

               After Brett left, Laurel watched him for a few minutes.  “Cole?” she called, knowing full well he had been watching.

               “He thinks you’re beautiful, and he’s glad he’s still your friend,” said Cole.  “He’s unhappy with his sister’s thoughts about Hawke.”  Cole fussed at a bolt of cloth as they talked.  “He means you no harm- he’s your friend.”

               Laurel smiled.  “Thanks, Cole.”  She had been relieved that Brett had taken her refusals with such grace- he was truly a nice person, and if he had come along at a different time, she probably would have been very interested. She could see Ruxton feeling the way he did, though, given how Flora was.  She remembered what Hawke had told her about Flora- and that Flora hadn’t taken it well when she and Garrett had started seeing each other.  It could be awkward, but she knew Hawke would make it up to her later.

………

               “I don’t know, Honey,” said Hawke as they talked about dinner with the Harimans.   “If Cole says Brett is ok, I believe him- but what about Ruxton and Flora?”

               Laurel thought about that.  She had wondered as well- she was all right with Brett- and Ruxton didn’t make her uncomfortable, even if Flora did.  “I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I’ve only met Ruxton a handful of times- I’ve never gotten any type of weird vibe from him at all.  You know I’ll go armed, and Cole will be with me.”  She looked at Hawke.  “I’ll try to keep it short- but this is important.  I could finally get the investment in Lowtown I’ve been looking for.”

               Hawke sighed.  “All right.  I’m going to ask Varric if they were on the list of suspects, though.  From what I remember of the Harimanns, there’s been nothing happening since the whole incident with Bash, but you can never be too careful.”  He had told Laurel long ago about what had happened with Lady Harimann and her role in the assassination of Sebastian’s family, and the effect the demon had on the rest of the household.  Sebastian had not held it against the remainder of the family, aside from not marrying Flora, and Hawke hadn’t either, but now that his wife and child were involved, he didn’t want to take any chances. 

               Laurel came to sit on Hawke’s lap as they talked, winding her arms around his neck, hoping to comfort his disquiet.  She understood why he felt the way he did, and considered canceling the dinner, or even inviting Ruxton over to their house and said as much.  “No, Honey.  I can’t make you a prisoner in your own home over this.  That’s unfair to you, and I can’t ask the Harimanns to change up their plans last minute.  You go and talk to him.  I’ll be here waiting, and Cole knows what to do.” 

               “Thank you, Love.  I know this is hard on you- I wish we could find out who it is and then this would all be over.”  She started to unbutton his shirt as she kissed his neck.  “Why don’t you come upstairs with me and let me find some ways to help you relax?” she whispered in his ear.  Hawke grinned as they rushed up the stairs.

………

               The next morning, Hawke walked into Varric’s office and sat down, waiting for Varric to finish up his correspondence.   “Varric, are the Harimanns on your list of people to investigate over the auction issue?”

               Varric pulled out a sheath of papers and rifled through it.  “Yes- most of the noble houses in Kirkwall were checked out as much as they could be.  He pulled out one sheet and read it over.  The Harimanns had no unusual transactions in the last year, most of their money coming from their import/export business we have set up with Starkhaven.  Choir-Boy seems to trust them, given the circumstances, of course, so we’ve had no reason to look into them.  Why?”

               “Ruxton asked Laurel to come to dinner at their place tonight to discuss investment opportunities in Kirkwall.”  Varric gave Hawke a confused look.  “Don’t look at me.  According to Brett, Ruxton prefers to deal with noble humans, not dwarves or pretenders like me.”

               “Well, that explains a lot,” said Varric.  “I’ve been trying for years it seems.  Well, if Sissy can get through to them and get them to loosen their wallets, I’ll be grateful. You two have done more for Kirkwall then most of our native families have.  Between your investments and your persuading others, we’ve come a long way. You don’t look happy, though.”

               “I just don’t feel right about it,” said Hawke.  “I can’t explain it.  Maybe because I was there when the demon was affecting them-I’ve often wondered about it- especially recently.  You were there- you saw what Flora, Brett, and Ruxton had turned into.  Anders said that they were fine afterward, and I trusted he was right- but what if that demon had just enhanced the baser parts of their natures?  Bash said that Ruxton was a total prude- but remember what he was doing with that elf girl?”

               “Felicitate me!” chuckled Varric.  “That’s something you don’t forget, Hawke.”

               Hawke shook his head.  He never could look Ruxton Harimann in the eye after that. “I don’t know much about demons, but I remember how Brett changed afterward.  It was like he was doing penance or something.  I never saw Flora take a drink of anything stronger than weak ale, either.  She never talked about it, and I never asked, but I wonder.”

               “Would it make you feel better if I came to hang out tonight while Laurel is over there?” asked Varric.  “That way, you have backup if there is a problem.  If there’s no problem, maybe I can win some money back from you while passing the time.  I’m sure Bethany and Thom would be game too.”

               Hawke exhaled.  “Might not be a bad idea, Varric.” He sat for a little while.  “I’ll let Orana know right away and then tell Thom and Bethany.”  He paused for a moment.  “Thank you Varric.  You’re a good friend.”

               “Sissy is important to me too, Hawke.  You’re both good friends.  We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

………

               Brett greeted Laurel warmly as she entered his home, asking after Hawke and his plans for the evening.  “Oh, Varric, Thom, and Bethany are over for dinner.  I’ll probably come home to a very competitive Wicked Grace game- those two go for blood sometimes I think.”

               Brett laughed.  “Yes, Varric does go for the throat- I learned that one the hard way a few times.” They chatted companionably as they walked towards the dining room to find Ruxton and Flora seated and waiting.  Ruxton rose to kiss Laurel’s hand and show her to her seat.  Flora stayed seated- she nodded in Laurel’s direction but didn’t say anything more than hello. 

               They sat at dinner talking about Laurel’s thoughts on ways to improve Lowtown- a better quality of life for the citizens through better jobs.  Ruxton and Brett both listened with interest, asking questions and making suggestions as they ate their dinner.  Laurel could see Cole flitting about through the windows, and it looked like he was trying to get her attention.  Trying to hide her concern, she looked at Ruxton and smiled.  “Well, it is getting late Messere, I should be getting home before Garrett gets worried.” 

               Ruxton waved nonchalantly.  “Let’s have a cup of tea before you make your leave, my lady.  We can start talking arrangements then.”  Laurel studied him and nodded, taking the tea that the servant handed her.  They talked some more as they drank their tea, but before long, Laurel began to feel odd.  She looked at Brett and saw that he looked strange as well.

               “I think I should be going,” Laurel said as she tried to stand, but the drug that had been slipped into her tea, and into Brett’s took effect before she could do anymore, and she slumped into her chair unconscious.


	29. Disaster Strikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have added some tags and changed the Archive warning- please be aware.

                Laurel awoke to find herself in a strange, cavernous area, unable to move.  She felt that she was tied down, but couldn’t tell anything beyond that.  She looked around to see Brett had been tied down as well, still asleep.  She tried to get her bearings and call for Cole, but a hand went over her mouth before she could say anything.

               “Rest easy, Child,” said Ruxton as he gazed longingly at her.  “No one will hear you anyway- not where we are.  Your spirit boy can’t follow- I brought you out through the excavated room in our home- the demons spell kept us protected while we got away.” She looked at him in alarm.  “I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to claim my reward- I don’t know how de Carrac outbid me, but your parents were willing enough to accept my bid in case he failed.  Which he did- spectacularly.  I’ve been watching you for months, trying to figure out the perfect way to take you- a little less publicly and by the time your husband figures everything out, you will already be ruined.”

               He took his hand away from her mouth.  “Garrett knows I was at your place for dinner tonight.  How long do you think it will take for him to come looking?”

               “That’s where I come in,” Laurel heard a sultry mocking voice and looked over to see who it was.

               “Surana,” she breathed.

               “Hello…Inquisitor,” Surana said.  “It’s about time we meet again.  We have some scores to settle.”  Laurel simply looked at her.  “I’ve lost a lot thanks to you.  A lot of gold, and valuable favors, and Cullen of course.”

               “Cullen left me for you,” said Laurel.  “You won.  As for the rest- the Wardens would never have been able to pay what you wanted.”

               “Yes,” spat Surana, “because you gave your cure away for free.  Of course they wouldn’t be able to come up with the price- they didn’t even have to try, thanks to you.”

               “Always happy to help,” said Laurel. 

               “Then Cullen left me,” snapped Surana. “He hated that I was trying to make some coin off my hard work.  He hated that I didn’t want that baby.  I never could measure up to the perfect Inquisitor.  I even tried to get him to take lyrium again, thinking he would forget you.  You ruined everything!” she shouted.

               “I ruined everything?” Laurel snapped back.  “You destroyed my marriage and sent me taunting letters that nearly killed me.  Why?  What did I do to you that to deserve what you did?  I loved him.  If I’m so fucking perfect, why did he leave me for you?”

               Surana gave her a level look.  “Why not?  You had the world at your feet- everyone wanted you.  Why shouldn’t I take what you love most?  I saved the world, and I didn’t get what I wanted.  Why should you?”

               Laurel considered her before she spoke again.  Surana was obviously deluded, so arguing with her would get nowhere, except to buy her some time.  She figured that they were in one of the caves on the Wounded Coast- they couldn’t have gotten very far.  “If you don’t know the answer to that,” said Laurel, “then I can’t help you.”

               Surana regarded her with narrowed eyes.  “It doesn’t matter.  I’m taking everything from you again.  I did my part- getting you away from Kirkwall.  Harimann will take it from here.  That was our deal- I provide the protection, and he takes what he wants.  I get paid, and he gets laid,” she said, smiling. 

               Ruxton approached Laurel, running his hand down her body.  Laurel flinched away, but she was tied down so tightly, she was unable to move very far.  She could feel Solas’ amulet around her neck and thanked the Maker that Surana hadn’t recognized it.  She prayed that whatever the connection was between Solas and the Amulet, that he could use it now to find her.  His magic had to be stronger than Surana’s. 

               “I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you,” Ruxton said. “I’ve heard my son speak of you for a long time, but I will win where he failed.  It’s unfortunate that I had to drug him too.  If he had half the spine that demon gave him, I’d let him enjoy you too.”  He looked at her, the desire he felt mounting inside of him.  After all these years, he remembered the little elf girl and the delicious things they did together when he was under the demon’s spell.  He had spent so many years being the proper husband and father until the demon showed him how fun living out his lust filled fantasies could be.  When he awoke after the demon was killed, he went back to his old life, but never forgot a moment of what he had done.  Unfortunately, the alienage and the elves were under his idiot son’s protection, and he dared not do anything as long as Hawke was in town, and Varric was Viscount.  They had seen him for what he truly was, and knew he would immediately fall under suspicion.  He had been able to keep himself under control, until he met Laurel- her wild auburn hair, her pert little body, even with her missing arm, he found her irresistible. 

               He had been about to enter the bakery that day before the Qunari beat him to it- so he had overheard her news.  It didn’t matter to him- he would take what belonged to him- he didn’t want to wait any longer. He knew he would have to be quick- once that spirit got Hawke, it wouldn’t be long before they came for him- long enough for him to get what he wanted.  He looked at Laurel and caressed her cheek.  “I’ve such plans for you in the time we have together.  I had hoped that I would be able to take you away after de Carrac failed, but you married and left town before I had a chance.  Surana made it possible for me to get you away now, you will be mine.”

               Laurel’s eyes widened.  She could feel that the dagger she kept strapped to her arm was missing, and she could see that Brett would not be able to help her.  “Ruxton, don’t do this.  What have I done to you to deserve this?”

               “Taunting me all this time, parading yourself in front of me.  I paid for you to be mine, and you married someone else.  I know about the whelp in your belly too.  Not that I mind.  I may even let you have it.  If you’re a good girl.” Overcome by his need for her, he crashed his lips against hers in a bruising kiss, not caring that she was not responding and that she was trying to fight him off.  She tried to loosen herself from her restraints, but she was not able to.  She tried to fight as she felt him hike up her skirt and rip her smalls away- tried everything she could as he entered her roughly, thrusting hard into her, hurting her and getting more excited as she cried out in pain.  “I’ve dreamed of taking you, my lady,” he moaned as he grabbed her hips and roughly slammed into her, enjoying her screams.  Her screams and attempts to fight pushed him over the edge and he came, spending himself inside of her, thrusting sporadically as he came down from his orgasm. 

               He kissed the side of her neck as he ran his hands up and down her body, hoping he would have time for another go before they came for him.  It had been worth it, to take her as roughly as he wanted- it made him hard again almost immediately as he thought of it.  He was preparing to take her again when he heard the yelling and saw the flashes of magic from the cave entrance.  How Hawke had found them so quickly, he had no idea, but he knew that he was probably not going to survive this. He was aware that it would only be a matter of moments before they subdued Surana and came for him.  He no longer cared.  He grabbed her by the throat and started to squeeze, knowing in his heart that he could kill her and then they would be together in the Fade.  Forever together.  Laurel gasped and fought as he squeezed, her eyes watering and she could feel herself losing consciousness.  From a distance, she could hear the din as Hawke broke into the room before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth about this chapter for a long time, even up until now- and I seriously considered taking the more violent aspects of this scene out. In the end, I decided to leave it in, but not make it too severe-I will be adding tags. I'm not a fan of rape stories, and I've read a few that are downright graphic and disturbing- but I also feel that Harimann didn't pay all that gold to do anything less. I apologize if it's disturbing.


	30. Disaster Strikes Again

                Earlier in the evening, Hawke watched the clock as the night went on.  He felt unsettled, a foreboding of his own that even Cole’s words had been unable to reassure him.  Varric, Thom, and Bethany were all there as promised, and Bull and Fenris had shown up as well. 

               “I know this sucks, Hawke, but the Kid has never been wrong before.  Brett means her no harm,” said Varric as he dealt a hand of cards.

               “It’s not Brett I’m worried about,” said Hawke.  “Laurel isn’t exactly popular with Flora, and Ruxton…who knows?” He got up and paced around.  He knew he wasn’t going to be satisfied until Laurel came through the door unharmed.  He turned suddenly as Cole appeared on the table amongst the cards, pacing with agitation.  “Cole?” Hawke asked.

               “They’ve taken her- somewhere I can’t follow,” he said.  “She tried to leave, but she collapsed. I couldn’t get into the house.” 

               Hawke and the others grabbed up their weapons and ran out the door towards the Harimann estate.  Hawke busted through the door to find Flora waiting for them.  “Where is Laurel?” Hawke demanded.  

Flora only grinned at him.  Hawke felt his rage rise, and he grabbed Flora and pushed her up against the wall.  “Where?” he shouted at her.  He shook her, demanding an answer.  She tried to stay silent, but he saw her eyes flicker in the direction of the room that Hawke and Sebastian had broken their way into all those years ago.  He pushed her aside, and they ran into the chamber.  They found the series of rooms empty, but Fenris noticed a disturbance in the dirt floor leading off to a recently uncovered antechamber and followed it to a tunnel to the outside. 

They reached the Wounded Coast, and looked around, finding a trail on the sand, but the reached a point where they lost the trail after a while.  They frantically looked around, Cole flitting around trying to find his way.  Hawke fell to his knees- praying to the Maker for help before it was too late.  He knew that if they got too far ahead, he would never be able to find her.  Varric put his hand on Hawke’s shoulder.  “We’ll find her, and we’ll make him pay, Hawke.  Don’t give up.”

They looked up as Cole gasped.  “She’s been blocking me, but she can’t block him.”  He got up and beckoned everyone on.  “He’s showing me the way.”  Hawke got up, and they all started following Cole through the winding trails of the Coast.  They came to a cave where Cole stopped and pointed.  “There.”  They wasted no time entering the cave where they encountered Surana, who was waiting for them with a feral grin.

“Hawke, long time no see,” purred Surana.  He could hear Laurel screaming and tried to get past, only to be thrown back by Surana.  Bethany threw up a barrier between Hawke and Surana, trying to protect him and provide a distraction so the others could attack. 

Surana proved to be a formidable opponent, having had years to hone her magical abilities.  She managed to disarm Bull and throw Bethany back as well before being overwhelmed by Thom, Cole, and Fenris.  Thom took her staff as Surana laughed maniacally.  “Do you think that will stop me?” she asked mockingly.  “I can take you out one by one, and after Harimann is done having his way with your little whore, I’ll make her wish she had never been born.”

Hawke lunged at her when she said that, but Fenris beat him to her, his lyrium tattoos flaring as he plunged his fist into her chest, crushing her heart.  Surana slumped to the ground, gasping as she felt her life leaving her.  Fenris squeezed one final time, watching as Surana drew her last breath.  Hawke looked at her dispassionately before he started running to where Laurel’s screams were coming from.  “Make sure that bitch is dead,” he yelled as he ran.

               Hawke broke in to see Ruxton straddling Laurel on a table, his hands around her neck.  He pulled him off of her and threw him off to the side, pulling his dagger out of his boot to cut through the ropes that held her down.  “Maker, she’s unconscious.  Bethany…please,” he pleaded as Bethany came over to check her over. 

               “Garrett- go help Brett while I take care of Laurel.  I don’t need you hovering.”  Hawke did as she said, cutting through Brett’s bonds as well.  He was still unconscious from the drugs he had been given, but was otherwise unharmed- Hawke slapped his cheeks lightly trying to wake him up, feeling relieved when Brett started to stir.

               “Hawke?” Brett asked groggily. He looked around in confusion before his eyes settled on Bethany working feverishly over a still unconscious Laurel. “What the hell is going on?”

               “I don’t know yet,” said Hawke as he watched Bethany anxiously.  “Your father and Surana brought the two of you here- beyond that- I’ve got nothing.”  He helped Brett to sit up before pacing back and forth.  “Bethany, what’s wrong with her?”

               “I need to get her back to the clinic,” said Bethany.  “I don’t have the right supplies here. And we need to hurry.”  Hawke came over to Laurel and ran his fingers through her hair, praying she would be all right.   Bethany checked her neck and nodded.  “She can be moved.  Bull can probably carry her the most comfortably.”  Bull came in and blanched when he saw Laurel laying on the table.

               Hawke grabbed the ropes that were on the tables and headed over to Ruxton.  “Bull- you, Bethany and Thom get Laurel to the clinic, as quickly as you can.  I’ll secure Harimann and take him to Aveline.  We’ll deal with him later.”  He looked at Laurel and brushed her hair back, kissing her on the forehead before he got to work on securing Harimann.

               Bull went to pick her up when Bethany noticed the blood.  “Oh Maker, no,” she breathed as she checked Laurel over.  She looked at Hawke.  “The baby…”  Hawke paled.  “I’ll hurry, Garrett.  There’s still hope.”  The three left, Bull carrying Laurel in his arms. 

Hawke looked after them for a moment, wanting badly to go along but knowing he’d only be in the way.  He heard a chuckle from Harimann.  “I told her she’d be ruined before you found her,” he laughed.  “Looks like I took your whelp too,” he taunted.  Hawke backhanded him, sending him staggering, but was brought up short by Varric.

“Gag the asshole, Hawke.  He can face justice and be de Carrac’s roommate for the rest of his life,” said Varric.  “I know it would feel good to kill him right now, but he’ll suffer more in prison.”  Varric put his hand on Hawke’s arm.  “Come on, the quicker we get him to Red, the quicker you can get to Sissy and the baby.”

Hawke exhaled and nodded.  They tied Harimann up and gagged him, and helping Brett along, walked back to Kirkwall, entering via the same way they came to the coast- the secret door at the Hariman estate.  As they entered the estate, they came upon Flora, who was reading in the library.  Brett looked at her with disgust as they entered the room.  “Are you going to try to tell me you had nothing to do with this sister?”   Flora said nothing but looked mutinous.  “You knew, and helped plan didn’t you?” he asked her.  He slammed his hand on the table.  “Didn’t you!” he shouted.

“So what if I did?  If I’m not getting what I want- then neither should they,” Flora said. Brett grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up.  “What, Brett?  Are you taking their side against your own family?  She led you on and then left you flat- just like Hawke did to me.”

“I’m not even going to try to explain how messed up you are,” growled Brett.  “You’re coming along to the Guard Captain, along with our miserable excuse for a father.”  He dragged her along, and they made their way to the castle, depositing Ruxton and Flora in front of Aveline.

“Hawke?” Aveline asked as she eyed the two.  “What’s going on?”

“He…” Hawke choked out. “I…I can’t right now.  I need to get to her,” Hawke said as he left the room. Aveline looked at Varric, who sighed and started to explain what he could.  After hearing the basics, Aveline took the two and had the guards take them and lock them up for the time being until they could get to the bottom of this.

Hawke arrived at the clinic to see Laurel still unconscious and Bethany washing the blood off her hands.  She looked up as he came in.  “Garrett…” she couldn’t go on.  He looked to see Thom sitting with his head in his hands and Bull facing away, his hands on the wall, fists clenched. 

“Is she…” Hawke breathed, “is she…” he couldn’t finish, walking over to see her. 

“She’s alive, but only just,” said Bethany.  “I don’t know, Garrett. She lost enough oxygen that I don’t know how she was affected.”  She took a breath and closed her eyes.  “He raped her and then choked her.  If you hadn’t gotten there when you did, he would have killed her for certain.”  She came over and put her hand on Hawke’s arm.  “The baby…I’m so sorry…” she trailed off, not knowing what else to say. 

Hawke fell to his knees as Bethany put her arms around him.  “Will she wake?” he asked hoarsely.  He started to shake as he processed the news that the baby was gone, and wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing that Laurel wouldn’t wake up- he couldn’t face losing them both. 

“I don’t know Garrett,” said Bethany.  “It’s all on her at the moment.”    

Hawke got up and picked Laurel up, laying down and cradling her to him.  He could see the horrible bruises on her throat and prayed that she would come back to him as he curled his arms around her protectively. “Come on, Honey,” he whispered as he kissed her on the top of her head, “don’t leave me.”

The rest of the group arrived a while later after Aveline had gotten Ruxton and Flora put away for a while.  Bethany met them as they came in and quietly gave them the news, watching them sag with grief for Laurel and Hawke.  Varric especially knew what a blow this would be to the both of them and he headed over to put his hand on Hawke’s shoulder, watching as he grieved and held his wife to him.  Varric had been there for both of them as they struggled through loss and heartbreak on their way to finding each other and what he had hoped would be a happy ending.  “Anything I can do Hawke, you name it,” he murmured as he went to sit down.  Aveline came to encourage him as well before leaving- feeling she would be of more use in handling the Harimanns interrogations personally and moving towards finding justice for her friends.

Cole came to sit by Hawke for a moment, brushing Laurel’s hair away from her face.  “Cole, can you feel anything?” Hawke asked hopefully.  Cole looked at her for a moment and shook his head.   It frustrated him that he couldn’t get inside her head, but he tried not to show it- that wouldn’t help Hawke. 

Brett came in a little while later, unable to stay at his estate by himself after everything that had happened and he wanted to check on Laurel as well.  “I’m so sorry, Hawke,” he said. “I had no idea any of that was going on.”  He had truly been in the dark- Ruxton and Flora had kept it that way knowing Brett would say something if he knew, but it didn’t stop him from feeling the guilt that was already gnawing away at him.

Hawke nodded.  “I know, Brett,” he said quietly.  “We’ve all learned the hard way that it’s the people closest to you that can surprise you the most.”  Brett nodded and took a seat, as did everyone else.  No one wanted to walk away until they knew if Laurel would wake up or not.  Bethany checked her again- she was breathing, but it was shallow, and she remained unresponsive.  Hawke sighed and held her close, whispering in her ear from time to time as everyone tried to get some rest.


	31. Aftermath

                She awoke in strange, yet familiar surroundings with a frightened gasp.  “Calm, Lethallan, I am here,” she heard.   She felt herself being picked up and felt Solas’ arms around her as he held her close.  “I am sorry I could not get to you sooner.  That woman- prevented me from finding you at first.  They were well protected.”

               “Am I dead?” Laurel gasped. 

               Solas smiled.  “Not yet, Da’len.”  He picked up the amulet around her neck.  “This is how I find you.  Once you were away from her, I was able to draw you here.  To give you a choice.  You stand on the precipice between life and death- I can send you back if you wish it, or you can move on to where there is no pain.”

               Laurel put her hands on her belly. “But…my baby.  I want to have my baby. Send me back”.  She could tell by the sorrow in Solas’ eyes that something was wrong.

               “I can’t save the babe,” he said sadly.  “He has already moved on to the afterlife.  I’m so sorry, Lethallan.”  Laurel cried out in pain as Solas held her.  “That is why you have a choice.  You can go back- Hawke and your family are by your side, waiting.  Or you can go with your son.”

               “How do I make that choice?” Laurel cried.  “Please, Solas.  Take me and save my baby,” she pleaded.

               “I cannot,” said Solas. “That choice is not mine to make.  But look,” he beckoned her to follow his gaze.  Before them stood a couple holding a baby- a dark haired man and woman, and a young man.  The woman tore her loving gaze away from the bundle in her arms to look at Laurel. 

               “My son chose his wife well, my dear,” said Leandra.  “You’ve been through so much, and still- you fight- for your life, for your son, for my son.  You’ve saved Garrett from a lonely life and gave him a new purpose.  I’m so proud of you both.”

               Malcolm came to sit by Laurel and took her hand in his.  “If you want to go back, know that your son will not be alone.  We are with him, just as we are with you both, and with Bethany and her Thom.  We will wait for you until it is truly your time.  If you want to stay, we will be your family until Garrett comes to you.”

               Leandra and Carver came to sit too, giving Laurel a glimpse of the baby in Leandra’s arms- a little dark haired boy with brilliant blue eyes.  “I would love to see you have a few more of these,” said Leandra smiling, “in time of course.  You and Garrett have a brilliant future ahead of you.  It may not seem like it right now, but I know my son, and if he chose you, I trust that you are every bit as much a warrior as he is.  Live your life with him, daughter.”

               “What do you say, Lethallan?” asked Solas as he brushed her hair back.  “You once asked me why I spared you that day.  Do you remember my answer?”

               “You said it was because I was worth it,” Laurel answered.

               “Indeed you are,” said Solas.  “Your son is here, but I feel that you want to go back.  Why?

               Laurel looked at Hawke’s family.  “Because he’s worth it.”

               Solas smiled in satisfaction.  “Indeed he is.  And he was right in front of you.”

               “Don’t get smug, Solas,” Laurel said.  “I still have questions.”

               “Another time, Lethallan.  If you want to go back, you should go now.  They are starting to lose hope.”

               “If I choose to go back instead of staying here in paradise, will it help you understand why this world deserves to be saved?” she asked him hopefully. 

               Solas considered. “It would be a start.”

               “Then I think you know my choice.  I choose to return.  Not only because of Garrett- but because of everyone else in my life.  I have my family, and you will always be a part of that if you ever want to come back.  It’s never too late, Solas,” she said. She took his hands in her one.  “You will always have a place by my side, should you choose it.”

               Solas gathered her in his arms.  “I do not deserve you, Lethallan.  You know my answer, but I thank you for your offer.” He let her go and put his hand on her throat.  His eyes glowed white briefly, and she felt a healing warmth wash over her.  She looked over to Hawke’s family with gratitude in her eyes.  “Live well, Laurel,” said Malcolm as he squeezed her hand.

Leandra kissed her on the forehead and looked at her.  “Before you go, will you give this little one a name?”  Laurel reached out a hesitant hand to touch her little boy before Leandra placed him in her arms.  She rocked him, memorizing his tiny features, smelling his baby smell and hoping she could remember them when she went back.  He deserved a good, strong name.

“Malcolm Sebastian,” she finally said.  Leandra and Malcolm smiled at her choice. She looked pleadingly at Solas, tears in her eyes.  “There’s no way to save him?  Please?”

“Some things are beyond even my skill, Da’len,” he said sadly.  “He will be waiting for you when it is truly your time.  Until then, he will be well cared for, and we will all tell him stories of his brave parents.”

 Carver ruffled the top of her head as he grinned at her.  “Smack my brother and kiss my sister for me,” he said as he got up.   The three moved on as Laurel turned to look at Solas.

“I know you have questions, but we are out of time.  I will come to you soon, and we can talk.” He kissed her on the forehead in farewell and told her to wake up.

She awoke slowly in the darkened room and looked around in confusion.  She recognized that she was in Bethany’s clinic and saw several people resting in cots and chairs around the room and looking down, saw Hawke’s arms around her as he held her.  Hawke felt her stir and woke from his light sleep, seeing that she had awakened.  “Laurel? Oh, thank the Maker,” he said, relieved.  He ran his fingers through her hair as kissed the top of her head.

               Bethany awoke at Hawke’s voice and came over quickly to check Laurel over.  She looked at Laurel in shock.  “Garrett…her throat,” she said.  “The bruises are gone.”  Hawke leaned forward to check and ran a hand lightly over her throat.  “How?” asked Bethany.

               “Solas,” Laurel whispered.  She was silent as she remembered the circumstances that brought her here, her being drugged, kidnapped…she started to shake as she remembered everything that Ruxton had done to her.  He had ruined her as he promised- how could she face her husband? She felt the panic begin to well up inside her even as she felt Hawke’s arms go around her, but Bethany was quick and gave her a sedative before she started to scream.  They watched her go limp and fall back to sleep, Bethany explaining that Laurel needed more time to heal before facing what happened.  As the others woke up, Hawke reported she had woken up and had been healed by Solas, but that she needed time to rest.  

               Hawke stood up with Laurel in his arms. “I’m taking her home, Bethany.  I have a feeling that she’ll need it when she wakes up.”  Bethany nodded, and she and Thom followed him out the door, the rest of the companions taking their leave to their own homes.  When they arrived at home, Hawke deposited her in their bed and went downstairs to talk to Bethany and Thom.  He sat down, defeated.  “It never ends, does it?” he questioned tiredly.  “There’s always going to be something or someone hanging over both of our heads, trying to destroy what happiness we find.”  He wanted to be strong for Laurel, and for everyone else in his life, as he had always been, but losing the baby, and almost losing his wife at the hands of people whose lives he had helped save had beaten him down badly. 

               Neither Bethany or Thom knew what to say, and their hearts sank to see him lose hope.  Bethany went to sit down by him.  “Garrett, I know things seem bad right now, and there is nothing anyone can do to help you feel better, but not all is lost.  There was no damage caused by the miscarriage-  Laurel can get pregnant again.  You still have each other, and we are all here for you.”  She took his hand, tears in her eyes.  “Don’t lose hope now, Garrett.”

               Hawke squeezed her hand.  “It’s a little hard right now, Bethany.”  He sighed deeply before he got up again.  “I’m going to go back to Laurel- I should be there when she wakes up.”  He walked slowly up the stairs as Bethany looked sadly after him. 

               Thom walked over to her and pulled Bethany into his arms.  “It’s all right, Love,” he said to her. “He doesn’t blame you.  Give them some time to recover.”  Bethany nodded.

               “I know,” she said.  “It’s just killing me to see him this way.  I’ve never seen him give up hope before.”  She kissed Thom and hugged him tight to her.  “I’m going to stay here- at least until she wakes up.  Why don’t you go on home?”

               Thom shook his head.  “My place is here with you and with my girl up there.  I may not be her real father, but she needs one right now.”

………

               Laurel finally awoke late in the day, realizing that she was in her bed, and she felt Hawke lying next to her.  She sat up slowly shaking the sluggishness of the drugged sleep from her head.  She felt Hawke stir beside her and turned to him as he awoke.  They looked at each other for a moment, neither certain what to say.

               “Honey…” Hawke said as he reached towards her.  He didn’t know what to say to her- what do you say to someone who has gone through what she had?  She didn’t flinch away from him, which was a good sign.

               She looked back at him.  “Garrett,” she whispered as she put her hand on her belly.  “The baby…”  She started to cry.  “I’m so sorry,” she wailed.  “I couldn’t fight him off.”  Hawke had his arms around her trying to soothe her as she cried.  They lay together with Laurel wrapped in Hawke’s arms until Laurel finally calmed down.  

               “You don’t need to be sorry, Love,” he said to her.  He put his hand on her belly.  “I’m sorry I failed you.  I had a bad feeling about everything, and I didn’t follow through on it.  This is my fault.”  He buried his head in her belly as he cried.  They curled up against each other as the mourned the loss of their child, neither sure how to move on.  There was a soft knock at the door, and Bethany called to them before she came in and sat down at their bedside.  Bethany had been in the circle when Leandra died and had not been around to help Hawke through the grieving process. She had not seen him this distraught since their father had died.  He had gone through a rough time when Isabela left, but the grief she had seen then did not remotely compare to what she saw now. 

               “I just wanted to check Laurel over, and then I’ll leave you be,” she said gently.  Laurel nodded, and Hawke got up to give them some privacy.  He went downstairs to the kitchen to find Orana somberly scrubbing the sink, feeling the sorrow in the house as her beloved employer and his wife grieved.  She looked up as he came in and started stammering her condolences.

               “Thank you, Orana,” he said.  “Could you put together a tray for us and bring it upstairs?  Laurel should eat something.”  He didn’t feel hungry himself, but Orana looked like she needed to keep busy, and he wanted Laurel to recover.  He went to the library to wait and found Thom sitting and looking into the fire.  “Thom,” Hawke said.  “I appreciate you staying.  Do you want to spend a few minutes with Laurel when Bethany is done?” 

               Thom looked at Hawke closely- he was weary, and there was something in his eye that troubled Thom.  “I would like to if that’s all right with you,” Thom replied.  “But what about you?”  Hawke looked at him.  “I remember what you said yesterday- do you still feel that way?”  Bethany had been up half the night worrying about her brother and Laurel, and Thom had been as well, but Hawke looked like he hadn’t slept at all.  Thom was worried that this would drive a wedge between the young couple- he’d seen couples fall apart for lesser reasons.  He knew both Hawke and Laurel were level headed people, but they had both endured so much in their lives, and he was sure that he saw Hawke hit his limit earlier.

               “I don’t know, Thom,” Hawke said.  “Maybe in a few days, I’ll feel differently, but I just don’t know what to feel right now.  I’m so tired, and I feel so numb right now.”  Hawke had lain awake most of the night thinking about everything that had happened in his life, and how everything that had gone wrong had seemed to come back at him.  He knew, deep down, that what he was feeling wasn’t right. The friendships he had forged over time, and that beautiful woman who had married him proved that he hadn’t done everything wrong, but the bleakness had overtaken him time and time again and he couldn’t help but blame himself and the karma he felt he had wrought upon his life. 

               Thom gave him a level gaze.  “I could give you words of wisdom, but I don’t think you’re in a place to hear them right now.”  He heard Bethany call down that she was done and got up to go upstairs.  “Give yourselves some time to heal, but don’t turn away from each other.  Don’t let yourselves fall into despair.”  Hawke nodded as he stared into the fire and Thom headed up to see Laurel.

               Laurel lay in their bed, staring into the fire as Bethany tidied up the room a little.  Bethany had just told her that whatever Solas had done had healed her wounds and that she would still be able to have children when she was ready.  She remembered everything that had happened with Solas, but she wasn’t willing to talk about it yet, wanting to keep it until she and Hawke were alone.  Regardless of what Solas had shown her- that Hawke’s family had her baby and he wouldn’t be alone, she couldn’t help but desperately want him here with her.  She didn’t know how she was going to live through this and found herself wondering if she should have stayed in the afterlife with her child.  Thom came and sat down on the bed next to her, not speaking, as he had when Cullen left.  He held his arms out to her, and she crawled into his lap and let him hold her, neither speaking for a long time.  Finally, she whispered, “I lost my baby, Thom,” and she started to cry again. 

Thom shook his head at her.  “You didn’t lose your child, Sweet.  The babe was taken from you, and we’re going to make sure that bastard pays for it.”  He held her to him, calming her with his reassuring presence.  “Now, you have a husband who is grieving and beginning to doubt himself.  You’re both hurting, and you need to lean on each other.  Don’t shut yourselves away and let the grief rule your life.” Laurel nodded.  “I’m going to take my leave- I’ll send Hawke up, all right?”  Laurel nodded again and laid back on the bed again.  Thom pressed a kiss to her forehead and left, sending Hawke up to be with his wife.


	32. Finding a Way Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you for all the kind comments and suggestions! It's given me the confidence that I lacked when I first started this story.

               The next day, Aveline and Varric came to see them, looking a little uncomfortable.  “Laurel, I need to ask you some questions about what happened,” said Aveline.  “Are you up for it, or do you want to wait a bit?”  Laurel hesitated.  Physically, she was fine- Solas had healed all of her wounds, including the damage that had been done to her throat, but mentally, she wasn’t sure she could relive what had happened.  Aveline noticed her indecision.  “It would probably be easier to get it done.  The longer it gets put off, the longer you have to face it, right?”

               Laurel nodded and heaved a deep breath.  Hawke was sitting next to her and squeezed her hand encouragingly.  She answered Aveline’s questions about meeting for dinner and how they had subdued her and Brett using the drugged tea.  She had a harder time when they got to what happened in the cave, breaking down on several occasions as she talked about what happened.  Aveline looked chagrined that she needed to ask these questions, but Laurel understood that they were necessary and tried her best to keep it together.  When they were done, Aveline asked Hawke about what had happened in the cave and listened to what he had to say.  When they were done, Aveline told them that everything matched up to what the others who had been involved, which she hadn’t worried about, but she had to follow procedure.  “So what is this about then?” asked Hawke.  He understood the questions, but Aveline still looked troubled.  “If everything is matching up, why do you look worried?”

               Varric took over.  “There’s going to have to be a trial this time,” he sighed.  “The Harimann’s are demanding one saying that they were bewitched by Surana.  Since she’s dead, we need to find a way to prove they were acting of their own accord.  We’re sifting through all the papers we removed from the Trevelyan estate, and we have Guard Captain Carlisle in Ostwick searching the Trevelyan estate again now that we have a name, and checking any transactions through Starkhaven.  I’m sorry.  I wish I could make this end quickly.”

               “It’s not your fault- either of you,” said Laurel hollowly.  It was a final act of cruelty- to make her relive this ordeal over and over.  “Just keep me posted on what’s happening please.”  She got up to go upstairs. “I’m going to lie down for a while.  Could someone write to Alistair and Cullen to let them know about Surana, please?  I just don’t have it in me right now.”  Varric and Hawke nodded.

               After Laurel had left, Varric looked at Hawke.  “She’s not doing well?” he asked quietly.

               Hawke stood up and went to the window.  “I don’t think either of us is right now, Varric.   I don’t know if we will be again.”  Varric walked to him and put his hand on his shoulder.  Hawke sighed.  “You write to Cullen; I’ll take care of Alistair.  Tell Cullen…tell him Laurel will write him another time.”

………

               _Alistair,_

_There is no good way to tell you the news in this situation, so I’ll come out with it.  Surana is dead.  It’s a long story, and not a good one, but the result is the bitch is dead.  Your family can rest easy._

_Hawke_

_………_

_Curly,_

_Things are a mess here right now, but I needed to drop a line and let you know that Neria Surana is dead.  I don’t know how you will take that news, but around here, it’s a relief.  She did some heavy damage here before Fenris took her out and I don’t think there is one person around here that is sorry to see her gone.  I suppose that you will put it together because I am writing you, but the heaviest casualty of Surana’s damage was Sissy.  She’ll be all right in time, I think.  Once the situation is under control, I’m going to arrange to get her and Hawke out of Kirkwall for a while to recover where the memories aren’t so thick._

_If it helps, Surana seemed to be pretty broken up that you ended it with her.  I don’t blame you for it, and you shouldn’t feel bad either.  You and your daughter are better off, and I think she would have eventually ended you.  Maybe not intentionally, but it would have happened._

_Hawke says that Laurel will write another time when she is ready._

_Varric_

_………_

               The next few weeks dragged on while they waited for the evidence they needed to be gathered.  Brett searched through his estate with a fine tooth comb and finally found a letter buried very deeply in his father’s desk that indicated that Ruxton was acting of his own accord.

               _Harimann,_

_After meeting with de Carrac, I’m fairly sure that the man is not very bright and will most likely screw this up.  The owners have accepted your secondary bid, and you will be free to act as soon as de Carrac fails.  I recommend getting her out of town as quickly as you can to somewhere she cannot be found, for all our sakes._

_I._

Varric groaned when he heard about the letter- Hawke was still struggling to cope with everything that had happened, and Varric knew he couldn’t hide this from him.  And he was right- Hawke did not take it well, adding to the guilt Hawke was already suffering.  Everyone watched as both Hawke and Laurel trudged through their days by rote, not speaking much to anyone or each other, not knowing how to help them find their way to each other again.  It was a mild relief that between the letter that Brett had found, and the additional evidence that had been discovered at the Trevelyan estate and the Bank of Starkhaven, that they were able to prove that the Harimanns had not been bewitched.  Everyone had still been forced to testify at the trial, which had weighed heavily on Laurel, forcing her to relive one of the most painful days in her life.  After the trial was over and both Ruxton and Flora were sent to prison, Aveline went to see Varric.  “Now that this is over, what do we do?”

               Varric didn’t need her to elaborate; he had been watching Hawke and Laurel carefully, watching the two people he loved most in this world suffering alongside each other, but not together.  He rubbed his forehead for a moment. “Well, Red, on a good note, I haven’t had to pull Hawke out of the tavern- he’s been staying home.  That’s a good sign.  I’ve seen them together, and they still take care of each other, so they still love each other- that’s a good sign too.  We just need to find a way to make them find their way back to each other.”  He tapped his quill on the table for a while as he thought.  “I’ll send a note to Choir Boy.  Maybe we can send them to Starkhaven for a while.  Sparkler can meet them there- he’s been sending me letters every week - Laurel hasn’t picked up her crystal since before all this happened.  As a matter of fact,” Varric said as he shuffled through some papers,” I believe that Alistair is coming to Starkhaven soon- something that Laurel had started them talking about doing.”  The more he thought about it, the better he liked the idea.  Aveline nodded approvingly and took her leave.

………

               _Sparkler,_

_Sorry I haven’t returned your letters- assuming that Tiny has kept you in the loop as to what’s happening here in Kirkwall.  I’m in the process of arranging to send Hawke and Sissy to Starkhaven to stay for a while.  Closer to you, out of this place for them.  Let me know as soon as possible if you can make it- I’ll have Tiny tell you the details when I know them._

_Varric_    

………

_Choir Boy,_

_Usually, I’d leave the letter writing and news delivery to Hawke, but there’s been a problem, and I think we need your help.  I know Hawke told you about what Sissy’s parents did- selling her to the highest bidder, and that Ghyslain de Carrac was involved as the winning bidder.  The second winner finally showed himself in the form of Ruxton Harimann, with the help of his daughter, Flora, and Neria Surana.  I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in._

_To make a long story short, which is not easy for me- they kidnapped Sissy and managed to get her as far as a cave on the Wounded Coast before we were able to get to her.  Unfortunately, we were too late- Harimann had already made his move, resulting in Sissy losing the baby._

_Sissy’s adopted father, Thom Rainier and Hawke’s sister, Bethany are anxious about the two of them- both are despondent and not leaving the house much.  I’ve been to see them a few times, and both of them are slipping back into the what they used to be before they got together.  We need to bridge the gap before they fall apart completely.  I can tell that they still love each other, so I am hoping a change of scenery and being removed from the bad memories will give them the push they need._

_Since you were such a great help to Hawke after he returned from Weisshaupt, and you seemed to have hit it off so well with Sissy, I’d like to send them your way for a while.  Sissy’s friend Dorian will be making his way down to help as well.  You haven’t met, but he’s a Tevinter Magister- Sissy took his name when she moved the Kirkwall, so they refer to themselves as brother and sister- he’s the best at getting through to her when she’s like this.  I know you have the meeting with Alistair planned soon as well, and I think seeing him would lift Sissy’s spirits tremendously._

_I’m hoping you’ll help me on this- Hawke and Sissy mean a lot to me, and I want to see them happy.  I’m sending this with my fastest raven- please return your reply with it if you could._

_Varric._

_………_

_Varric,_

_Of course, they can come to stay for a while.  Because of the two of them, I still have my crown, but I would do it anyway regardless.  There is plenty of room in the cabin that Hawke stayed in when he was here for everyone- they can spend some time there and then come to the castle when Alistair arrives.  Forward me the details, and I will make sure everything is prepared._

_Sebastian_

_………_

_Hawke,_

_What the hell kind of letter is that?  You left a lot of detail out, and I’m worried.  Please tell me that Laurel is all right.  As for Surana, I can’t say I’m sad to hear of her death, and Oghren didn’t exactly shed a tear either.  I’ll be coming to Starkhaven to have the meeting that you and Laurel encouraged and am hoping that you will be there.  Otherwise, I’m coming to you to make sure everyone is ok._

_Alistair_

_…….._

When he had received Sebastian’s answer, Varric went to Hawke’s and told them to pack up- they had been invited to Starkhaven for a while.  Hawke shook his head.  “We’re not really in a visiting mood, Varric,” he said quietly. 

               “Viscount’s orders,” said Varric.  He put his hand on Hawke’s shoulder.  “I’ve not said anything, but I’ve been watching you and Sissy, and the divide between you is growing rapidly.  Is that what you want- to end up living parallel lives in the same house?  It’s the way you’re going.  One day, you’re going to wake up and have nothing between you anymore.” 

               Hawke put his head in his hands.  “I’ve failed her in so many ways, Varric.  My whole life has been one disaster after another, and now I’ve brought her down with me.”

               Varric shook his head.  “You think her life has been a thin slice of heaven?   She was happy with you, Hawke.  She can be again if you two would just talk to each other instead of grieving alone.”  He paused for a moment.  “You two have something special- you make each other happy, and you belong together.  Go get that back.” 

               Hawke sighed.  “You’re right Varric.  Living like this isn’t doing either of us any good.  I’ll go talk to her.”

………

               Hawke asked Orana to start packing their things for an extended trip to Starkhaven and then went up to talk to Laurel.  “Honey?” he said as he knocked on the door before opening it.  She looked at him from the chair she was sitting in.  He sat down on their bed and patted the space next to him, inviting her to come and sit.  When she did, he took her hand.  “I miss you.  It’s just been pointed out to me that we’re not talking to each other and that we’re starting to grow apart.  I don’t want that to happen.”  Laurel looked down at their joined hands.  “We’re taking a trip to Starkhaven.  We need to get out of here for a while so we can reconnect and focus on each other for a while.  What do you say?”  He looked at her hopefully.  She looked about as lost and forlorn as she had when she first came to Kirkwall- he hadn’t realized it until now.  “We can visit with Bash and Michael and watch him play with the dogs.  Spend some time together.  I think we need it.”

               Laurel squeezed his hand.  “I miss you too.”

               “So shall we go?” asked Hawke.  Laurel nodded.  


	33. Back to Starkhaven

               Sebastian waited in front of the cabin as the carriage pulled up.  He smiled as Hawke descended, trying not to look shocked at the changes that had come over him.  Hawke looked like he had the first time he was in this very cabin.  The astonishment Sebastian felt made way to a gasp he had to quickly swallow as he saw Hawke help Laurel down from the carriage.  The last time she was here, she had been so lively and gracious, in spite of everything that had happened, that he was shocked to see her now. Pale, unsmiling- it just didn’t seem like the same person.  Sebastian covered up his dismay by smiling and coming forward to embrace both of them, and to pat Athena as she stood by.  “I’m glad to see you both.  Please come inside and make yourselves at home.”  Sebastian had ordered some lunch put out for everyone when they arrived and made sure that everything was clean and cozily made up for them.  He wasn’t sure when to expect this Dorian, or if Hawke and Laurel even knew he was coming, but there was plenty of room for him as well. 

               After they had eaten, Laurel went to go lie down for a while, and Sebastian and Hawke went outside to sit and enjoy the temperate weather.  They sat quietly for a while before Sebastian finally had to say something.  “I suppose I’ll just come right out with it instead of beating around the bush.  What happened Hawke?  You look as bad as you did when you came here after Weisshaupt, and Laurel is so pale and tired looking.  Talk to me.”

               Hawke sighed.  He told him what had happened with Ruxton- the dinner and the drugging of both Laurel and Brett, and also explained a bit about his past with Flora and how she would not accept his disinterest no matter what he said.  When he got to what happened in the cave, he broke down.  “He raped her, Bash.  He raped her and then choked her, and the trauma and loss of oxygen caused her to lose the baby.  She almost bled to death.  If Surana had been able to raise a decent army to fight for her, or if Cole hadn’t been able to find her thanks to Solas, Laurel would be dead right now.”

               “It’s a horrible thing that has happened for certain,” said Sebastian, “and you have my deepest sympathy.  From what Varric said, and from what I see, there is more to this than what happened to her.  Why aren’t you talking to each other about it?”

               Hawke looked down.  “I don’t know.  I blame myself for this whole mess.  Everything bad that has happened to her since she moved to Kirkwall has happened on my watch- de Carrac, Isabela, Harimann- I should have been more vigilant.  Every time I see her and try to talk to her, I can’t stop the guilt and shame I feel that I wasn’t there to protect her and that she got hurt because of me…”

               Sebastian’s hand on his arm stopped him.  “It wasn’t because of you, Hawke.  You have to know that.  I bet Laurel would tell you the same thing if you told her how you felt.”

               Hawke shook his head.  “It’s more than that, Bash.  All my life, things just seem always to go wrong.  Moving from place to place as a kid to protect Dad and Bethany from the circle, nothing in Kirkwall ever seemed to work right- something was always messed up, or going sideways, or getting destroyed.  After everything happened, I have to go on the run and stay on the run. Then I go to the Inquisition and end up in the fucking Fade.  Isabela leaves me, and then I finally meet someone who makes everything make sense.  Just when I think we’re finally going to be able to settle down and have some peace, Isabela decides to come back, Surana makes trouble, Laurel’s parents sell her out, twice, and now, on top of everything, our child is gone.”  Hawke swiped his hand over his face and stood up pacing.  “Laurel once said she lost her soul because of her actions in the Inquisition, and we ended up comparing everything that has happened in our lives.  What if she’s right?  What if we’re cursed?”

               Sebastian watched his friend pace for a while, thinking back to everything he had been taught by Mother Elthina. “So what if you’re right, Hawke?  What if you are both cursed?  Should you split up and go your separate ways, better off without each other? Where were you both before Laurel came to Kirkwall?  You were alone, and don’t tell me you were happy.  If you had been, you would have come to visit me long before you did.  She had been abandoned by her husband and was alone too, and I’m sure she wasn’t happy.  When you brought her to see me, you looked more at peace and happy than I had ever seen you, even when you were with Isabela.  You two are right together if you can get past this.”

               Hawke sat down again, thinking about what Sebastian had said.  The day he married Laurel had been the happiest day of his life.  He had been deeply attracted to her since the day they met at Skyhold, and that had not changed when she moved to Kirkwall, and throughout her first year there, growing stronger as they worked and trained together.  He remembered their conversation on the ship and how horrified he had been at her revelations that she was damaged and should be alone and how he had tried to talk her out of it.  There had been no doubt in his mind when they first got together that they were meant for each other, and that their mutual losses would help them to understand each other in the future.  So what had changed?  He still loved her.  Deeply.  He still hoped they could have a family together if she were willing.  Sebastian and Thom had been right- they needed to come back together, and he desperately wanted to make it happen.

               As they sat and talked, they heard a horse coming down the trail and looked up to see Dorian approaching.  Dorian slid off his horse and came over to the two men as they stood to greet him, and hugged Hawke to him. “I’m so sorry,” Dorian murmured to him.  Hawke nodded and introduced him to Sebastian and the three men sat down to talk, bringing Dorian up to speed on everything that Bull had not been able to. 

               “She’s inside resting,” said Hawke, “I didn’t tell her you were coming.  She’s been avoiding everyone, and I didn’t want to give her a chance to back out of coming here.”    

               “Why has she been avoiding me?” asked Dorian.  “I’ve been trying to contact her for weeks. You say she’s been avoiding everyone?”  That worried him.  Even in the midst of her troubles with Cullen, she still saw people- not many, but she didn’t avoid them.  On the other hand, Thom and Leliana didn’t give her a choice.

               “She’s gone to her businesses- otherwise, she stays at home.  She’ll see Thom every once in a while, and me, of course, but other than that…” Hawke trailed off.  He shook his head.  “I feel so useless.”

               “Well, this ends now,” Dorian said as he stood up.  “I’ll go in and sit with her until she wakes up, then we’ll talk.”  He looked at Hawke.  “I know things seem bleak right now, but it’s always darkest just before the dawn.”

………

               Laurel woke to find Dorian sitting in a chair next to her bed, but for the first time she could remember, did not react to seeing her dearest friend and brother in the same room with her.  “You don’t seem surprised to see me, Laurel,” observed Dorian.  “I’m hurt by your less than stellar greeting.”

               “Sorry Dorian, I guess I’m just not into social niceties lately.”  She sat up as Dorian came to sit next to her on the bed.  “I am glad to see you,” she said as she took his hand.  “I just can’t seem to show it.”

               “After everything?  Of course not.  That’s why I’m here,” said Dorian.  “Bull told me you haven’t been seeing anyone, and you need to start again, or you are never going to heal.  Now, are you angry at Hawke?  Varric told me that you two are barely speaking to each other.”

               Tears came to her eyes.  “I’m not angry at him; I’m mad at myself.”  Dorian waited for her to go on. “Garrett had misgivings about my going to the Harimann’s that night, and I didn’t listen.  I let myself get in that situation, I couldn’t stop Ruxton, and because of my stupidity, I lost our baby.  How do I face him after that?”  Dorian held her as she cried out her fear and anger, just like he did when she had first come to Kirkwall, again cursing the turn of events that caused his dearest such pain. 

               After she had calmed down, Dorian sat her up again.  “Darling, you’re both angry at yourselves and afraid to talk to each other about it.  You two have never held anything back from each other, but now, when you need each other most, you stop talking.  He thinks that you hate him for not protecting you.  Is that right?” 

Laurel looked up in shock.  “No!” she exclaimed.  “I love him, Dorian. It’s just that sometimes I think he would be better off without me- trouble seems just to follow me.  Maybe the Maker hates me.”

Dorian thought before he spoke again.  “I believe that trouble seems to follow the both of you.  You need each other to get through it, don’t you think?  Look, Sweetheart,  I still think that you two were put together for a reason- and I don’t want to see you fall apart.  Will you talk to him?”  Laurel nodded.  “That’s more like it, Darling.  Now, why don’t you get cleaned up and then you two can finally talk.”

………

               Laurel waited anxiously for Hawke, looking up as he entered the room and sat on the bed.  They didn’t speak for a while before Hawke reached over and took her in his arms, running his fingers through her hair.  She sighed when he did that- she knew he loved doing that and it had been so long it seemed. They had been here once before, right after Laurel had woken from her sedated sleep after she had been saved, but this time, they were ready to listen to each other.  They talked into the night, both realizing how foolish they had been not to do so earlier.  Each of them had been so busy blaming themselves that they didn’t pay attention to each other’s feelings.  After talking, they realized that they had to stop blaming themselves for what had happened and find a way to move on- hoping that their troubles would be over.  Surana was dead, as were her parents, and de Carrac and the Harimanns were going to be gone for a long time.  Flora would be back sooner, but neither of them worried about her- they knew that she would either go live somewhere else, or Brett would keep her in line if she chose to stay in Kirkwall.

               Later on, Dorian quietly went in to check on the two of them and found them both asleep with their arms around each other.  Smiling to himself, he backed out of the room, letting them stay asleep.  He went out to sit with Sebastian.  “Both asleep.  I think they’ll be all right.  How long are they staying?”

               “As long as they want,” said Sebastian.  “I’m going to check with them tomorrow to see if it’s all right to bring Michael and Duke out for a while- I don’t want to unless Laurel can handle it, given the circumstances.”  Dorian nodded. “Thank you for coming to help,” Sebastian said to Dorian.  “Hawke told me about you when they last visited.  I’m glad I got a chance to meet you.  I don’t know if you’ve been told, but Alistair is going to be here next week- a meeting that was encouraged by both Hawke and Laurel.  I’d like to surprise them.”

               “A visit from Alistair would be most welcome,” said Dorian.  “He and Laurel have been good friends for a while, and he’s done her a lot of good. Is he bringing the family?”

               Sebastian nodded.  “We thought it might be good for Michael and Duncan to play together- they won’t remember it, probably, but it will be a start.”  Sebastian had found himself looking forward to the visit more and more as time went on.  He kept busy with Michael and ruling his country, but there had been a void left- not by his wife, but by Hawke and Laurel when they left.  He had forgotten what it was like to have friends nearby, ones that treated him like a person instead of a prince.  His advisors were trying to encourage him to marry again, but since there was an heir, he felt there was no hurry. 

               “Well, that sounds interesting- I may stick around to watch if that’s all right with you.”  Sebastian nodded again.  He liked Dorian- even if he was a Magister. “Good,” continued Dorian.  “I think it’s off to bed for me.  Good night.”

………

               The next few days went well- Laurel had been okay with Michael coming to the cabin, and they had a good time watching him run around with the two hounds, giggling and screaming with laughter.  Hawke could see the sadness in Laurel’s eyes, knowing she was thinking of the baby and took her hand, holding it as they sat and watched.  Even though it made her sad, she loved watching Michael and Sebastian together- carbon copies of each other, even down to some of their mannerisms. 

               “Do you want to try again?” Hawke asked Laurel as they lay in bed together that night.  “Bethany said it would be all right since Solas healed you.”

               Laurel was quiet for a while.  She still hadn’t told him about what she had experience with Solas when she was unconscious- she wanted to tell him, but just hadn’t found the right time.  “I think I do, but when I think about it, I feel weird- like I’m trying to replace the baby I lost.  I know it’s silly, but I can’t help it.”

               “It’s not silly, Honey,” said Hawke as he rubbed her arm.  “I understand how you feel.  We have time- nothing needs to be decided right now.”  He squeezed her to him and kissed her, whispering to her how much he loved her and how that would never change.

………

               Days later, Laurel found herself on the way to the castle at Sebastian’s request, Michael riding with her on her horse.  She had been spending a lot of time with Michael during the last week and still delighted in watching him as he ran and played.  She had thought a long time about whether or not she was ready to get pregnant again, and her time with Michael had shown her that she still wanted to be a mother- that hadn’t changed.  Hawke rode up alongside her and smiled at her and Michael, enjoying seeing them together

               After getting settled in the same room they had stayed last time, Laurel took a walk on the battlements again and stopped to look over the town- it was an incredible view.  “We really must stop meeting like this,” she heard from behind her.  She turned to see Sebastian heading her way and smiled.  He walked up alongside her and took her arm in his.  “You’re looking better, Laurel.  I hope you are feeling better?”

               “I feel better than I did a week ago, and I’m glad that Garrett and I are reconnecting.  I think things will improve even more in time,” said Laurel.  “What about you Sebastian?  I’ve been so wrapped up in my problems, I’ve forgotten to ask how you’ve been.”

               “I’ve been well,” Sebastian replied. “It’s not like I lost a close companion- so I’m no lonelier that I was before.  Michael takes up what time that ruling a country does not- I’m content with that.”  They stopped to look out at the town again.  “It would be nice to find someone to share my life with, maybe have more children, but I am content to wait for the right person this time.”

               “I hope you find someone,” said Laurel, as she squeezed his arm.  “I can’t thank you enough for giving us a place to stay.  I didn’t think I wanted to leave the house, but I’m glad we came here.”  She looked out over the town thoughtfully. 

               “You’re entirely welcome, Laurel,” said Sebastian.  “I’m glad I was able to help.”  He hesitated before asking.  “Do you want to talk about it?  I feel horrible that I didn’t follow up with the Harimanns after everything.  Maybe if I had, this would not have happened.”

               “You can’t blame yourself, Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “From what I understand, Ruxton hid it well- even his son didn’t know.  Garrett and I have learned to stop blaming ourselves over this, so I hope you will too.”

               Sebastian nodded.  “I’m just glad being here helps you both.  Both of you have faced a lot of loss in your life.  I remember when Hawke’s mother was killed- I was there when we found her with that mage.  Hawke shut himself away for weeks after that- I thought Varric was going to kill Gamlen for blaming Hawke for everything.  Hawke took the blame to such heart- I should have known the same would happen in this situation.   He’s gotten so use to protecting everyone, he doesn’t know how not to blame himself.”

               Laurel thought about what he said for a while.  “Did he feel the same way after what Anders did?  He never talks about it.

               “Moreso, I think.  He and Anders were good friends.  Since Hawke’s father and sister were mages, he was sympathetic towards Anders, primarily because Anders used his powers for healing those who would not have had it otherwise.  It almost killed him when he watched his friend descend into madness, culminating in the explosion at the Chantry.  I have to admit that I did not make things easier on him- I was grief stricken and lashed out- I barely comprehended it when I watched him kill his friend. But he did it, and it hurt him badly.  I always felt guilty, like he killed Anders for my sake, but he assured me later that he did it to free his friend from his misery.”

               “I can see why he doesn’t talk about it,” said Laurel.  She sighed. “So much loss and tragedy in his life.  And now the baby on top of it.”  She thought for a while.  “He asked me if I wanted to try again- to have another baby.  I was afraid at the time, but maybe it is time.”

               Chuckling, Sebastian said, “Well, I can’t help you with that, but my son is the greatest joy in my life if that counts for anything.”

………

               Laurel found Dorian reading in his room and sat down next to him.  “Hello Darling,” he said as he put his book down.  “What’s on your mind?” 

               “Nothing.  Just came to see you for a while.  Garrett is busy with Sebastian right now, and Michael is napping,” said Laurel. 

               “Well, I’m glad you did,” replied Dorian.  He leaned towards her looking at her closely.  “Are you feeling better?”  They had spent quite a bit of time talking over the last week, and Dorian thought it had done Laurel a lot of good, but she was still quiet.

               “I feel better than I had been,” Laurel said.  She looked down.  “I was talking to Sebastian earlier, and he told me some things about Garrett- the losses he’s suffered.  Most of it I knew about, but he told me a little more about Anders.  Garrett never talks about Anders.  It made me wonder about something I haven’t told him.  I don’t know if I should.” Dorian looked at her curiously.  He never knew Laurel to keep secrets from Hawke and was curious what she hadn’t told him.  Laurel told him about Solas and Hawke’s family and the baby.  Tears came to her eyes as she told him the story she had never told anyone.

               Dorian felt himself tearing up as she told him.  “Why haven’t you told Hawke about this?” he said as he took her hand. 

               “I don’t know.  At first, there was such a distance between us that I was afraid it would push us apart even more.  Now I fear that we’ll fall apart because I haven’t told him.  I just haven’t known how to bring it up, now that we’re talking to each other again.”

               Dorian sat thoughtfully for a while.  “I don’t know if I can advise you on that. Perhaps you two just need the right time- and it hasn’t felt right yet. You know when to tell him, and I don’t think he’ll be angry.”  Laurel bit her lip and nodded.  “I have to ask, Sweetheart, but I think I already know the answer.  Have you and Hawke been…intimate since it happened?”

               Tears filled Laurel’s eyes.  “No,” she admitted.  Dorian tightened his grip on her hand.  “Ruxton hurt me and ruined me, Dorian.  Even thinking about it makes me tense up and I know it will hurt.”

               “Has Hawke said anything?” asked Dorian.

               “He asked me last week if I wanted to try again.  I told him I wasn’t sure- I was afraid that it would make me forget the child I lost.” Laurel got up and started pacing, agitated.  She stopped and looked at Dorian.  “Do you know that your arms ache after you lose a baby?  I’ve had phantom pains before that have woken me at night, but nothing like the pain I have from not being able to hold my child.”  She fell to her knees in despair.   Dorian came to sit beside her, wrapping his arms around her as she cried.  He cradled her in his arms, letting her work out her grief.

               “I didn’t know that,” he said softly.  “I can’t imagine the pain, Sweetling. But this pain won’t go away unless you open up to your husband about it.  He loves you, and you know he will do everything in his power to make you comfortable.  He would never ask you to do anything before you are ready.”

               “I know,” said Laurel.  “He’s been very patient.”  He had been.  The first time Laurel awoke with the new ache in her arms from not holding her child, he had learned how to help her alleviate the pain and had been wonderfully supportive.  She also knew he would never pressure her into being intimate before she was ready and that he would wait for her to approach him without complaint.  She truly was fortunate to have such a wonderful husband.  He deserved more than she was giving. 

………

               Hawke returned to their room after spending time with Sebastian to find Laurel sitting out on their balcony with a cup of tea.  She smiled as he sat down and poured himself a cup too.  “I used to love sitting on my balcony at Skyhold,” Laurel said.  “When I had something to work out, I’d sit out there and look at the mountains.  There was something about looking at them that make my problems seem more solvable.  It’s one of the few things I miss about that place.”  She sat quietly for a moment, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say.  She hoped he wouldn’t be angry that she hadn’t told him sooner.  Hawke could tell something was on her mind, and he waited for her to be ready to tell him.

               “I saw our baby…” she started.  She felt Hawke’s eyes on her as she struggled to continue.  “You know that I saw Solas after…after what happened.  He told me I had a choice- to come back to you or to stay with our son.”  She glanced at Hawke, who was gazing at her intently.

               “Our son?” he asked quietly.  Laurel breathed out and nodded.  Hawke reached to take her hand and drew her into his lap.  “I have a feeling there’s more.”

               Laurel nodded.  “I begged Solas to take me and save the baby, but he couldn’t.  He said that was beyond his control and our baby had already gone.  He gave me the choice to stay with him if I wanted.”  She felt a tear trickle down her cheek and felt Hawke’s arms tighten around her.  She took another breath and continued.  “I almost chose to stay, but Solas showed me that the baby would be in good hands. He’s with your parents and Carver.”

               Hawke sat in stunned silence for a moment.  “You met my family?”  There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t think of his family- reminders were everywhere- from their home to simpler things like the smell of elfroot reminding him of his father and his potion making. 

               Laurel nodded.  “They’re very proud of you and Bethany, and they’re watching over all of us.  Leandra was holding our baby, and she showed him to me and told me they would take care of him, and he would be waiting for us until it was our time.  He looked so like you- dark haired with your eyes.”  Laurel was shaking as she spoke and she could feel Hawke shaking too.  “I begged Solas to save him, but he couldn’t.”  They sat for a long time, both mourning their lost child.  It hadn’t mattered to either of them if their baby was a boy or girl, or who the baby looked like- they had just wanted their baby. 

               “Leandra asked me to name him,” she said.  She could feel Hawke waiting for her to continue.  “I called him Malcolm Sebastian.  I hope that’s all right.”

               Hawke hugged Laurel to him tightly.  “It’s perfect, Honey,” he whispered.  “I’m so thankful you chose to come back to me.  I love you so much.  I can’t imagine my life without you.”

               “Are you angry I didn’t tell you sooner?” Laurel asked hesitantly.

               “No, Honey,” said Hawke.  “You had to be ready to tell me that, and I think I had to be willing to hear it.  I’m glad you told me.”  Laurel remained silent, something still obviously on her mind.  “What is it?”

               She looked down.  “I want to try again, but I’m afraid it will…hurt.”  It took Hawke a moment to catch on to what she was saying, but when he did, he understood.  He knew what had happened to her from her talk with Aveline, and he understood why she felt the way she did, but he didn’t know what to say to that- he didn’t know how to help her, and he didn’t have anyone to go to for advice. 

“You know that we can wait until you’re ready, and you know that I’ll be gentle with you when you are.  I’m not sure how else to help you through this.”  Laurel caressed Hawke’s cheek, smiling as he caught her hand up and kissed her palm.  She kissed him, letting it deepen as they wrapped their arms around each other. When they finally drew apart, she rested her forehead on his.  She was ready- she felt it.  He deserved a wife who gave him children and made love to him, and she didn’t want to make him wait anymore.

“I’m ready,” she said as she kissed him again.  She felt his fingers running through her hair before he tightened his grip, bringing her head back as he kissed her neck.  She sighed in pleasure as she felt his hands roaming her body, only to change to a sigh in disappointment as there was a knock at the door.  She heard Hawke groan against her as she started to get up to answer the door.  She opened the door and smiled to find Lily standing there with a bag in her arms.

“My lady, it is good to see you again.  I’ve brought a gift from Prince Sebastian and to help you get ready for dinner, which will be taking place in a half hour.”  Laurel let her into the room and glanced at Hawke, who smiled. 

“I suppose we can’t ignore a royal summons,” said Hawke.  He grabbed Laurel around the waist and whispered that later she would have his undivided attention as he nuzzled against her neck before she was dragged away by Lily.  The gift turned out to be a lovely cream colored gown that Lily helped her dress in before attending to her hair.  Hawke could barely take his eyes off her as they walked hand in hand to dinner, enjoying the closeness that was returning between them, and how beautiful she looked in that new dress.  They arrived at the dining room to find Varric, Fenris, and Bull waiting for them.

“What are you doing here?” asked Laurel as she hugged each in turn. 

“We’ll get to that,” said Varric.  He looked at Laurel appraisingly.  “You look a lot better Sissy.  How are you?”

“I’m ok, Varric,” said Laurel.  “Things are much better.”  Varric pulled her into another hug- he had been so worried about her.  When Sebastian had extended the invitation to him to attend the meeting with Alistair, he jumped at it- partially to open up some new prospects for Kirkwall, and partly so he could see how Hawke and Laurel were coming along.  There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t think and worry about them. He was glad to see them walking into the room hand in hand and to see that Laurel was looking much improved.  He let her go when Sebastian entered the room, and everyone took their seats.  Dinner was a merry affair, everyone telling stories in turn.  Laurel sat quietly as she listened, laughing at the funny bits but didn’t offer any stories herself.  She looked at the people around the table- Hawke, Sebastian, Varric, Dorian, Fenris and Bull and marveled at how her life had turned out and the friends she had made.  Her heart still ached for her child, but it no longer consumed her completely as it once did.  She wondered if the sadness she felt would ever go away, or if she would ever stop longing for the child she lost. She knew that her life would continue and that she and Hawke would find their way through this and be together until it was time to join their son and the rest of their family. She felt Hawke’s eyes on her through dinner, and she took his hand and smiled at him, wanting to let him know she was all right.

After dinner, they finally told Laurel why Varric had arrived- it seemed everyone knew but her.  “We are going to have the meeting with Alistair as you and Hawke suggested,” said Sebastian.  “They should be here sometime in the next few days.

Laurel grinned.  “I thought something was up- the servants have been scurrying around more than normal,” she said.  “Is it just Alistair, or are Catarina and Duncan coming too?”

“I believe the whole family is coming,” said Sebastian.  “I invited Varric to be part of it- I figure a good relationship between Ferelden and Kirkwall would be most welcome as well.” 

“I’m so glad you’re doing this, Sebastian,” said Laurel.  “I know you and Alistair will get along famously.”  She was looking forward to seeing Alistair again.  “Have you planned any events other than meetings?” 

“Yes, of course,” replied Sebastian.  “Outings, tours of Starkhaven, banquets and a Grand Ball.  I hope you and Hawke will stay for it all.”

Laurel looked at Hawke, who had approached as they were talking.  “Of course, Bash,” said Hawke.  “We wouldn’t miss it.”  She felt Hawke’s arm go around her waist and she leaned into him affectionately.  She could see that the party was breaking up and servants were starting to show everyone to their rooms when Hawke leaned in and whispered that it was time for undivided attention if she hadn’t changed her mind. 

Dorian watched the two leaving and smiled to himself.  “What’s up, Kadan?” he heard from behind him.  Bull put an arm around his shoulders as they both watched Hawke and Laurel leave the room.

“Nothing, Amatus,” said Dorian.  “I do believe someone is getting back on the horse is all.”

………

               Hawke and Laurel reached their suite, closing and locking the door behind them before looking at each other.  Hawke took Laurel gently around the waist and drew her close, kissing her longingly and deeply.  He pulled her closer into his arms, just holding her for a moment before asking her if she was still ready.  Laurel nodded- that hadn’t changed.  She brought her lips to his again as she started to unbutton his tunic, but he stopped her before she could get started.  “Tonight it’s about you, Love,” he murmured, “I want to remind you how wonderful it can be.  No pain, no fear- just us.” 

               He slowly unbuttoned her dress, running his fingers and lips over her skin as he uncovered it, feeling her shiver with delight at his touch.  He slid the beautiful dress down and helped her step out of it, setting the dress carefully aside as he had on their wedding night before guiding her to lie down on the bed wearing only her smalls.  After he had undressed himself, he crawled on the bed and laid down beside Laurel, running his hand up and down her body while he looked down at her.  He marveled at the trust in her eyes as she waited for him to do as he pleased with her and ran his fingers through the hair he loved so much, wanting to prolong her anticipation as much as possible.  Earlier, he had been worried that he would not be able to help her through her fear. Seeing her now, and feeling her growing desire for him as he ghosted his lips across her body, he knew that tonight would be the final step in finding their way back to each other and to living the rest of their lives together. 

               He worked his way down her body, removing her breastband and running his fingers over her breasts, listening to the gentle intake of breath as she arched her back against his fingers.  Flicking his tongue over her nipples, he felt her fingers running through his hair, and he came back up to claim her lips in a languorous kiss, moving on top of her.  She could feel his hardening cock against her, but she felt no fear as she felt him move down her body, encouraging her to raise her hips so he could remove her smalls.   He kissed along the insides of her thighs, moving towards her center slowly, drawing her out as much as possible, leaving her to want more and listening to her waiting breathlessly.  All at once, he ran his tongue along her center ending at the bundle of nerves at the top, smiling as he listened to her gasp in pleasure and buck her hips against him.  Working her center, he slowly inserted a finger into her, watching for any signs of distress and seeing none, slowly thrust his finger in and out as she arched her back and ground against him in time with this tongue and finger.  Hawke kept up his skillful ministrations on her, watching her writhe in pleasure before she came, crying out his name as he continued to work her clit while she came.  When she had calmed down, he came up to lay next to her, still running his fingers and mouth all over her body, letting her feel relaxed and comfortable before he finally made love to her.  When she felt him enter her, a flash of memory made her stiffen, but she opened her eyes to see her husband, looking at her with such love and desire in his eyes that she immediately relaxed and knew she was safe.  He entered her slowly, like he had their first time and groaned at how tight she still was around him.  He had felt her tense up and held still until she relaxed again and they looked into each other’s eyes as he hilted inside of her.  She had almost forgotten how incredible he felt when he was inside of her and moaned when he started to move slowly.  “Are you all right, Love?” he asked her as he thrust into her slowly.

               “Maker, yes, Garrett,” she moaned. “I’ve missed you.”  Hawke groaned as he sped up, feeling Laurel rising to meet his thrusts.  He felt her hand move between them as her fingers found her dripping clit, stroking herself in time with their movements.  She was so close when he moved his hand to brush and pinch her nipple, rolling it between his fingers as she arched her back towards him, giving him room to latch onto it with his lips, suckling it and flicking it with his tongue.  Feeling her play with herself while he fucked her brought him so close to the edge that he sped up, grinding himself deep inside of her, pushing Laurel over the edge again.  He could feel her already tight channel getting tighter around him as she came again, keening her pleasure and writhing beneath him.  Feeling her come undone beneath him pushed Hawke over the edge, and he came as well, spilling inside of her as he thrust erratically before collapsing on top of her for a moment while he recovered.  He rolled off to her side and took her into his arms as they both came down from the high of their orgasm, kissing her again. 

               “I missed you too, my love,” Hawke whispered, feeling Laurel’s arm tighten around him as they drifted off to sleep.

………

               Hawke woke the next morning to find Laurel bringing in a breakfast tray for the both of them.  The last night had been like their wedding night in so many ways. They had awoken and made love a few more times throughout the night, both sleeping soundly in the times between- no bad dreams, no phantom pains.  While they were both tired, they were both sated as well, which made up for the lack of sleep they had experienced.  They kept stealing glances at each other as they ate and got ready for the day, both finally remembering that in spite of everything that had happened, they were still newlyweds and that they were very much in love with each other.  Reluctantly, they parted ways for a while- Hawke had to meet with Sebastian and Laurel with Dorian.

………

               Dorian could see that Laurel’s mind was elsewhere as they talked.  “Darling, are you in there?” he asked as he waved a hand in front of her face. 

               “I’m sorry, Dorian,” Laurel said.  “I’m just a little tired, I guess.”

               Dorian brightened with anticipation.  “Is it a good tired, or a bad tired?  Have you and Hawke…?

               Laurel only smiled.

………

               Sebastian could see that Hawke was distracted and that he looked tired as they talked.  “Are you all right Hawke?” he asked, concerned.

               “Just tired, Bash.  It was a long night.”

               “I hope things are back on track?” Sebastian asked. 

               Hawke nodded.  “I think so.  We’re talking again, among…other things.  I’d like to take her back to the cabin with this meeting with Alistair is done, if that’s all right.  I just want us to have a little time together before going back to where all our memories are.  Give us a little something to build on.”

               “Of course, Hawke,  I know you are fond of the place- it is open to you whenever you want it.”  Sebastian looked out over the land as they stood on the battlement.  “I never told you how sorry I am that I didn’t follow up more on the Harimanns after I left Kirkwall.  I knew Flora was angry about us not getting married, but I had no idea it would lead to that.”

“It wasn’t that,” said Hawke.  “I wasn’t around for that- I had fled Kirkwall before all that went down.  When I came back, and after Isabela left, she tried to initiate a relationship with me, but I wasn’t interested- long story.  She got very upset when Laurel and I started seeing each other.  But Surana and Isabela were behind this, and Ruxton apparently never forgot his little stint with the demon.  There were so many factors behind what happened, and it took Laurel and I this long to realize it and stop blaming ourselves.  Don’t start blaming yourself too- especially because there is no way you could have known. “

“I just can’t believe that Ruxton Harimann would do such a horrible thing.  I remember what we saw that day, but he never spoke of it again.  Since Brett had spent so much time trying to make up for what he tried to do, I assumed that Ruxton was ashamed of what he had done and chose to ignore it.”  Sebastian shook his head.  “I had such good memories of them from when I was growing up- it’s just so hard to believe.”

Hawke sighed.  “I know.  Brett is still a decent guy.  He’s been so good to the elves in the Alienage, and he’s been a good friend to the both of us.  I’d like just to give us a week or so to be together before we head home- but we’ll see how long this meeting takes.  Laurel has perked up knowing Alistair is going to be here.”  He sat quietly for a little while.  “I think we’re going to be ok, Bash.”


	34. Welcome and Unwelcome Guests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it stands right now, this is the last official chapter, I think. I have an epilogue written, but after reading the comments, I think I need to go back and work on it a little. I started writing more after this chapter, but it seemed too forced, and I ended up not liking it. I may insert some one shots and drabbles because they are on my mind, but I haven't decided yet. I would love for this story to go longer, but I think I've done enough to these poor people.

               A few days later, Alistair and his family arrived with a contingent of guards.  Sebastian, Varric, Hawke, and Laurel stood on hand to greet them as Alistair dismounted from his horse and Catarina and Duncan exited their carriage.  Alistair caught Laurel up in a huge hug first and then stepped back to look at her.  Something was different- he could see that right away.  She didn’t look bad, just…sad, maybe?  He knew something had happened because of Hawke’s letter, but he still didn’t know what.  He had decided that if Hawke or Laurel wasn’t present at this meeting, that he was going to Kirkwall to get to the bottom of things afterward.  “You and I need to talk, Laurel,” he said, but he grinned at her.  Catarina and Duncan followed behind, greeting Laurel warmly as Alistair moved on to greet Hawke.  Catarina was visibly pregnant now- Laurel hadn’t forgotten, but she hadn’t prepared herself either.  When Catarina offered to let Laurel have a touch, Laurel reached out a trembling hand to feel a slight kick almost immediately.  She felt Hawke’s and Alistair’s eyes on her as she drew a deep breath and offered to introduce Alistair to Sebastian. 

               After introductions had been made, Sebastian, Hawke, and Laurel led the way to show Alistair and Catarina their rooms- Sebastian offering Eloise’s suite to them as it was the nicest.  Sebastian offered to take Catarina, Duncan, and Athena to meet Michael and Duke, leaving Alistair, Hawke, and Laurel to talk.  After they had left, Alistair turned to them.  “Now what the hell is going on?  That letter you sent was not very forthcoming, Hawke.  I even asked Cullen about it when I paid him a visit to see his Templar Sanctuary. He didn’t have much more information than I did except that something happened between Surana and Laurel and he was rather upset about it.  Now spill it.”

               Hawke and Laurel look at each other before Laurel nodded.  “You tell it, Garrett.  I just…can’t.  I have to go.”  Laurel left the room before she heard anything- she was feeling better, but she knew that she couldn’t face hearing the story again.  Alistair looked at her in concern- this wasn’t like her.  Hawke told him the story and how Fenris had killed Surana.  When he got to the part about the Harimanns and what Ruxton had done to her, Alistair gripped Hawke’s arm tightly. 

               “She lost the baby, Alistair.  Our little boy is gone.”  Hawke sighed.  “After the trial, Varric sent us here to Starkhaven to reconnect with each other and to get away from Kirkwall for a while.  We’ve finally gotten to a good point again.”

               “I’m so sorry, Hawke.  Me and my big mouth- I hope I didn’t set her back any by asking what happened.”  Alistair was angry- he had watched Laurel go through so much in the last few years.  A time when she should have been revered and been living a comfortable life, she had been betrayed, abandoned and now this.  He was glad that Surana was finally dead- until now, he had hoped that she had found some peace that she seemed to be missing in life, but now that he knew what she had helped do to Laurel, he wasn’t thinking so kindly anymore.  “Maybe I should have left Catarina at home…”

               “No, Alistair,” said Hawke.  “She’ll be ok with it.  She likes Catarina, and loves Duncan- she’s been looking forward to watching them play.  She may be sad, but she would rather be sad and see you happy and free knowing she helped be a part of it.”

               Alistair slapped himself on the head.  “Maker’s breath- that reminds me.  The third wagon that arrived with us was carrying Isabela.  I think it took her right to the local jail for safe keeping.  Oghren and Zevran are watching her.”  Hawke started in surprise.  “She showed up again while we were preparing to leave.  Instead of the warm welcome she expected, she got taken into custody.  Zevran offered to accompany us to keep an eye on her- he does not approve of the things she has been doing.”

               Hawke sat back.  “I don’t know what to say.  How…how is she?”

               “She seemed to be okay when she arrived.  After we arrested her, not so much- she’s pretty livid in fact,” said Alistair.  “She feels like I betrayed her after the help she gave me, but I can’t condone what she’s done to Laurel.”

               “Did she give any clue as to why she did what she did?” asked Hawke.  “I’ve never been able to figure it out.”

               Alistair shook his head.  “She refuses to speak.  She hasn’t tried to escape either- I think she’s tired.  She certainly looks tired.”  He looked at Hawke.  “What can we do for Laurel?  Does she need anything?”

               Hawke shook his head. “No- we’ve been here in Starkhaven for a little while- and we plan to stay for another week after this meeting- just the two of us at Sebastian’s cabin.  She just needs time.  But thank you.”

………

               Hawke found Laurel sitting out on their balcony again after he finished talking with Alistair.  “Honey, are you all right?” He came and sat in the other chair, drawing her once again into his lap.

               Laurel sighed.  “Yes.  I just forgot that Catarina was pregnant.  And I couldn’t bring myself to tell Alistair about me- I just can’t live through it again. I’m sorry.”

               Hawke squeezed her.  “Don’t be.  Alistair understands.  Can you handle this?”

               “Yes,” answered Laurel.  “I just needed some time.  Come on, let’s go see everyone.”

               Hawke held her to him for a moment.  “Just a second, Honey.  There’s something you need to know.  Isabela is here.”  Laurel pulled away and looked at him.  “She showed up at Alistair’s shortly before they left for Starkhaven.  They put her under arrest- she’s in the cells below the castle being watched by Oghren and Zevran.”

               “What’s going to happen to her?” asked Laurel.

               “I don’t know.  I suppose that Varric can contact Aveline and have them handle the transfer.  Nothing would give Aveline greater pleasure- they’ve never gotten along.”  Hawke ran his fingers through Laurel’s hair.  “I have a feeling she’s going to ask to see me,” he said.  “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

               “Do you want to see her?” asked Laurel hesitantly. 

               “I don’t know,” said Hawke.  “Part of me wants answers.  I would never have expected what she did to you.  Her trying to come back doesn’t surprise me, and the way she was towards you didn’t surprise me- but being involved in selling another human being, given her history, I can’t imagine why she would do that. The other part of me wants to leave her to rot.”

               Laurel sat quietly in Hawke’s lap for a while, thinking about Isabela.  She understood what Hawke was saying about wanting answers- for his sake, even if she didn’t care herself.  She wanted to care, but after everything that happened, she just couldn’t bring herself to, but she couldn’t be selfish either.  “If she asks for you, and you want to see her, I’m fine with it,” she finally said.  “I don’t want to see her myself, but I won’t stop you.”

               Hawke squeezed Laurel to him gently.  “I’ll think about it, Honey.  She hasn’t asked yet, so I’ll worry about it more when and if she does.”  He brought his lips to hers in a lingering kiss, wanting to reassure her that she was first on his mind.  “Why don’t we go find everyone and see how they are getting along?”

               He felt Laurel’s arm tighten around him.  “Maybe in a little while.”  She brought her hand up to the buttons on his tunic, deftly starting to unbutton them as she kissed him again.  “I’d like to spend some time with you first.” 

………

               Hawke had been right- Isabela demanded to see him and refused food and drink until he came to see her.  Hawke approached the cell she was housed in warily, nodding to Zevran as he looked at Isabela- she hadn’t changed much- sitting haughtily on the cot, a tray of food untouched next to her.  She smirked as he approached.  “I knew you couldn’t stay away, Hawke,” she purred as she looked at him hungrily.

               Hawke crossed his arms and looked at her dispassionately.  “I’m only here because Zevran asked me to- so you would start eating again,” he said.  “What do you want?”  He found that he didn’t even want to be in the same room with her- he blamed her as much as he blamed Surana for the harm that came to Laurel and for the loss of his son.

               “You married her,” Isabela said, looking at the ring on his finger. 

               “That’s what you do when you love someone, Isabela,” said Hawke.  “You build a life together.  And thanks to you, our lives were put on hold.”  He slammed his hand against the bars.  “You sold Laurel out- why?” he shouted.

               “Why not?” Isabela shot back.  “I needed the money.”  She drew her legs up against her chest as she gazed off into the distance.  “I was stranded so far away and wanted to get back to Kirkwall.  I heard about the Trevelyans through the Blackstone Irregulars- they were looking for people to help spread the word about their daughter in exchange for a portion of the profit.  The way they described her, I figured I wasn’t hurting anyone.  They gave me an advance to get back to Kirkwall- I didn’t realize your little girlfriend was the one until I overheard some people talking.”

               “And you followed through with it anyway, even after finding out who she was?” Hawke asked incredulously.  “I told you I loved her.  I told you to leave her alone…”

               “It was too late by that point, Hawke,” Isabela said.  “The bids had already started rolling in- even if I had wanted to stop it, I couldn’t have.  I figured you’d get over her eventually and then I could have you back.”

               Hawke shook his head.  “That never would have happened.  I told you, we are no good for each other.  Maybe we never were.  I told you what I went through in the Fade and how it changed me and changed my priorities, but you never wanted to believe it.  You thought we would go through life fighting and fucking and sailing, and when you found out that I wasn’t interested in that life anymore, you walked out.  It took me a year before I realized it was for the best that you did.  And now- I can’t stand the sight of you.”

               “She’s still alive, Hawke,” Isabela said.  “And de Carrac and Harimann are both in prison- obviously, the situation worked itself out, did it not?”

               “Worked itself out?” said Hawke.  “You have no idea what you’ve done. You don't know what kind of life she had- what she had been through before we met- the abuse from her parents, the war, being betrayed by the person who was supposed to love her the most.  She was finally beginning to feel confident in herself until you tried to walk back in- you almost destroyed that, but I managed to convince her that I truly loved her and that I wanted to marry her.  We were HAPPY!” he shouted.  “Because of you, she almost died, and…” Hawke turned away from her, unable to look at her anymore.  “She lost the baby.  Our baby.”

               Zevran started when he said that.  “No,” he said shaking his head.  “That poor girl.  I’m so sorry Hawke, for both of you.”

               “Is that what Alistair was fretting about?” asked Isabela.  “I overheard him saying that he knew something was wrong from a letter you sent him- and it had to do with her.  Well, now he knows, I guess.”

               Hawke turned to look at her again.  “Is that all you have to say about it?” he asked her.  “Do you even care about the pain you’ve caused?”

               “If you want to blame anyone, blame her parents- they’re the ones who accepted the offers.  I was just the messenger,” said Isabela. 

               “Isabela,” said Zevran disapprovingly, shaking his head.  “You’ve turned out to be a very cruel woman.  What happened to you?  Even though you were a thief, you always had honor,” he said.

               “Mutiny, betrayal, lost love- take your pick,” she said, shrugging.  “I lost my crew, and I lost my man.  Since my life was complete shit, what did I have to lose?”  She couldn’t look Hawke in the eye anymore, knowing the pain she had caused him, but she couldn’t let him see that.  She had hoped that maybe with Trevelyan out of the picture, that Hawke would eventually get over it and turn back to her.  She should have known that they would get married- but even that wouldn’t have deterred her.  She hadn’t thought about a baby, though- shit.  “Look, Hawke- I didn’t believe that you’d marry her that quickly.  Afraid she’d run out on you too?”

               Hawke felt his hand twitch as though to go for his sword, which he wasn’t wearing.  How could he now hate someone he had once loved so much?  “I married her because I love her, Isabela,” he said.  “We were both ready to start a life together- if she hadn’t been willing, she would have said no.  She’s much stronger than you think.”

               “So now what happens to me?” demanded Isabela.  “Are you going to leave me here to rot?”

               Hawke stared at her.  “I guess I don’t care anymore Isabela.  Technically, you’re supposed to be handed over to Aveline to stand trial under anti-slaver laws, and then you’ll probably go to prison.”  Isabela paled.  She hadn’t thought through the consequences of her actions.  Prison would kill her- she was going to have to find a way to escape.  After seeing her reaction, Hawke stopped to consider.  Would it do either him or Laurel any good to go through another trial?  They needed to get past this- and reliving everything yet again wouldn’t help.  “I’m going to let you go, Isabela.” She looked up in shock.  “But know this- you are dead to me.  You would be best served to come nowhere near Kirkwall anymore if you value your life.  You almost took everything from me to serve your selfish needs, and there are many people out there who know it.  Laurel has many powerful friends, as you should well know by now- don’t count on any of them to help you.”  He looked at her again.  “I’m doing you this last favor- for Laurel’s sake, so she doesn’t have to sit through another trial.  Stay away from us- stay away from her.  If you don’t, I will end you myself.”

               “Hawke…” Isabela breathed.  “I have nowhere to go…I have nothing.”

               “And that’s my problem how?” asked Hawke.  He looked at her, nothing behind his eyes, where there had once been love and trust.  “As much as I once loved you, I hate you now.”  Turning, with another nod to Zevran and a word of thanks for his help, he left, hearing Isabela calling out behind him, but ignoring it.

………

               It was Laurel’s turn to find Hawke sitting on the balcony of their room, a stronger drink than tea in his hand.  “Everything all right?” she asked him worriedly- he didn’t often drink, especially since they had gotten together, and it wasn’t often that he looked so pensive.

               “I let her go,” he said.  He looked at the glass in his hand.  “I don’t know how you’ll feel about that- but I couldn’t let you sit through more questioning and another trial.  Honestly, it’s a worse punishment to let her go free- she has nothing and no one to help her anymore.”

               Laurel sat down in the other chair and took Hawke’s hand.   She didn’t know what to say.  “Do you think she’ll stay away this time?” she asked.  She wasn’t particularly afraid of Isabela, but it wouldn’t be wise to turn her back on her and the things she could do.

               “I think she will.  She values her neck too much not to.” Hawke sat quietly still, rolling the cup in his hand as he stared out at the view. 

               “What else?” asked Laurel as she looked at him. 

               Hawke looked over at her.  “Did I ask you to marry me too soon?”

               Laurel frowned.  Was he regretting getting married?  That didn’t seem right, but they had been through so much since their wedding, maybe he was.  “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.  “Do you regret…”

               “No,” Hawke said emphatically, taking her hand.  “Never.  It was just…something that Isabela said- that I married you quickly so you wouldn’t run away like she did.  Looking back, I wonder if that’s true.”

               “I would have said no if I wasn’t ready,” said Laurel.  “We knew each other for a long time, and we’ve both been through enough weird life experiences to know what we want.  I was never more sure of that when I said yes.”  She squeezed his hand and let herself be drawn into his lap, winding her arm around his neck.  “I’m still sure my decision was the right one.”

………

                _Dear Cullen,_

_I’ve been remiss in writing you- I know Varric already has and that he told you I would write when I was ready.  It took a little while, but I finally am.  I won’t go into specifics in case this letter gets intercepted- what happened to me is something I’m not exactly anxious to become common news.  Surana hurt me in the worst way possible, and now she’s dead.  I hope you don’t blame yourself, and I hope you know that it’s ok to feel sorrow for her death if you do.  I know you well enough to know that you feel some responsibility for this- if you hadn’t left her, if you hadn’t started with her- you’ve probably been thinking about it since you got Varric’s letter.  You can stop.  She did what she did because she was what she was.  I believe that even if she hadn’t come between us, she would have tried something in time- circumstances with my parents being what they were, and her desperation, or whatever her sick mind was telling her- a confrontation between the two of us was most likely inevitable.  On that subject, I’ve been asked to tell you not to provide aid to Isabela.  I’ve been told you may know her from Kirkwall-  Garrett’s former lover was heavily involved in this whole affair.  Alistair finally captured her and brought her along- but the decision was made to let her go with a warning to not come back under pain of death.  Maybe it was a foolish thing to do, but it’s something we’ll have to live with.  Varric thinks she might seek you out for aid because of the gold, and because of well…our history.  I’ll leave it to you to do what you think is best._

_Now that things are settling down a little, I’ll be able to take the time to write to Empress Celene and Divine Victoria about you.  I know Cassandra will be willing to help- she saw firsthand the suffering you went through- if anything, she’ll be ashamed she didn’t offer first.  Empress Celene- honestly, I don’t know what her answer will be- she’s so oblivious to Templars- I may have a better chance writing to Gaspard._

_We’re in Starkhaven currently- Varric sent us here for a getaway, and it also happens that Alistair and his family are here meeting with Sebastian.  Between watching Sebastian, Alistair, and Varric getting all giddy about trade negotiations, and playing with the Mabari and the children, it’s been a healing time.  Sebastian’s and Alistair’s boys are getting along rather well, and there is already talk of a trip to Denerim in the future- official visits and such.  We’ll be here a little while longer before heading home- I think I’m ready to get back to a normal life again._

_I hope you are doing well, and that the other Templars are not having too many difficulties adjusting to a life without lyrium.  I hope your daughter is doing well too.  Alistair and I were talking about her the other day, and he mentioned that if magic should manifest in her, that he would send Connor to you to help instead of the Circle taking her if you would like that.  Between his help, and all the Templars around, even without the lyrium, you should be able to contain her until Connor helps her learn to use her magic._

_I’d better not hear that you are beating yourself up over any of this, Cullen.  I’ve had to yell at Alistair a few times for the same thing- the circumstances are what they are.  No one is at fault except for Surana herself- she made her choices.  Maybe now, she is at peace._

_Be well,_

_Laurel_


	35. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. I do have some bit and bobs in my mind, and I thought about continuing the story- but this felt like a good place to end. I do have some drabbles and one-shots I may write and post at some point- I have some little pregnancy stories I would like to get down- but there just wasn't enough to make the story worth continuing without getting boring. Thank you so much for all the kudos, great comments and great encouragement. It really means a lot to me!

               “Hey Sissy, can I come in?” Varric said as he gently rapped on the door to her room.  When he heard a response, he entered and came over to where Laurel was lying under the covers, holding her newborn daughter, Analeigh and gazing at her with rapt fascination.  Varric took a peek at the infant and smoothed Laurel’s hair back. “How are you feeling?”

               “Fine,” she said smiling.  “Went smoother than a baby’s bum.”  Varric snorted, remembering the first time she had said that.  “More painful than losing my arm, but so worth it.”  She looked at Varric.  “I’m still trying to figure this out.  I had nine months to prepare, but I still don’t know how I can do this with only one arm.”

               “If anyone can figure it out, Sissy,” said Varric warmly, “It’s you.  And you know you have help.  Between Hawke, Orana and everyone else, I’m sure you’ll get this mastered in no time.  Where is Hawke, by the way?”

               “Out passing out cigars probably,” said Laurel, laughing.  “I think he’s given away most of his stock.”  She looked at the little bundle again.  “I was afraid he would be disappointed it wasn’t a boy, but he was so excited when he saw her.”

               “True enough,” said Varric. “I’ve gotten at least four cigars already.  I’m going to have to start hiding before he gives me another.”  He looked at the baby.  “May I hold her for a moment?”

               “Of course, Uncle Varric,” said Laurel, sitting up so Varric could reach and take the baby.  “Only fitting to hold your Goddaughter.”

               Varric chuckled as he cradled the sleeping girl in his arms.  “She’s beautiful, Sissy.  Looks just like you.  I’ve been working on a book of fairy tales for her.  I think it should be done soon.”

               “You think you’ll have it done before she learns to read?” Varric heard from behind him.  He turned a little to see Hawke coming into the room, grinning at the scene of his closest friend holding his Goddaughter.  He settled on the bed next to Laurel and put his arm around her, kissing her on the temple. They had been cautiously optimistic when Laurel found out she was pregnant again and kept it quiet for a few months until things are safer.  Once the news had gotten out, Hawke had gotten more and more excited each passing month- watching Laurel’s belly grow round and feeling the baby kick.  He and Thom had picked up where they left off on the nursery, filling it with Thom’s handcrafted furniture and toys and had gone over the house carefully, looking to fix any sharp corners or find anything that could cause his child any hurt.  “How’s Sunshine doing?” Varric asked as he lightly rocked the baby.

               “She has a few more months yet, but she’s doing fine,” said Hawke. “I just came from their house- they’re turning Thom’s old room into the nursery.”  He looked at his little girl and reached over to smooth the light dusting of auburn hair on her head.  “It will be nice that she will have a cousin her age to play with.”  He turned to Laurel, pulling to letters out of his pocket.  “From Bash and Alistair- you’re going to love those.” 

_Dear Hawke and Laurel,_

_Congratulations on the birth of your daughter- Alistair and I both have received our ravens carrying the letters and cigars.  We all wish you were here with us now, and can’t wait to see you again.  The negotiations are going well, and the boys are currently playing together and with Duke and Duncan’s new Mabari.  It appears that these “negotiations” are so enjoyable that we plan on having them more often- at least every six months if we can manage it.  The boys get along well, and hopefully, you’ll be able to join us next time.  I’ll have more information for you when I see you next._

_Perhaps it may be early, but have you considered that Michael would be a good match for your Analeigh?  Think about it- she would be Princess of Starkhaven.  Who doesn’t want their little girl to be a Princess?  They’d be a striking couple for certain as well.  Alistair is probably thinking along the same lines, but don’t listen to him.  You know the beauties of Starkhaven- much more practical than Ferelden with all its turnips and wet dog smell- closer to home for you, and a loving Father-in-Law.  All in a timely manner, of course, but still- something to consider._

_I’ll see you and your beautiful daughter in a few months._

_Sebastian_

_Dear Hawke and Laurel,_

_Just received the letter and cigar- thank you very much.  I’ll have to find something to send when the next little one is born.  We’re so happy for the two of you and congratulations on the birth of little Analeigh.  Or should I hope- the future Queen of Ferelden?  She and Duncan would make a great match- or if she doesn’t fancy being Queen, then Riordan could be the one.  I see Sebastian writing a letter as well, and he’s probably thinking the same thing for Michael.  Don’t listen to him.  Starkhaven is all white buildings, and men wearing skirts and boringness. Ferelden has rolling hills, beautiful forests, and all the Mabari she could ever want.  We can talk next time we get together._

_Everything is going well here.  The boys love playing together with their dogs, Catarina is feeling good- we still have a while to go before the new baby is here.  In fact, she may have to stay behind when we come to Starkhaven next, or we may have to postpone the trip depending- I don’t want to miss the birth, even if it is to be in the company of such excellent people as yourselves.  Cat’s older sister, Ella is here helping with the children- Sebastian hasn’t been able to take his eyes off her.  I think I smell love in the air.  Or at least mutual attraction.  We’ll see, I guess._

_So, I’ll be at Starkhaven in six months, or seven depending- I hope to see you and the baby then._

_Alistair, Catarina, Duncan, Riordan and bundle #3._

               Hawke and Varric chatted while Laurel read the letters, stopping when she snorted and looked up at them. “They’re both trying to fix up their boys with Analeigh?  She’s only a few days old, for Maker’s sake.” She shook her head at the two letters. 

               “What can I say, Honey?” said Hawke, laughing.  “The daughter of the Champion of Kirkwall and the Inquisitor- two devastatingly beautiful people already.  They want to hitch their wagon to that star before anyone else can.  She’ll be quite the catch- but not until she’s thirty, at least.”

               “Hawke, you’re in for a rough time when she becomes a teenager,” said Varric.  The baby started fussing, so he gently placed her back in Laurel’s arms. 

               “She’s ready to eat- so why don’t you two go downstairs and start debating about who she’ll marry. Bethany is going to be here in a few minutes to check up on me anyway.”  She settled in as the two men left, letting the baby latch and watching her suckle, chuckling at the letters she had received from her friends.  She knew Sebastian and Michael were in Denerim visiting Alistair- a trip she had hoped to make, but getting pregnant had changed that.  She could just see the two of them composing the letters at the same time as soon as they got the news, probably giggling like little girls. 

               Hawke and Varric went downstairs and took seats by the fire.  “You look a little peaky, Hawke,” said Varric.  “Maybe you should take a nap.  You know- sleep when the baby sleeps?”

               “I’ll probably catch a few winks after this- the baby will probably fall asleep again after eating.  We usually all end up snuggling up and resting a bit during this time of day.”

               Varric looked at Hawke. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about snuggling before.”

               Hawke grinned.  “I’ve never had a baby before.  Changes a few things.  Laurel and I have never had in-depth discussions about poopy diapers before either.  Lots of changes I guess.”  They were changes he liked.  The last few days had gone by in a daze for him- Laurel’s water breaking at the bookstore while she was talking to Brett Harimann- sending him running for Hawke while Fenris escorted Laurel home.  It seemed like everyone in Laurel’s life had made a point to be nearby when her time was drawing near, and Bethany had to shoo everyone out of their house when she came over to help deliver the baby.  She only allowed Hawke, Dorian, Orana and Leena in the room with her while Laurel was in labor, and only allowed Thom and Varric downstairs during as well.  After several hours, Analeigh came into the world, Hawke instantly falling in love with the little girl they had put into his arms. 

               Varric was quiet for a while as they sat taking in the warmth of the fire.  “I’m glad for you, Hawke,” he finally said.  “It’s been a long road for you and Sissy, and I hope it will be smooth sailing from here on out.  Speaking of which- any news on Rivaini?”

               “Laurel got a letter from Cullen not long ago,” said Hawke, frowning.  “Isabela showed up by him, hoping for help.  He turned her away because of what she had done to Laurel.  Granted, I think he would have anyway- he never cared for her much when we were all in Kirkwall- she was always hitting on him to make him blush.” 

               “I hope you made the right choice in letting her go,” sighed Varric.  “It’s a loose end that makes me uncomfortable.”

               “I think we’ll be ok,” said Hawke.  “If she’s been travelling through Ferelden, she may be getting a good idea of exactly who Laurel is, and what she means to the people.  I don’t think she ever truly knew.”

               “Maybe,” said Varric.  “Any other news on Curly?”

               “Not much,” said Hawke.  “He’s getting support from the Chantry and Orlais now, along with Alistair.  I know you and Sebastian have been sending something too- so his project is going along quite well.”  Varric nodded.  “They don’t write very often- just enough so each knows the other is alive.”

               “So what’s this with Choir Boy and Alistair?” asked Varric.  “Are they actually trying to arrange a marriage already?”

               Hawke chuckled.  “Not really- maybe- who knows?  I’m sure we’ll know more when we see them again to know if they’re serious or not.  We’re going to see Bash in a few months on our way to Ostwick.  Ever since the Ostwick Chantry sent Laurel those genealogies, she’s had a little more interest in her family name.  The Teryn is going to allow us to tear the house down and build a new one- Laurel’s parents let that old house go to hell- it’s beyond repair.”  Hawke poured himself and Varric a drink and handed it over.  “We’ll see Alistair in six months or so- but he and Laurel write often.  She feels sorry for Catarina- two sons- both like their father and pregnant again.”

               Varric laughed.  “Didn’t waste any time did he?” he asked.  He finished his drink and stood up.  “Well, I should go.  Viscount stuff.  Take care of that baby, Hawke.”

               Hawke smiled and watched his friend leave before heading upstairs to look in on his family.  Laurel was still up, the baby still latched and eating.  She looked up and smiled as Hawke crawled into bed and put his arm around her.  “Feeling all right?” he asked her.  He had hated seeing her in pain, but he also knew she had forgotten the pain as soon as the baby was rested against her chest. He ran his finger lightly over the baby’s fuzzy head as he asked.

               “I'm all right,” she said.  She was a little quiet as she watched the baby.  “I had been hoping to find Solas, hoping he would come to me again.  He hasn’t.  I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again- get a chance to talk him out of his plan.”

               “Maybe he doesn’t want you to, Honey,” said Hawke. “Give it time.  He knows where to find you.”  He looked at their daughter again.  “I still can’t believe she’s ours,” he said softly.   

               Laurel watched her husband gazing at their baby, thinking of the long road that brought them where they were.  She hoped that someday, she could finally prove to Solas that like both her and Hawke, this world was worth it.

 

FIN  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to say anything in the summary, but a few thoughts. I thought about one last conversation with Solas, but I honestly have no idea how it would play out- and I may come back and add to this story if and when DA4 ever comes out. I also have a fic in mind continuing this story on with the children- maybe a love triangle story with Analeigh, Duncan and Michael.


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